A Hedonist at Soubu High
by smilingsamurai
Summary: After being rejected in the most humiliating way possible, Hikigaya Hachiman was inches away from going down the path we know so well. But, a single incident changes everything, and teaches him the most important life lesson of all: to not give a damn was the secret to ultimate power. [Badass 8man taking zero abuse from people.]
1. Chapter 1

_**Prologue**___

"_I like you. Go out with me." _

"_Hahahaha… oh, wait. You were serious! Umm… no offence, but I really don't think of you that way, hahaha."_

As famous last words go, this conversation was a little on the cringeworthy side. And by a little, I meant it was embarrassing enough that I was considering possible holes I could crawl into and die. That exchange marked the end of whatever semblance of a normal school life I had. At the time, I had hoped, and expected that the recipient of my confession would spare me any further humiliation by at least keeping it to herself. In hindsight, I couldn't have been more unrealistic if I had been waiting for a meteor to wipe out the school. Needless to say, everyone knew, and I arrived the next day to find a special greeting scribbled out for me on the blackboard. It was then that I knew that it was all over.

I wasn't just a social outcast. I had been designated the target of all jokes.

Now I'll be honest: I know for a fact that I wasn't the only kid in Japan to go through something like this. But I was a naive fifteen year old who had spent a lot of time doing my best to be accepted. And I'd just seen it all go up in flames. So, saying I was feeling sad, crushed and angry would be an understatement. It wouldn't be an exaggeration to say that this was the sort of incident that could change a person's way of looking at the world. And as a matter of fact, it changed mine.

It would have been easy to withdraw into my shell. To run away, and make my way through life passively. To avoid confrontation, and just become the sort of guy who lived for the sake of living.

Maybe that version of me would have gone as far as to say that that way of thinking is not pessimism. That it's realism. That it was the only logical way of living.

But, it was minutes after my failed confession, on my way back home, that I had the singular encounter that changed the path I would go down.

There was an old school gaming arcade I frequented, that wasn't very popular in my school.

The reason was because it had the classic arcade machines, with Street Fighter II and Street Fighter: Third Strike on them. In other words, games that needed actual skill to play. Most people weren't fond of spending money on a coin for the slot machine, only to be utterly wrecked by the AI opponent, or worse yet, completely humiliated by one of the hardcore fighting gamers who frequented the place.

As for me… well, I can't really pretend I was ever really good at any of the Street Fighter games. The reason I played was because the art and character designs were amazing. Every fighter had a personality, and uniquely quirky attack animations, and every now and then, I'd be able to pull off a cool move. That was enough to keep me coming back for more.

On this particular day, I was surprised to find all the machines already occupied. The only free slot was against another guy, who seemed a little older than me. You know, I should have remembered what he looked like. But when I try to recall, all I see is a guy in a traditional school uniform, with the sleeves rolled up, playing Street Fighter.

Wordlessly, I placed a coin into the slot, and grabbed the free arcade stick.

"You sure about that? You're going to get wrecked, you know."

In answer, I merely shrugged.

Like I said, I didn't particularly care about winning, and I was doubly apathetic on that day.

The absolute lack of response from me made him pause and look at me for a moment before he selected his character.

He'd picked Ken.

For no particular reason, I ended up picking Ryu. His moveset wasn't particularly flashy, but there was a weight and sense of power to every blow.

"Ah, interesting choice. I was sure an edgelord like you would pick Gouki."

Gouki, or, as you westerners prefer to call him, Akuma, was the offensive badass of the game. He was basically the Karate based character on steroids. A stronger, faster, more aggressive Ryu. But in exchange for overwhelming attacking power, he sacrificed health and resilience, meaning he took more damage, and could be stunned easily too.

If you put all those traits together, along with his darker character design… you basically obtained the edgelord king, every chunii's wet dream, a guy with arms the size of your thigh, spiky red hair, and the ability to teleport behind you. He could follow up the teleport not by saying it wasn't personal, but instead by the more badass "Die one thousand deaths", right before initiating his super move.

I won't lie, I was fond of Akuma's design, but I'd always sort of admired Ryu's quiet resolve.

Thus, this boy's attempts to get under my skin didn't work.

The match began, and he very quickly destroyed me in the first round.

It took me only a few seconds to realize that he wasn't a good player.

He was an _exceptional_ player.

I stood no chance at all against him, and resolved myself to getting my ass handed to me in the second round too.

He looked at me curiously as the start of round animations played out. When the round began, he was far less offensive than he had been in the first round. His jump ins were easier to see coming, and his fireballs were slower. This gave me a chance to play a little analytically, and punish some of his errors.

I ended up taking the round, though barely.

Towards the end, I'd gotten pretty aggressive myself.

I knew he was the better player by a mile and a half, but I still felt I had a chance to win.

When the third round began, I did stuff I normally didn't while playing Ryu.

Tried jump-in attacks. Linked from jumping heavies to tatsus to shoryus. These were basic Ryu combos, but I very rarely tried them against other players, preferring to attempt them against the AI.

The crazy thing was, a bunch of them landed.

Before long, we were both at half health.

"Can you parry?" he asked suddenly.

In the heat of the moment, I'd forgotten entirely about the incident at school. I didn't even remember that I was sad, or angry.

So I answered normally.

"I know the input."

"How about a wager? I'll do a super. If you can parry it, you win. The match, and little something extra. If I win, you're going to buy me a burger."

"Here I was thinking you weren't a delinquent," I replied.

He laughed.

"I'm not. I'm just trying to make the match more exciting."

"How do I know you aren't baiting me?"

In reply, he effortless broke my defences and combo'd me till only around ten percent of my health remained.

"You were saying?"

My teeth were clenched, but I wasn't angry.

My health was low enough that a single combo would finish me off.

And he'd just demonstrated that he could do a mixup into a combo any time he wanted.

My only hope of winning, was to take him up on his challenge.

"You really know how to back a guy into a corner, huh?"

"Hey, I'm just raising the stakes. Be honest: you don't think this is fifteen million times as fun as a regular ass match?"

In spite of myself. I found a grin coming onto my face.

"Fair enough. All right. You're on."

"Now we're talking! Get ready: Here I come."

Now, the thing about Street Fighter supermoves is that they have multiple active frames. During each of those frames, if your character is in contact with the character performing the super, you take damage. This is true even if you're blocking. The damage is reduced, but it still chips away at your health. Also, they weren't interruptible once they started. Meaning, a single parry wouldn't save me from a super.

A parry, by the way, was performed by inputing the direction towards the opponent's character, just before their attack connects. The input has to be almost frame perfect.

In other words, to pull this off, I would have to input "forward" multiple times, and block each and every frame of his attack.

This was incredibly difficult.

It was only a legendary feat performed by pro gamer Daigo Umehara, who was called the Beast. Named "Evo Moment 37" and caught on camera, it featured him, in a tournament match, using Ken to deflect every single one of Chun Li's kicks in her super, before countering with a super of his own to take the round.

The Beast had pulled it off with stone cold calmness and legendary skill.

I had neither.

Cheap hype and luck would have to suffice for me.

I waited for the screen flash and animation that indicated the start of the super, and then rammed the stick in his direction at what I felt was the right moment.

I was barely able to realize that I'd been able to parry the first frame.

Working on autopilot, I continued to input "forward", with nothing guiding me except what things were looking like based on the animations on screen.

And somehow, every time, I was able to get the parry.

Ken's corkscrew uppercut had been nullified.

In hindsight, it was almost just as impressive that the guy was able to pick the exact moment to say his next words, so that they would register in my brain, but not distract me.

"Go on, kid. Become a badass."

Hoping I wouldn't fuck up the input, I rotated the stick and hit the button.

My heart stopped for a moment… until a blue flash shot across the screen.

Ryu's double uppercut had initiated.

Ken, who was still in negative frames from having his super blocked, couldn't guard, and the remaining half of his health bar was obliterated.

The match was over, and somehow, I'd pulled off the miracle… and won.

Of course, he'd let me win. Announced his move in advance, a move I was able to counter only through sheer luck. But it didn't change the fact that that was the most amazing moment I'd ever experienced.

It was only after it was over that I was aware that people were watching. I could see the other Arcade regulars, many of whom had seen our entire match.

And that was a new experience.

Every time I'd been in front of a crowd before, I'd been laughed at. I used to think it was in good fun, but that afternoon's events had showed me otherwise.

But this… I was standing in front of a bunch of people, most of them older than me… and they were looking at me with approval. Even respect.

"Come on," said my opponent. "Let's take a walk around this place."

I ended up following him over to the soft drink vending machine inside the arcade, where we both got something to quench the thirst.

"You should smile more often, kid," he said.

I raised an eyebrow.

"Where'd that come from?"

"Well, you walked in here looking like someone who'd just had his dog kicked and couldn't do anything about it."

"Hah. Accurate enough. I don't think I could do anything even if someone decided to kick a dog (assuming I had one)."

"Yeah, that sort of loser thinking doesn't fit you."

I looked up at him.

The distinction in his word choice hadn't gone unnoticed.

He hadn't called me a loser.

Only said that I shouldn't think like one.

"All right, look, kid. I normally don't do this, and I'm still not sure how this crazy match even happened, but I'll give you a free piece of advice. If you're smart, you'll take it. It'll change your life."

This sounded an awful lot like some kind of hoax (my father had warned me about those). Before I could say that out loud though, he spoke.

"_There's only one thing worth living for. And that's to have fun."_

I stared at him.

"That's…"

I'm not even sure what reply I had to that, but it couldn't have been anything very meaningful, and he must have realized that, because he continued.

If he'd given me some kind of lecture, I don't think I'd have taken him seriously.

But this effortlessly cool guy already knew that.

So he walked away, only pausing briefly to turn around, and say his final words to me.

"You don't owe the world a thing. Just have fun."

I never saw that guy again.

But what he said, stayed with me..

_**One year later:**_

"... Hikigaya. What is this supposed to be?"

I looked at the teacher sitting in front of me, leaning back on her chair with her legs crossed. Careful, Sensei. You'll give a guy the wrong idea.

"It's an essay," I said smoothly.

I could see she was irritated by my answer, and her temper was steadily rising.

"And what exactly were you supposed to write an essay on?"

"On youth and the high school experience."

She glared at me.

"Then why," she said, "Have you given me this rubbish about "people being overrated", and "the only worthwhile path to take" and all the rest of this? This isn't Shounen Jump!"

"If only it were half as cool," I replied.

By this time, her patience was at an end, and she snapped.

She stood up and smashed her fist into my stomach.

I'll be honest. She had a decent amount of power in that hit. If she'd caught me loose with that, it'd probably hurt a bit.

But, the thing about telegraphing your punches is that one gets the chance to respond. You know, by punching you first. Or, in this case, by tightening my core so that it crashed harmlessly against my abs.

She blinked a few times.

Evidently, she had been expecting a different result than this.

"Nice punch, Sensei. Needs more hip rotation, but not bad."

Her jaw hung open, and I grinned slightly.

"Now, this is normally where you tell me to rewrite the whole thing, but considering the fact that it wouldn't go so well for you if I were to tell the principal or someone about it… how about we settle for an "A" grade on this essay, and an agreement to not mention this again?"

Without waiting for an answer, I walked away.

"Looking forward to your decision, Sensei. Peace." 


	2. Chapter 2

_**Author's note: I've said it before, I will say it again. I've written for a bunch of fandoms, but the Oregairu community has been, and always will be, my home. I've seen us grow from barely having 700 stories, to now having over 1000. I started out here as a hesitant guy who wasn't sure of his own writing. I still have doubts and fears, but thanks to some amazing people I met here, I was able to move forward, and make progress. If you're reading this, you know who you are. Thank you, all of you.**_

_**That being said, I'm not afraid to state my thoughts. I'm certain a lot of people were expecting just a Hachiman who roasts back and lives his life like a thug life compilation. But I'm a believer in the old-school. The Kazuma Kiryu school of badass, if you will, or the Majima Goro school. I think I can write something that's both badass, and wholesome. And I'm gonna try to do exactly that. **_****

**Chapter 1: Own Free Will**

Perspective is an amazing thing. You'd be surprised how the actual external circumstances of many lives are not so different from each other. A simple change in point of view, a different way of looking at those same circumstances, that's all it takes to change everything.

Now you're probably wondering why I'm mentioning that. Well, perspective played a big role in my choice to apply to Soubu High. From my point of view, it seemed like the perfect place to study. And no, it wasn't because I was a high achieving student (I'm average at most subjects, awful at math, and decent at Japanese and history). No, the fact was, school was boring.

There were really no two ways to put it. School in general was mind-bogglingly slow, repetitive, uninteresting, and just plain annoying. A lot of things were responsible for this. The curriculum, the way it was taught, etc etc. But aside from all that, school meant being forced to share the same space with a bunch of other kids for six to eight hours every day.

Now, I cannot emphasize this strongly enough.

Teenagers in general, are as basic an organism as any in existence. Heck, I'm sure some of the older readers among you are probably thinking I'm pretty basic too. And you're right.

We tend to think we're the only ones who exist; that our problems are on some kind of grand, planet wide scale. Most obnoxious of all, there are actually those of us who believe the world owes us its attention.

I think you understand what I'm getting at here.

If I was going to school, I'd be trapped in there with a bunch of assholes for six hours everyday.

I might as well make sure the assholes were at least smart and cultured. Being in a so-called reputable school didn't guarantee either, but a slight chance was better than none.

And so I applied to Soubu, and made it in.

Would you believe it, I saw a tragedy in the making on my way there. Very first day, I'm cycling to school. I'm a little early, you see. Getting there early means I can relax and read some good old Boku no Hero Academia while enjoying the morning breeze. Anyway, so I'm on my way there, and I see this girl.

Now I know what you're thinking.

But I honestly wasn't staring because she was cute. No, really.

Actually, she was out walking her dog. Energetic little guy. Now, the thing about walking an energetic dog on a public street, is that it's a good idea to keep a tight hold on the leash. I'm not a big fan of leashes, but if they keep a dog from getting run over, then it's a good idea to use them. Now, this girl was holding a leash all right. But not very tight. And she was texting while walking.

You already know what's next.

I certainly did.

This kind of carelessness just wasn't cool.

"Oi, Strawberry! Get it together! Your leash is slipping."

This I shouted out to her.

She was pretty startled by my voice, but tightened her grip on instinct. It was fortunate that she did. As she tried to wrap her fingers around it, it began to slip. In desperation, she ended up dropping her phone in order to grab it with her other hand as well. And in doing so, she was able to regain control and rein in her dog… just as a black sedan zoomed by, passing right through the space the afore-mentioned dog had occupied just a moment ago.

"Waaaaaaaaa!"

The girl screamed out loud in shock. Thankfully, she held on though, preventing the likewise surprised dog from running away wildly. The sedan came to a halt a short distance away, the wheels making a slight screeching sound on the gravel as the brakes were hit. A front door and a back door opened almost at the same time, and an individual came running out of each.

One of them was obviously the chauffeur, recognizable immediately by his uniform, while the other was a young girl who looked around my age, and was dressed in the garb meant for Soubu High's female students.

They came right up to the strawberry-haired master of the would-be victim dog.

"Are you all right?" asked the sedan's passenger. She had long black hair, and moved rather gracefully. She sounded quite agitated as well. "I'm sorry. Your dog moved forward quite suddenly, so Suzuki san wasn't able to brake on time."

"Ah, no, no," replied the other. "It was my fault. I should have been more careful. In fact, things would have gone horribly wrong just now if it hadn't been for-"

She turned around, presumably looking for me, to point out I had warned her barely in time. But I had started moving as soon as the sedan had passed the dog harmlessly, so I was already several yards away, and neither of the two girls could see me.

Good.

One of my rules to having a fun life: if you want to avoid an uncomfortable situation, just walk away. You save yourselves many minutes of valuable time which can be spent reading manga or playing games.

Come to think of it, I never really got a proper look at either of those girls.

All I knew was that one of them had strawberry-blonde hair, and the other's was raven black. I also caught some of their speech and inflections, but I wasn't really paying any attention to that.

Oh yeah. I'm supposed to make meaningful observations about life.

I guess what I learnt from that little encounter was that you wouldn't always be recognized or remembered for your efforts to help others. In fact, there were times when you didn't _want_ to be recognized or remembered.

But anyway, I don't want to get too caught up in flash backs.

Belated summary: I managed to get into Soubu High, somewhat averted an accident on the way to my first day at school. Following this, I did exactly what I wanted, which was to study enough that my grades stayed decent, while using every moment of free time I could to do the things that I wanted to. Of course, none of these things involved getting to know or spend time with anyone else.

Thus, the class pretty much ignored me, and I very much ignored them in return.

A year passed by, mostly uneventfully.

Mostly.

There were a few minor incidents here and there, but nothing worth mentioning. At least not yet. See, reader, that's called a narrative trick. This way, I get to introduce a "new" character, who has history with me, and then we can build a storyline off of that history. Sort of like I did with those two girls and the dog and the sedan.

But returning to what I was saying, things really started to get interesting in my second year of high school.

So you remember that teacher I told you about? The one who tried punching me in the gut (lol)?

Yeah, so the day after that failed attempt to discipline me, my essay was returned to me, with a big red "A" on the top right corner of the first page.

"Naicu, naicu, verry naicu, Shizuka chan", I whispered, so that I wouldn't be overheard.

God, I love it when I can make a reference no one saw coming.

The class went by pretty normally, but at the end of it, Hiratsuka Shizuka told me to come see her after the other classes were done.

I sighed and nodded. The rest of the time passed with me taking notes where necessary, and drawing fanart the rest of the time. Of course, being a true man of culture, the appropriate amount of thicc was present in all my art. Dare I say it, our lady and saviour Bayonetta looked pretty good when I made her.

I looked at the rendering of her, and at this point, a genius, galaxy brain level thought occurred to me.

_Come to think of it. That Sensei is kind of hot too. Let's see: tall, curvy, long dark hair, likes punching things. Yep. She's an Umbra Witch. This is now my headcanon, and nothing anyone says will convince me otherwise._

_But wait, hold on. I'm supposed to go see her later today._

_Hmm. Maybe this essay wasn't a total waste of time after all._

Quickly enough, the time passed, and I found myself making my way over to the staff room. Inside, I found her waiting for me.

Now, I'll be clear. I'm aware of the difference between being called for a disciplinary hearing, and being called to be "disciplined".

But, I also think one should take every chance life gives one to act like one is on stage.

So, I put on my best swag walk, knowing the only audience that found it entertaining was myself.

"You asked to see me, Sensei."

"Hikigaya. Do you know how long I've been a teacher?"

It sounded like a serious question.

That leads me to hedonist tip #3: it's cool to entertain yourself, but don't do it at the expense of someone who's being sincere.

I looked at her. Sensei was quite youthful, and got along well with almost everyone.

"Not for very long, I imagine. You're far too young to have been doing this for more than three years."

Right away, I got the feeling I said something I shouldn't have.

Sensei was blushing profusely and stuttering as she tried to speak.

"W-w-w-what do you mean by t-that? I'm still older than you, Hikigaya! In all my years as a teacher, I've never been this humiliated!"

That surprised me.

I mean, considering her rather unorthodox method of trying to get me to fix the essay, I'd thought she wouldn't have any problems with how I dealt with the situation.

"I wasn't trying to insult you or anything. I just didn't want to redo that essay. Or get punched. But mostly redo that essay."

"That's not what I'm talking about! Although that was a problem too. You can't blackmail a teacher, Hikigaya."

"But that teacher tried to punch me. With proper Karate technique. You know how lucky you are it was me back then? You could've hurt someone pretty bad."

"...!"

Her eyes widened as she glared in silent anger and guilt. She knew what I was saying was true. She still wasn't happy about it.

Surprisingly, I couldn't be mad at her. Despite her attempt to kinda sorta force me into something, she didn't really come across as malicious.

If anything, she felt like she was genuinely trying to help me.

"Why did you call me here, Sensei?"

She was massaging her temples slightly as she replied.

"The way you think… you're not stupid, Hikigaya. Your grades tell me that much, though honestly your math needs a lot of work. But overall, nothing wrong at all. You're decent at everything else too. Still, it's like you're not really trying. Like you're not taking anything or anyone here seriously. And then you go writing an essay where you basically proclaim that the most important thing in life for you is having fun. That everything else is secondary. That's…. not a healthy way to think, Hikigaya."

"And why's that?"

"Because people have responsibilities! You can't just do the things you want. Sometimes, you have to do things you don't like."

"Nope."

She blinked.

"Excuse me?"

"Nope," I repeated. "I don't have to do anything. People are free, and don't need to do anything they don't want to. That's called being a slave. I like not depressing myself over grades I might never have. And I like not forcing myself to be part of clubs I find boring. That's just how I am. It's not going to change, Sensei."

I noticed that my mention of not going to clubs I didn't want to caused her to jump slightly.

_Aha. Bingo. _

"Sensei… you wouldn't happen to have been planning to recruit me to some unusual club, would you? This isn't a manga, you know."

"Hrrk!"

Critical hit, it seems.

I sighed.

"And here I was working myself up to take a scolding."

"At least let me tell you what the club is!" exclaimed Sensei.

Despite having been completely taken out of the track she expected this conversation to take, she was valiantly still trying to make her point. And on top of all that, that strange sincerity had not gone away.

I liked that.

There is something oddly endearing about a genuine desire to help others.

"All right, fine. I'll hear you out, Sensei. Tell me about your club."

She looked at me, appearing to be surprised that I was at least willing to learn about this.

"It's called the Service Club," she said. "Its goal is to help all those who come to it with their problems. Specifically, it exists so that students who are facing difficulties have someone to go to."

"Ah. So basically a sort of problem-solving/counselling/guys who'll do any job kind of club. Sounds challenging."

"Exactly," said the teacher. "Look, Hikigaya, I won't even make you redo the essay. And I can't really blame you for what you did. I did try to hit you after all. But the path you're on… Hikigaya, chasing pleasure won't bring you true fulfilment in life. As a teacher, I want to help you see that for yourself. And you're not the only one. There are so many others in this school who have problems, but can't come to a teacher. The Service Club can help them. You're a smart guy, Hikigaya. Why don't you give it a try? I can't force you to change. But you do want to experience new things, right?"

There it was again.

That odd insistence to help me.

Never had I had a teacher this persistent.

She was the Goku of all homeroom teachers. No matter how many times I tried to push her away, she was adamant on trying to help me.

In another world, I might have found that supremely annoying.

But as I've said: I find determination an endearing trait. No true hedonist is weak of will.

Still…

"I'm sorry, Sensei. I can tell you really believe in what you're doing."

I looked out the window, remembering scenes from the life of a lonely middle school boy.

"There are many out there whose lives would be much better if they had a teacher like you."

"Hikigaya?"

She seemed surprised by the change in my tone.

I turned to her.

"But I'm not one of them. There are a lot of things I want to do with my free time, and helping random people out isn't one of them. I'm selfish that way. Hope you understand."

With that, I turned and walked away.

"Hikigaya, wait!"

I turned around to see her forlorn face, but I didn't let it slow me down.

I made my way downstairs, and then towards the cycle stand.

As I walked, I thought about the things I would be doing.

I went to the gym three times a week. I wasn't jacked by any standards, but I prided myself on having a decent amount of muscle mass, low body fat, and good strength. I wasn't someone who worked out to show off. I just liked being fit. This was sort of how my version of hedonism worked. I wasn't especially fond of the gym. It wasn't a fun activity for me. But I did it because the results it brought were fun. More strength and better fitness meant an easier time with day-to-day tasks, and pain-free, healthy life. Also, it helped me with something I _did_ enjoy.

Twice a week, I went to an MMA dojo. Now _that_ was fun. The exhilaration from dodging punches and hitting back, from throwing kicks and elbows, from pulling off a perfect suplex… ah yes. That was legit awesome. Benefits: I can take care of myself, and I get to kick ass and spar with some cool opponents.

There were studies too, and they were another example of something I didn't enjoy, which brought benefits that I did.

Reading manga, playing games. Hella fun. And they inspired me. I'll be honest, I'm pretty sincere about my art. I've been studying theory, learning and practising for a year now. I used to draw even before that, but putting in some focused, smart work brought me all kinds of improvements. Did I want to send in some samples to Shonen Jump? You bet I did. I was training myself. Getting ready. And all the time, churning out images of the characters and worlds I imagined. _That _was fun. I didn't really care if I got published in Shonen Jump. That's my version of hedonism. I draw for myself. The popularity and money are just bonuses.

And of course, spending time with possibly my favourite person in the world, Komachi. Self-explanatory.

These are the things I did.

And they made me happy.

Was there… something else I wanted to do?

Unbidden, an image appeared in my mind. Of me, surrounded by these things, bathed in their glow of happiness. While in the distance, Sensei stood, alone and cold in the dark, as she tried to help others who simply didn't care.

A feeling of guilt shot through me.

_Why does this trouble me?_

_The world never gave a damn about me. I don't owe it anything. All I have to do… is be happy._

But even as I thought that, the answers came to me.

I wasn't going against my beliefs.

I didn't give two shits about the world.

No, I was feeling guilty because of Sensei.

The world may not have given a damn, but she did. That's why she'd risked suspension and even losing her job, to help me. And I saw the way she put herself out there for all her students.

In this day and age of apathy, that was some Dead Poets Society level of real. She was a true teacher, one who believed in teaching her students how to live above all else.

I found that I had come to a stop, halfway to the cycle stand.

Was this a contradiction of my beliefs, my way of life?

The answer came to me, a vehement "no".

_There's something else I want to do. Apart from the weights, the muay thai, the drawing, the SSS rank DMC combos, and pampering Komachi._

_Yeah, what is it you want?_

_I want to help her._

_Pfft. This again? How many times have you put yourself out for others in the past? When has it not come to bite you in the ass?_

_This is different._

_Why? Because Sensei is fifteen billion times hotter than Orimoto?_

_Yes, but also no._

_Oh?_

_Yeah. You see, whenever I helped others in the past, I always did it because I thought it'd get me admiration and affection._

_And? What's different this time?_

_**This time… I'm helping just because I want to. Because it'll make me happy.**_ ****

_Heh. All right. I can live with that. Let's do it, then._

Turning around, I ran back towards the school building. Within moments, I had reached the staff room, but it was already being locked up by one of the school's maintenance guys.

"Hey," I asked him. "There was a teacher in there. Hiratsuka Shizuka."

His eyes instantly lit up in recognition. Honestly, if it had been any other member of the staff, I'd doubt they'd be recognizable to anyone other than co-faculty or students. It spoke volumes about her that _everyone_ at school knew her.

"Ah, she went to the third floor. She's got a new club. Shame it'll shut down though. There's only one student member…"

"What room is it?"

"Eh? Ah, I think it's room 303…"

"Thanks!", I said as I dashed off. On the way, I shouted over my shoulder to him. "Also, there are two members, not one!"

I reached the place within seconds, having sprinted up the stairs. Heart pounding and breathing slightly fast, I walked down the corridor, till I found the room I was looking for.

303 was the only one with a door slightly open.

As I approached, I could hear voices coming from within.

"... I'm sorry, Yukinoshita. I tried. But it'll be impossible to keep a club open with only one member. The school won't allow it."

"I see. I understand, Sensei. Although… I was looking forward to this opportunity."

"It's my fault, I wasn't able to get a second member."

This was my cue to make an entrance.

Sliding the door all the way open, I entered with an exaggerated pose that would make the Joestars themselves proud, and did my best imitation voice.

" I AM HERE!"

Hedonist fantasy #458 unlocked: At least once in your life, be All Might.

The two people in the room stared at me.

The student (who was obviously the first member) was someone I recognized immediately. She was the girl in the sedan that had been in the not-accident, one year ago.

She looked at me, completely baffled.

"What.. are you doing?"

But my attention was focused on the person I'd come here to help.

"Hikigaya… did you just unironically quote All Might?"

"Yeah. Yeah, I did."

She looked she was struggling to decide whether to try hitting me again or not, or just fist-bump me as a fellow otaku.

"Ghh… well, what are you here for? Did you have something to say?"

There was a poorly hidden look of hurt on her face that sent a painful twinge of guilt shoot through me.

Now, hear me out, reader.

As a hedonist, there is one thing you have to be sure of.

_Live with no regrets. _

"Yes. I'm here to say, that if that offer is still open, I'm taking it. I'll join the Service Club, of my own free will."

Hedonist ultra special secret: Getting S-rank combos is cool, and chocolate is kind of nice too, but seeing someone's face light up in genuine, unrestrained, sheer joy because of something you did?

Beyond priceless. 


	3. Chapter 3

**Author's note: This version of Hikigaya will henceforth be known as Thuglife 8man, and nothing will convince me otherwise.**

**Chapter 2: A Clash of Ideals**

"It's you again."

"I'm a member of this club, remember?"

This little exchange marked my arrival at the storage room that was being used as the Service Club's headquarters. For reference, this was my second day at the club, including the day I joined. The thing with most student clubs is that teachers prefer a hands-off approach, meaning they aren't really present in the clubrooms most of the time, and only arrive if needed. So, the person I'd joined up to help wasn't even around, leaving me in the company of the only other member of this club.

Yukinoshita Yukino. I knew her name because we'd both introduced ourselves the day before. I'd seen her before, of course. Once. She was in the car that had almost been involved in an accident right in front of my eyes. She wasn't the one driving though. Honestly, it wasn't even the chauffeur's fault. If anything, the dog's master should have been careful. But, hey. All's well that ends well. No one got hurt. Happy ending for all.

But coming back to the matter at hand, that was all I knew about Yukinoshita. I'd heard in passing that she was some kind of super over-achiever. Top of the class in a section full of over-achievers. That kind of thing didn't really mean anything to me, though. So far, my interactions with her were next to non-existent.

Well, whatever. I didn't particularly care either way. I was here to help Sensei. Putting up with the other member shouldn't be that hard. Besides, it made no difference if I was reading manga here, or at home. With this in mind, I withdrew from my bag a holy tome: a volume of Jojo's part III, otherwise known as Stardust Crusaders, and began to read. I wondered at first if Miss Overachiever would have anything to say about that, but she didn't. Time continued to pass, and I got engrossed in the story. Dio was dropping road rollers and stuff, and Jotaro was punching things. Good times, good times. However, all things must come to an end, and before long, I was done reading. Taking a look at my phone revealed that an hour had passed, meaning we still had an hour of club time to go. At this point, I could take out my art supplies and just draw, but I felt the need to move around a bit. Standing up, I walked over to the window and looked out. Down below, most of the outdoor sports clubs were still at work, showing that Soubu was still very much active.

"So does nothing ever happen here?" I asked my fellow member, not really sure if I'd get a response.

She replied by closing the book she was reading (with a bit of an overly showy gesture if you ask me), and closing her eyes, before finally turning towards me.

"What do you think the goal of this club is?"

_Oh, you have got to be kidding me. Did she _really _just try that with me?_

"I'll take that as a 'no', then," I said, before turning away.

Out of the corner of my eye, I saw her frowning slightly.

Hey, reader, you want a Jojo's reference?

One of the things I, Hikigaya Hachiman, enjoy the most, is putting people with an overly high opinion of themselves right back in their place.

In other words, I loved frustrating uppity folks who took themselves too seriously.

But I couldn't really spend an entire hour just bantering with her.

No sooner had I thought this than Yukinoshita immediately rose to the challenge.

"Hmph. As expected. The infamous lowlife of Soubu High is as rude as the rumours say."

"There are rumours about me now? What do they say?"

I was honestly curious now. My interactions with other students were, let's just say, limited.

Yukinoshita's face assumed a look of slight disgust, somewhat similar to what one has when one sees a bug on their windshield.

"Many things. None flattering."

"You're going to need to be more specific."

"That you're an individual with no tact or respect, and no ability to read the situation. Also that you're unpleasant."

Hmm. Was there a basis to these evaluations of me?

Well, there might be. I didn't really respect most of the students here. I certainly didn't play by their rules. And I didn't really give a fuck about their "situations". Also, like I said, I love being rude to rude people.

Put all of that together, and I can sort of see why a lot of people would think I'm an asshole.

But that doesn't matter. Right here and now, I could sense an interesting conversation in the works.

"Who, me?" I said, putting on a voice of mock surprise. "Impossible. I'm polite to a fault, and an overall nice guy."

"Your definition of 'politeness' needs some work, Lowlife kun."

"Maybe. But my definition of 'frigid' is spot on."

Slight widening of the eyes, before they narrow. Nostrils flared. Brows contracted into a 'V'. Ah yes, she's nice and angry now. To her credit, she instantly buries her initial reaction, and gives me what I'm sure she thinks is a withering glare.

To be honest, it might have worked, if I hadn't broken through her shell of indifference a couple of times already. Yukinoshita was a bit of a tricky opponent: she was good at a lot of things, and being good at things brought confidence.

But I could see right through that.

Hedonist tip #5: If someone looks down on others, it's not because they're good at something. It's because they're insecure.

So as confident and aloof as Yukinoshita appeared to be, her strength was only skin deep. The core of Yukinoshita Yukino was weak, making her easy to ruffle if I knew what to say.

Which again, I did. If she had to announce it any clearer, she'd have to write it on her face. Now I could tell you how I deduced that… but this is a Hikigaya Hachiman story, not a Sherlock Holmes one.

Hedonist tip #2: Make sure you're the protagonist of your own life.

But be all that as it may, this was turning out to be far too easy. If I pushed any further, this situation would devolve into an outright mudslinging battle, an ugly spat. And that's really no fun. Honestly, in a different world, a more tolerant, hesitant me would have made an ideal companion for her. The perfect sadist and the resigned masochist.

I shuddered.

Pushing the thought out of my mind, I decided to change subjects.

"How many requests have the Club had so far?" I asked.

Yukinoshita didn't miss a beat. Ever to the point, she had already put the little exchange behind her, and had her neutral face on.

"None," she answered shortly.

"How long has the Club existed?"

"... A week."

This time I was the one surprised.

She'd been coming up here and sitting alone in this room, waiting for a request despite not getting any, for a week?

That was some dedication.

I could respect that.

But I could also see _why_ the Club hadn't really done anything yet.

"We don't have any advertising," I said. "Up until yesterday, I didn't even know this Club existed. Now I'm not the most up-to-date guy when it comes to school happenings, but I'm pretty sure most people here _still_ don't know it exists. If a Club wants people to come to it, it needs to get the word out."

Yukinoshita looked mildly surprised that I had said something she could agree with.

"Oho. You have a point, Lowlife kun-"

"That name's going to be a thing, isn't it?"

"Ahem. As I was saying, you have a point, Lowlife kun. But how do you propose we spread the word?"

"Well…" I scratched my head. "Let's see… the existence of most sports clubs is obvious, since the facilities are out there on the grounds, and the teams practice everyday for the whole school to see. With the large cultural clubs, like Drama, they have enthusiastic members who go advertise from class to class. Oh yeah, and then there are teachers who might recommend students to clubs they oversee."

That last one was how I got recruited. We weren't trying to recruit here, but the methods would remain the same… normally.

I couldn't really see the Service Club being as glamorous an option as say, the Football Club.

Which meant, our best option was…

"Word of mouth," I said.

Yukinoshita gave me a deadpan stare, and I realised that my answer had been a general descriptor.

I decided to elaborate.

"We can't rely on aggressive advertising. The Service Club isn't that attractive an option, and our goal at the moment isn't to recruit members. People come here to have their problems solved, right? That means, the best way to get people to come here is for others they know to tell them that they got their problems solved here. Hey, did you know, a Service Club exists, and they can get the job done. That will make people keep us in mind. So next time they're in trouble, or someone they know is, they'll come to us."

"Hmm. I would normally say that's a surprisingly good solution, except for one fact. We haven't had a single successful mission yet."

Yes, that's what it all came down to. That elusive first job.

But how were we to do that?

Short of actively seeking out people with a problem, I didn't have a clue.

"Why does this Club even exist, anyway?" I wondered aloud.

I mean, sure, I sort of knew the reason why.

Sensei was one of those people who genuinely wanted to help others. This Club was probably her brainchild.

Why was Yukinoshita here though? Surely Sensei hadn't strong armed her into joining.

"Why are you even here?" I asked. "Surely the so-called pinnacle of Soubu High could have joined any Club she wanted. One where you'd actually get to push your skills to the limit."

Yukinoshita looked at me for a moment.

"Your words betray how basic your thoughts are. Why do you assume that the only reason I'd do anything would be to benefit myself?"

"What other reasons are there? Everybody does things because there's something to gain from it."

Her face now regained the look of disgust it had had moments ago.

"Certainly, I can see that some people only do things for gain."

"Hey, I'll be the first to admit that I do things because of what I can get out of them. But you… I still can't figure out why you'd join this Club."

With an air of one who knew they had the moral high ground, Yukinoshita raised her head.

"I joined the Service Club because I believe it's my _duty _to help others. Such is the burden of the superior. Noblesse oblige, as it is called."

I stared in shock, and my jaw dropped open in awe.

I stuttered to speak, as I struggled to fully absorb her answer.

"That's… that's…"

Her lip began to curl, probably into a smile.

"... the biggest load of horse shit I've ever heard", I finished.

I chortled and tried to contain my laughter.

"Noblesse oblige? Hahahaha… rich!"

I looked at her, to see her face darkened with anger. Gone was any levity in her expression.

"Holy shit, you were actually serious," I said.

This was incredible. I'd already spotted the contradictions between her words and nature, but I won't point them out for now. Bonus points for the observant readers who've also noticed, but try to keep it a secret for now, huh? Don't spoil the reveal I'm saving up for the endgame.

But for the moment, I decided to play along.

"All right, so noblesse oblige then. Helping others. How exactly do you plan to do that?"

"I don't believe in giving a starving man fish. I believe in teaching him how to fish."

I nodded. That much made sense to me.

"What about people who aren't hungry though? What about people who're just… unhappy?"

Japan is a pretty developed nation. And Soubu is a school of the economically comfortable and academically decent, if not the affluent and the elite. In other words, every request the Service Club would ever deal with would most likely be a first world problem.

I wanted to know how Yukinoshita would deal with an issue that wasn't so easy to pinpoint and isolate.

You can be well-fed, clothed, sheltered, have a good income or grades, a family, and a social circle… and still be unhappy.

And I'm not even getting started on the _many, many_ students at Soubu High who don't even have every one of those variables in their favour.

"Unhappiness stems from living a life different from the one you wish to lead," said Yukinoshita. "And in such cases, the reason is, more often than not, that the person simply does not do what they need to in order to change their life. One changes oneself, and in doing so, one changes their world, and their life. The Service Club is my opportunity to do exactly that: to change the world, through excellence."

Idealistic.

And in some ways, even practical.

But she had missed the point entirely.

"Unhappiness, or by the same token, happiness, has nothing to do with excellence," I said. "Unhappiness is simply the result of a disbalance between expectations and reality. You don't think many people are unhappy though they are experts in their fields? Have you not heard of Robin Williams? Chester Bennington? Chris Cornell?"

"Clinical depression cannot be used to generalise the actions of all individuals-"

"Granted. Then take a look at the people of Japan. Take a good look at the people in your class. The students you see out on the streets. The professionals and businessmen you see and read about. Heck, if you think an unhealthy lifestyle is a factor, then take a look at professional athletes. Now tell me: _do they look happy to you_?"

Yukinoshita began to speak, but the words caught in her throat.

"They- you are using rhetoric to make a point. This can hardly be called ethical-"

I shrugged.

She was right.

I could have pointed out the rising rates of depression and suicide around the world. I might even have pointed out the declining birth rates in Japan. Note to self: it's because of all that NTR hentai. Dads are afraid of having sons because they think they might be cucked by them. SMH, the world needs better smut.

But anyway. Numbers and figures weren't what I wanted to use here. I knew I was right, because I'd lived that way once.

If the world rejected me, it must be because I wasn't doing something right. So I'd tried to change myself to fit the world's standards. I'd done everything… and I'd still failed.

So I didn't _think_ that changing to fit in was useless.

I _knew_ that changing to fit in was useless.

That's not to say that Yukinoshita was suggesting one should "fit in". Not in the typical way at least. She wasn't saying one should accept mediocrity, and just follow the tide of others' opinions in order to be accepted by then.

No, she was saying that one could get rid of one's unhappiness by pursuing and achieving excellence.

But then, who decided what "excellence" was?

Ding ding ding, you guessed right.

_Society_.

Yukinoshita wasn't the average kind of fit-inner.

She was the worst kind of fit-inner.

The kind that believed in the idea of "duty for society" and the "greater good".

Even if you took altruism and sacrifice out of the equation, and only took the parts of her solution that suggested improving oneself, you _still_ wouldn't be happy.

Because you _still_ wouldn't even have looked at the real reason for your unhappiness, instead going with the initial idea you came with: that you were dissatisfied.

Maybe because you thought your house was small. Or because you didn't have a car. Because your job sucked. Or because that girl you liked was actually interested in the class jock. Or because you're on the track team, but you're always the back up, just not good enough to be the starter.

These all seem like logical reasons, right?

Wrong.

None of these would be the reason.

If you were to work hard, earn more money, or become a better athlete, or become more charming, then you'd be able to fix those issues right? At least, there's a chance you would. Let's say you succeeded.

If you were to get a bigger house, you'd want an even bigger one than that.

If you got promoted to manager, you'd start comparing yourself to the post just above that.

If you managed to get that girl to go out with you, you'd be paranoid about losing her affections to someone else.

If you managed to be the starting track athlete, you'd then be nervous about that star runner from the neighbouring school, who's been beating your school for the last two years.

You ask yourself… when does the rat race end?

It's not a race.

It's a maze.

And when you reach the cheese, that trap's about to come down on you.

You see what the real problem is?

_Anxiety. Fear. Insecurity. Loneliness. _

You were a good enough athlete to begin with. That's how you got on the team, right?  
You had a job. Enough money to eat and have a roof over your head. Isn't that enough?  
Your house was big enough for a clean, comfortable life.

And as for that girl… it's obvious she never liked you. Did she really earn your affections?

And that was why… Yukinoshita was wrong.

I realized that I had gotten excited.

A minute had passed and no words had been exchanged, as I'd been caught up in my thoughts.

"It doesn't matter. The proof will be evident, if we ever get a request," I said aloud.

Yukinoshita treated my admittedly vague statement with wariness, but decided to ask a question of her own.

"And you, Hikigaya?"

It did not escape my notice that she had used my proper name this time.

"Why are you here?" she asked.

For a moment, I was about to say that I was there to have fun.

That was true, of course. It generally was.

But as I've explained before, even if my ultimate goal behind doing something might be to have fun, sometimes the activity itself was not so pleasurable.

So, no, I wasn't really in the Service Club to enjoy myself.

"To pay back a debt," I answered shortly.

Yukinoshita looked puzzled at that, but I wasn't going to say anything more on the subject.

As we faded back into silence, I wondered.

Was that the only reason I was there?

To pay back Hiratsuka Sensei for always being a good teacher? For being genuinely concerned about me? For being kind?

Was it to help her out? For the pleasure of being able to do something for someone I actually admired?

Or did it have something to do with that ridiculous fantasy that may or may not have been associated with the phrase "hot for teacher"?

I shook my head. I didn't have an answer yet.

Well, that's okay. For now, I'll just see where this leads. It hasn't been as boring as I thought it'd be.

At that moment, the person I'd just been thinking about chose to make her appearance.

Sliding the door all the way open, and striking a pose that would have had Jolyne asking for pointers, she put on her best imitation voice, and said, "I AM HERE!"

I applauded.

"Well done, Sensei. I rate 9 out of 10."

"Hah! I won't be outdone by you, Hikigaya!"

"Sensei, please knock before you enter."

"You can't do a dynamic entry if you knock beforehand," I objected. Raising my hand, I turned to Sensei. "Requesting permission to enter via flying kick next time."

Hiratsuka looked torn between the two options.

I could see how badly she wanted to approve, just so that she could do it herself.

But ultimately…

"Denied," she said, sadly.

I sighed. It had been worth a try.

Yukinoshita was shaking her head in exasperation.

Sensei probably took that as her cue to get to the point before she found herself down to one member again.

"So. How have the two of you been getting along?" she asked.

"He's despicable."

"She's full of it."

We ended up answering at the same time. At this point, I was so used to this cliche, I didn't even acknowledge it.

Sensei blinked.

"Really? I mean, I wasn't expecting the two of you to be friends or anything, but isn't that a bit much?"

"Sensei, you should not have let this lowlife into the Club."

"Sensei, even the people who turn up will leave if they talk to her."

"Uhh…" Hiratsuka looked like she was trying to decide how to deal with the situation. "Is there a reason behind this disagreement?"

"Call it a difference of opinion," I said.

"On that, at least, we can agree," said Yukinoshita.

"Elaborate, please."

"Someone who only does things because of what they might gain out of it can never help others."

"Someone who doesn't even understand the reason behind unhappiness can't help anyone."

I turned to face Yukinoshita, and we ended up glaring at each other.

"All right, all right, stop. Sheesh. You guys just can't get over this, can you? Hmm.. maybe if we try it a different way. All right… how about this, then? If you can't work using the same methods, why don't we see whose methods are better?"

"Hmm… interesting," I admitted.

"Right?" said Sensei. "According to the traditions of Shounen Jump, we'll be settling this with a good old fashioned competition. Each of you will try to help the people who come here in your own way. The goal will be to satisfy them. As for whose methods were more effective… I will be the judge!"

"Not bad… not bad at all," I said.

"Interesting proposition," said Yukinoshita.

We locked glares again.

"_You're on!" _


	4. Chapter 4

**Author's note: I wonder how many readers will want to read the one shot manga mentioned in this chapter?**

**Chapter 3: What Exactly is a Friend Anyway?**

I've watched a lot of movies. Some of them aren't even Japanese or American. There was this one foreign film I saw, where a character who was a doctor points out that his hands were only stable during surgery because he knew he wasn't operating on someone he knew personally. Now that was an interesting line that stuck with me. On a more general level, the principle was that emotional non-attachment allows one to work efficiently, without being bogged down or distracted by one's feelings. When it comes to helping someone out, maybe being able to see the problem clearly, and being able to do the logical thing to fix it, is the best way. Now, I'm no doctor (I'm not even particularly good at biology, haha), so I won't pretend like I'm qualified to make a statement on whether that's true for practiced medicine.

But in a day-to-day sense, considering things that I can do… do I really believe in that?

Believe in not being attached at all?

That I could make the right decision with logic alone?

Honestly, I don't know. I'm sure there is a Hikigaya Hachiman in some world that considers himself a logician, someone who can come to the correct conclusion through that alone. But I'm not him. Logic is a tool to me. Nothing more. And like all tools, it has certain uses, but it cannot be used for everything. In my case, logic is a means more than an end. As I've said before, the question I always ask myself is: how can I have fun? That question, depending on the situation, leads to an answer. I then do whatever it takes to make that answer a reality. Sometimes, that involves acting logically. Well, a lot of the time. But then there are times where logic just isn't what I need.

Anyway, I've digressed. This was a bit of a rambling monologue, and you're probably wondering why I even brought this all up. To tell the truth, I was reminded of it.

After all, wasn't I in a Club whose purpose was to help people? And wasn't there a fundamental difference in how a certain person believed in doing it, and how I believed in doing it?

I shook my head. Too much thinking doesn't help anyone.

I checked my appearance once in the mirror. I'd already had breakfast. Getting out of the bathroom, I picked up my bag, and walked towards the door. On the way, I passed Komachi, who was also finishing up her food.

"Aight Komachi. I'm 'bout to head out."

She turned to me with a face of faux disgust.

"Onii chan, please stop talking in memes."

"Tch. You've got no taste, little sister of mine. But don't worry. You're growing up. Leave it to me, and I will introduce you to the world of being one of the cool folks."

"I don't want to hear about being cool from you of all people."

I consulted my mental library of images, and picked out the index finger pointing forwards pose that a certain Kujo Jotaro had made famous.

"I'm the coolest of all the folks, and you know it. Name one guy at your school who can do the stuff I can. I'll wait."

I was rewarded by the sight of Komachi visibly dragging her well of memories, and coming up without any answers.

"Thought so."

And then, the downcast look on her face turned to one of evil amusement.

"Aha, but Onii chan, a lot of the guys in my school have something you don't."

_Something I don't? That's imposs-_

_Wait a minute._

_Oh no._

_Oh shit._

"Or rather," continued Komachi, "they have someone you don't."

"Well would you look at the time," I said, checking my wrist though I wasn't wearing a watch. "I should really be on my way. Sorry, Komachi. Gotta go. See ya later."

With that, I turned around and walked away quickly, but unfortunately, not quickly enough, since her last retort still ended up reaching my ears.

"Hey, Onii chan. I'll be waiting with the cool folks when you get a girlfriend!"

_Shit, shit, shit._

That was completely below the belt!

_Who even needs a girlfriend?_

Shit, that was so lame, but I can't bring myself to roast Komachi.

_Tch. What a sad world I live in, where the worth of a man is decided by whether or not he has a girlfriend?_

As much as I normally preferred to walk to school while visualizing interesting stories or making elaborate plans, that little remark had started a train of thought I couldn't quite jump off of right away.

Before I knew it, I was already at Soubu, and walking through the door of my class, 2-F.

_Girls are… man, I just don't know. They seem like they'd be a pain to spend time with._

No sooner had I thought this, than a pink-haired individual nearly bumped into me as she tried to rush forward in a hurry.

I sidestepped neatly, only to realize she'd actually lost her balance.

Wait a second. Did my reflexes actually lead to me avoiding the start of a shoujo manga?

I pumped one fist in a silent gesture of victory while grabbing her upper arm with the other for a second to prevent her from falling over.

Once she regained her balance, I walked away, still lost in my thoughts, to the extent that I almost missed her quiet whisper.

"Thanks,"

"It's cool," I said.

Like I said. Girls keep doing stuff like that. And while that in itself isn't a problem…

I turned to the side, to see, predictably, a few other people snickering at the little scene that had just occurred.

._..That is a different story._

All that drama just isn't for me. But well, better this than that ultra-cliche of her falling down on top of me, and the artist somehow using it as an excuse for a panty shot.

Situation averted, problem solved. Now was that really so hard, all ye harem protagonists?

It was exactly as I was delivering this snappy punchline in my head that our homeroom teacher walked in, and I felt my jaw drop slightly on reaction, before I managed to collect myself.

Girls can be a pain. But a woman?

_Now that's a different story._

As usual, Hiratsuka Shizuka looked amazing, carrying on the time-honoured tradition of making lab coats look sexy. Part of what made her so beautiful was that she was either unaware of it, or simply didn't make a big deal out of it. She carried it with an effortless grace, and always interacted with everyone on their level. As a teacher, she didn't talk down to students. As a member of staff, she didn't consider herself any different from the many people who worked as maintenance crew at Soubu. And I'm guessing she wasn't the type to bow and grovel to the principal or the board either.

I think that was the reason I was so comfortable talking to her.

It had been a long time since I had gotten over getting nervous with females.

I wasn't really interested one way or another in any of the girls in my class.

And I didn't really get a chance to interact with too many women besides them, unless you count purely obligatory interactions, like paying a cashier at a store.

I didn't talk much to any of the teachers either. I wasn't a genius academic by any stretch of the imagination, but I was good enough that no one saw any need to spend a lot of extra time on me.

The only exception to these rules… was Hiratsuka Shizuka.

I found myself admiring the smooth curve of her face, and the trademark determined glint in her eye, the slight grin she wore.

What am I even thinking?

Fantasies are cool and all, but there's no way that route has any kind of basis in reality.

I smiled slightly and shook my head.

_Well, a man can dream, if nothing else._

Speaking of which, she decided to start the class, and I soon found my attention occupied by several tasks. Time passed by, with a lot to do, and seemingly in the blink of an eye, an entire school day had gone by.

There was still Club though. I packed up my supplies and decided to head to room 303, which was our headquarters. I had already made up my mind to waste no time. If no one turned up with a request (which was quite likely), I had a few character designs to work on. It's the 21st century, and I actually do most of my drawing on computer with a tablet, but practicing regularly on paper has its benefits. It's a stable medium, with comparatively less reliance on technology, and a need for strong fundamentals and hand control. Plus, there's just something about pencil on paper, you know?

All right. I'm feeling inspired. Could get a good song going in my head. Lemme see… ah, yes. This'll do.

_[Guilty Gear OST: Lily]_

_Hedonist tip: If you can picture stuff, or keep a tune in your head, you should. Carry the soundtrack to your own life with you, phone or no phone._

In a few minutes, I'd arrived at the Service Club's room. I slid the door open, finding Yukinoshita there as expected.

"Yo."

"Good afternoon. Have you considered learning a proper greeting?"

"Good to see you too, Yukinoshita."

I made my way over to my end of the table and sat down. As I was about to get down to work, however, the door opened again, and I looked up to see…

_The pink-haired girl from this morning?_

Well, if we're being really specific, maybe it'd be more correct to say this was the pink-haired girl from that morning a year ago, whose dog was almost run over.

_That is a phenomenally shitty nickname._

_"The Girl Whose Dog Almost Got Run Over."_

Anyway, she was here now, and waving excitedly to the ice princess.

"Yahallo, Yukinon!"

I cringed slightly.

As cute as Strawberry was, that greeting was pushing it.

Unsurprisingly, Yukinoshita sighed.

"Good afternoon, Yuigahama san. Please consider learning a proper greeting."

_Zero discrimination, huh?_

Yuigahama casually ignored the request, and took a seat next to Yukinoshita.

_Wait, what's this? They're interacting like they know each other? Can it be? This Ice Princess has a friend?_

"So miracles do happen, huh?" I said aloud.

Both girls turned to me questioningly, but I shook my head.

"Nothing. Anyway, why is Yuigahama here? This is the Service Club. Did you have a request?"

"Eh? You mean you don't know, Hikki?"

"Don't know what? Also, wait a second. 'Hikki'?"

Yuigahama evaded my second question expertly.

"I'm a member of the Service Club!"

Eh?

"Eh? Since when?"

"Well, I joined just this morning…"

I scratched my head.

Well, it seems obvious that Yukinoshita and Yuigahama know each other. Maybe that near-accident caused them to form an acquaintance of sorts. And then they stayed in touch and eventually got closer. If that's the case, then I can see how Yuigahama might find out about this new Club, and ask to join it, maybe as a way to spend more time with her. Yukinoshita agreed. She takes this Club seriously, and would probably take this as a chance to help Yuigahama "improve".

Well, that's fine. Another member makes no difference to me.

I reached for my bag to get out my drawing materials, when the door opened once more.

_Interrupted again? How many startup frames does this animation have?_

"Sensei, please knock before entering."

"Eh, but you never answer."

"That's because you enter without giving me a chance to."

Ignoring this objection, Hiratsuka Shizuka came forward triumphantly.

"Well, I have good news. I've found your first 'client', so to speak."

I became a little more alert.

Facing the open door, she called out.

"Why don't you come in?"

The sounds of ominous (not really) and highly exaggerated laughter entered.

"Muhahahahah!"

I already knew who this was.

Which meant, I'd have only one chance to do this… and I was going to take it.

Rising from my chair, I walked out from behind the table and took a dramatic stance, facing away from the door.

"So you've come to face me", I said.

Heavy footsteps were heard, and I turned around to look at a guy who was a little taller and a lot heavier than me, and for some reason, wore an overcoat though it was summer. Needless to say, we knew each other already.

The glasses wearing giant grinned broadly.

"Fight me!"

We'd done this a few times before, but never in front of an audience, and it's actually hard to choreograph in a way that looks both realistic and dramatic. I'm pretty sure the only reason we were able to pull it off was because I practised mixed martial arts, and Zaimokuza was a Judoka.

Entering close range, we both fired off a series of rapid punches that were all pre planned. Zaimokuza wasn't actually much of a striker, but he had better movements than one would think for someone that size. Of course, our fists crashed into each other. Jabs, crosses and hooks, all colliding. We both had to hold back. Zaimokuza was heavier, so he could push me back, and my fists were better conditioned, so I could end up hurting him.

Fortunately, neither happened.

What did happen was a spectacular re-enactment of a classic battle.

To end the pre-arranged sequence, we both stepped past each other, and collapsed to one knee at the same time.

"Impossible… you have Musou Tensei too…" I said, pretending to cough up blood.

"I too have tasted sorrow," said Zaimokuza.

We held that pose for a bit longer, and Sensei applauded enthusiastically.

"9/10!" she said. "Actually, 9.5! Fantastic work on the choreography."

I stood up and bowed, with Zaimokuza doing the same.

_Hedonist Fantasy #457: Always be yourself. Unless you can be Kenshiro. Then you should definitely be Kenshiro._

All this time, the two other members of the Club had been staring at our antics, dumbfounded.

"What… what was that?" Yukinoshita managed to say.

"Nothing," I said. "Don't worry about it."

"Ehm… Hikki, you two know each other?"

"Pretty much. We're active on a lot of the same forums and sites."

"Well, that should make things a lot easier!", said Sensei.

I turned to Zaimokuza.

"So, what did you need help with?"

Now that the dynamic intro was over and done with, and we were getting down to business, I noticed that Zaimokuza actually looked uncharacteristically uncomfortable being here.

"Actually, I did not think I would find thee here. I had no idea that thou too art a member of the group called the Service Club."

Wait, hold on.

_I'm the reason Zaimokuza's uncomfortable?_

That's frigging absurd.  
He's awkward as hell around girls, and most people can't even make out what he's saying, since he only uses his messed up version of old Japanese when talking to other students. I can't imagine him telling Yuigahama and Yukinoshita about whatever problem he has that brought him here.

Besides, why would he be uncomfortable around me?

We've known each other a year. As a matter of fact, I first ran into him at a convention. It turned out we were into a lot of the same anime and games, and we both recognized each other from school. So we ended up hanging out, and stayed in touch online. At the time, I was playing Tekken a lot, so we would face each other in a bunch of matches over the Internet. Later on, we'd recommend other interesting series we found, whether it was an anime, a manga, a light novel, or a game. Around six months back, I started a few accounts in art sharing sites, and started posting my illustrations. Some people liked my work, and I ended up opening commissions. For a fee, I'd draw original characters for them. Zaimokuza, being one of the few people I knew, was someone I told about this. He checked out my art.

Now, this should be pretty obvious, but we were both into *ahem* the more cultured branches of art. We'd both recommended plenty of doujins to each other before. So, when Zaimokuza commissioned me to do some hentai art, I saw it as a win-win. I did a few pieces for him.

Time passed by, and I noticed my accounts were gaining followers.

I still wasn't a big name by any means, but people were telling me I was good.

I didn't let that get to my head, but it felt good.

And art was something I wanted to do. So I doubled my efforts.

Started studying more, drawing more, checking out more artists. And I found I liked coming up with worlds and characters of my own.

I seriously started considering a career as an artist. Being a mangaka wasn't the only way to do that, but I wanted to send in at least one submission while I was still a high schooler, and had the time. So I got to work on a story that I'd been thinking of for a while.

Once more, Zaimokuza being pretty much the only one I could talk to about this, I showed him the sketches I'd made of the main cast, and a text version of a pilot chapter.

In hindsight, the idea was still pretty raw at the time, and that was my very first draft. It wasn't hard to see why someone might not get too excited at reading it, so I wasn't surprised when Zaimokuza didn't exactly have a big response to it.

I decided to go back to work and make it even better, and we didn't really discuss that again.

Life continued as usual. We continued to play each other online, and met up at one or two conventions.

And now, here we are, face to face in the Service Club's headquarters.

I didn't really know how many friends Zaimokuza had at school, but I couldn't think of a reason why he would specifically be uncomfortable with me helping him out.

Hiratsuka Sensei, observant as usual, noticed it right away.

It was only the first request, and I was already losing to Yukinoshita. The person who'd come to the Club didn't even want my help.

Was I going to have to eat my words?

Perhaps out of sympathy, Sensei chose a roundabout way of saying what she had to say next.

"I just remembered, I have some equipment that needs moving. Hikigaya, why don't you come give me a hand while your friend settles down?"

I nodded and followed her out of the room.

Once outside, I couldn't quite resist making a bit of a smartass comment.

"So, where's this equipment that needs moving?"

Sensei gave me a deadpan stare.

"The girls dig you for your humour, huh?"

_Ouch._

She silently gestured to follow her, and we took a walk down the corridor.

"You and Zaimokuza know each other. I wasn't aware of that. I didn't even know you had any friends."

"Real funny, Sensei."

"I wasn't joking."

I blinked.

"I'm glad you have a friend."

_A friend, huh?_

I'd never of thought of it like that.

Was Zaimokuza a friend?

Certainly, we knew each other, to an extent, and got along, to an extent.

But is that really enough?

I don't really have a lot of experience with friends. But I ask myself: how exactly does someone become a friend?

_Don't overthink the answer._

"One chooses to be a friend."

I said that part out loud. Sensei didn't reply, but I knew she was listening to what I had to say.

Did I consider myself Zaimokuza's friend? Did I consider Zaimokuza a friend of mine?

I couldn't answer that.

Sensei shook her head.

"So all that confidence was a lie, huh?"

I glared at her.

"I have no doubts."

She raised an eyebrow, smirking slightly.

"Really? Because it seemed to me like you look a little uncertain. Like you were maybe thinking that Yukinoshita was going to get the lead on you"

"That has nothing to do with me," I said, more forcefully than I intended. "I can't control the external. I can only control me. And in myself, I have no doubts."

"Hmph. That'll do. So what exactly is the problem?"

"I don't understand why Zaimokuza wouldn't want my help. Even if we weren't friends, he knows me better than he does those two. That alone, from a practical point of view, should be reason enough for him to prefer asking me for help."

Sensei looked at me as if I had missed the most obvious thing in the world.

"Hikigaya… have you considered the possibility that the very reason he might not want your help is because he knows you better?"

My eyes widened momentarily.

What exactly went wrong?

The only situation where I could consider something like that happening, was if I did something to turn him against me.

But he did not seem to have anything against me.

Was he… hiding his problem from me?

"Hikigaya… as hard as it may be to accept. Friendship can only exist between equals. If something were to happen that were to skew one's perception of the other as an equal, then that friendship would also cease to exist."

_"Friendship this, friendship that. You keep assuming we're friends. You don't even know me, Sensei."_

I realized I'd stopped walking. I was standing still, fist clenched.

When did I get this angry?

What was I hoping to achieve, anyway?

Was I angry at Sensei?

At myself?

Was I trying to rile her up in turn?

Usually, I'd say Sensei was more of a hothead than me.

Today, she wasn't looking at me with the anger or the annoyance she had when she read my essay. Nor the sadness or disappointment when she'd thought I wouldn't join the Club.

No, it was a gentle smile, as if I was missing something obvious, something right in front of me.

It wasn't hope that was in that smile.

I find it hard to put into words.

But it was as if… she knew I'd be able to see it, if I just tried? Yeah, that's it. She knew I'd be able to figure this one out.

"Hikigaya… I've never seen you truly angry before. I like that look. It suits you much better than the false apathy you wore the first time we met."

I was lost for words, but she went on.

"It probably bothers you, not having the answer. And maybe, if this were a story, I'd be the all-wise teacher who'd have it. But the truth is, I don't! I don't know you better than you know yourself. But it's obvious that you want to know. You want to know why your acquaintance wouldn't even choose to ask for your help. The Service Club is meant to deal with the requests of those who come to it.

But Hikigaya Hachiman is always free to do whatever he wants, isn't he?"

My eyes widened and I shook my head to come out of my daze.

"What a sad day. To think I'd need to be reminded of my hedonism by someone who doesn't even believe in it."

Sensei walked forward. Quite suddenly, we were only a few feet apart.

I felt my face heating up.

She didn't seem to have noticed, however.

"Oh, I don't believe in your hedonism. But I've got plenty of faith in you. Now, isn't there something you need to be doing?"

"Tch. Should you really be doing this? You're supposed to be an impartial judge, remember."

She winked.

"Teacher first. Made up competition judge second. Also, I know Zaimokuza's request, and I know what Yukinoshita's like, so I know that she's about to fail. So I gotta make sure that the one who can do this has his head in the game."

I could see a hint of worry on her face.

"Can you do this, Hikigaya?"

I'd joined this Club for her, right?

The goal of my greater happiness involved making sure this Club succeeded. My own personal squabble with Yukinoshita came second.

I stood up straight.

"You bet I can. I'll make sure the Service Club you worked so hard for doesn't fail!"

I turned around right as I said that, and marched right back towards room 303.

We'd actually been away for a decent while. As I approached, I could hear the sounds of Yukinoshita's voice from inside the room.

"... absolute trash. Most of it is derivative, and the grammar is terrible too. It's as if you collected all the tropes, and put them together, in hopes that it would be something good. You should work on all of that, and especially on originality."

"... ne, Yukinon, there's no need to go that far…"

I ignored all of this.

Whatever Zaimokuza had said so far, whatever was Yukinoshita was saying in reply, was none of my business. That was between him and her (and Yuigahama).

But I gathered enough to know that Sensei had been right. Yukinoshita hadn't succeeded in fulfilling Zaimokuza's request, by the sounds of things. It was time for me to have my turn.

Good, because I'm well and proper pissed, and I dislike having to cut in line.

I slid open the door.

Zaimokuza nearly jumped. There was a clip file with a lot of papers open in front of Yukinoshita, and his eyes darted to it.

Ignoring this, I walked up to them.

"So, Yukinoshita? Did you solve his request?"

Ever to the point, she replied shortly.

"That's something only he can answer."

I looked at Zaimokuza.

"Well?"

He hesitated. His regular flair was missing, as were his dramatics. _Good, straight to the point then._

"Excellent," I said aloud. "I'll take over from here. You and Yuigahama are free to take a break."

"I don't mind staying," said Yukinoshita curiously.

"I insist," I said.

Cut to the quick, both girls were a little surprised, but left nonetheless, Yukinoshita closing the door behind her with a final glance.

"Stand up," I said to Zaimokuza.

"Comrade in arms, what are you talking about-"

"Stand up. I won't punch someone who can't fight back."

His eyes widened, and more surprised than anything, he stood up.

"Hikigaya dono-"

"Drop the act!"

For a moment, I feel the urge to rush forward and hit him.

But I resist.

"What are you hiding from me, Zaimokuza?"

"I'm not-"

"DON'T FUCKING LIE TO ME!"

He actually takes a step back, surprised by the force of my outburst.

I continue.

"I can understand not coming to me for help. But you come to the Service Club, you find me here, and you prefer that it's anyone here but me who does the job? I want to know, Zaimokuza. I want to know why."

"You wouldn't understand."

Oho. He's reverted to normal speech, huh?

"Try me."

"I said you wouldn't understand!" he said, likewise raising his voice.

"Why wouldn't I understand?"

Unbidden, thoughts that hadn't come to mind before came now.

_I wouldn't understand?_

_The guy wandering around alone at a manga con, who met your loner ass, also wandering around alone._

Was I just reaching again?

Imagining something that didn't exist?

The same way I did with Orimoto?

I saw someone I liked in her, and the possibility that maybe she liked me too.

I was deluded.

When I saw Zaimokuza, and got to know him… was I deluding myself into thinking that we were friends?

_So that was it then._

"I thought we were friends, man."

"IT'S BECAUSE WE'RE FRIENDS, YOU FUCKING ASSHOLE!"

Zaimokuza was breathing hard after his shout.

He took a moment to catch his breath before continuing.

"It's because we're friends, Hikigaya. That's why I could never show you. I thought that maybe, if I did, I'd fuck this up too."

I stared in confusion.

"What are you talking about?"

"Hey, you remember six months back? You showed me this idea you had for a manga. You'd already done concept art for the characters. You even had a text version of the first chapter. You showed it all to me, remember?"

I frowned.

"Yeah, I remember. You pretty much ignored it, that's what I remember."

"That shows how little you know!" he shouted.

I took a step back at the surprising force of that statement.

"I took it all in, man. Do you even… do you know how good your work is? How many people would kill to be able to draw like that? Or write like that?"

"The heck are you talking about! I'm average, and trying to get better-"

"You're not average! Stop pushing the rest of us down, Hikigaya!"

My eyes widened.

Zaimokuza continued.

"I've read a lot of manga in my life. Seen a lot of art. And yeah, I'm a proud Otaku who goes to all the cons I can afford. And I watch every trash Isekai out there. You think I don't know it's trash? That it's a bunch of cliches stuck together with duct tape? I know that. I know that better than anyone. But I've read good things too. So when I see good art, I know. Not that weak bullshit we get nowadays. Real art. Like the greats. You're not there yet. You're still raw. But I can see the beginnings. You're still young, and you're already drawing things that are better than most of the trash out there. And then I look to the future, and I realize you won't stop. Ten years, twenty years later, you might be one of the greats. Hikigaya, you don't even frigging use an anime style. You draw faces. Actual, human faces! And that story you showed me? You took a Shounen formula, and you showed its dark side. Flipped it on its head. A protagonist who rejects the idea of one for all. A protagonist who has to get stronger by his own effort. No nakama boost, no nothing. Just sheer talent and effort. A guy who has the potential, but still has to work his ass off, like in the real world. And you show the dark side. You show that when you're a guy who fucking wins every fight, you don't end up with a goddamn harem. You end up alone. Alone at night, alone in the gym. You're at the top and you're fucking alone. He's not the fantasy for every guy looking to place himself into while he rubs one out. You didn't create a bullshit harem MC, Hikigaya. You came up with a living, breathing, human being, with flaws. Immense power at the cost of humanity. Godlike skill at the cost of a borderline anxiety disorder. This guy might be breaking walls one second, and beating himself up the next… like us.

You got all that across in _one measly chapter_.

And it was nothing but a rough draft to you.

Something you wanted to make even better. You were studying. Learning the art theory, using it. And you had a plan. An actual plan for a legit manga.

I looked at that, Hikigaya.

And I looked at what I wrote.

And I realized the world of difference between us.

How could I ever show you what I came up with?

After I saw how childish it looked compared to what you created?"

Zaimokuza had said it all at once, poured it all out.

His anger, his frustration, his jealousy, his sorrow, and eventually, his resignation.

He was smiling bitterly now.

"I thought you'd laugh, Hikigaya. Or worse, maybe you'd give a fake smile, like all these normies. But you'd never really acknowledge that we were doing was the same.

_Friendship… isn't that something between equals?_

If I came to you for help with this naive little dream of a light novel I had…

Would we still have our friendship?"

I couldn't reply to that.

Zaimokuza picked up his manuscript.

"Even Yukinoshita, who's never read a light novel in her life, could tell that I had no substance. This is just trash."

Before I could stop him, he ripped it all to shreds.

The pieces floated slowly to the ground, even as Zaimokuza walked past me, out of the room.

I stood there, slightly numb. A moment later, I heard footsteps, and a soft voice.

"Hikki… is everything all right?"

Even Yukinoshita, who said nothing, seemed concerned.

"I-"

_Failed._

That's what I was about to say.

But I couldn't.

I couldn't let the Service Club fail.

I couldn't let Sensei down.

But right now, none of that was the issue.

There was something else I couldn't let happen.

I couldn't lose the first real friend I had ever had.

_You're going to fight for that fucking loser?_

_**Shut up**_, I said to the voice in my head.

_This has never gone well! All the times you've gone out of your way, put yourself out there: has it EVER fucking ended well for you? They blamed you for not being good enough, and now they blame you for being too good? And you're going to bend over and get fucked again?_

I crouched and began to gather up the pieces of torn paper, one by one.

_What are you doing?_

_You loser._

_You FUCKING loser… you're putting someone ahead of you again!_

_Stop it!_

_Stop it right now!_

_**The only one who's a loser right now is you.**_

_Why you-_

_**I have no expectations, remember? That's why I'm never disappointed. If Zaimokuza lied… if we were never friends at all, then I'll just get up, and move forward. I'm invincible, remember? The veteran of a thousand lost battles. When it comes to losing, there's no one stronger than me.**_

_**But I will fight for my fun.**_

_**I won't stand by and just let things be.**_

_**Whether it's someone I believe is a friend… or a teacher who genuinely cared, I'll fight for them. Even if it comes to nothing, I'll be happy fighting for them.**_

_**This is my way. My Hedonist way.**_

**_Fuck apathy. Fuck indifference._**

I continued to gather up the shreds of Zaimokuza's manuscript.

**_Giving up… is for weaklings. I'll fight, fight for every last piece. Fight until the absolute end._**

Midway through, I realized that I wasn't alone.

Both Yuigahama and Yukinoshita were also picking up the pieces that Zaimokuza had scattered. It took hours. Hours of painstaking work, but we were able to put the whole thing back together.

As much as I disagreed with Yukinoshita, she had earned my respect.

Not once had she complained throughout the whole task.

Neither had Yuigahama.

When it was done, I bowed.

"Thank you both."

"Eh, don't mention it, Hikki."

"I would have done it anyway, Hikigaya kun. The Service Club doesn't give up without helping those who come to it."

I grinned.

"So it seems. Yukinoshita, you already read the manuscript, didn't you? With your abilities, I'm pretty sure you still remember the gist and major details of the story. You read plenty of literature. Whether it's a comic book, a light novel or classic literature, it doesn't matter. The elements of a good story are the same. Could you create a list of Zaimokuza's technical weaknesses, and provide some suggestions on how to improve, and bring all of it tomorrow?"

Yukinoshita seemed slightly surprised, but nodded.

"I could. And what about you, Hikigaya kun?"

"Remember your fishing metaphor? Well, today, you're the one who's teaching Zaimokuza to fish. Me… I'm just the guy who's going to show him there's a reason to fish. A reason to eat, and live on."

Yukinoshita blinked.

"I… I see. Well then… good luck."

I nodded.

"Yuigahama… you've already done a lot. But if you still have time-"

"I haven't done much," said Yuigahama with a smile. "If either of you need help, I can do it."

Yukinoshita shook her head.

"My task will only take a few minutes at most."

I shrugged.

"I can handle my bit alone, but I don't mind some help."

With that decided, we decided to head home to finish this job.

As we exited the room, we found Sensei waiting outside.

"Hikigaya, can you do this?" she asked again. There was no doubt on her face.

"I _will_ do this."

She patted me on the shoulder as she took the keys from Yukinoshita to lock up.

I made my way to the gate, accompanied by the two girls. Once outside the school, we parted, with Yukinoshita going one way, and Yuigahama and I another.

The sun was already setting.

"You sure you're all right with going over to a guy's place after dark? I might be any sort of sleazy scumbag, you know."

Yuigahama shook her head.

"I don't think you are", she said simply.

I raised an eyebrow.

"That's it? You're coming along because you think it'll be safe?"

This girl was living dangerously.

"I don't do it for everyone," she said.

A moment after the words had come out, she realized their implication, and immediately clapped a hand over her mouth, blushing.

"Eh…. ah… I didn't mean-"

"Ah… i-it's OK," I managed to stutter out.

I could feel the heat rising to my own face now.

_What the hell, woman! I just monologued this morning about how you were annoying! Don't go making me change my mind! What's with this ridiculously misleading situation?!_

We took the bus to my place. Normally, I would have walked, but there was a lot of work to be done, and we were already running late.

Getting down, we approached the door, and I opened it with my key.

"I'm home," I announced.

Yuigahama entered as well.

"Pardon the intrusion."

The lights were on in the living room, and I could hear the sounds of an idol anime, meaning Komachi was at home. My parents seemed to be out, as expected, which was good, because I'd have a hard time explaining why I was bringing a girl over.

Of course, that didn't mean all would be smooth sailing.

Komachi, who had heard Yuigahama's voice, came bounding over.

"... thought I heard a girl's voice-"

The words stopped dead in her throat when she saw Yuigahama, who waved slightly nervously.

"This is my sister, Komachi," I said to her. "Komachi, this is Yuigahama Yui from my class. We'll be doing some stuff in my room."

The colour drained from Komachi's face.

"Doing some stuff?"

"Yeah. A lot of work. Honestly, I don't mind doing it alone, but I guess it can be more fun with someone else? Anyway, it's worth a try."

Komachi was completely red now.

"This… this is going too fast. Did you take me seriously earlier this morning. Ooohh…. My head hurts…"

Yuigahama looked at me worriedly. I, however, knew that Komachi was fine, and had no idea why she was acting so strangely.

I patted her head as I walked past her.

"We'll be done in a few hours. See you then."

Yuigahama followed me, and we went up the stairs, even as I heard an exclamation.

_"A few hours? Onii chan, what sort of drugs-"_

I closed the door.

_Drugs, really? Doesn't she know I don't do those?_

Yuigahama looked around my room.

"Woah, it's… different from what I expected.

Well, I guess one could say that. My room wasn't overly neat. A lot of space was taken up by things I needed for my activities. There were dumbbells in one corner, and pull bar hanging from the ceiling. Right next to it was a heavy bag, currently held in place by a harness that kept it from swinging.

This was one side of the room. On the other, was my workstation. A desk with my PC and drawing tablet on it. There was another desk which I used for traditional drawing work. It had various gradations of pencils, G-pens and Microns, rulers, paper and other materials.

Next to my bed was a bookcase filled with paperback manga collections. These days, I mostly read up and coming series online, especially webcomics, many of them made outside Japan, but I liked having physical copies of some of my favourite series.

"Hikki is into a lot of things, huh?" said Yuigahama in a quiet voice.

I shrugged as I took off my blazer and shirt. I looked around for a comfortable t-shirt. I was pretty sure I left one lying somewhere on my… aha! Found it.

As I reached for it to put it on, I found Yuigahama staring at me with with wide eyes, face red.

"What? What's wrong?"

She muttered something that sounded like "abs".

I frowned and waved a hand in front of her face.

"Oi. Anyone home?"

She blinked, blushing furiously.

"W-w-w- put something on, Hikki! Jeez, you can't just call a girl into your room and then start getting naked!"

"I'm not naked though… sheesh, what's your problem."

I put on the t-shirt, then reached into my bag and pulled out the manuscript we had painfully reconstructed.

I turned on the PC and took a seat in front of it.

"Feel free to sit down," I said. "It's a little messy, but it's all clean."

"Oh- Ok…"

Yuigahama pulled up a chair next to me.

"Did you read this too?" I asked her?

"Bits and pieces of it," she said. "Yukinon had it open in front of her, so I read along with her. She reads fast though."

I nodded. That sounds exactly like what would have happened.

"What do you think of it?" I asked.

"Eh? Hikki I don't really understand that genre…"

I smiled at her.

I hear this statement a lot. But…

"Yuigahama, that doesn't matter. I just want to know what you thought of it."

"W-well, it doesn't make a lot of sense. Like why does a guy who die end up in another world as a warrior?"

_Of course._

"And why do all these girls like him? I mean, he was just some guy who used to sit around and play games all day. There's nothing wrong with that, but he acts, like, totally unpleasant once he ends up in the new world. Like why does he have to go around killing these tiny little mushroom thingies for EXP? They never hurt him."

_God damn it, Zaimokuza._

"And why does everyone's clothes keep falling off? I mean, I sort of understand that guys like that kinda thing, but if it happens in every scene, isn't it kinda repetitive?"

_Yuigahama, I suddenly respect you a lot more._

"I get it," I said aloud. "Was there a part that you liked though?"

Yuigahama shook her head.

"Not really… but, I mean… there was one thing I liked."

I was listening intently now.

"The story itself wasn't really saying much, at least not to me. But, if you put aside the weird and deliberately contrived bits-"

_Wait, Yuigahama knows words like that?_

"-It was comfortable. Like, the guy and his friends and everyone. They're all just together, and they're adventuring, right? It's like this world they're all in, and they seem to having so much fun. It's something one would want to get lost in, just a for a little while."

_Bingo._

_Zaimokuza, you always were long-winded._

_It was never about the cool fights, the elves, the monsters, the RPG elements, or even the fanservice._

_This was the core of your writing._

_Anime, manga, light novels… they were your refuge, weren't they?_

_From a reality that can majorly suck at times._

_And you wanted to offer a place like that to others._

_You just wanted to share that joy, to someone else who needed it._

"Hikki… are you crying?"

"Just something in my eye."

I had work to do.

I read through Zaimokuza's manuscript. Hearing Yuigahama's thoughts on it were fine, but I needed to read it for myself.

It didn't take long. It was a simplified, almost summarized draft.

It turned out Yuigahama's synopsis was quite accurate.

She'd managed to see what Yukinoshita had either missed, or chosen not to comment on.

_Yuigahama Yui, I respect you a lot now._

I solemnly gave her two thumbs up.

"Ehhh?! What was that for?"

"Nothing. You keep being you. You're doing it right."

_All right. Gotta decide what to do._

If I increased the duration of time between the panels appropriately, chose scenes well, and composed properly, I could adapt his entire manuscript into a comic. The pacing would be very different from an episodic series like a manga that releases a new chapter weekly. Since I'd have to contain an entire story in just a few pages, it'd be more like those books which you can find, graphic novel adaptations of folk tales and the like. Incidentally, some of those have amazing art.

But is that really what I wanted to do?

Honestly, Zaimokuza's protagonist was an obnoxious piece of trash. Reading about him made me want to punch him in the face. I couldn't bring myself to draw someone like that and make them look badass. Also, if I adapted his story as it was, it'd be, honestly, terrible.

But if I changed everything, then it wouldn't be Zaimokuza's story anymore.

I needed a balance.

This had to be the story that Zaimokuza wanted to tell. Not the one he ended up telling.

I know it's arrogant.

To assume I knew him that well. To assume I knew what he wanted. What he felt. What his vision was.

But maybe I was arrogant like that.

I'd have to own that too.

I formulated the idea in my head.

Instead of creating a summarized graphic novel, why not create a single chapter, showing an important scene from the story?

I'd get to do it in more detail.

If I pulled it off right, I could reveal a lot about the characters and world by showing the reader, rather than telling them.

Yeah, I'll go with that.

And Zaimokuza, being ultimately the Shounen obsessed guy he is, can appreciate the same things I can.

_Off the top of my head, the most shounen thing I can think of, is not a guy who has a harem._

_But a guy striving against unimaginable odds, for a dream that might not be possible at all._

What's the most precious thing in Zaimokuza's story?

The world he creates. A world that acts as a safe haven for his protagonist, who died without having been loved in his old world. And by extension, a world that acts as a safe haven for the reader.

I can't imagine that protagonist being such an asshole.

If it were me… I'd be fighting to protect a world like that. I think anybody could picture themselves in those shoes.

Fighting to protect one's new home.

Yeah, a battle against a dragon that threatens this land of fairies.

The only thing standing between this world and the fire… is a lone samurai (because this is Japan, and we use katana here, not longswords).

"All right. I have it. Let's do it!"

I decided on ten pages. I'd work on paper first, then scan in the drawings, and do the final art digitally. This way, as soon as I'm done doing the draft for a page, I can show it to Yuigahama, who can look at it with a fresh pair of eyes, and give an unbiased opinion.

This is why having her here is invaluable.

It makes sure I have someone to compensate for the skewing of vision that happens when one draws for a prolonged period of time. I'll clarify that: your physical vision doesn't worsen. It's just that you tend to not notice certain errors or certain things you could do better. A viewer who isn't a trained artist might not know what's wrong with a picture exactly. But they'll know something's wrong.

This is how I'd do it.

By preventing overthinking and overanalysis, I'd turn out a ten-page one shot… in one night.

I realized Yuigahama wouldn't be able to stay over. But that was OK. As long as she looked over the drafts, which would have all the construction, all the foundational work, the most important part of the job would be done.

I got to work. I didn't use a ruler. Staying loose and fluid, I roughly planned out the panels on each page, the shots I'd be using, what would be happening in each frame. I roughed out the forms of the characters, the perspective of the backgrounds, and the placement of the speech bubbles. I even filled in the words roughly, so Yuigahama would know exactly what was happening. I worked fast. That was key.

Actually, I should word that differently.

I didn't work fast. I worked smart. That meant, focusing on the big picture, not overthinking the details. Speed was the effect, not the cause.

Each page took around fifteen minutes to rough out completely, and I handed each one over as soon as I was done, starting work on the next one while Yuigahama checked the one I just finished. Occasionally, she would point out something I could do to make the action clearer, or point out something that looked weird to her, and I would make some changes if I saw fit.

In this manner, in around two and a half hours, we finished off the drafting.

When we were done, I breathed a sigh of relief. I could catch my breath and refresh my mind a little before I started inking everything in and putting in the details.

"Hikki… this is… do you even know what you've done?"

I turned to Yuigahama, who was holding the ten draft pages, looking at them. She went through them again, before holding them close to her chest.

"Yuigahama? Is everything OK?"

She put the pages down quickly before wiping her eyes with her sleeve.

"I'm all right," she said. "Hikki, this is… you're…"

She took a deep breath.

"This isn't even my story," she said. "But why does it make me feel like this…?"

"Feel like what?"

She opened her mouth to speak, but ultimately closed it, shaking her head, eyes shining, as she smiled.

"You'll see. Hikki… don't ever stop doing what you do. And… I hope you get your friend back."

My eyes widened momentarily.

I'd gotten plenty of compliments online, but it's different getting one in person. I felt humbled.

And in a way, a weight I'd been carrying felt like it had been lifted off.

I drew to make myself happy.

But… I wanted my art to mean something to others. Something good.

To Zaimokuza, it had only brought pain.

Hearing Yuigahama now convinced me, that it could be different.

That my art could mean something good.

"Thank you, Yuigahama."

She smiled.

"I'll see you tomorrow, Hikki."

"Yeah. Can you get home by yourself?"

"I'll be all right. I generally get home later than this anyway."

Wait, what?

Without waiting for an answer, she rushed down the stairs.

I shook my head, smiling for some reason that even I didn't know.

I stood up, stretched my neck, back and finger, and loosened my arms a bit.

I had to be careful. When doing long drawings, I generally went into quite a bit of detail. I wouldn't be able to spend that much time on each frame here. I'd have to find a balance between time and detail. Some frames I could afford to do more gesturally. Others, I'd spend a little more time on. I had one night to get it all done.

"Let's bring this one home."

By the time I looked up from my work, sunlight was streaming in through the window.

My eyes were exhausted, and I don't think I could have cross-hatched another tight spot. My hands were tired, and I felt twitchy.

But looking at the pages I had done, I felt satisfied with the quality. There were things I could have done better with more time, and probably other mistakes that I didn't even know about. I'd study and find out later. But for now… I was happy with what I'd done.

Tired, I put the paper in, and was about to hit the print command, when something occurred to me.

This was a bit of a risk, and a last minute addition to the plan.

But I was proud.

I was damn proud of what Yuigahama, Zaimokuza and I had achieved together.

And I was confident in it.

I hit the print command, and while the printer got to work, I loaded up a web browser, opened up a popular social networking site that Soubu students were pretty active on, and hit the upload button.

"Well. Here we go."

There was nothing adult in any of the pages, nor was there any kid of profanity, or anything else that might get us in trouble. So I wasn't risking anything on that front. The post went up. Without waiting to see how it would be received, I closed the browser, and decided to go shower.

I had some coffee with my breakfast, but I knew I'd still be feeling sleepy during classes.

Ah well. It's just one day.

"Onii chan."

" 'Sup."

"..."

I looked up and saw Komachi sitting silently, looking strangely downcast.

"Are you and that Yuigahama girl going out?"

"Eh?

EHHHHHHHHHHH?

"What gave you that idea? You know your brother avoids unnecessary drama."

"Really?" she looked up at me out of the corner of her eye.

"Of course."

Looking much happier, she went back to eating.

"I actually wouldn't mind if Onii chan were to date someone one day. Just… let me know, okay? I don't want to find out from someone else."

I rolled my eyes.

"On the off-chance that that particular miracle happens someday, I'll blab to you about it for sure."

I arrived in school and took a deep breath before walking through the gates.

In my bag, I was carrying a single printed version.

Zaimokuza was in Class 2-C. I'd never actually been there, just as he had never been to 2-F.

I could wait until classes were over to do this, but honestly, I didn't want to.

I found the right class. Since students were still coming in and it was pretty early, the door was open. I paused at the entrance, looked around, and saw Zaimokuza at his desk. He looked quite downcast, lacking his usual energy and focus.

I decided to walk up to him.

A few people noticed, but went back to doing whatever they were doing.

One person mentioned something about all the freaks congregating.

"You look like dog shit smeared on regular shit," I said to him without dropping a beat.

Some snickers accompanied the comment.

Ignoring all of this, I stopped in front of Zaimokuza's desk.

"Yo."

"What do you want?"

"Well, you sort of left without giving me the chance to answer yesterday."

I paused slightly.

"I didn't just start drawing yesterday, you know. I've been doing it for years. I only started studying properly a year back. But if you consider everything before that, I've been doing it for around seven years now. Back when I started, I'd just try to draw Goku, like all the other kids."

"Is there a point to this story?"

I sighed.

"Zaimokuza, why do you think I'd ever look down on you for doing something you're passionate about? Wanting to get better at it? Everyone starts somewhere. I'll say it now: no true artist will ever look down on another artist."

He finally looked up at me, eyes slightly wide.

"For the record, why would any of this mean we wouldn't be equals, or friends? Zaimokuza, I'm not a school. I'm not here to grade you on stuff, just like I don't want you to grade me on stuff. Not for the right of qualifying to be a friend."

His mouth trembled slightly, but I continued before he could speak.

"You should come by to the Service Club's room after classes today. Yukinoshita can be rude, but she means well. She'll have a paper with some useful advice on it. As for me, well, I have some things for you too."

Reaching into my bag, I pulled out his taped up manuscript and handed it to him.

"You should take better care of it. It's got the single most important quality of any story or work. Genuine love for what you're doing."

Finally, I pulled out the ten page manga I had managed to forge by combining my art and his writing.

"This is something I made based on your manuscript. It's not an exact adaptation. In my personal opinion, there were things I liked about your story, and things I disliked. But there was some stuff in there that meant something to me. And I have a feeling I'm not the only one who feels that way. So that's the stuff I took, and worked with."

I handed it to him, and with wide eyes, he flipped through the pages.

As he read, I saw his mouth open slightly.

"This is… incredible. How did you even know?! It's different from the words I wrote, but this…"

He wiped his eyes.

"This is what I imagined."

I smiled slightly.

"Tell the story you want to tell, Zaimokuza. Not the one you think light novel readers want to read. I'll be waiting. Feel free to share more manuscripts with me. I'll read them all."

Without waiting for an answer, I walked away, stumbling slightly.

"Hey, you OK?"

"I'm all right. A little uncoordinated. Pulling an all-nighter can do that to you. I'll be all right after some sleep."

I turned around.

Zaimokuza's voice didn't crack, despite the fact that he was still wiping his eyes.

"You're fucking insane, anybody ever tell you that?"

"I live for the fun, and I'm damn good at living."


	5. Chapter 5

**Chapter 4: To Be A Man**_**  
**_  
_My name is Hikigaya Hachiman. Genius. Moderately well off. Loner. Hedonist. When I'm not ripping off iconic lines from movies, I'm having fun in other ways, like practicing roundhouse kicks or doing anatomical drawings. Recently, things got interesting with the start of my second year of high school. My hot new homeroom teacher (emphasis on hot) didn't really like my essay. Long story short, she tried to intimidate me into redoing it, I kinda made her give me an "A" instead, and then I joined the new Club she started, because I want to help her out. Totally not because I have the hots for her. No, really._

_Anyway, I showed up at the Service Club, where I met a familiar face, one that has the kind of freezing power Todoroki Shoto can only dream of. We didn't really get along, so we kinda sorta got a challenge going, about whose methods help people more. And then a girl whose dog I helped her save also showed up._

_We got our first chance at our challenge when my buddy Zaimokuza came to ask for help with a light novel he's working on. A bunch of stuff happened, but Yukinoshita gave him some critique, and I drew a manga based on his work and told him he has what every author really needs._

_Score: Yukinoshita-1, Hikigaya- 1._

_But the battle's only beginning. It's been a week since that incident, and life has gone back to usual, with nothing really different. Well, not really. But you'll see what I mean._

It was another beautiful afternoon in Chiba. Not too hot, slight breeze blowing. Classes were done for the day, and I was in the Service Club's room. Today, I was doing practising the forms of the human body. Just getting a bunch of sketches in to work on my visualization and perspective.

"Hikki, your post's gotten over a three hundred shares now. It's even showed up in a bunch of manga hosting sites."

I answered without looking up from my drawing.

"Eh, that's good, I guess."

While I was certainly happy with the success of the one-shot, which apparently everyone at Soubu had read after I posted it online, there wasn't really any reason for me to dwell on it. The simple reason was that I had used my actual name on the cover page. My art accounts, where I got my commissions, used different names, since I definitely didn't want people from Soubu getting all up in my face about what I did in my free time. Meaning, no one who had seen this manga would become a follower of my art accounts, which meant, no commissions, nor any increase in the size of the audience to which I'd be showcasing most of my work.

Of course, as I had discovered, very rarely is a topic just dropped in this room. No, one or the other person (including me) would invariably pick it up, and canvass it till it was exhausted.

"I'll admit, Hikigaya kun, I was impressed with the level of your work. Certainly, even I cannot find anything to fault in your art."

"Thanks, Yukinoshita," I said, hoping for once that that would be all.

"Now if only I could say the same about your behaviour. Or your attitude. Or you in general."

"Thank you, Dark Souls," I said.

"Attempting flattery now, lowlife kun?"

"Why did I even try."

Yuigahama laughed nervously. The established pattern was that Yukinoshita and I would get engaged in some sort of ultimately pointless argument, with this poor girl being stuck in the middle. Honestly, I felt bad for her. Here she was, trying to have a good time, and she had to deal with this. It was pretty much a given at this point.

Shaking my head, I examined the form construction I had just finished.

_Could do with some more dynamism. _

Taking note of it, I was about to start another, when the door slid open with a bang, and a woman flew nearly horizontally across a five foot distance in a clean flying kick, while doing the best Bruce Lee power yell I've ever heard from someone who wasn't him. She landed smoothly, then did the trademark shuffle step while getting into stance.

"Waah, that was really good, Sensei," said Yuigahama enthusiastically. After seeing this sort of thing a few times, she had learnt to just roll with it.

"Speaking of dynamism, that was an 11 out of 10, Sensei. I'll really need to step up my game to match that."

Hiratsuka Shizuka raised a fist in victory.

"Still got it. You're too early to be challenging me, Hikigaya."

The sound of Yukinoshita face-palming was like a warm, soothing balm to my soul.

"Is there something you wanted other than to try for a long jump record, Sensei?"

"Eh? I just wanted to come and see how you guys were doing. Since you have a successful mission under your belt, you should soon be getting more requests. I just hope you keep doing as well as you have so far."

Far be it from me to take this opportunity to blatantly attempt to gain favour or get in good graces. I'd never stoop so low.

"You can count on me, Sensei! I won't let you down."

_Fuck._

I had actually overdone it with my eagerness, to the point where she blinked slightly in surprise.

I felt my face growing red in shame.

_Damn it. When will I ever learn?_

"Wow, you're pretty eager, huh? Hikigaya? I guess you must have a pretty good reason, eh?"

Sensei smirked deviously, and I could feel my heart pounding exponentially faster.

_Oh no. Please tell me she hasn't figured it out._

Orimoto had nothing on Sensei in terms of how bad me being found out could be.

The smirk widened.

"You, Hikigaya, actually have…"

_No, no, no. I gotta run. Out the door? No, I won't be fast enough. Damn it, but this is the fourth floor. I can't go out the window either. Shit!_

"... a desire to win this challenge, don't you?"

This time I blinked.

Sensei was grinning triumphantly.

"Face it, Hikigaya. You'd like nothing more than to show Yukinoshita you're better than her. Isn't that right?"

I couldn't quite tell if the disappointment was stronger, or the relief.

I rolled my eyes.

"Yeah, Sensei," I said, rolling my eyes. "I'm _really_ invested in that. You could say it's the reason that keeps me coming back to this Club."

She nodded, oblivious to my sarcasm.

"I thought so. I knew there was more than some hedonist in you. Competition really does bring out the best in people."

The retorts were at the tip of my tongue, and holding them back was taking some effort. I stared at her in awe. It was incredible how someone could be this perceptive and this dense at the same time. Has this woman actually read so many shounen manga that she has now started developing the traits of their protagonists?

It was at this exact moment that a far darker thought occurred to me.

_Wait, it didn't even occur to her that she might be the reason?_

_Why? Is she already dating someone?_

Now that I thought about it, that seemed extremely probable. She was beautiful, had a great figure, was smart but kind and thoughtful without being condescending, and she was fun to spend time with. She had literally every quality anyone could want, and at that moment, it seemed beyond obvious that she must already be seeing someone.

Even as that thought registered, I told myself that I should have thought of that ages ago. I also reminded myself that I was never serious about her. I was well aware that she was a fantasy, and was comfortable keeping it that way.

For something so simple and lighthearted, why did it suck so bad to be faced with the thought of the fact that that was all it would ever be? Just a fantasy, nothing more. I shook my head, trying to rid my mind of images of some faceless guy with her, the both of them having the time of their life. It made me sick to my stomach to think of someone else with her that way. Unfortunately, an overactive imagination meant I was seeing everything very vividly.

"... Hikigaya, are you okay?"

I realized Sensei was standing right in front of me.

The other two girls were staring at me as well.

I shook my head.

"Yeah, I'm all right. Kinda warm in here. Head was swimming for a moment."

To my intense surprise, she reached out a hand towards my face. My breath stopped. She checked my forehead.

"Temperature feels normal. It's not a fever. Try not to spend too much time in the sun?"

I swallowed.

"Y-yeah, sure."

She was far too close. I realized that for all the times I'd stared at her, I'd never actually seen her up-close. Her cheeks were smooth, and her full lips glistened slightly, though she wasn't wearing any makeup I was aware of. From this distance, I could see her eyes had a hint of violet in them, an unusual colour. She smelled nice too, not like cigarettes, which is what I would have expected. I could see a slight hint of beads of sweat rolling down her neck, drawing my eye to other interesting areas.

I drew back, got off my chair and looked away.

_Too close. Way too close. _

"Hikigaya, are you all right? You're acting pretty weird."

"It's nothing!"

I took a couple of swipes, stretching out my shoulders.

"Just warming up, you know. Gotta be ready for any job that shows up."

_This was too close. What the hell was I thinking? Get your head back in reality, Hachiman. This is just a fantasy. Nothing more. _

I turned back to her, trying to keep my expression the same as usual.

She looked at me for a second, and I wondered if she was going to push the issue.

"All right. I'll leave you to it then. Keep up the good work, you three!"

Yukinoshita and Yuigahama gave words of thanks and said they'd do their best. I remained silent. I didn't really trust myself to speak much at the moment.

Sensei gave me one last glance before waving and exiting the room.

This time, the disappointment definitely outweighed the relief.

"Hikigaya kun."

I turned to look at Yukinoshita, who was looking at me with an expression that seemed a mix of surprise, disbelief and consternation.

Next to her, surprise mostly dominated on Yuigahama's face.

"What?"

Yukinoshita opened her mouth to speak, but shook her head.

"No, never mind. I probably imagined it."

That was a relief. I really wasn't in any mood to deal with more of our regular banter right now.

As if to make sure I wouldn't have to, there was a knocking on the door at that exact moment.

"Come in", Yukinoshita and I said at the same time, causing us to glare at each other.

The one who entered was actually familiar to me, at least by sight, being a person who was in the same class. This person, who was both well known and well-liked at Soubu, was sometimes mistaken a for a girl, though he was very much a boy.

"Totsuka chan, yahallo!"

I cringed slightly.

"Thank you, Dark Souls," I muttered under my breath.

Totsuka waved and smiled.

"Yuigahama san, yahallo!"

_Hmm. Maybe this greeting is not that bad._

The silver-haired visitor nodded to Yukinoshita and me as well.

"Welcome to the Service Club. How may we help you?"

Totsuka blushed slightly, having some difficulty looking Yukinoshita in the eye.

"Erm… it's a little hard to say, but I could do with a little help with my tennis."

Oh yeah. Totsuka did play tennis. I saw him at it a lot during PE. He was actually pretty good at it, which made me wonder…

"What exactly do you need help for? You're pretty good already", I said.

Totsuka looked slightly surprised at hearing me speak.

"Ah, Hikigaya san, thanks, you're too kind. Actually, I'm a member of the tennis club. And we're really short on members. You see, a lot of our best players were third years, and they just graduated. Without them around, a lot of second years left too, and well, somehow or the other, the captaincy fell on me. I want the Club to do well, and have more members. But I need to get better for that. So please, help me improve!"

I was still a little distracted by the episode with Sensei, but Totsuka's words had jogged me back to reality.

This actually seemed like it could be a fun request. There were many ways to get the Tennis Club more members, and anyone could spot easily that a lot of them wouldn't have anything to do with Totsuka's skill as a player at all.

"Very well," said Yukinoshita. "We'll accept your request, and train you. First, we'll do push-ups till you die. Then, we'll do sit-ups till you die. Then, we'll run till you die-"

"That's a horrible training method," I interrupted. "Muscles have an optimal volume and training of intensity, and grow during rest."

I sized Totsuka up. From what I had seen of his movements, his speed and technique were good. I certainly didn't know enough about tennis to help him with the latter. But Yukinoshita was right about one thing: he could definitely benefit from having more muscle and strength.

"Hoh," said Yukinoshita. "It seems like Gorillagaya kun will be able to help you in this department."

"You looking for a fight, Sub-Zero?" I yelled.

"Such a primitive, Neanderthal kun. But you can handle that, and I'll handle his tennis training."

I raised an eyebrow.

"You're good at tennis?"

"Passable," she answered simply. "Enough to provide some good practice."

Knowing Yukinoshita, that's probably code for "better than you".

Well, all right.

I'll let her have this then.

But this is still a challenge, right? Gotta show my way's more effective.

Let's see here: it'd be _easy_ to get the Tennis Club more members.

But Totsuka's request was for us to help him become better at tennis, not recruit people.

Well and good. However, my hedonism is founded on knowing what you actually want.

With Zaimokuza, it was easy because I know him, and because I know where he's coming from.

But I hardly know Totsuka at all.

The odds are stacked against me.

But I'll still win.

For now, agreeing to train him will do.

"All right, then. If Totsuka has no objections, we'll do our workouts together."

"Ah- ok!" Totsuka said. "Thank you all. I'll be in your care then."

"Oh! I'll help!" said Yuigahama.

"You sure?" I asked her. "The training we're about to do isn't going to be easy."

"That's okay! I want to help you, Hikki!"

Yuigahama's trademark cheerfulness was there, but there was also a determined glint in her eye.

I liked that.

I like that in a person.

"OK. We'll start right away then."

Since Totsuka would be training two different aspects, strength and skill, he would be having two training sessions a day, with plenty of time to recover in between. One during recess, and one after classes. He would be training four days a week, with three of them being strength training days. The other days would be for rest and recovery.

And today was one of those three days.

"Have you done any push-ups before?" I asked him.

Totsuka shook his head.

"This is how you do 'em."

We were in the school gymnasium. Incidentally, this is where I spend my time during PE classes, instead of out on the field with the others.

I got down into the position.

"Hands just wider than shoulder width. Position them so that they're more or less perpendicular to the ground. Keep your back straight. Don't allow your butt to go up, and don't allow your core to give in. You want to keep your shoulders down and back a little. No need to overdo it. Just make sure you don't shrug them towards your ears while doing them. Go down slow, and go up fast. You should be feeling this mostly in your chest and your arms, specifically the triceps."

I demonstrated 10 reps, then got up.

"Give it a try!"

Though slender, Totsuka wasn't too weak. He managed proper push ups, without needing to rest his knees instead of his feet, which is a version used by those who need to work their way up to full push ups. He got through 5 reps before his form started to slip.

"Stop there," I said. "Rest your knees, and do 7 more reps."

By switching to the easier version once his muscles reached failure on the regular ones, he was able to stay in the right rep-range, and get good time under tension on the set, while still having gotten intensity in the first few reps.

"This… is harder than I thought," said Totsuka, sitting on the floor.

"This is how you do them. You'll see a bunch of people in our class boasting about how they can get 50 reps. Most of 'em can't even get one good rep. Your 12 good reps versus their 50 half-assed ones: you'll be the one making the gains."

Totsuka stared for a moment, eyes slightly wide.

"You really know your stuff, huh, Hikigaya san?"

"Eh? These are basics. You can learn this stuff off any good exercise website out there. But it is better if you have an actual coach though. Much easier and faster learning process that way."

Yuigahama, who was also present, and had tried the push ups with Totsuka (and actually done pretty well), chose this as her moment to speak.

"Hikki, aren't you going to do these too?"

"My workout's on a higher intensity level. I do _dips_."

There was a pair of parallel bars in the gym, and I walked up to them, and got between them. Gripping one bar in each hand, I hoisted myself off the ground, bent and crossed my legs under myself and angled my body forward slightly, then took a moment to make sure I had my balance. Then I began the reps. Slow, controlling the movement on the way down. Pausing when I felt my elbows had bent to ninety degrees, and I had a good stretch in my chest. Then pushing upwards explosively, till I felt a burn in the pecs and triceps. 15 reps later, I was feeling pretty good, and had done as many as I could properly in one set. I let myself down, enjoying the feeling of the pump.

I walked back to the other two, who had watched the whole set.

"That looked way harder than what we're doing!" exclaimed Yuigahama. "Hikki's actually strong?!"

"Hahahaha! Of course I'm strong."

I'd changed into my gym uniform before the session began. Right now, I took off the jacket that was part of it. I certainly wasn't a massive guy, but I won't pretend I wasn't in good shape. One year of solid lifting, with some very good coaches helping me out with both training and nutrition, had brought results.

"EEEH?! How do you fit those arms into the uniform?" Yuigahama cried.

"Old protagonist trick," I answered. "One gets bigger when the clothes come off."

Yuigahama pouted.

"Mou! Is there anything you're _not _good at? This isn't fair!"

"Lots of things I'm not good at," I blurted out before I could stop myself.

"Like what?" she asked.

"Never mind. We're here to train, not chat. Totsuka, Yuigahama. 2 more sets of push-ups. Same rules. Do as many full push-ups as you can, then switch to the knee version."

We proceeded through the rest of the session. I did my own session with them. It was a full-body workout routine, which is ideal for most natural trainees, and can be done safely three times a week.

Barbell/ bodyweight squats, barbell rows/ one-armed rows, leg curls. I added some arm exercises at the end for myself.

All in all, a good day's work.

Predictably, both Totsuka and Yuigahama were sore and exhausted, since neither of them were used to resistance training.

"Hmm… this might have been a little bit too much for a first day. Make sure to sleep well tonight, both of you. And take tomorrow off. Next session, you two are sticking to bodyweight only stuff, till you get comfortable with that. We don't want you so tired that you can't play tennis."

They both nodded.

Totsuka seemed determined.

The normally easy going boy had a fire in his eyes. He'd felt a taste of the action… and it had felt good.

_Yeah. Now I can say I know you, maybe 0.1 percent._

For the rest of the week, we continued the training. Yukinoshita handled the tennis, as she had said. I watched a few of the sessions and found that she was indeed very good, far better than Totsuka as a matter of fact. I found myself wondering why, apart from her slender physique, she hadn't considered playing competitively. Explosive delivery gave her serves and returns plenty of speed, and she had great movement. I didn't know the first thing about tennis, but even I could see she was good.

It was the final session of the week when I felt I finally came to know Totsuka the person a little.

Since the first workout, I had made him switch to a bodyweight only routine that had an emphasis on core exercises. He'd done it diligently, and had picked up on the forms well. He'd be able to continue on his own once this was over.

It was during this session that it happened. I finished knocking out some biceps curls, and racked the dumbbells.

Since Totsuka had less items on his menu, he was already done, and waiting for me to finish.

I noticed he was oddly silent.

"Yo. Something wrong?"

"Nothing. I was just thinking it's incredible."

I raised an eyebrow.

"What is?"

"We've been in the same class over a month now, and I didn't even know you were working this hard."

"A month is a very short period of time for you to get to know someone in your class."

"Is it, though? For a month, we were in the same room, six hours a day, five days a week. In all of that time, I barely looked at you. Even when I did, all I thought I was seeing was someone, who for some reason, was alone. But all this time, you were working, by yourself. You probably started long ago, didn't you? Working away, in silence. It makes me realize. There must be others like you too. The world is full of beasts, isn't it? I'm no one. I thought, because I enjoyed tennis, that I might be something. I was misguided. I'm nothi-"

Before he could utter another word, I grabbed his collar.

"Hey. You've got some nerve, talking all this shit to someone who just spent a week training you."

Totsuka's eyes widened in fear and alarm.

"I- I didn't mean-"

I could see it all. The telltale signs on this guy.

I didn't need to be a psychologist to see it.

Heck, this wasn't even particularly deep insight. But I wasn't going to act on it. Not until I heard it from _him_, honest and true.

"What do you think is going to happen, thirty seconds from now?"

Totsuka's face was getting white now.

"Good. So you've got a clue. Now Totsuka, here's the thing: you _don't_ know me. But I'll give away one piece of information for free. If I decide to beat you up, I'm going to do it _regardless_ of what you do. Knowing this, knowing what's coming in a few short seconds, I'll ask you this question only once: _what is it that you really want?_"

And then, it happened.

The confirmation that this was happening: that he was definitely about to feel the pain of my fist against his face.

His fear reached a crescendo.

_This is it._

I had been here before.

I couldn't encourage him aloud, like _he_ had done for me.

But I said the words in my mind, a silent prayer in my heart and soul.

_Go on, kid. Become a badass._

And then, the transformation.

From fear, to anger.

In the face of certain pain, Totsuka Saika made his stand.

"I want to be strong! I'm tired of being this weakling, tired of being taken like a joke! Tired of needing to play nice even when I don't want to! You don't know what it's like, Hikigaya! Every damn day, you think I haven't heard the whispers about me? The shit everyone says when they think I can't hear them? I am _NOT_ a girl! I'm a boy. A _boy!_"

I grinned.

"Can you keep repeating those words while I make sure that face will never be pretty again?"

I raised my fist.

"I'm a boy!" Totsuka yelled defiantly, right at my face.

_Go on. Become a badass. _

I launched my fist forward.

"_I'm a boy!"_

My hand stopped, less than an inch from his nose.

His eyes were closed, but he had not gone back on his resolve.

Totsuka Saika had stood and fought, right until the absolute end.

"No, you're not," I said.

He opened his eyes, fury in them.

"_You're not a boy. You're a man."_

His eyes widened.

I let go of his collar.

"Hikigaya, were you-"

"It's not about how much you lift. Strength is a choice. Fighting like hell to protect what's important. If it means something to you… don't ever give it up. You'll make enemies. You'll find out a lot of people won't let a lot of shit slide when you refuse to bend over and act cute for them. But that's okay. You'll fight. You'll fight until the end."

Totsuka's mouth opened slightly, as he stared.

"Hikigaya, I-"

"Just don't become an asshole, all right? Being a man doesn't mean you gotta be a jerk. Anyway, I've started to preach, and I sound like a pain in the ass. That's my cue to leave. If you stick to the workout I showed, you'll start seeing some gains after around a month. Eventually, you'll need a more intense regimen. I suggest joining a gym with a good coach. Oh yeah, and keep doing tennis. I don't know why you think you're not good: you're easily better than anyone I've seen except Yukinoshita, and she doesn't count."

"Hikigaya-"

"Well, I'll be off now-"

"Oh, for fuck's sake, shut up for a second, and let me thank you!"

I blinked.

"Wow, your balls dropped _hard_."

"Real funny. You talk a lot about not being an asshole for someone who acts like one all the time."

"Oi, you want a fight, you punk?"

Totsuka smiled slightly.

"But… thanks. I appreciate the help."

I felt a smile coming over my own face.

"You're welcome."

I turned and walked away.

"Hey, Hikigaya!" he called after me. "You think… you think we could be friends?"

I stood still, his words having hit me like a lightning bolt.

_A friend, huh?_

_Once upon a time, I wanted those so badly. Look how that turned out._

Hedonist tip: Don't allow the past to distort your view of the present.

Totsuka Saika had not been in middle school with me.

Somewhere else in Chiba, maybe he had been experiencing a personal hell, just like I was.

"Sure, why not?"

With that answer, I left.

Next Monday, Totsuka turned up at the Service Club's room to thank us all for taking care of his request.

Yukinoshita and Yuigahama were both quite surprised by the new version of him they saw. I, of course, ignored all conversation while reading a brilliant issue of Mob Psycho 100.

"Hikigaya, you little shit, stop reading manga when people are talking to you," Totsuka yelled from across the table.

"Scram, you little twerp. I'm in the middle of important stuff here."

"Still an asshole," he grumbled as he left. "Later, dude."

"Later," I called back.

An unusual silence followed his exit, and I looked up to find both Yuigahama and Yukinoshita staring at me. Neither of them had been present during that fateful training session.

"Hikki… did something happen between you and Totsuka chan?"

"Nope."

Neither of them knew what had happened that day. And I certainly wasn't going to tell them. That was Totsuka's secret to give away, if he chose to. Not mine.

I turned to Yukinoshita.

"Congratulations. Your method was able to help our client. I guess that means you're up by two to one."

Officially, that was the score now.

Though in reality, I think it would be more accurate to say that we were still tied.


	6. Chapter 6

**Chapter 5: Not Genuine**

Time brings healing. It also dulls memory. With enough time, you could forget anything. Now isn't that equal parts a blessing and a tragedy? But I suppose that's fine. The answer isn't black or white. Sometimes it's both, and that's just the way it is. Monologue: end.

What? I don't always ramble on needlessly.

Anyway, time had passed. It had been a few days since we trained Totsuka. I'd like to say that nothing had changed, but that just wouldn't be true. Joining the Service Club had changed quite a few things. In the first place, I had gotten around to checking on the manga I had posted. By now, it had reached almost chain mail levels of popularity. I was seeing it everywhere: it was all over Macebook, posted on a bunch of manga scan sites, and had even been translated to English and posted on a bunch of the sites used by non-Japanese folks. Of course, that had its consequences. Zaimokuza had been identified pretty quickly (wearing an overcoat in summer tends to make you noticeable). He hadn't suddenly become popular. At least not with everyone. Plenty dismissed the success of the manga as a fluke. In their minds, a "Chunii" would never write anything good. There were others who openly congratulated him, especially those with whom he had been on friendly terms already (yes, he does have acquaintances). But as a whole, his life had continued. Spurred on, he was working harder at being a writer now, and many people at school were eagerly waiting for his next work. That attention was a good thing. Zaimokuza was performing better under pressure, with a reputation now at stake. This was all well and good, and very much in line with his request.

The thing was, my name had also been on that manga. Now, I'm not quite as infamous as Yukinoshita makes me out to be. Sure, I'd had a few incidents with some people, but the vast majority of the student body wouldn't even have known my face, much less been able to connect it with my name. This had been advantageous for me, since it meant less drama. However, now, the question on everybody's lips was "who is Hikigaya Hachiman?" And everyone who _did_ know what I looked like, was quick to answer that. Thus, when I walked down the corridors nowadays, it was quite common to see people point at me and mutter about how I was the artist behind that famous one shot. Of course, that didn't mean I was suddenly in any danger of death by snu-snu. No, I was probably even less approachable than Zaimokuza, so the mutterings remained mutterings. I did suddenly start getting a whole assload of friend requests, but that was neither here nor there, since my policy was to turn them all down.

Then, the whole Totsuka thing happened. And what might have careful approval now turned into wary hostility. The Hikigaya Hachiman who had transformed their precious Totsuka into his new version could not be forgiven. Apparently, taking the trap fantasy and helping him achieve his desire to a badass man was a great offence against the world.

Long story short, I was now as infamous as Yukinoshita had said back when we had first met.

So where people had once not looked at me, they now openly talked shit. Almost as if they were trying to start something.

I found it pretty entertaining actually.

Far from any of this being a problem, it was fucking hilarious.

I was surrounded by a school full of idiots and walking cliches, proof that natural selection had allowed for the continued existence of these caricatures in the gene pool, simply for entertainment.

Plus, if you're exploring in an area where there are random groups of people who are all hostile to you, you feel like Kazuma Kiryu, so I was living out one of my fantasies, and more than happy about it.

Anyway, that was the state of things.

There was a kind of electricity in the atmosphere of 2-F, as if everything was super charged, on the brink of some kind of climax.

Through all this, classes continued as usual, and I continued to do my studies, and everything that I wanted to.

Hiratsuka Shizuka continued to take homeroom, and teach Japanese.

But it had been a while since I had spoken to her alone. She wasn't actually around during most of the Service Club's hours, so I didn't get to meet her there often. And I hadn't written any honest essays recently either, so I hadn't been asked to see her in the staffroom either. No, all I saw of her was what I saw in class.

A part of me felt relieved.

Allowing my infatuation to grow any further would be detrimental to both of us. There was no logical way it could work, and any number of reasons to not try to go down that road.

I was still disappointed.

Initially, I had told myself that I was joining the Club to do something for her, because I respected and admired the way she was genuine in her desire to help everyone.

But maybe that was just me lying to myself.

Maybe all along, my reasons for joining were far more basic. Far more personal.

If so, I had allowed myself to get carried away.

As I said, the possibility of the Hiratsuka Shizuka route leading to a Good End was next to zero.

Yet, strangely, I was enjoying my time there.

Enjoying life in general.

Why was that, I wonder?

Well, no point thinking about it. The answers to these things show up when the time is right.

Sometime towards the end of the day, it was announced that we'd be having a workplace visit coming up. We were given a survey to fill out. The places we chose would be considered, and we would be given the chance to visit them and get a chance to learn what a profession in that line might be like.

Of course, I'd seen myself having a career as a visual artist. Doing illustrations and concept art were both good choices, and manga was also an attractive option, though perhaps a little riskier. Well, a lot of mangaka work from home studios, and would probably not appreciate an intrusion, so a visit there was out of the question. Note to self: get to know a few pros online. There's a chance they might make an exception for you if they know you. But for the moment, I duly filled out the form, asking to visit a certain studio responsible for a certain game featuring a certain Devil Hunter. I had no idea if that studio even allowed visitors, but hey. Aim high, right?

Later on, I made my way to the Service Club's room as usual.

Yukinoshita and Yuigahama were both already there.

"Late as usual, Lowlife kun," said the former.

"Yeah yeah."

The initial hostility between the two of us had reduced to an extent, probably from having worked on two requests together, and needing to have spent more time together.

Yuigahama on the other hand, blushed slightly and looked away, after muttering a quite "hi".

Unusual. Isn't she usually the one with the highest energy out of all of us?

Also, please work on your body language. You're sending me all kind of misleading signals here.

Shaking my head, I took my seat at the other end of the table.

I pulled out my phone. The plan for today was to simply watch random videos on YouTube. I've discovered so much gold this way.

As I was about to open the browser though, I received a text message from an unnamed and unknown number.

Huh. That was unusual. Apart from service messages and the like, which either have an identifying sender name or a number which I've by now memorized, this one was completely new to me. Opening it, I frowned as I read through the contents.

"Yamato bullies opponent players before matches. Tobe gets into fights around arcades. Ooka cheats and plays around with girls. What the fuck is this shit?"

Apparently, Yuigahama had gotten the same text too. She had her phone in her hand, and was looking at it, worried.

"This isn't good. It's a chainmail."

I checked, and it was indeed a forwarded message.

Forwarded rumours about three particular individuals. Someone was trying to ruin their reputations, it seemed.

Still…

"Who are these three anyway?"

Yuigahama looked at me reproachfully.

"Hikki, they're in the same class as us."

"Yeah, so?"

She shook her head.

"You're the worst."

I rolled my eyes.

"Whatever. How'd they get my number anyway? This is not cool. I need my privacy."

"Umm… Hikki, I don't think that's the problem here…"

"That is exactly the problem though."

"What about Yamato, Ooka and Tobe?"

"What about them?"

"Hikki!"

Yuigahama looked serious now, which was a rare thing for her. She was staring at me with surprising intensity.

Honestly, I didn't give the tiniest flying fuck about these three nobodies.

But Yuigahama kept that glare on me.

_Wait, do I actually care what she thinks? _

I stared into her normally kind eyes, that were now looking at me with almost… disappointment?

_Apparently, I do._

"All right, fine! I'll look into it. Sheesh, I'm not a superhero, okay?"

Yuigahama smiled brightly, her mission accomplished.

I exhaled.

"Okay. Tell me a little about these three."

I needed to know who might be an enemy, who might have a reason to ruin these three.

"Eh? Well, okay. Tobecchi is kind of excitable, I guess? He's always high energy."

"In other words, noisy," Yukinoshita and I said at the same time.

"Yamato is always nice and gets along with everyone.

"So he agrees with everything anyone says," said Yukinoshita.

"And Ooka always knows the right thing to say in any situation," Yuigahama finished.

"A sycophant, then," I said.

Great. We have quite the trio on our hands then.

"You'll have my assistance on this one," said Yukinoshita. "Those who spread lies and rumours are the lowest of the low, and should be punished."

Admirable sentiment, but I still don't know what anyone might have to gain from shaming these three.

"Yuigahama… how do you know these three?"

"Well, we kind of hang out with the same people, I guess. I think they're friends with Hayato."

"Who's that?" I asked.

Both girls blinked. Even Yukinoshita looked surprised.

"Hikki… you're joking, right?"

"Eh, about what?"

"Hikigaya kun, I understand you are oblivious to many things, but to think that you would be this unaware of someone in your own class…"

So this "Hayato" person was someone in my class. And someone special, from how these two were talking about him.

Hmm. If he were that noteworthy, I'd at least remember his face.

"What does he look like?" I asked.

"Hayama kun is a bit on the tall side. I guess you could say most people would consider him handsome? He also has light hair, which is unusual", said Yukinoshita.

A light bulb went off in my head.

"OH! It's the idol!"

I had noticed him, of course. To be fair, he _was _good looking. He had blond hair too, which is indeed unusual in Japan, not to mention there are only two people in our class who have it. I think he happens to be the top scorer in my class. I've seen him carry around a kit bag, so he's probably on one of the sports teams. Football, if I had to guess. I had named him "the idol", since he kind of reminded me of idols, what with his obviously forced personality. Unsurprisingly, he was extremely popular, and the girls flocked to him.

So if I knew how social hierarchy worked, I'm guessing these 3 got some good rub by being associated with this guy.

"Is there anything else you can think of that Yamato, Tobe and Ooka have in common?" I asked.

Yuigahama thought about it for a moment.

"I don't think so," she answered. "But I don't really know them that well."

Hmm. Not very helpful.

But for the moment, Hayama was my best lead. Following up on him would be the best option, at least until I learnt more. Of course, I could simply get Zaimokuza, who was something of a tech wizard, to find out where the chain mail originates from.

But that would be taking the fun out of it.

Gotta learn to enjoy the thrill of the hunt.

This is something I pretty much got roped into doing. I might as well make sure I have some fun.

"All right, that'll do for now. Hold off on telling any teachers for now," I said to the two of them. "There are some things I want to look into. It'll be best if we decide our next move after that."

"Very well, Hikigaya kun. But make it fast. We can't wait forever."

Yukinoshita and Yuigahama both looked determined. This meant a lot to them, huh?

Did it also mean a lot to me?

Not really.

I had once been a victim of bullying and rumours myself. But I had long ago lost any interest in revenge. It would have been too easy, and it's no fun destroying opponents who can't fight back.

So this case meant nothing to me by itself.

But it mattered _because _it was important to Yuigahama.

Interesting. This will require some study.

The rest of the club hours for the day passed relatively uneventfully.

It was after they were over that I ran into the person I both wanted to see, and avoid.

Hiratsuka Shizuka came as we were locking up the room.

"Done for the day? You can hand over the key, Yukinoshita. Yuigahama, how are you finding the Club? I'm glad you seem to be fitting in."

I looked to the side, avoiding eye contact.

Of course, she addressed me too.

"Hikigaya… good work. You've been doing well."

"T-thanks," I muttered. I shot a glance at her.

_She looks more beautiful everytime I see her._

My heart skipped a beat and I immediately looked away.

None of this was planned. It was just supposed to be a harmless thing I imagined. Not… whatever this was. I wanted to run.

"Ah, shoot. I forgot. There are some files that need moving. Hikigaya… I know you're done for the day, but mind giving me a hand?"

My heart skipped another beat. It was hammering faster now.

"Sure," I answered, trying to keep my voice steady.

Yukinoshita and Yuigahama both glanced at me for a second, before ultimately taking their leave, which meant, I was now alone with her.

We took a trip back to the staff room, where a prodigious pile of leather bound folders on the table. It was around three feet high, and each folder was packed to full capacity with papers.

Of course, every logical though took a back seat as my reproductive instincts urged me to prove that I was physically the most suitable mate she'd find, even as my more rational side told me to stop making a fool of myself.

"This is it?"

Without waiting for an answer, I grabbed the whole pile and got it off the desk. To my relief, it was light enough that I could do this without any difficulty.

"Oho. You're stronger than those rotten eyes suggest, huh? But you might want to hand over a few of those. It's going to be a long trip."

I scoffed, putting on an air of dangerous confidence.

"Pfft. You kidding me? This is light as a feather. Just lead the way."

Every rational thought in my brain was telling me that this act had all the charm of a caveman trying to boast about his dick size, and that there couldn't possibly be any way she'd be impressed by this. But I wasn't listening.

Sensei looked at me for a moment, then shrugged.

"Have it your way then. Follow me."

We made our way out of the staffroom, which was on the third floor, all the way down to the ground floor, and then out the building. We were heading towards the other block, where I assumed was the place we'd be storing all this.

Somewhere during all this, the stupidity of what I was doing really sank in.

The weight which is easy enough to lift, continues to apply force against your muscles, which must remain contracted throughout. Overtime, fatigue builds up. What had felt doable now started to feel challenging, and I was putting some effort into carrying it now.

By the time we had entered the other building and were somewhere up to the third floor, my arms were burning. Still, my ego stubbornly refused to admit that. Even worse, looking weak at this point was unthinkable, so I was going to the double effort of making sure that the pile wasn't even shaking as I walked. It was everything I could do to keep a straight face as I mentally cursed myself.

How the fuck was this supposed to help me in any way?

What was I even trying to do?

Was I honestly stupid enough to believe that I could get into a woman's pants by carrying some files for her?

Stupid, stupid, stupid. Worse, this immature attempt is not only immature, but obvious.

It was around the time I was thinking all this, that Sensei broke the silence by speaking.

"You know, I'm glad you joined. I still remember how surprised I was when you did that. You were just a kid who wanted to have a good time. A self-styled hedonist. If we really get down to it, I couldn't fault you for that. And I doubted someone who just wanted to have fun would ever care about something like the Service Club."

I couldn't see her face. And she couldn't see mine either, hidden as it was behind a stack of files.

She continued to speak.

"I didn't think someone like that would be interested in helping others. I hoped… no, I thought I saw something in you, though. So I took a risk, and asked you to join. I wasn't sure it would work. But then, you did join. I remember thinking that you'd do well. But I had no idea at the time that you'd be able to do the things that you did."

I said nothing.

"To not only help others with what they say, but to be able to help with what they really need… it's a rare ability. To know, almost instinctively, what someone truly wants, and to want to help them. Under the hedonist, there has to be someone more. Someone who _can_ care about others."

_That's not true. I didn't do any of it to help them. I did it all for myself. _

"The Service Club is not easy. It's challenging in ways other Clubs are not. And I think the only way it can truly succeed is if it has members who believe in what it does. I am glad I was able to find you, Hikigaya, because I think, under the things you pretend to be, you embody that."

_Stop it. I don't believe for a second in living to help others. I didn't join the Service Club because I believe in it._

"You were the right person to recruit."

_No. _

I felt absolutely sick to my stomach.

Sick at the thought that Hiratsuka Shizuka was seeing a benevolent, kind individual, an honest and pure soul, when in reality… there was only me.

Everything I am, and my reasons for joining, were made abundantly clear to me, laid out as they were in contrast to the Hikigaya Hachiman that Sensei thought existed.

It made me sick that she would live with the hope of seeing a "me" who would never exist.

She had stopped walking, and I could hear the jingling of keys. A moment later, there was the sound of a door swinging open.

"In here, Hikigaya."

I entered.

By now, it was no longer a matter of carrying the files. It was everything I could do to not drop them.

"You can put them down here. Someone should be by to collect these later."

I lowered the folders to the ground where she had indicated, next to other similar stacks. I had no idea what were in any of them, and had absolutely zero interest in finding out. My arms were fried, but the feeling barely registered.

We exited the room, and I waited for her to lock it up.

When she was done, she turned around and looked at me.

"Right, that's over and done with. We can both go home now."

She paused for a moment as she came closer.

"Hikigaya? Is everything OK?"

I instinctively took a step back.

"Y-yeah, of course it is. Why wouldn't it be?"

Instead of going along with my comeback, Sensei looked at me seriously.

"You tell me."

I looked away.

The sun was setting. I could see it through the corridor windows, a breathtaking sight.

This wasn't right. This illusion she had. And if I stayed, that illusion would only made stronger.

Hiratsuka Shizuka had helped the world, alone in her efforts. My appearance would give her a false hope, and expectations that would never be met. She'd make a mistake. The mistake of thinking that just because you are honest and kind and good, the world will give a shit. That there will be others like you, who will fight by your side.

I could leave now. Leave and correct the distorted vision I had given her.

But doing so would have its own consequences.

I did not know the history behind this Club. Why she had decided to create it, the circumstances and beliefs that led to it. But I do know that it meant a lot to her.

If I left now, the Club might survive for a while. Yukinoshita is capable, and Yuigahama has unexpected strengths of her own. But more than likely, it will eventually meet problems it cannot overcome with just the two of them.  
Even if they could, my leaving would still be a blow to her.

It would essentially be equivalent to telling her that the Club that meant so much to her… meant nothing to me.

No matter what I chose, I would be hurting Hiratsuka Shizuka.

So like a coward, I said…

"Everything's fine, Sensei! Look, I gotta go, all right? Got some homework to do, and there's this new series I gotta check out. See ya later."

Before she could say anything further, I walked away quickly.

As I did, I saw a face I hadn't seen in a while.

Not since he encouraged me to attempt a frame perfect parry against a super move, more than a year ago.

"_So are you doing it? Are you being a badass?"_

I shook my head, and he disappeared.

I couldn't answer his question. Not that day.


	7. Chapter 7

**Author's note: My immediate response to anyone telling me that a character I'm writing is too strong, is to make him stronger.**

**Chapter 6: Courage**

"_The only thing worth living for… is to have fun._

"_You don't owe the world a thing."_

"_Go on, kid. Become a badass."_

"_Live with no regrets."_

I sat up in bed, breathing hard. Rays of sunlight filtered in through the curtains, lighting up the walls. I took a moment to catch my breath, allowing my heartbeat to slow down as I waited for myself to calm down. This had been the second time in twenty four hours that I had seen _him._ The strange thing is, I don't even remember his face. Whenever I see it, all I'm looking at is some substitute my brain came up with. But I can remember his words. Ever since that incident, over a year ago, I've repeated them to myself often, to remind myself of what I learnt that way, and to never stray from the path I chose.

It's funny. Over the course of the year, I had done many things, not a single one of which I regretted. Always, if I asked myself, "Am I being a badass?", the answer was a resounding yes. Until yesterday. Yesterday, _he_ had asked me that. And I hadn't been able to answer.

Because I was the furthest thing from badass. To be genuine, to live on one's own terms, meant being honest. If you were really proud of yourself, would you have a reason to hide who you were? What you were? Yet, I was hiding. Hiratsuka Shizuka was living with an image in her head, an image of a Hikigaya Hachiman that wasn't real. And I hadn't had the heart to tell her that. To tell her that I wasn't, and never planned on being, the person she thought I was.

I was selfish, and proudly so. I didn't plan on changing.

I had not hidden that fact. Not since I had realized it myself. I had lived exactly the way I wanted to, and had made no excuses. That was how it was meant to be.

And then, like a coward, I'd run away.

Because I couldn't bear the thought of hurting her. Why was that? Was it because she was one of the very few people I had met who I genuinely liked and respected. She was real in her desire to help others, and as misguided as that desire might be… I could appreciate where it was coming. Somehow, I couldn't bring myself to stamp out that hope. Maybe I was arrogant in thinking that my opinion would matter that much to her. But I couldn't bring myself to take that risk.

And so, here I was. Living the exact thing I didn't want to: a lie.

Looking back on middle school didn't hurt anymore.

I had lived a lie then too, but it was fitting: I was dealing with human trash, people who hadn't earned the truth. As foolish as I'd been, them having received only a lie from me was an outcome I did not have any regrets over.

Now though?

I was lying to someone who actually mattered.

I cared about Hiratsuka Shizuka.

That much I was willing to admit. Even if everything I imagined between us was nothing more than a daydream, she was a person I cared about.

It hurt because I knew, even if it was just as a teacher for her student, she cared too, and I was unable to repay that with the truth.

I got up and decided to bathe and get dressed. Sitting around thinking about this would solve nothing. I had already made my choice. Now I'd have to live with it.

School was much the same as always. I found myself alternating between paying attention, drawing, and watching Tony Ferguson videos when I was sure the teachers wouldn't notice.  
However, I couldn't just relax during recess. I had a job to do, and it required observation.

Hayama was easy enough to spot. His idol-like looks had made him stood out even to someone as uninterested in his classmates as myself. That, and he had a group pretty much surrounding him all the time. There were three other boys right next to him, laughing and talking excitedly, and they must have been Tobe, Yamato and Ooka. I wasn't sure who was who, though it was pretty obvious that these three were indeed the right ones. Looking at them, there wasn't really much to choose from between them, much to set them all apart. They were the kind of high school students I had seen everywhere. Hayama, on the other, was clearly acting, putting on a kind of performance, or a persona meant exclusively for an audience. It should have been fairly obvious to anyone really looking, but he didn't really feel any of what he was saying right now.

Aside from these four, there were quite a few girls as well.

I spotted Yuigahama, who seemed to sense uncannily that I was looking, and turned to lock eyes with me. Almost immediately, she blushed and looked away.

_Stop. Sending. Misleading. Signals. _

Shaking my head, I moved on.

The girl right next to Yuigahama was also someone I had noticed before, if only on account of her looks and diva-like attitude. It'd be fair to say she was quite good looking, and would normally be very well-liked in class, if it hadn't been for the fact that she had the personality of a heel wrestler.

Looking at her now, though, the only exception to her temper was… Hayama. Indeed, her attention was mostly focused on him, as she tried to get him to focus just as much on her.  
On the other hand, it should have been clear to even the most casual observer that while he was responding kindly enough, he certainly didn't seem to have the same attraction to her.

_Unrequited feelings are a bitch. Condolences, Blondie. _

Maybe that's why she was pissed off all the time. It had to be annoying to try so hard to get someone to notice you, only to get the Friendship Route, and not the Boyfriend Route.

Who else was in that group?

Moving on, the next person my eyes landed on… was looking right at me.

_Oh shit._

It was the infamous fujoshi.

One of the few people in class whose names I knew, if only because I'd run into her online on some of the forums I visited.

Ebina Hina.

Incidentally, she also happened to be an artist (a pretty good one), though the content of her art wasn't exactly to my taste. Don't get me wrong: I don't automatically hate yaoi. It's just that some people can be aggressive about getting you to like it.

Such as Ebina Hina.

Of course, she knew who I was, and was well aware I had drawn that one shot. And although she hadn't commented on it to me online, I was sure she had read it.

Now that I was observing her in the context of her group, though, it was obvious that she was somewhat of a secret outsider. A secret outsider is someone who is generally accepted by the members of a group as one of them, but who isn't really part of the group. The plastic smile she was wearing was proof of this. To be fair, she did seem to be close to Yuigahama and Blondie, but as far as the boys went, it was more like she was tolerating their presence than happy to have them around. |

As far as I could see, these were all the major players.

Since Hayama was the only common factor between the three guys, aside from the fact that they were all in the same class, it would be fair to assume that the chain mail had been sent by someone because of something to do with this class, and most likely this group.

But who could have motive to do such a thing?

And what could the motive be?

The first thought that came to mind was that they wanted to discredit these three. Since the common factor was Hayama, it could be that someone was trying to alienate them from him. And after that, what? It was conceivable that one might get some positive rub from being associated with someone like him.

But it was highly unlikely that someone who had never before spoken to him, and did not have any prior acquaintance with him, would be able to eliminate these three, and then take their place.

So it had to be someone already close to him.

So someone from within the group?

Interesting.

It was extremely clear that for the most part, Hayama was the glue holding this group together.

None of the three victims seemed particularly close to each other, evidenced by how most their comments were addressed to Hayama, and not each other. Among the girls, neither Yuigahama nor Ebina seemed particularly interested in Hayama. If anything, both of them seemed more content just being with the girls.

Which left… Blondie.

_Huh. Would you look at that. Perfect Match. _

The motive was different, of course. She wasn't looking to associate with him because of reputation. She simply had a crush on him.

But she was already in the same group. What could she have to gain by getting rid of these three?

Well, for one thing, the crowd thins out. Without the three of them dominating the conversation, maybe she would be able to command more of his attention.  
For another, there was an immediate benefit to be had: the upcoming Workplace Visit.  
It was to be carried out in groups of three.

With those three out of the running, Hayama would be alone, and she'd be able to ask him if they could be in the same group. She might also ask Yuigahama to come along as a wingwoman, since she's supportive (and may actually be a good wingwoman, now that I think about it).

Yes, the clues and circumstances fit.

If I was right, Blondie was behind the chainmail.

But I had no proof.

That was okay though. I had reached an answer, through observation and deduction. That had been the hunt. Now all that remained was to find out if I had been chasing shadows.

After school, I texted Zaimokuza.

"_Hey. There's something I need help with."_

"_Of course I would be willing to help mine ally!"_

"_So a chainmail's been circulating around 2-F these days. I need you to find out who the original sender is. Can you do that?"_

"_It should not be overly complicated. Send me the mail in question, and I'll find out."_

Sighing in relief, I forwarded it to him before heading home.

Later that evening, I got a text from Zaimokuza, with the answer.

"_The number it was originally sent from appears to have been a disposable cell phone. It was registered to one Takahashi Kaori."_

Of course. One would have to be incredibly stupid to send one from their own number, or any number registered to their actual name. Takahashi Kaori must be the name Blondie had made up for this little stunt. But there wasn't any way to connect that with her, at least none that I could think of.

"_Thanks, Zaimokuza." _

I began to think. It would have been easy to provide the number and the alias to school authorities, or even the police, who could easily find out Takahashi Kaori's true identity. But that would have been too easy. Where was the fun in that?

Recent events had left me feeling disappointed with myself.  
This was a chance to break out of that funk.

"I'll do this myself."

With that being the goal, the only method I could think of… was to get a confession out of the culprit.

This was risky. My only suspect was Blondie. If I accused her, and turned out to be wrong, or failed to make her slip up and admit the truth, then she'd be the one accusing me of slander. That wouldn't end well at all.

Besides, I wasn't going to accuse her in public, knowing she might be innocent. Even I wouldn't stoop so low.

No, I needed to know first, that she was indeed the one.

Only then would I reveal it to anyone else.

The next day at school passed by uneventfully. I still didn't have a concrete plan. I figured a good place to start would be to find out more about Blondie. Like her actual name for one.

After the bell rang, I decided to hang back outside the classroom. People left one by one. Finally, the one I was waiting for made her way out.

"Yo," I said.

Yuigahama nearly jumped in surprise.

"WAAAH! Hikki! Don't scare me like that, sheesh!"

To make her point, she proceeded to hit me a number of times with her bag. Honestly, it was so adorable, I didn't even tell her to stop.

"Sorry," I said.

She sighed and seemed to relax a little, though her cheeks were now red, and she was fidgeting.

"So, what do you want?"

"There was something I needed to talk to you about."

Right away, all her existing symptoms went into overdrive as she spluttered.

"S-s-s-something you needed to talk about? W-well, you could have just waited till I got to the Clubroom, ehehe…"

She laughed nervously.  
I shook my head.

"Actually, it has to be in private."

Her eyes widened, and her mouth opened slightly.

"H-Hikki… I- I don't think I'm ready… besides, aren't you-"

I interrupted her. I really needed her help with this.

"It won't be that difficult! Trust me, we can do this. Come on!"

With that, I began to walk quickly, and she hurried to keep up!

"Hikki! Slow down!"

I led us to one of the few spots in the school where there was little chance of our being overheard, a back staircase that led to the tennis courts.

"Okay, we can talk here."

Yuigahama's face was quite red, and she was furtively glancing at me.

"So what did you want to talk about?"

I looked around a little to make sure no one was close by.

"It's about the whole chain mail situation."

Right away, the weird expression on Yuigahama's face disappeared, replaced by a dead stare.

She took a deep breath.

A moment later, I felt a foot descend on my own, fairly hard.

"OOOUCHHH! The fuck is wrong with you, woman!"

"Stupid Hikki! I should have known… there was no way it could be _that_. After all…"

"No way it could be what, exactly? And after all, what?"

She glared at me for a second.

"Hmph! Never mind."

"Oi, don't you dare pull that move with me. I know what a girl means when she says "never mind" or "it's nothing"! I've read enough manga to know that!"

"Life isn't manga, silly Hikki!"

Yuigahama was snickering slightly, at my expense of course. It took a moment to realize that _Yuigahama _of all people had just scored a point off me.

My face was glowing with shame.

"S-stop laughing, damn it!"

Her giggling changed to full out laughter at that, and I was left fuming, with no way to counterattack.

"This absolutely sucks. I'm going home, you can figure this out by yourself."

"Wh- Hikki, wait! Hikki!"

She grabbed onto my backpack to stop me from leaving.

"I'm sorry, I was just kidding."

"Huh. You were having a good time roasting me. Maybe you can handle this case without my help."

I was acting like a kid. She knew it. I certainly knew it. She decided to play along anyway.

"I'm sorry, Hikki. We need your help, OK? So don't leave."

I sighed. As much as this was functioning as cold water to my ego, the burn had already happened.

Still slightly miffed, I turned around and looked at her.

Yuigahama still had a bit of a smile on her face. The weird nervousness she'd had around me for the past few days was gone. All of the strange tension had disappeared, along with that distance that had seemed to spring up.

"So? Will you tell me what you wanted to say?"

I took a deep breath.

"Well, I wanted to talk to you about the people you hang out with."  
"Hmm? What for?"

"In order to understand who might have a reason to do this, I need to know as much as I can."

"But I already told you about Tobechhi, Ooka and Yamato."

"They aren't the only ones. I need to know about the others around them too."

"Eh? Really?"

"That's how detective work goes."

Yuigahama seemed to accept my claim.

"OK. I can't tell you anything personal, but I'll try and help."

I nodded.

"What's the name of the blonde girl who keeps doting on Hayama?"

Immediately, Yuigahama's eyes narrowed.

"_Why are you so curious about her, Hikki?"_

I chopped her lightly on the top of the head.

"Focus, Yuigahama. Contrary to what you might believe, I'm not trying to get into the pants of every girl I see."

"H-Hikki! That's lewd! Gross!"

"You're the one who was thinking it, woman!"

We glared at each other for a while before she finally relented.

"Miura Yumiko," she said at last. She narrowed her eyes again. "Are you _really_ not asking for personal reasons?"

I rolled my eyes.

"So, what's she like? Is she as rude as she appears? Or is that only reserved for commoners?"

Yuigahama punched me lightly.

"She's not rude at all! Well, okay, she might come across that way, but she's actually nice."

"Really? Because it kinda seemed like she was treating everybody except for Hayama like trash."

"No, that's just how she is. She can sound a bit bossy. And she is, I guess? But she also cares a lot, you know?"

"Oh?"

"Yeah. There was this one time we went to an amusement park. I wasn't doing so well on the rides, but I didn't want to tell anyone, since it would ruin everyone's day. Yumiko chan noticed, and got us all to stop. She took me home after that."

My eyes widened.

"And there was this other time Ebina chan was having a hard time at a bookstore. Some boys were making fun of her because of… you know, the stuff she reads. Yumiko chan put them right in their place."

Well, from what I was hearing, Miura Yumiko couldn't be that bad a person. But if that was true, would she try to throw people under the bus just to land a pseudo-date with the guy she was crushing on?

"What about the guys in the group? Does she get along with them?"

"Eh? Well… it gets a little awkward at times because she can be scary, but I don't think she minds them too much."

_Hmm. Not as close to the guys. Maybe she doesn't consider them friends. It would explain why she'd be willing to throw them under._

"You can't really blame her for it. She's known us for a lot longer. Tobecchi, Yamato and Ooka have only been hanging out with us since we got to second year. It'll take some time before she can accept them, you know?"

So said Yuigahama. I knew all too well that it was entirely possible for someone to be very kind to those they cared for, and completely cruel to those they didn't. Was a person like that to be considered kind, or cruel?

Neither. Both.

It's _easy_ to classify fictional characters as good or evil.

Much harder to do so for real people.

We aren't walking characterizations, or sublimations of a single idea. Human beings are full of contradictions, duality, flaws and virtues. Sometimes… the best and worst of qualities can be found in the same people.

"Hey, Hikki. You've asked a lot of questions. Can I ask you something now?"

"Sure," I answered absent-mindedly. I was trying to decide what the information I'd just gained meant for my theory.

"Do you like Hiratsuka Sensei?"

I all but stumbled and fell.

"W-what?"

"Do you like Hiratsuka Sensei?" Yuigahama repeated calmly, looking right into my eyes. She seemed calm, determined. Not flustered or uncertain in the least.

"W-where did you get that from? That's ridiculous, haha-"

"Hikki. It's okay if you don't want to answer, you know."

She smiled slightly.

This was not the nice girl smile I had seen from her so many times before.

There was a maturity in that smile, probably one born from having had to be the nice girl for so long. I knew quite well what that entailed, having tried to be a nice guy myself, once upon a time.

Unlike me though, Yuigahama had succeeded.

Persisted in her kindness.

Perhaps, in her own way, she was far stronger than I was.

A quiet smile, tinged with a little sadness.

Somehow, I couldn't bring myself to endure that smile.

Maybe the hedonist in me refused to accept that anyone needed to be that sad, when they could be happy instead. And if all it took was answering a simple question…

"Yes, I like Sensei," I answered.

Yuigahama had asked an honest question, one that I had been brutally roasted for asking, back in middle school. The least I could do was give an honest answer.

I continued. If I'd already said this much, perhaps saying a little more couldn't hurt. I turned to face the tennis courts. In the distance, the sun was setting, just like it had been yesterday, when I'd lied.

"She's kind, and strong, and brave. I like that. Maybe a part of me wishes I could be brave like that."

I laughed bitterly.

"Isn't that just like a coward? Envying the brave, without being able to take a step forward?"

"I think Hikki is plenty brave."

I turned around.

Yuigahama's eyes glittered slightly as she looked into mine, but her gaze did not falter.

"I've never seen anyone do the things you can. Never seen anyone fight so hard. And you're scared, aren't you? Maybe that's why you try so hard to hide it. But courage can only exist where there's fear, Hikki. And even if you hide it, I know the truth."

"The truth?"

"_Hikki is kind, isn't he?"_

My eyes widened.

"I'm not the good guy you imagine me to be," I whispered.

"I doubt that," Yuigahama said cheerfully. "If someone is in trouble, I know Hikki can save them."

I shook my head, but Yuigahama continued.

"Hikki. I'll be brave too. I won't lose to Sensei."

My jaw dropped open, and I couldn't stop staring.

Have I mentioned before?

_Yuigahama Yui is beautiful. _

Before I could say a word, she turned around and ran away on light feet, leaving me standing there. 


	8. Chapter 8

**Chapter 7: Most Hated**

It's strange, isn't it? Oftentimes, we desire something. Not having it, we may work towards achieving it, if a path to do so is open to us. But sometimes, we want something that we can't really obtain by such straightforward means. In the absence of a way to do so, we dream. We imagine what a different world might be like, one in which we _do _have that thing. And mostly, these dreams are of happiness. We think of the bliss we might possess if we had that which we do not have. We like to believe things would be better. And sometimes, life chooses to just hand over that which we sought for, on a platter. And having the thing which you wanted right in front of you, you may come to realize, that perhaps the perfect happiness that you desired, was never possible at all. That this thing that you desperately wanted to hold, came with struggles and battles of its own.

Such is human life. The grass is always greener on the other side, and reality never matches expectations.

Throughout middle school, I had imagined what it might be like to confess to Orimoto and be accepted. And now, someone had confessed to _me._ Indirectly, perhaps, but that did not make it any less valid. I should have been overjoyed. I should have said "yes" on the spot. But that wasn't really something I could do.

I shook my head, removing these thoughts from them.

As complicated as the situation was, I was still overthinking it.

Yuigahama had indirectly told me that she had feelings for me. I liked Yuigahama as a person. Under other circumstances, I would have gladly accepted. But I liked someone else too. Hiratsuka Shizuka. It was an impossible romance, and she was an impossible goal, being my homeroom teacher, and probably ten years or so older than me. Driven by a desire to impress her, I had joined the Service Club, which I had found strangely fun. There, I had discovered a rivalry? No, that's not the right word. Let's call it a wager of sorts. With a girl named Yukinoshita.

What was my situation at present? I couldn't leave the Service Club. It would be equivalent to abandoning Sensei, and that was out of the question. My continued presence was only reinforcing a false impression she had of me. But for now, I couldn't leave. If I was staying, I'd do my best, because I wanted to help her. At the same time, Yuigahama wanted me to help with the chainmail situation plaguing her group. I don't give a shit about Hayama and his hanger-ons, but Yuigahama had helped me out as well when I had needed her, and I wasn't about to ignore this request from her.

Conclusion: Find the sender of the chainmail, and make it quick.

I nodded. Head clear, and mind focused on my goal, I sped up my walk as I headed towards Soubu High.

As I made my way down the corridor towards my class, I decided on a plan of action.

So far, I had only managed to come up with one suspect: Miura Yumiko. |

But after learning a little about her from Yuigahama, I started to doubt my theory. While it was entirely possible to be kind to one person and cruel to another, somehow, the description of her character just didn't make her seem like the kind of person to do something like this.

Obviously, accusing her in public was out of the question. But speaking to her in private, I might be able to get her to spill something. It was the only lead I had at the moment. Zaimokuza would not be able to connect Takahashi Kaori to her true identity. I couldn't ask him for help.

With my mind made up, I made my way over to my seat.

As I did so, I happened to look in a certain direction, and a pair of eyes locked onto mine.

_Yuigahama._

I felt the heat rising to my face, and looked away, equal parts guilt and happiness coursing through me.

Storing my bag, I sat down, and waited for classes to begin.

Of course, the first teacher to arrive was the one taking homeroom.

Which meant, the guilt I was feeling doubled. Hiratsuka Sensei seemed to pause for an extra instant when her eyes landed on me during attendance, and she gave me a slight smile which no one else would have noticed. I was now feeling miserable.

_Stay focused. _

I didn't have the answers to this problem. It was useless to think about it.

In an effort to drown out all thoughts of it, I surreptitiously observed Yuigahama's group during classes.

The more I saw, the less I believed that Miura could be the one responsible for the chainmail.

In the middle of class, far fewer random people were interacting with her, and the ones who were doing so were mostly talking about things that had to do with the course. Thus, I was seeing the Miura who emerged when she needed to be serious. In complete contrast to the arrogant rudeness I had seen the day before, she was replying properly, if a bit concisely, and even offering help to those who asked for it, lending out her notebook or stationery. This included even the three victims themselves.

It was entirely possible that she was faking it.

But the more I looked at her, the less likely it seemed.

The certainty I'd had was crumbling away.

Could I really confront her, knowing that even I didn't truly believe anymore she was the one responsible?

I continued to work, taking notes of what the teachers were saying, while observing the group whenever I could.

I saw many things I would not have been able to spot just from a single look.

It was true that some of these people were closer to certain individuals than to others. And the entire thing was held together by something that definitely wasn't genuine. But even so, I'd been like that once. Did I need someone to show me how pointless the things I was chasing were? Yes. Would I have appreciated them doing so right in front of everyone? Not really.

I could help if someone asked. It was a simple thing for me to say: "You're wasting your time with these people. Go do something you really want to instead."

But none of them had asked me for that.

Knowing this, could I still tear this group apart?

_That's bullshit. I'm not the one tearing them apart. Heck, if one forwarded slander message is all it takes to break them away, they weren't close to begin with, and were going to part ways sooner or later._

_That may be so._

_But I was asked to protect them, wasn't I?_

  
I kept wrestling with my thoughts in this manner.

Recess came, and I decided to head outside and get some air. Before I could do so, however, someone called out to me.

"Hikigaya. These notebooks need carrying. Mind lending me a hand?"

"Hiratsuka Sensei… sure, why not."

Thus, I found myself once more carrying some stuff for her. The memory of the last time, and my pathetic attempt to show off came to mind. Honestly, it was so laughable at this point that I didn't even feel ashamed about it.

We reached her cubicle soon enough, and I put the notebooks where she indicated.

"Ah! Much better. We can talk in peace now, huh?"

She sat down and lit up a Marlboro Light, which she took a drag from.

Sensei had a smoking habit that I didn't really approve of. Though she didn't smoke nearly as much as some of the colleagues my father talked about, it was fairly unusual for a teacher to be smoking at school in the first place. I was on the verge of saying something about it, but ultimately chose not to. At the end of the day, she was older than me, and could make her own decisions. I didn't really have the right to tell her any better.

It's strange. I didn't really find it an attractive habit. When she did it, more than anything, it just drove home that no matter how invincible she appeared to be, she was only human. What was her home life like, I wondered. Did she have someone to take care of her? Parents, friends, siblings? Someone to talk to after the day was done? Right now, none of the energy or the formidable persona she had in front of the class was visible. Even though we were at school, I was seeing Hiratsuka Shizuka the woman, not my homeroom teacher.

"You're beautiful," I muttered.

"Hmm? What was that?"

"Nothing!" I said quickly, hoping she hadn't heard me. "Is there something you wanted to talk about, Sensei?"

"Well, yes."

She finished her smoke, and turned to face me properly, looking serious.

"You've been acting strange recently. Something's wrong, Hikigaya, isn't it?"

I simply stared in surprise.

Had I really been so easy to read? Making my thoughts so easily visible on my face?

I shook my head.

"I'm fine, Sens-"

"You told me that lie last time, Hikigaya."

My eyes widened.

I had seen a few of Sensei's different moods already. Happy, determined, knowing, smug, that fangirlish expression when she was reading Fist of the North Star… but this was the first time I was seeing her hurt.

_No._

_No, no, no._

_This is exactly what I didn't want. _

All thoughts of trying to label whatever it is we had were pushed aside. Seeing her like this was hurting me. Whatever else happened, this was the one outcome I could not allow.

"If you don't want to tell me, you could just say so, Hikigaya."

I clenched my fists.

"It's not like that, Sensei."

"Then why are you hiding this from me? I'm your teacher, Hikigaya. I want to help."

_If only that's all you were to me._

"You can't always help people, Sensei," I said, before I could stop myself.

Once the words were out, silence reigned. It was sudden, like a blanket thrown over the scene. Or perhaps like a blanket torn away.

I looked up at her.

She was staring at me, mouth slightly open in shock.

This was precisely when I realized I had made a mistake.

It was too late, but I had said something I wasn't supposed to say.

That expression only lasted on her face for a second, before she covered it up smoothly, looking once more exactly how she did in class. The Hiratsuka Shizuka I had been allowed to see, the real her, was gone, hidden once more behind the facade she wore everyday as a homeroom teacher. I'd been allowed to see a little more of her, just for a moment, until I had pushed her away myself.

It hurt, seeing that smooth, cold expression on her face.

To her, I had just become just another one of her students.

I opened my mouth to speak, but never got the words out.

"Well then, that's fine," she said with a smile. "I'll see you in class, Hikigaya."

It took a moment for me to realize that she had just said that this conversation was over.

"O-okay."

With nothing really I could say at that moment, I turned and walked away quickly.

What had I been thinking?

Well, this was fine. It would never have gone anywhere anyway. Better for this to have been taken care of now, rather than become a problem later. Yeah, it would have been an annoyance to her, finding out one of her students had feelings for her. And anger was a far preferable reaction to hurt. Eventually, that anger would become indifference.

She would forget, and move on. Perhaps she already had. I was just a student to her, after all.

This was all right.

I was all right.

"_Hey, are you doing it? Are you a badass?" _

I shook my head. I didn't need to deal with this right now.

Strangely, my head felt much clearer through the rest of the classes that day. I could understand and absorb everything the teachers were saying with clarity, and take notes where needed.

When the day ended, I realized I still hadn't done anything about the chainmail situation.

But many solutions that I hadn't thought of before were making themselves known.

My end goal was to have fun, wasn't it?

Yuigahama's request, though unclear, had not been to catch the culprit. That had been Yukinoshita's intention, and I hadn't said I would be helping her. No, Yuigahama had simply said, "What about Yamato, Tobe, and Ooka?"

Meaning, she wanted them to be protected from the damage this slander might do to them. That was what she wanted on the surface level. Deeper in, the true meaning of her request was easy to read.

"_Protect my friends. Don't let my group be torn apart."_

Easy enough.

Slander only has power over those who care about what others think of them.

And haven't I said it before?

Ultimate power lies in not giving a single, flying fuck.

Thus, when the bell rang announcing the end of the last class for the day, and the teacher left, I made my way over to the blackboard, before any of the students could leave.

"Fucktards, assholes, and everyone in between. I'm going to need your attention for a moment."

Every eye in class turned towards me.

_Now this. This is what I'm talking about._

I didn't give a shit about making some sorry loser who had to resort to chainmail pay for his actions.

No, back in the day, the student body as a whole had been my enemy.

I just happened to be strong enough to strike back now.

I put on the absolute best swag stance I could before continuing.

"As you all know, there's been some rumours flying around via message about three fine, upstanding members of this class. I'm going to start by saying: I don't give a rat's ass about Noname kun, Whosthat kun and Whothefuck kun."

I paused for a moment.

Yamato, Tobe and Ooka were pretty much staring in absolute bewilderment. I don't think they even knew stuff like this could happen. Hayama looked like he was trying to burn a hole through me with his stare.

_Achievement Unlocked: Piss off a riajuu bastard.  
_"As I was saying, I don't really give a shit about you three. But here's the thing."

I looked around, making sure to lock eyes with everyone in class at least once.

"_When you buy a disposable phone to start some shit, you should really be careful. After all, if someone were to find out your true identity… that wouldn't be good at all, would it, Takahashi Kaori san?"_

Dead silence. They look like they've just seen a car accident.

I look around, analysing their faces.

_Oho? This is interesting._

It wasn't Miura who looked like she was scared of having been found out.

As a matter of fact, it wasn't anyone from that group at all. It was some no name guy I hadn't even noticed before.

_Found you!~_

Good. Optional objective complete: find the one responsible.

Moving on to primary objective.

"Well, as you might have guessed by now, I know who did it, of course. Now you might be wondering, what exactly I plan to do with this information."

I looked at Hayama's group. Every one of them looked like they had something to say.

"Nothing at all, of course," I continued. "I've always wondered what it might be like to see the face of someone constantly living in fear. Now I'll get to see it every day. You know who you are. The rest of your school days suddenly became pretty awful. After all, you never know when I might decide it's a good idea to just… let the truth slip, huh?"

"Hikigaya!"

A loud voice rang out.

Hayama had taken a step forward, and had his fists clenched.

I smirked.

"Ah. The so-called king shows himself at last. I've heard a lot about you. But I don't really know you at all. And this doesn't really concern you."

"That's enough, Hikigaya. Stop it now."

I raised an eyebrow at his glare.

"Oh? What would you have me do, then?"

"Stop saying whatever comes to mind! If you know who did it, my friends deserve to know! Or better yet, just tell a teacher."

"Why?"

He looked at me in disbelief, as if wondering how I could even ask that question.

"Why? So that the right thing gets done! You think this person shouldn't be shown the error of their ways? That these rumours should go on?"

"Rumours go on? Why would that be? _Unless… there are people here who believed them in the first place._"

Hayama's eyes widened. In the background, I could see several people looking shifty, looking guilty.

And all of a sudden, an anger I didn't know I had came to the surface.

"All of you with your big talk about friendship and standing up for each other. One single rumour comes along, and that's all it takes for you to turn your back on your so-called friends. Here's a fun question: I know who started the chain. Anybody care to announce who kept it going?"

Absolute silence.

_Almost there. Hayama's at his breaking point. Sorry, dude. I'm going to need to put you on the spot here._

"And I mean," I continued. "I don't mean to suggest anything, but if it was that easy for you to believe that shit, then maybe there's some truth to that mail."

"_That's enough!"_

I'd been watching his movements, so when he charged at me, I saw him coming.

Stepping forward, I struck out with a teep, a Muay Thai push kick, using the bottom of my foot. It caught him clean in the chest, and sent him sprawling on the floor. Yep. To be expected. I don't think he was ready for me to strike first.

"Hayato!"

Miura screamed and rushed over to him.

"Hayato, bro!"

The three former victims, as well as the rest of the group, all came over to him.

"I'm all right," he said, getting to his feet by himself.

Yes, he took the fall well. Is he experienced at that? Maybe wrestling, judo, or some other sport that involves grappling and groundwork, hitting the floor?

He was still glaring at me, but wary now.

Good. Time to finish this.

"Hmph. That's all you got?"

"What the hell is wrong with you, man!" shouted one of the trio, a guy with a modified school uniform and dyed hair.

"Yeah, what's your problem? What did Hayato do to you?"

_Umm… I think he was about to push me or something. Though I did bait him into it. _

Miura joined in.

"You creep! Talking all this crap and then attacking Hayato! _You're_ actually the one who sent the mail, aren't you?"

That allegation doesn't bother me at all. If it gets as far as the teachers or the cops, they'll know it wasn't me.

I smirked.

"Maybe. Maybe this whole thing was an act. Maybe I just wanted to see if I could break apart the famous 2-F clique."

Looking around, somehow, my eyes landed on Yuigahama, who was staring, her eyes wide, pure shock on her face.

I ignored how much it hurt to have to put her through this.

Looking elsewhere, I saw Totsuka likewise staring in disbelief. As our eyes met, he opened his mouth, probably about to say something. I shook my head. I chose this. Couldn't let him interfere. A look of hurt crossed his face as I denied him this chance to help me.

Finally, I turned back to Hayama.

"Maybe I _did_ do this. If you believe I did, then you should be the one to go to the authorities. I won't stop you. But maybe it doesn't matter who did it. A slanderer only succeeds if the target's friends ditch him. So tell me, Hayama: did you believe it?"

I could see many emotions cross his face.

Did this really mean that much to him? I thought he didn't care much about his followers.

But maybe I was wrong. Maybe he does consider them friends.

Finally, looking at me with determination, he answered.

"They're my friends. I'd never believe rumours about them."

Seeing their earlier reactions, I already knew that the rest of them felt the same way. But with their leader having said that in front of everyone, it cemented the fact in front of the class, and destroyed any possibility in their minds of there being any truth to the chainmail.

"That's right, you creep!" added Miura.

Others joined in with their voices of assent, and before long, the entire class had joined in.

Somehow or the other, those voices eventually started chanting something or the other against me.

"_You've only been taken as a joke so far. The moment you earn some real hatred, you'll know you left a mark."_

Oh yeah. He did tell me that, once upon a time.

The exhilaration of finally having been able to show a proper middle finger to society faded as I looked at Yuigahama. She looked on the verge of tears.

And in the midst of that exhilaration, I realized something. I had just destroyed my chances of being able to do the thing that I really wanted to at that moment: comfort her.

I picked up my bag and left the room quickly.

Every moment I delayed was now making the feeling worse.

As I walked, I tried to convince myself that I had done the right thing.

_It was fun, wasn't it? That should be all that matters._

_I never had a chance with Sensei to begin with. What happened today was the best option. The less I think about her, the happier I'll be._

_And as for Yuigahama… she deserves better. Someone who'd choose her first._

  
I kept repeating that to myself, all the way home.

_I am invincible. This is nothing. I don't need others to have fun. I can do it all… by myself._

__


	9. Chapter 9

**Chapter 8:**

**Part I- Reawakening**

Regret is a curious thing. By its very nature, it only hits after you've done something. It's not a warning system. Just a voice in your head telling you that you fucked up. The other thing is, it actually holds you back. I should probably clarify. If you really did do something that you believe you shouldn't have, then your next step shouldn't be to mourn over it. You should be trying to fix things. Put them right. And that means being determined and active. So really, the only time you can give in to regret, is when you know there just isn't a way to fix what you've done. And well, if that's the case, you should be trying to minimize damage to yourself, and look forward instead to the future.

As I'm monologuing all this, I am currently laid out on the couch in front of the TV, watching a movie. I actually have decent English, but it's hard to pick up everything lifelong speakers say when they're talking at a natural pace. So I guess you could say… I was watching a dub, with subs.

"Onii chan. Are you just going to lie there the whole day?"

"Hmm, not really. I'll probably go work out in the afternoon."

"So you're going to skip school?"

"Yeah."

I heard a sigh of dissatisfaction, before Komachi walked over and stood in front of me. I tried to peer around her, but she stepped to the side, blocking my view of the screen.

"You mind?" I said.

Komachi grunted as she grabbed the remote and turned off the TV.

"Hey, I was watching that."

"Onii chan, are you going to tell me what happened yesterday?"

I looked up at her. I could see the concern on her face. While she's a bit of an airhead in some matters, she's also pretty stable in some ways. Ways that I'm not. That feels a little weird for an older brother to be saying. But maybe that's we get along better than most siblings. We have complementary strengths and weaknesses.

"Shouldn't you be commenting on how my eyes look even more dead than usual?"

"Onii chan, this isn't a joke. Tell me what happened."

There was an earnestness to her voice that made me hesitate for a moment.

"Nothing that's outside what I normally do," I answered. "I had fun."

"You don't look like you did."

I thought back to the events of the day before.

Did it really matter to me? What anyone thought about me?

I didn't care what 2-F thought. They'd spread the word, and eventually, the whole school would know. Maybe it already did. But that doesn't matter to me either.

Hedonism is defined as a theory that states that the pursuit of pleasure, and satisfying one's desires, is the highest and true goal of life. I think I picked that definition off a Google search. Certainly, I didn't really spend any time studying what any of the philosophers had to say about it. Ironically, that didn't sound fun at all. No, I'd just happened to meet someone once upon a time, who told me that having fun was the only thing worth doing in life. I ended up taking his advice, and trying living like that. Very soon, I realized that things aren't really black or white, some kind of obvious binary. In the very short term, if one chooses to, say, just laze around and watch an anime, it'll probably be fun. But over a longer period of time, if one does only things like that, their life would turn to shit, wouldn't it? Physical weakness from inactivity, mental sluggishness from not using their list goes on and on. Eventually, they'd get to the point where they wouldn't even be able to enjoy the simple act of watching an anime. So I had to ask myself: what kind of a life _would_ I enjoy?

The answer had been simple. I wanted a life where I could do the things I was interested in. Do them well. And I wanted one where I could relax and indulge in the things I liked as well. And I wanted real, deep pleasure. How can I explain it? It's like a video game. You know how easy games just sort of end up feeling like a grind? Like you finish the 20 hour campaign mode or whatever, and you say "I finished the game" and you move on to next one. Doesn't that sound like a chore? Instead, think about what happens when you play something challenging. A game that tests everything, and punishes you for mistakes. You spend hours and make many failed attempts, before you finally beat that one boss. And when you do, you're _ecstatic_. You jump for joy. You feel like a badass. And you revel in using the weapons you gained as a reward after beating the guy. It's like that. I wanted real fulfilment, the sort I could only get by doing things I considered important to me.

So I hit upon a balance. Anything really worth doing is challenging, but not as hard as it's made out to be by people who refuse to put in effort. If I could endure some not-fun moments everyday, then over time, I'd get results. And I'd still have enough free time in a day to indulge myself. So that's what I did. One year of smart work. One year of putting in just the right amount of hard work. Not so much that I burnt myself out. Not so little that I didn't make progress. I was doing the right things, because I was doing the research. And I maintained a balance. Working hard enough that I was making progress, but not so hard that I was burning myself out. And I gave myself plenty of freedom to do other stuff.

And that worked for me.

In one year, I was able to become a Hikigaya Hachiman the old me wouldn't have been able to dream of.

All the traits that I'd associated with cool guys, I had. I was in shape. I could fight. I was good at art. I could win at video games.

And I realized, I'd only been able to do all this because I was willing to endure the difficulty, to make the struggle and put in the work.

That was how my first year at Soubu High came to an end. With me having developed a version of hedonism I could live with. My new abilities made life fun for me. I liked being able to sit down and draw a thicc girl who looked good. I liked being able to pick a Mishima and do electric wind god fists. I liked being able to spar with guys, being able to counter their jabs with crosses.

This was motivation for me to keep going. Surely it'd be even more fun if I got even better at all of this. But of course, even when one is working for the sake of better play, one must still take some time off, and just… well, play. So I remained an otaku. Indulged to the fullest in everything I enjoyed.

All in all, life was pretty good.

And well, that was around when I met… well, you know who.

I joined the Service Club.

I had already learnt that enduring struggle in the short term can ensure fulfilment and joy in the long term.

And I made a decision.

The reason was simple.

Helping her would make me happy. That was what I believed. It was why I joined the club.

And, to my surprise, it wasn't as much of a slog as I thought it would be.

On the contrary, just simply helping people was fun, especially if I could show them everything they had to gain from choosing their own happiness.

And so, I spent my days in the Service Club. All that time in that room, was I simply deceiving myself?

I thought simply helping Hiratsuka Sensei would make me happy. Just as I thought fulfilling Yuigahama's request would. Being able to single-handedly antagonize an entire classroom should have been a welcome bonus.

How many people can say they've told _all_ their classmates to fuck off, right to their face?

It should have been a win for me.

And if so…

Why did I feel like I'd lost?

I looked at Komachi, who was waiting for my answer, looking worried.

Reaching over, I patted her head.

"Hey. I'm fine. I had fun. I just feel like taking a day off, that's all. Now go on. I'll have food ready before you come back."

The worried expression didn't fade. Her eyes glittered, and I wondered for a moment if I'd just pushed her away the same way I'd done with Sensei yesterday. That fear faded quickly. If the bond between us was that fragile, it wouldn't have lasted this long anyway. Instead, she smiled sadly.

"I see. Then later, Onii chan."

I watched her leave for school, then sighed and leaned my head on the couch.

"I can do it all by myself, can't I?"

I turned off the TV, then found myself going up the stairs, into my room. Once inside, I went to my closet, and opened it. Right at the bottom was a cardboard box, taped up. I took it out, and stared at it. Wondering, if it might be all right. If this time, I could do this.

The face from more than a year ago appeared.

"_You going to do it? Look at your own past?"_

I shook my head.

"_You've got the courage, have you? To remember?"_

I got up. Heart pounding hard, I put the box away and shut the door. 

Later that afternoon, I hit the gym. It was a good time to go. Most people were either at work or school, so the place was far less crowded than usual.

One of the coaches who trained me was around.

"Eh, Hikigaya? Not at school today?"

"Hanma Sensei. Nah, didn't feel like it."

Hanma Sensei was only a little bit older than me, and not a lot taller, though he was in phenomenal shape. I'd once asked him if he was a competitive bodybuilder or something, but he'd told me that wasn't the case. He was simply interested in getting stronger. He was one of the guys who'd taught me the basics, and helped me a lot with the forms, with diet, and advice.

He also had a strange, carefree attitude that I admired.

Right now, he was looking at me with strangely perceptive eyes. I'd often thought he noticed far more than he let on. But if he was able to sense my mood, he didn't say anything about it.

"I see," he said. "Then how about we go hard today?"

What followed was an intense back and biceps workout. We lifted pretty heavy, hitting deadlifts, pull ups, rows, bar and hammer curls. Training with Hanma Sensei was always great. Not only did he motivate me to squeeze out a little extra, whether it meant a little more weight or a few more reps, but it also put things into perspective. That tends to happen when the guy training you is casually pulling 200 kilos off the ground. There's a saying around the gym that his back resembles a demon's face with all the visible muscular development on it, which is a really interesting way of looking at the anatomy, artistically speaking.

By the time it was over, I was honestly feeling… much better?

I hadn't been thinking about anything while lifting. Just focusing on maintaining form, on feeling the muscles work. On moving the weight. When it was done, I was tired, and sore. But there was something refreshing about having exerted myself to that extent. As if it had wrung every unnecessary thought out of my brain.

A towel came flying, and I caught it.

"Thanks," I said.

Hanma Sensei gave me a thumbs up.

"You feeling a little better?" he asked.

Caught by surprise, I could only nod.  
"Y-yeah."

"Heh. That's good. You were starting to look a little… defeated. It doesn't suit you."

My eyes widened in surprise. Hanma Sensei, despite being friendly and polite, didn't often comment on anything personal.

Thus, hearing this coming from him actually managed to bring a smile onto my face.

"Wow, if even you're bringing it up, I must have been looking pretty awful."

He chuckled.

"You could say that."

Pausing slightly, he went on.

"Don't take yourself too seriously, Hikigaya. Life goes on."

"Yeah. Yeah, it does. Thanks, Sensei."

I walked out of the gym, feeling considerably better than I had been when I came in.

On the way back, I grabbed some groceries. I can't really cook much, but I guess I can make a halfway decent curry, so that is what I fixed up. I left some for Komachi, and had my fill. Once that was done, I headed to my room.

I felt calmer now, able to think clearly.

As I sat down to play some Tekken, I realized the internet was down. That basically meant no online mode, so I could only go singleplayer. Well, that was okay. One sometimes needed to hit practice mode too. As a matter of fact, fighting game players know that that's actually where most of one's time is spent if you're gaming at home. I normally played Kazuya, but on this occasion, I decided to pick Yoshi.

Yoshi was fascinating to play for a number of reasons. One of them was that he was basically a rule breaker. Many of the stuff that applied to other characters didn't apply to him. He was strong in ways others weren't, but also had weaknesses that others lacked. To be a really good Yoshi player, what you needed was _instinct._

The ability to get a hard read on the opponent. To know what he's about to do, before he does it, and use that to do damage to him.

Of course, animation wise, he had some truly insane moves to fit that playstyle. Stabbing the opponent through himself, using his sword as a rotor to fly, a variety of rolling and spinning kicks, and even the ability to self-heal.

Which basically meant, he was a lot of fun to play if you just wanted to party.

I went through some of his combos in training mode before starting up treasure battle. While the AI was relatively easy to play against, this mode was still fun because of the items you could win. A few matches in, I realized something.

_It's more fun when it's multiplayer._

Well, that was fairly obvious. Fighting games are meant to be played with other people.

But I wasn't just talking about games.

This was the first day in a while that I hadn't seen or spoken to Zaimokuza, Totsuka. Yukinoshita. Yuigahama. And even Sensei.

_I… miss them?_

But even if that was so, I couldn't just turn up the next day and pretend everything was fine.

Why had I done what I had done?

If I truly did things only for fun, there was no reason for it.

The answer was so obvious, it took a while to sink in.

I wanted to protect Yuigahama's group because it would make her happy.

And I had been sure that would make _me_ happy.

Yet, here we were.

I hadn't won anything.

I'd lost.

Why? Why did I feel that way?

I had no chance with Sensei. And I couldn't just give my own leftovers to Yuigahama. Yet, walking away from both of them had hurt.

I liked them.

I liked them both.

I liked spending time with them. I liked all the good things about them. Heck, even the so-called bad things were adorable.

Then why had I run away?

"_Well, you were afraid, weren't you?"_

The face was back, the face of the one who had changed my life at a gaming arcade, more than a year ago.

"Afraid? I'm not afraid of anything."

"_Not even admitting that you don't want to be alone?"_

_I hadn't been alone._

Was that what I wanted to say?

I hadn't made it this far on my own. Coaches, masters, online teachers, people from various communities. I'd accepted all their help. After coming to Soubu, I'd even allowed two different people to call me a friend.

Yet, had I ever truly let myself think any of them was close to me?

I could understand that many of those relationships weren't really meant to be that close in the first place. But even so.

Not a single one?

Not even those I knew as friends, not just as teachers or peers?

And what about family? I'm not particularly close to my parents.

_And haven't I been pushing even Komachi away?_

Deep inside, isn't that what I was trying to tell myself?

I can do it all alone.

I didn't need to rely on anyone.

If I was good enough, I could have all the fun I wanted, all by myself.

Was I so afraid of being rejected by Sensei, that I had pushed her away first?

Was I so afraid of not being good enough for Yuigahama, that I had made it impossible for her to spend time with me?

Was I so afraid that whatever I had with Zaimokuza and Totsuka, was just the same as the countless fake friendships I saw everywhere?

And was I so afraid of being a burden to my own sister that I had stopped relying on her at all?

"_Hey, are you doing it? Are you being a badass?"_

"Are you fucking kidding me? Right about now, I'm the exact opposite of everything I want to be."

I turned off the game and stood up.

Maybe a day off was exactly what I needed. Some perspective.

There was something else I needed to do.

I made my way over to the closet, and took out the sealed box.

Cautiously, I peeled off the tape and separated the flaps to reveal its contents. I wasn't going to go through it all. I wasn't ready.

But there was at least one thing I needed to remember properly.

I found what I was looking for.

A simple photograph, with the edges rather crumpled. It was a little yellowed, but still quite clear and recognizable.

There were two people in it. One of them was a kid with somewhat untidy hair, and eyes that were still alive back then, shining with brilliant naivete and innocence.

The other was the person who had single-handedly changed my life.

_So that's what your face looks like._

"_Hmph. Still a brat, aren't you? Well, you seem to have regrown a pair of balls, I see."_

"Hey… thanks. For everything. I can't remember all of it. But one day, I will."

There was no answer. Photographs don't reply.

All I saw was the invincible smile of someone who lived life his own way, and was ready to face the world for it.

I put it away, and closed the box once more. For now, this would be enough. I still wasn't ready to remember.

But I had regained sight of who I was, and what I needed to do.

"Walk away? Make myself a sacrifice? Fuck. That. Shit. I'll take it all. I'll eradicate everything that isn't fun from existence."

Komachi came back shortly afterwards, and I decided to go down to greet her.

"Yo. There's food on the table. Help yourself."

"Onii chan… did something good happen?"

"Eh?"

"It's just, you look happy about something."

"Hmm. Maybe it's just because I'm me. Anyone would be happy if they were this cool."

She gave me a dead stare.

"Well, I'm glad your confidence has recovered, at any rate."

"Tch. Tongue as sharp as ever."

She smiled slightly.

"Still… you look more like you normally do. Does thing mean things got better?"

I decide to be honest.

"Not yet. There's work to be done. But I'm through with giving up."

"Onii chan… you're not going to do anything crazy again, are you?"

"But of course. Reject common sense to make the impossible possible, as a great man once said."

"Onii chan! Can't you be serious for once?"

_Hmph._

Walking over to her, I patted her gently on the head.

"You worry a lot about me, huh? Well, I guess I do a lot of stupid stuff. But worrying is the older brother's job. Let me act cool in front of you once in a while."

"O-Onii chan!"

As I knew quite well, Komachi was actually weak to anything resembling an open acknowledgement of affection.

"And don't worry. I do rely on you. When the time comes, help me out, okay?"

"Y-you bet I will!" she said. "So whatever it is you're planning tomorrow, you better not mess it up, Onii chan!"

"Hmph! Not planning on it!" 

**Part II- Clutch**

The next day, I woke up feeling like a million bucks. Showered, brushed, got dressed. Decided to change up the look a little.

_Ditch the blazer?_

_Ditch the blazer._

If you got arms, show them off, right?

_Probably fix the hair a bit too. If a heel is what they're expecting, no point being a tweener._

Swept it back a bit instead,

_Not bad. Not bad at all._

As an artist, I knew that different elements of appearance added up, modifying the overall look. If you're a jacked guy, but you you slouch, wear baggy clothes and have poor hygiene, people will just think it's fat. They won't know about all those hard hours you put in at the gym.

For me, I guess the bed hair and the eyes kinda added up to make me look slovenly? With the hair swept back and looking neat, I'd say I took at least 5 percent off the so-called rottenness of these eyes, and added 10 percent to how sharp they looked.

Oh, by the way, I like my eyes just fine how they are. They're pretty great in every way, and the artist in me has benefited a lot from them.

So presenting them properly is something I can get behind.

I checked myself a final time in the mirror.

_I look like the kinda guy a teacher would put in detention._

_Good. Because I need that extra time with her._

Satisfied, I grabbed my backpack, and made my way down for breakfast.

"Oh, Onii chan, you're ready- whaaaaaaa!"

The fork she was holding fell to the ground. I was glad it wasn't a plate. And the reaction was flattering, so there's that. But even I wouldn't sink low enough to tease her over it.

"Ah, Komachi. You made breakfast. I'm in a bit of hurry today, so I'm going to eat it on the way."

So saying, I grabbed the omelette, folded it a couple time, squeezed it between two slices of bread, took a bite out of it all, waved goodbye, and made my way out the house.

Soubu High is not so far from my home. As a matter of fact, I left early on most days, just so that I could walk there. That's what I did today as well,

But, the main character always arrives late.

So I decided to take a bit of a roundabout route, and ended up entering the school premises mere minutes before the gates were supposed to be closed.

There were plenty of others also coming in, and as expected, a few of them noticed me and started whispering.

_Oh yeah, I'm famous now, right? Can't disappoint my fans, then._

I mock bowed to them as I passed, and to my satisfaction, they looked away, faces red.

As I was about to enter the building that housed 2F, I found a trio of boys blocking my way.

They started coming my way.

"Hey, you're the guy who messed with Hayato, aren't y-"

"Fuck outta my way, NPC."

I facepalmed him aside, right into his buddy, making them both tumbled away. The final remaining guy rushed in, but I saw his saw his swing coming from six miles away, so I ducked and gut punched him.

"Level up and come at me again. I'll crush you as many times as you want."

The Style Rank on the right side of the screen was up to a C.

_Hmm. Not bad at all._

As I made my way up the stairs, I ran into other groups, talking various kinds of shit about me.

"Pretty brave, pretty brave. Takes a lot of guts to stand with a bunch of others and insult a lone guy, huh?"

Style Rank has risen to a B.

I had reached the corridor my class was on, and ran into a familiar face.

"Hikigaya kun."

"Yukinoshita."

I wondered what her reaction would be. I hadn't had a chance to see it, after all.

To my surprise, she gave an expression I didn't think she knew how to do: a sly smile.

"How does it feel to officially be Lowlife kun?"

From a lot of experience, I knew the difference between a demeaning insult and a friendly one.

"Feels damn good."

"Hmph. I'll see you at Club."

"Likewise."

Now this was strange.

Had my little stunt actually won Yukinoshita's respect? I had no idea how that even worked.

But the Style Rank was up to an A.

I reached 2F and slid the door all the way open.

_Make or break._

Back in middle school, my mistake had been trusting others. Time and again, I'd been let down.

And here I was, once again trying to win people over.

This was a risk.

If Totsuka and Yuigahama turned their backs on me, it would mean we never had anything in the first place. That I had been right to push them away. But if there was a bond between us, then they wouldn't turn their back on me.

To rely on someone takes courage too, huh? To believe that what you have is real.

To trust is to take a risk.

But what even is a life where you can't believe in yourself, believe in others?

To bravely cross the fence to see the grass on the other side for oneself, that's my hedonism.

_I'll put my loner's pride on the line then. And I'll bet it on you. That what we have is real. That it's the genuine thing. _

I looked, and took in the sight that awaited me.

There were many faces in there, but I ignored them, focusing on the ones I was looking for.

I spotted one of them. Totsuka was quite popular even after his transformation, but he didn't really have a clique in class.

_Wave test? Wave test._

I raised a hand slightly as I looked at him.

"Yo."

It was asking a lot. After the stunt I had pulled. To expect anyone, even a friend, to pretend that none of that had happened, would be unfair.

_Besides, I'd never ask for anything so small._

From a friend, I'd want loyalty, even with them _knowing_ everything I'd done.

"Hell of party when I was last here, huh?" I said, making my meaning pretty clear.

Totsuka's eyes widened for a moment in surprise.

_This is it. Show me what you got._

And then, his face twisted into a grin I couldn't imagine on the old Totsuka's face.

"Party, huh? You mean the bit where you told everyone here to go fuck themselves?"

"That exact bit, yeah."

"Heh. You gotta pre-invite me to this shit, Hikigaya. My young heart can't take all these surprises."

_Nailed it._

Under the sarcastic smile, I could see it: a sense of gladness on his face. So he was happy that I was relying on him, huh? Come to think of it, Totsuka's goal was to be a man. Isn't a man happy when he knows he can be relied on?

I nodded slightly, trying my best to convey my appreciation without making it too obvious.

And then I turned to the other person here who I cared about.

Yuigahama was staring at me, as if she couldn't believe what she was seeing.

Was that just shock, or was she happy to see me?

Guess we're going to find out.

I raised my hand slightly.

"Yo. Been a minute, huh?"

If I had asked a lot from Totsuka, I was asking even more from Yuigahama.

Her group pretty much hated me.

And I would lose no sleep over it at all.

But I would lose sleep if I lost Yuigahama to these punks.

_I'm taking her from you._

Her eyes were wide, and glittering. She couldn't have expected this. Guess I was putting the feelings she'd confessed to the test.

It was unfair of me.

Asking her to choose between her friends and me.

But I was all right with that.

I'd tried the sacrifice route, and seen already where that would lead.

_No more._

For a moment, we just stared at each other. It couldn't have been more than a second. But it seemed like an eternity. I feared that maybe, maybe I'd be the one losing here.

Then…

"Hikki…"

The mask shattered, and a smile of pure happiness spread on her face.

If anyone could have been certain, even without knowing, what I had been doing when I'd made enemies of the entire class, it was Yuigahama. And despite that, she wasn't going to pretend like the moments we'd shared hadn't happened.

_So it was the real thing, huh? _

I felt a deep satisfaction, right in the core of my being, a sense of contentment.

_So this is the happiness I've been looking for. _

I grinned.

_I'll have more of this._

"Y-Yui, what's wrong with you? Don't talk to that creep!" said Miura, grabbing one of her arms.

_Sorry. I won't be losing to you either.  
_  
Break another unspoken rule?

Break another unspoken rule.

"Hey, _Yui_," I said. "There's a vending machine on the ground floor that sells MAXX Coffee. Wanna hang out there during lunch?"

I'd probably underestimated the effect of this brokenly overpowered move.

Yui was blushing madly, barely able to look up from the floor.

"Y-Yui?!" Miura staggered backwards, and most everyone in that clique seemed like they couldn't believe what they were seeing.

"Yui, don't tell me…"

But Yui wasn't listening to her anymore.

Looking up, she met my eye, and nodded shyly.

"Mmm. Okay, Hikki."

Style Rank has hit SSS.

More importantly, I won.

I cared about them both. Yuigahama and Totsuka. And I wasn't going to give either of them up.

I moved towards my desk, and as I did so, I heard footsteps behind me, and knew who it must be.

Reaching the desk, I turned around to face one other person who I wouldn't be giving up.

Hiratsuka Shizuka had arrived for homeroom.


	10. Chapter 10

**Chapter 9: Life Goes On**

"Hikigaya. Why aren't you in class?"

I was standing in the staff room, just outside a certain cubicle. Inside it, clothed as ever in her trademark lab coat, was Hiratsuka Shizuka. Needless to say, I wasn't supposed to be here. Class was ongoing, and I was skipping it. But I had to speak with her. And it couldn't be pushed back. I'd come this far by ignoring logic. If I started to be cautious now, I wouldn't succeed.

"Because I need to talk to you."

"Japanese isn't until 8th period. It can wait till then."

There it was again.

This was the face she'd shown me a day ago, when I'd told her she couldn't always help everyone. The face of a teacher speaking to her student, and nothing more. A face that clearly showed the boundaries of our relationship, a barrier that would prevent me from ever stepping beyond that. It wasn't the face she'd shown me before. Gone was the carefree smile or the confident grin she had when we traded references to old anime that were long past the peak of their popularity. Despite being so much younger, maybe in some way, I felt more like her than I did like any of my classmates. Perhaps it was because I never really fit in. Didn't quite see the world the same way, or follow the same unspoken rules. Just like her. As much as this might be oversimplifying things, Hiratsuka Shizuka was a weirdo who wore a lab coat though she wasn't a science teacher. She liked imitating Kenshiro and making references to obscure manga from a decade ago. And I was a weirdo who went around acting like I was a protagonist in some story too, and somehow protected from the rules of the real world, though I knew I wasn't.

Neither of us was realistic. I already knew that.

Hiratsuka Shizuka's undying, unbreakable idealism, of helping others even when they don't appreciate you for it.

And Hikigaya Hachiman's unshakeable, invincible hedonism, of reaching out for people and things, even when I knew I was asking for too much.

We were the same breed of illogical people, and I admired that in her.

To give up and change oneself to fit a mould was to admit defeat.

And neither of us had done that.

We had both come this far by facing our respective paths of most resistance.

And maybe that's why, I had considered her a kindred spirit.

And perhaps, somewhere inside, I had been arrogant enough to believe that she had seen me the same way too.

And I'd revelled in that closeness we'd had, closer than a teacher and student should have.

Until she'd increased the distance. Brought it to the level it should have been at in the first place.

But I couldn't just let things end that way.

I'd tried to rationalize it.

Tell myself that it could never work out.

That a teacher and a student could never be together the way I imagined.

That she just wouldn't be interested in me, or even take me seriously.

That even if we somehow ended up together, eventually, it would turn bad, since pretty much the world would be against it.

But really, all of those are just excuses, aren't they?

I can keep telling myself why I can't do it… or I can go ahead and do it.

"This isn't about Japanese," I said.

"Is it about the Service Club then? Has there been a problem?"

I noticed she was avoiding any mention of the scene from a day ago. She had to have heard about it.

But that was neither here nor there.

"It's not about studies, or club activities. I'm not here right now as a student. I'm just here as… me."

That seemed to take her aback slightly.

For just a moment, the face she had put on seemed to flicker, revealing the person underneath. But then the mask was back on.

"Dramatic as always, Hikigaya. I don't really have time for your games, so get back to class."

She's trying to shut me down, reminding me of the difference in our positions.

But I can't allow this to end that way.

"I'm not playing," I said. "If anything, you're the child here."

Her eyes flashed with anger.

"Hikigaya, remember your place."

Good, I've got her nice and pissed.

Yukinoshita is the type to get colder with anger. A fight against her is a fight against her ideology.

But Hiratsuka Shizuka is nothing like that.

Like me, she understands a simple fact.

Ideologies don't fight, or win fights. People do.

So when clutch comes to clutch, she won't beat around the bush. She'll strike back.

And if anger is the only genuine emotion I can get out of her right now, then I'll take it.

"What's the matter? You don't like hearing the truth? Here's some more of it then. Giving the cold shoulder is a high school move. You're angry, so you're going to pretend like I don't exist? I've seen people in my class react more maturely than that, and that's saying something."

"Shut your mouth, Hikigaya! You need to learn some respect. You think because I'm lenient you can just get away with whatever?"

She's standing up now, all facades gone, anger clear to see.

At long last, I've managed to break through the mask.

Knowing that brings a smile onto my face.

"It's because I respect you," I said, bowing slightly. "That I can't accept not being taken seriously by you. I realize that I offended you the other day. And I wanted to apologize… to the real you. Not someone who wasn't listening."

I looked up, and saw the anger replaced by surprise.

Was I getting through to her? I needed to do that.

"I'm not here today as the Hikigaya Hachiman of 2F, someone in your homeroom class, who learns Modern Japanese from you. I'm here as the Hikigaya Hachiman who respects not just Hiratsuka Shizuka the teacher, but the Hiratsuka Shizuka that chooses to be a teacher. I'm here because there was something you needed to know… no, something I needed to say."

By now, the initial anger was gone from her. I waited for her to respond, to give some sign of what she was feeling.

"Sigh. Always so dramatic, huh? Well, I can't pretend like I haven't encouraged it."

I watched, as a somewhat wry smile finally made its way onto her face.

"Well, I suppose I can hear you out, since you went to all the trouble of skipping class for this."

I looked at her.

Yes, this was definitely the face I'd come to know.

One that didn't look down on you. One that was kind. Yet, it wasn't kindness that I wanted from her.

"Sensei… a day ago, when I was here, you wanted to help. You'd noticed that I was troubled by something. That's only to be expected, I suppose. You're quite perceptive compared to others."

"Nice backhanded compliment."

"I'm new to this, okay?"

I took a breath to calm down.

"At the time, I didn't want your help, because I didn't want you to know the reason I was troubled."

Yes, this was what had caused the distance in the first place.

Sensei had always treated me as someone closer than an ordinary student. By saying that she couldn't help me, by refusing to confide in her, I was doing to her the exact same thing my middle school classmates had done to me.

I was basically saying that she thought we were closer than we actually were.

That was how she interpreted it, and I couldn't blame her for it.

Just now, it occurred to me, that given her reaction, this couldn't be the first time this had happened to her.

Loners are once bitten, twice shy.

I'm the same way, so it's a miracle I've even been able to reach out to everyone again the way I have. Maybe there really is a God, and he's boosting my stats, just for the day.

And that was why, I needed to correct her misinterpretation.

"I'll come out and say it, Sensei. The reason I didn't want you to know wasn't because I didn't want to confide in you, or because I felt you couldn't help. It was simply because if I told you, things might not be the same between us anymore. I guess I was afraid of losing… this, whatever it is."

She took a moment to absorb all of what I'd said. I watched all of the subtle emotions play across her face, before she ultimately smiled. It was a reassuring smile, and much the same as my own crazy efforts on this day: someone taking the risk, and believing in the bonds they have, choosing to let that courage overcome their fear of being played, of being abandoned. For a moment, I wondered what Sensei's story was. In hindsight, my past with Orimoto was nothing special. I was saved by someone. I wonder what had happened with her. Had she been saved too? Or did she have to pick herself up and keep moving… by herself?

"You should have a bit more faith, Hikigaya. I'm not going anywhere."

Yes, that sounded like her all right.

"If you hear this, you might not feel the same way."

"Maybe so," she said softly. "But you want to say it anyway, don't you?"

I nodded.

"All right. Here goes."

I took a deep breath and exhaled.

"You once said that I was the right person to recruit for the Club, didn't you? Maybe that's true. Maybe it's not. But I definitely didn't join for the reason you think I did. Sure, I found out that helping people is fun. And… I was fortunate enough to meet some people I'll keep close from now. But those weren't the reasons I joined back then."

I looked at her. This was it then. No turning back.

"It's extremely rare for someone to be genuine in their desire to help others. Even more so for them to have the determination to go through with it, though they might not receive anything in return. Not even acknowledgement or gratitude. I looked at you, and I saw a woman fighting the world alone, using the flimsiest, most unreliable weapon of all time: kindness. And somehow, she was still standing. I was blown away."

I realized that Sensei had gone silent. She wasn't saying anything anymore, nor could I read her face.

I guess now that I had come this far, all that remained was to go all the way, and tell the whole truth.

"I fell in love," I said, not quite able to look her in the face. "And I told myself, I'm going to help this woman, because it might be fun. Really, though, I was just looking for a way to get closer to her. It's pathetic in hindsight, really. Even I know that it's vain and entitled to expect someone to like you just because you did something for them. But I guess I wasn't thinking straight. I wanted to try any method I could, if it meant you'd see me clearly. In the end, it didn't work though. Not until I said it directly."

I paused and managed to look up and face her.

"Sensei, I like you. I'd do anything for us to be together. I know I'm younger, but please give me a chance. I'll make it work!"

With everything I had in my heart laid out at last, I waited with bated breath for her answer.

Sensei seemed surprised enough that I couldn't really tell which way this would go.

A part of me was afraid she'd just dismiss all of this as an elaborate joke. After all, we'd tried to one up each other by recreating scenes from various manga before. Doing a confession scene would definitely beat out anything either of us had done though, even if it would be a little cruel.

I was wondering if I'd have to shout, scream myself hoarse, do anything at all that she asked me to, to prove that I was being serious.

But none of that was needed.

The expression on her face changed, to one that showed she had understood.

My heart was pounding fit to burst.

"Hikigaya… _thank you._"

And this was when I realized.

Right now, she wasn't looking down on me, nor seeing me as a teacher sees her student. It was Hiratsuka Shizuka seeing Hikigaya Hachiman.

It was still a kindly smile on her face, a happy one even. But it wasn't the one I was hoping for.

"Thank you for your feelings, but I can't return them. Sorry, Hikigaya."

Well, at the very least, she didn't sugarcoat it, or overdo it trying to soften the blow.

"I see," I said. I smiled. It was a bittersweet smile, but I wasn't holding any grudges. Unlike with Orimoto, I at least knew for a fact Sensei wouldn't try to use this against me.

I actually felt lighter now, having gotten it all out of my system. Had I actually thought, even for a second, that this would work?

Now that would be laughable.

"Hikigaya…" Sensei began. "If you need to talk-"

"That's quite enough, Sensei. A man can take no for an answer, but he definitely can't accept pity."

I grinned slightly, indicating that it was a lighthearted jab, not to be taken in earnest. Well, this was about all. No need to stretch a scene out longer than it needs to be.

"I have a class to get back to, and probably a detention to collect. Later, Sensei."

With that, I walked away without waiting for an answer.

As I walked down the corridor, I reflected on the day so far.

_Well, I got Yui and Totsuka back. Turns out Yukinoshita was on my side too. I'm pretty sure Zaimokuza wouldn't turn his back on me either. And of course, Komachi wouldn't leave either. I have a lot to be thankful for, don't I?  
_

Yeah.

This is fine.

"_Do you have any regrets?" _

I could see his face clearly in my head.

"Not a single one," I said aloud, holding my fist up in the air. It was childish, but that's fine. We can act immature once in a while.

What, did the reader think I was going to be crushed by a single rejection? Hikigaya Hachiman isn't that weak.

As it turned out, I was given a couple of extra assignments, but nothing I couldn't handle. The other classes passed by quite normally.

No mention was made of any of the craziness of a day ago, and for that, I was glad.

Come lunch, I decided to head to a certain vending machine on the ground floor. Once there, I grabbed a MAXX Coffee, and waited for the person I wanted to meet. She arrived five minutes later.

"Hikki…"

"So you showed up… Yui."

I put another coin in the slot, and ordered another MAXX Coffee, which I handed to her.

"Give it a try. You can dump it if you don't like it."

"O-oh. Okay…"

A brief moment of silence followed as we both enjoyed the taste of this beverage.

"Hey, Yui. You've done a lot for me, you know? And I'm real happy to have you in my life. I can say, with complete honesty, that I have feelings for you."

It was pretty much everything she could do to not spit her drink out, judging by the coughing I was hearing from the sudden attempt to swallow it all.

"H-Hikki?!"

It was true. Yui was awesome. She deserved far more than being someone's second choice, and I had not been planning on ditching her if Sensei had somehow miraculously said yes. Nor had I been planning on keeping her around as a backup.

As scummy as I could be, even I wouldn't sink so low.

Honestly, I hadn't even planned that far ahead. Coming into today, all I really knew was that I didn't want to lose any of the people I cared about, and that I wanted to express my feelings to Sensei. Everything else that came as a result, I'd deal with once it came.

"You're actually amazing. And that's why, as I am now, I know I'm not worthy," I said. "So I can't ask you out right now, nor can I say yes to you. But… I want you to stay with me. Give me some time, so that I can prove myself, and figure myself out. When I'm ready, I'll tell you how I feel."

Yeah, Yui was a girl who needed to be someone's first choice.

Definitely not a rebound off being rejected.

I'd wait till I could do right by her.

That is… if she was even willing to wait that long.

I looked at her, and for the fourth time that day, I was nervously waiting for an answer.

She smiled, and this time, it _was _the smile I was looking for.

"Mmm. That's fine. I'm not going anywhere, Hikki."

Maybe it's a little pathetic, but I felt better knowing I wasn't alone, and I wasn't ashamed of that. Feeling better, I took another drink from the can of MAXX.

_Life… is actually pretty good. _


	11. Chapter 11

****

**Chapter 10: I'll Gift Fire to the Ice Queen**

The workplace visit went without a hitch. I'm sure a few people were expecting some drama there, but nothing of the sort happened. Most of us got to go visit their first choice. Of course, I was the exception. Both C****m and N***o turned downed my request, so unfortunately, I would not be getting to see concept art for either a possible Devil May Cry 6, or a possible Tekken 8. Sorry, guys. Really. Well, I can't really blame them. After all, AAA companies can't go allowing every high school student who sends a mail to enter their buildings.

Let it never be said that I allowed myself to be roped into visiting some 9 to 5 desk job though.

My second choice had been to visit a martial arts dojo, and of course, my masters were more than happy to allow it. So I ended up just having a regular training session. Of course, no one else was really interested in a career as a fighter or coach, so I went alone, which was actually great, since I wouldn't have to think about cutting the session short or adjusting to them.

We got some padwork in, my Kru criticized my kick technique and told me I should teep properly, and then we did some light sparring. Good times, good times.

But with that out of the way, stuff went back to normal.

Studies, working out, martial arts, drawing, the otaku life. Everything I did.

And the Service Club went on too.

After our first few requests, things were mostly quiet, and we didn't get any new clients. That was actually perfectly all right. These days, I enjoyed going there just to relax. Yukinoshita, Yui and myself had fallen into a kind of natural pattern. It was calm, predictable even, but comfortable. Yukinoshita and I would both be doing our own thing respectively. Yui would try to break the ice, which would lead to an inevitable argument between the Ice Queen and myself, before we'd once more go back to whatever it is we were doing. Then the cycle would repeat. It wasn't bad at all. Much of the hostility Yukinoshita had had towards me was gone, and speaking for myself, I didn't really find as much reason to dislike her as I did before. I suppose it really had been a case of getting off on the wrong foot.

Yes, she was a believer in duty, something I put no stock in.

She was a believer in doing right by society, which I despised.

I was a hedonist, which went against her ideas.

I believed in having fun above all else, which disgusted her.

But that was just a small part of what made us, well, us.

You see, no matter how many times I say I'm a hedonist, that's only one part of me.

Like I've said, humans cannot be reduced to a single trait.

At the best and worst of times, in the best and worst of us, there is both good and bad. And we're full of contradictions. Maybe, an altruist could have fun once in a while. And maybe, a hedonist could make sacrifices.

Yukinoshita and I had plenty we agreed on too.

Maybe we'd decided to just focus on that.

It wasn't a complete solution. But for now, it was progress.

It was a nice rhythm we had, which was why I was a little surprised when I came to class one day, and found Yui hadn't turned up.

Of course, true to tradition, I hadn't done the obvious thing and gotten her number yet (though we hung out every day). So I couldn't text or call and ask her what was wrong. Of course, asking her "friends" was out of the question. A few of them were still on good terms with her, despite knowing her association with me. But that didn't meant they were on good terms with me. I shook my head. There was nothing I could do for the moment. Maybe she just had a cold or something, and took a day off. Hoping it was nothing serious, I got into my seat and prepared to begin the school day.

Classes proceeded pretty much as usual.

Even Modern Japanese.

Sensei never brought up the matter up the matter of my confession, and I certainly didn't do so either. She didn't act awkward, or otherwise change how she behaved with me. For all practical intents and purposes, we were what we had always been: teacher and student, with some shared hobbies. Thus, I didn't see any reason to be awkward around her either. We met in class, and occasionally at Club, and that was it.

That day, I finished my classes and went to the Service Club's room, as always. It was only once I arrived at the door that I realized Yui wouldn't be waiting for me on the other side today. It would just be Yukinoshita and myself. I wondered for a moment if things would be strained, as they had once been, without Yui's ability to smooth things over in play. Well, there was no point thinking about it. Sliding open the door, I saw Yukinoshita in her usual place at one side of the table.

"Yo," I greeted, as usual.

"Good afternoon," she replied.  
Thankfully, none of the old hostility was in the air. I decided to head over to my own seat and take it. I wasn't in the mood to draw anything at the moment, so I decided to get my phone out and watch clips of various "off brand" anime, as the Westerners like to call them. And no, the idea was not to get off on them. YouTube videos are heavily edited to avoid being taken down, so by the time they actually go up, almost nothing remains except a garbled mess that becomes hilarious to watch. Combined with the smartass comment sections, they were a goldmine of comedy. I highly recommend trying them out sometime.

"Hikigaya kun. If you aren't terribly busy watching strange videos, there's something I'd like to talk about."

"They aren't strange videos. It's called hentai and it's an art form."

Hmm.

Maybe I shouldn't have said that.

She looks disgusted.

Yep, I shouldn't have said that.

"Truly despicable, as expected from Lowlife kun. Despite winning over the affections of a young maiden, you still feel the need to indulge in such filth."

Wait, hold on. How does she know about that? Did Yui tell her? Or worse, did she figure it out just by looking at us?

"Yui and I aren't going out," I blurted out.

This seemed to genuinely surprise her.

"... That is news to me."

I sighed.

"How did you even find out about this anyway?"

"It is fairly common knowledge. It has to do with the fact that you apparently 'stole' her away from her so-called friends in public."

Oh.

Yeah, that did happen.

At the moment, it had felt like an epic win (which it was, let's not lie to ourselves), but mentioned in this context by Yukinoshita of all people, it made me feel more than a little bit of embarrassment at my own antics.

"A-ah, well, about that…" I started to explain.

"It's best if you let it go, Lowlife kun. You're only digging yourself into a deeper hole."

Did… Yukinoshita just score a point off me?

I looked at her, at the tiny hint of a smile on her face, and I realized that yes, she had indeed.

I was on the verge of retaliating, when I noticed that there wasn't any kind of malice in her words. If I looked closely, the joy on her face was pretty innocent. Feeling a smile coming on to my own face, I decided to let her have this.

"Yeah, all right. Fair enough."

Instead of gloating on that, however, there was just a little twinkle in her eye, as though she had understood.

"Hmm. Well, in any case, what I wanted to talk to you about is actually related. What are you going to gift Yuigahama?"

Gift?

For what?

Wait, hold on a second.

Oh. _Oh._

"Her birthday's coming up?" I asked.

Yukinoshita looked at me in disbelief.

"You weren't even aware of this?"

I shook my head, slightly ashamed.

She facepalmed.

"You should do the poor girl a favour and break your spell on her. I don't think this kind of neglect is good."

"Oi, woman, I just didn't know, okay? Hadn't gotten around to asking her."

She shook her head.

"Excuses. Just accept your mistake, Careless kun."

"Oh, for fuck's sake. I was in the wrong, all right?

Yukinoshita smiled, clearly happy with the string of victories she was racking up against me. Enjoy it while you can. I'll be coming for payback.

"In any case, her Birthday happens to be today. That, in case you're wondering, is why she hasn't come to school today. As I understand it, she's celebrating at home with her family. She will be coming tomorrow though, which is when I plan to give her my own present. Which I haven't bought yet. Since you evidently haven't done so either, I was thinking…"

All of a sudden, she seemed slightly nervous about something.

Face slightly red, she stuttered out the next bit.

"Do- do you want to go out with me? To buy gifts?"

Of course. Good thing you added that last bit, because the rest wouldn't have been misleading at all, would it?

I'll be taking a point back now, please.

"Do yourself a favour, and avoid talking to boys. Your phrasing needs a lot of work."

"Eh? What do you mean? My grammar is technically correct, as far as I'm aware."

"Never mind. Any boy who talks to you probably already knows he hasn't got a chance."

"Chance? What are you talking about?"

"Nothing. I'll come with you. Let's buy those presents."

Yukinoshita seemed slightly relieved at my acceptance.

"Well, then, we should get moving."

I nodded, and we both picked up our stuff and made our way out.

We were actually closing up a bit early. Most clubs were still on, so we ran into quite a few people on the way out. As is their wont, people whispered when they saw us together. I caught enough of it to know that what they were saying wasn't very flattering. I was used to being hated, so I didn't really give a fuck. But Yukinoshita was a different matter.

I snuck a glance at her. On the surface she looked the same as ever, her face impassive to the world as always. But I knew that what one saw didn't always indicate the truth. For the first time, I found myself… worried about Yukinoshita?

But there was no way she'd react well if I made as much known.

I tried a roundabout approach.

"So, how's it feel?"

"How does what feel?"

"Your trial version of 'Be the Most Hated Person in School."

She initially seemed surprised, but soon, the tiny smile that I had seen before a few times appeared on her face.

"I'm afraid the only system with that program installed is still yours, Joker kun."

"If you're going to liken me to a villain, I at least want to be Dio. I'm quite good looking, you know."

"Indeed. Shame about your personality. And your eyes. Your soul? Yes, that too."

Ah yes. Her tongue was as sharp as ever. She was fine.

Looking at her again, nothing had changed. Almost. That half smile remained on her face, unlike before.

We decided to head to one of Chiba's bigger shopping malls. Once past the gates, I looked around, taking in the sights. The design was quite fancy. The entrance space had a massive fountain, with the floors above looking down on it from walkways. Many of the levels above had glass floors and walls, reinforced with steel, and the ceiling had a lighting system built to look like a chandelier.

Seeing it all, I felt an uncomfortable twinge in my brain.

Something nagging me.

Like the feeling that there's something that bothers you, but you just don't know what.

As I looked up at the chandelier, I momentarily saw an image.

_A smile. Hopelessly broken._

I could feel a palm in my sweaty hand, and I desperately tried to hold on, but I didn't have a good grip. It was slipping, alarmingly fast, and that broken smile was moving further away from me.

"_Are you doing it? Are you being a badass?"_

I shook my head, hard, and managed to snap out of it.

"Hikigaya kun? Are you all right?"

I heard the voice as though it was coming from a great distance, or like I was underwater.

Turning, I saw Yukinoshita staring at me, looking concerned. It was strangely touching to see her that way.

"I'm fine," I said. My heart was still pounding hard, but I was bringing my breathing back to normal.

"You don't look it," she insisted.

"It's not a big deal. This happens once in a while. Nothing to worry about."

It was true. Over the months, the episodes had gotten rarer and rarer, as I'd successfully shut away the memories, like I'd been taught to. It was only recently that I started to see more and more glimpses of that time.

Yukinoshita didn't seem entirely convinced by what I'd said.

"Hikigaya kun, we can sit down for a while if you want-"

"That won't help. Last time I saw the doc, he told me it was best if I stay active, do anything at all to keep my mind off it."

This again was true. It was strange to think about, and I very rarely did. Day to day, it hardly mattered, and almost never affected me, so I didn't really bother about it much. But this was very much a part of my life, no matter how much I ignored it.

I looked at Yukinoshita, and immediately felt bad about even mentioning any of this. She had the strangest combination of guilt, concern… and powerlessness on her face.

Of course. To someone who believed in duty, in helping others because she owes it to the world, this must hurt. To realize that there are certain things she just isn't qualified to do. As knowledgeable as she was, she was not a trained doctor, or a psychiatrist. Being in this position must be hard for her: to have someone in front of her whom she couldn't help.

Maybe this is the right time to show her something else too.

Life can get serious at times.

Fortunately, human beings can laugh. I think it is one of our strengths. To be able to make light of our own troubles.

"You can totally make me feel better if you buy me a copy of the Berserk anthology."

She blinked. Once. Twice. Thrice.

"What?"

"It's a manga. Clinically proven to either traumatize you, or cure trauma. In my case, it'll do the latter. So loan me, let's say, fifty thousand yen, so that I can buy the whole series."

I held out an open hand in front of her, and waited as her expression became more and more deadpan.

"It seems you're fine, actually, so you'll forgive me for not funding that purchase."

With that, she moved ahead, leaving me grinning and walking after.

_Of course I'm fine._

_Haven't I said? I'm strong._

All that being said, however, a part of me was still touched by her concern for me, though I couldn't acknowledge it right now.

We ended up going to a couple of different stores. Yukinoshita ended up buying a frilly pink apron as her gift. I still hadn't decided what I wanted to get Yui, so we wandered around so I could check out different stuff and decide.

Somewhere in the course of all that, we decided to take a break, and sat down at one of the benches strategically placed around the mall.

"Hiki-incapable kun is incapable of choosing a gift, as usual."

"One must put some thought into this. There are things at stake here."

"Such as your success at seducing Yuigahama san? Cease and desist, Lowlife kun."

"Oi."

Yukinoshita smirked slightly, and I found my desire to retaliate slipping away. Hmm. That's happening a lot today.

I was just about to fire back with a friendly one liner when we were interrupted by the sound of a voice.

"Waah! Yukino chan!"

I instantly cringed slightly. Something about that voice annoyed me right away.

Was it too high pitched? Eh, maybe a little, but that wasn't it.

Too… friendly? Artificial? Fake. That's it.

I looked at Yukinoshita, who was staring past me, at the one who had called out to her. She looked like she had seen a ghost. This was the second time I had seen her without her constant aura of calm coolness. The first time had been earlier this evening. But this time, it wasn't out of concern. What I was seeing on her face was… fear. Despair even. It was like all the life and energy she had been showing seconds ago had been frozen, leaving her only the ability to reply mechanically.

Right away, without even turning around to see who the person that had put her in this state was, I knew one thing for a fact. I hated them. Every instinct in me wanted to protect Yukinoshita from whoever could do this to her… and I was going to listen to every one of those instincts.

Even before turning around, I'd already decided.

_Whoever you are, you've made a mistake by existing. _

And then I heard the words leave Yukinoshita's lips.

"Nee san…"

_What?_

Turning around, I looked at the person approaching us.

I could see certain similarities with Yukinoshita in her features. She was a little bit taller, probably around my height, and had short hair in contrast to her younger sister. Her figure was different too. From a purely objective standpoint, one would be hard-pressed to say she wasn't attractive. Unlike Yukinoshita, she smiled and waved, the picture of friendliness.

A picture I knew from my middle school days to be absolutely fake.

Coming up to us, she greeted her younger sister.

"Yukino chan! What a surprise running into you here. You should have told me if you were planning to go shopping. I'd come along with you."

There was a barely perceptible flinch in Yukinoshita's body, but I noticed it.

The elder sister still had that smile on her face, but it didn't reach her eyes, which remained cold.

Yukinoshita was an Ice Queen, no doubt, but her cold was natural, like a winter. This other person's coldness was different. Malicious, somehow. She knew she was making Yukinoshita uncomfortable, and she was revelling in it.

Also, she had flat out ignored me, and spoiler: that's not a good idea.

Hikigaya Hachiman respects families handling their own business, and generally doesn't interfere.

Unless you piss me off, in which case, I respect nothing about you.

Tapping Yukinoshita on the shoulder, I spoke.

"Hey, Yukinoshita. Who's this?"

My words instantly broke whatever spell had come over the Ice Queen. No longer frozen over, she stared at me, apologetic for not having introduced us.

It was quite satisfying.

Seeing the utter shock on the elder sister's face upon realizing the frozen fear hold she had on Yukinoshita had just been broken.

Have I mentioned?

Of all the things, I, Hikigaya Hachiman, enjoy in life, absolutely destroying those who torment others ranks _very_ high.

And I was nowhere near done.

"Ah, sorry," said Yukinoshita. "Nee san, this is clubmate of mine from school. Hikigaya kun, this is my elder sister."

Looking at her now, I saw that I had Yukinoshita elder's undivided attention.

She was staring at me, fake smile no longer on her face. I could see the gears turning in her head as she tried to analyse and read me.

"Hikigaya kun, eh? Nice to meet you. Yukinoshita Haruno here."

She held out a hand, a traditionally Western greeting that might throw a lot of boys off, especially coming from a beautiful older woman.

But I had literally just asked out another, more beautiful older woman, and also happened to watch a lot of Hollywood films, so it didn't really do anything to me.

I took her hand and shook it, and found that she gripped firmly, meaning I could do so as well without feeling awkward about it. She seemed a little surprised that I didn't back down from the challenge as we both pulled our hands back.

"Hikigaya Hachiman," I answered. "Pleasure's all mine."

Again, a typically Western answer, translated to Japanese, deliberately awkward in its word choice.

In sparring, verbal or physical, never underestimate the opponent with "bad rhythm". Good rhythms are predictable. Bad ones? You never know what's coming next, or when.

She now looked curious, though not in the least happy.

"Hikigaya kun… I can't recall ever hearing about you."

I shrugged.

"I'm a bit of a ghost, really."

"Is that so? Ghostlike indeed, but also very alive. You're out here with a pretty girl on a date, after all."

Yukinoshita was about to protest angrily, as I could see out of the corner of her eye, but that would have been a mistake.

When dealing with a troll, don't get angry.

Troll back, harder.

Hoping my charisma stat (which I didn't have a lot of faith in), would be enough, I wrapped an arm around Yukinoshita and pulled her closer.

"Hi-Hikigaya kun!" she all but squeaked out.

Ignoring her, I looked at Yukinoshita the elder.

"As a matter of fact, right about now, I feel quite alive."

Seeing her stumped for the second time in such a short period of time did all sorts of good to me.

However, she quickly rallied, managing to bring that plastic smile back onto her face.

"Wah, how nice to be young! Still, Hikigaya kun. You are both still in school, you know. _You wouldn't want to get ahead of yourself now, would you?"_

"Absolutely. Good thing there's no chance of that happening, because of how damn good I am."

"Oho! Hikigaya kun is quite sure of himself, huh?"

"Absolutely. In fact, seeing how much confidence you carry yourself with shows me that this is indeed the right way to live."

This person probably wasn't used to someone answering back. Even with her formidable facade, she wasn't able to hide that split second reaction of her eye twitching.

Life tip: Facades are bullshit. Really. There are entire branches of law enforcement in various countries that are trained to pick up body language cues. And the reason behind that is simple: human beings absolutely _suck_ at hiding information.

To her credit, though, her mask only slipped for a moment.

"Best way to live indeed, wouldn't you say, Yukino chan?"

She looked meaningfully at Yukinoshita. Doubtless that glance carried some meaning hidden in their shared past.

Despite me having done everything I could to destroy her sister's influence by introducing other factors into the situation, she still seemed slightly defensive.

"Nonsense," she said, lowering my arm from around her as she created some distance again. "No path endorsed by Lowlife kun can be the right way to live."

"Wow, that hurts a little," I said.

The elder sister merely took in this dynamic for a moment before she giggled slightly.

"I see. Well, I think I've interrupted your 'date' long enough. You are quite an interesting person, Hikigaya kun. _Take care._"

She probably intended that last bit to come out intimidating, but honestly, cliched villain line is cliched.

" 'K, cool. Later, Yukinoshita san," I said, making sure to be polite on the surface, but putting as much disdain as I could into the word choice.

I was rewarded with another eye twitch before she walked away.

"Well, that happened, huh?" I mused aloud to myself.

"Hikigaya kun!" hissed Yukinoshita the younger, who was relaxed now that the elder was gone. "What on earth were you thinking? Were you out of your mind?"

She looked worried, and a little angry, but I was glad to see one thing.

Both those emotions were now there on her own terms.

It wasn't an uncontrollable worry, a fear that left her frozen.

"Eh, I was just trying to help. Your sister seemed a tiny bit overbearing."

"I didn't ask for your help!" she snapped.

I paused and looked at her, and was forced to concede that she had a point.

Having help forced upon you is annoying.

Wait, didn't I just tell her earlier today that she couldn't help me?

Hmm. Can't go becoming a hypocrite, can I? My problem isn't something that Yukinoshita can help with. But then, maybe her problem isn't something I can help with. Success is never guaranteed. But that wasn't the point.

It wasn't so much the effectiveness of the help that mattered.

It was the _act_ of helping, and the act of _accepting help_. Accepting someone, believing in them, depending on them.

I wouldn't depend on someone if they couldn't depend on me.

"I'll tell you what," I said to Yukinoshita. "You probably don't want to tell me what you problem is. And that's okay. But I'll be waiting. Someday, when you're ready, depend on me. You tell me what left you scarred… and I… I'll tell you what left me scarred."

I didn't have that piece of information yet.

The doctor had had me practice a variety of techniques that avoided reawakening _those _memories.

Something had happened, with _him._ Something that had been bad enough, that I'd been afraid to even remember his face.

And on my own, I wasn't brave enough to face that past again.

I looked at Yukinoshita.

But maybe… maybe if I'm not alone, I can face it again.

She was staring at me, eyes wide.

The Ice Queen persona had fallen apart, and I was happy to see it wasn't due to fear, or worry.

Just hope.

Don't get me wrong. Fear and worry were still there. It's not easy to trust someone. I know. I know all too well. But she was choosing to face them.

"Why?" she asked softly. "You don't even know me. Why would you choose to help me? Is it because it's _fun?_"

She was throwing my own stated reason back at me. Would it hurt her if I were only helping her for fun?

"Is it so wrong that I enjoy helping people?" I asked simply.

She stared at me like she couldn't believe what she was hearing.

Finally, her words came, soft.

"That's impossible. When things come to a head, people run. No one _enjoys_ helping others."

_I see. I see now._

It was like a cold wind passing over me.

Yukinoshita and I were one and the same.

We had both been suffering.

And the one she had believed in to save her, had abandoned her.

And the thought of that infuriated me.

I can't stand the idea of betrayal. It fucking makes me sick.

It goes against everything _he _taught me.

And I realized.

_This _was the reason Yukinoshita was cold. The reason she was distant.

Once upon a time, she'd had hope too, until it had been cruelly stepped on.

Like me.

But I hadn't been abandoned.

When I had needed it the most, _he _had been there for me. I'd been saved. Inherited a legacy. Taught a lesson. About how to live.

"Hikigaya Hachiman abandons no one!" I said to her with conviction. "Throw it all at me. Your doubts, your fears, your insecurities, your anger. I'll carry it all. It's not even a warm-up weight for me. You haven't been shown how to live. You probably don't even know what it is you really want. This I promise: I'll show you that you can live life exactly how you want to! So come at me! Even if you don't ask for help, I'll meddle. I'll save you."

My shameless, blatantly self-aggrandizing speech, which made even my own stomach turn with how cheesy it was, paid off. Perhaps precisely because of how cheesy it was, it managed to break through the jaded armour of the Ice Queen.

"Why? Why would you go to such lengths?"

"I'm a lowlife, remember? I do what I want." 


	12. Chapter 12

**Author's note (EXTREMELY IMPORTANT, PLEASE READ): So this chapter contains a lot of disturbing content. Absolutely none of the behaviour or actions you see here is endorsed by me, or should be imitated or performed by any of you in real life. Please stay safe, and reach out to friends, family and professionals if you need physical or mental help, or help with bullying.**

**Also, please read the Author Note at the end of the chapter as well.**

**Chapter 11: Admiration/Delusion**

So I'm guessing a lot of you readers thought that no further mention would be made of that little shopping trip I took with Yukinoshita. But, as a matter of fact, further mention is taking place right now. You see, buying a present for Yui is kind of difficult. And in the process of doing so, I discovered a simple fact: I knew almost nothing about her. That was the reason it was hard to select a gift for her. Well, I still found a way around it. I knew she happened to be a dog owner, so I decided to get her a collar for the little one. But it felt like a bit of a copout, and I resolved to myself that I'd learn more about her.

The bit where I actually gave her the present went fairly well. All in all, it was on a pretty good note that we headed into our summer holidays. For me, this just meant a lot more time to do the things I wanted to do. I could ramp up the volume and intensity at the gym and the dojo, compensate by sleeping more, and probably increase my food intake a bit too. Plus, way more time for art. If things went well, I'd probably gain maybe a kilo or so of muscle, add a few kilos to all my lifts, finally counter that one guy at the dojo with a crazy fast jab, and also add some much needed dynamism to my art. I also planned to catch up on Kengan Omega, the amazing sequel to the awesome Kengan Ashura (which I highly recommend any adult reader who's into martial arts stories and over the top action to check out, provided you're not faint of heart). Ah, yes, things were looking good, and I was feeling great, looking forward to what was going to be the best summer holiday of my life so far.

So the last thing I was ready for was to wake up on their first morning, and get a call telling me I needed to come to the hospital.

"I'm sorry, I don't understand."

"_Please, he's been asking to see you for a while now, but he's only just been cleared to have visitors. It would mean a lot if you came and saw him once. You don't even have to stay long."_

So said the woman on the other end of the line, who sounded like a nurse or one of the hospital staff. It hadn't been the house phone she'd called, it had been my personal cell. For her to have that number meant that whoever it was she was asking me to visit wasn't a family acquaintance. It was someone I knew. It wasn't anyone from Soubu High, since everyone I knew from there was, to the best of my knowledge, fine. It wasn't anyone from the gym or the dojo, since they were fine too. And it couldn't be a classmate from middle school either (and if it was, I would feel absolutely no guilt for not going).

But there was one other person, only one other, that I could think of.

I hadn't met him in a long time.

There was only one meeting I remembered clearly, though the fragmented memories I kept seeing glimpses of told me that I had in fact, met him more than once.  
Suddenly, my throat felt slightly, and I felt my heart pounding in my chest.

"Yes, I'll come see him. Can you text me the address on this number? I should be there in around an hour."

"_Oh! That's very kind of you. Yes, I'll send you the address! He'll be so happy to see you!"_

There is something inherently heartbreaking about hearing that someone in hospital would be happy to see you. Especially if you happen to be aware that you're a scumbag. But I pushed aside these feelings. I needed to go. If it was really who I thought it was, then there was no way I couldn't go.

But I couldn't just go as I was.

He probably remembered everything. And I remembered nothing.

I found myself climbing the stairs up to my room. Before I had even been able to think consciously about what I was doing, I had opened my closet, and was holding in my hand the taped-shut cardboard box that contained the memories I was afraid of.

Hey, reader, you like flashbacks? Or maybe you like sudden backstory reveals.

Here's a reveal for you.

Just over a year back, I was in an accident. Well, I say accident, but the truth is, I don't remember. I woke up in the hospital. I'd had a bleeding wound and a concussion. My right biceps were torn, and I had a dislocated shoulder. Bad injuries, but none of them fatal or permanent. I would heal up quickly enough, I was told. I remember having to spend a few nights at the hospital. It was then that I had recurring nightmares. As part of my evaluation, I had to see a psychiatrist. Now I'll be very clear: I'm not a good example to follow, nor do I claim to be. But I absolutely fucking hate the idea of taking a bunch of pills that do all sorts of shit to my body and mind. I refused any psychiatric medication. Having no other choice, the guy taught me a few exercises and techniques I was to use. Without going into too much detail about it, his explanation was that I had suffered "trauma" that I wasn't ready to face yet, and trying to do so might not be a good idea. For the moment, the plan was to block it all out, not think about it at all, and instead focusing on living normally. At the time, I was fine with that. To be honest, I was scared shitless of whatever it was I had seen in those nightmares, so forgetting all about it seemed like a great idea. I pulled off the techniques he showed me, and before long, I was back home, and living normally. Shortly after that, I began going to Soubu High, and started going to the gym, the dojo, and started putting effort into my art. The idea was to have fun, and I was into that, all the way. I found that looking back too much on the past wasn't so good.

In particular, anything that had to with _him_ set off all kinds of warning signs. Around the time I was still actively blocking off my memories, I remember taking every object I owned that might remind me of those times, and put them into this box, so that I wouldn't have to look at it. The idea was that eventually, when I was better, I'd see the doc again, and he'd gradually help with the process of coming to terms with stuff. Of course, that never happened.

I guess… I was a coward here too.

I was happy with my new life, happy with the few memories of him that I did have.

And I didn't want to ruin that.

Maybe it wasn't meant to last at all.

A year went by peacefully. But since joining the Service Club, more and more memories have been coming back. I even felt like I _had_ to remember what his face looked like, and I'd opened the box to find that out.

And now, all of a sudden, I had to go see him.

I couldn't even remember his name.

But I couldn't run away. Not anymore.

This wasn't how I wanted to face my past. It's all rushed. Unplanned.

But I have no choice.

I took a deep breath, but my heart was still hammering away. With equal parts anticipation and dread, I tore off the tape, and opened the box. Right on top was the photo I had seen last at one of those photo booths meant for couples. I think we'd done it as a dare or something, to prove to ourselves that we wouldn't be embarrassed, and we didn't care what anybody watching thought of us.

Yeah, that's definitely him. In the photo, he was a little bit taller than me. A lean guy, slightly on the skinny side. High cheekbones, sharp features, spiked up hair that had been dyed blond. No wonder I thought he was a delinquent. We were both wearing our middle school uniforms, though we had the top open to look like jackets, and show off the t shirts we were wearing underneath. Looking at it now, I could see how naive I was, how little I knew. As for him… his smile looked invincible, didn't it?

I put the photo aside, and took out a leather bound journal.

_I had one of these? _

No, wait. That's not it.

That was one of the exercises, one of the techniques.

"_Why do I have to keep a diary?"_

"_Think of it as transferring files from a computer to an external hard drive. You're putting your memories into this diary, so that they won't be on your system anymore."_

I actually bought that explanation? But who am I kidding: it worked. I remembered nothing.

Opening the diary, I came to the very first page.

My eyes widened.

_**If you are reading this, you must have become stronger. If not, then you've made a mistake. You should stop.**_

_**Still reading?**_

_**Well, you've been warned.**_

_**This is the story of how I killed my best friend, the man who saved my life.**_****

_What the hell?_

_Killed?_

I don't understand. He was clearly alive, wasn't he? In the hospital? But what if the guy in the hospital was someone else?

A cold chill passed through me as I realized: I was out of my depth here. I had no idea what was inside this diary. Whatever is in here was so bad that I had no choice but to forget about it simply in order to keep living.

But it was too late. I couldn't turn back now.

Trying to stay strong, I turned the page.

_**To begin with, I should introduce myself. My name is Hikigaya Hachiman. But you already know that, don't you, my future self? Unless, you reached the point where you even needed to forget your own name.**_

_**But you don't remember his name, do you?**_

_**Well, I'll start at the beginning.**_

_**In my final year of middle school, I asked out a girl named Kaori Orimoto. She turned me down. Looking back, if you remember this, it might not be a big deal to you. But I don't know how much of your memory of that incident remains, or if any of it is real. But here is the truth: things got bad. Really bad. Orimoto spread the word, and before the day was out, pretty much everyone in school knew. I'd asked her out before classes began, so for the rest of the day, all kinds of people I'd never spoken to came after me. Mostly just to laugh, call me weird names and throw stuff at me. But some of it was bad. Some of those guys were trouble, and they'd had their eye on Orimoto for a while. Long story short, I got beaten up. Three times. I should have told someone. But then, can you really trust teachers who turn a blind eye to you? I realized something important that day. The people I thought were my friends had been using me for a long time. And adults would have been smart enough to see that. And they did nothing about it. I didn't want to trust in people like that. No, if it came down to it, I'd just have to survive on my own. That was what I decided.**_

_**When we finally got out of school, I decided to head over to the arcade. Maybe get some little enjoyment out of an overall shitty day. Pay attention. This is where I met the man who saved my life.**_

_**His name is Kamishiro Kazuya.**_

_**This part you may or may not remember, but he challenged us to a match at Street Fighter: Third Strike. Guy was an absolute beast at the game, could have beaten us any time he wanted. But he decided to play a game within the game. He told us he was going to do a super, and if we could parry it, we could win. And maybe it was blind luck, or maybe it was destiny, but we pulled it off.**_

_**After the game, we ended up talking.**_

_**Somehow, this guy was different from everyone I'd met before. I trusted him, in a way I didn't trust anyone else.**_

_**So I told him. Told him everything. Who I was, what I was, and everything that had happened.**_

Yes. As I read every word, I could see it all happen, as though right in front of me, as the memories returned.

"_There is only one thing worth living for. And that's to have fun."_

But that hadn't been the only thing he'd said to me.

"_Is that it, then? You don't have any friends? That's a shame. You're a cool guy. How about this, then? I'll be your friend. I'll show you how it's done: how to have fun."  
_  
I continued to turn the pages as I read my own story.

_**We met several times after that. Street Fighter was just the start. I could talk a lot about how many video games and anime he introduced me to, but there are other things we did too. It wasn't about being an otaku. It was about freedom. I'd never had a friend before that, so I didn't really know what to expect. Looking back, it's crazy. We barely knew each other for a month. I think maybe he knew that was all the time we were going to get, because in that one month, he taught me everything a friend was supposed to be.**_

_**We did all kinds of crazy shit. It's a miracle no one from school called home what with how many classes we bunked. There must not have been a corner of Chiba we hadn't visited. Kazuya was an intelligent guy. But he was reckless as hell. Maybe that's why I was drawn to him. I was scared of everything, and he was scared of nothing. I wanted to be like that: able to stand my ground when I want, step forward when I want, no matter what was in the way. And when we were hanging out together, I felt like I had some of that courage. **_****

The pages listed many things we did. A lot of it was humorous, much of it was downright stupid and dangerous. Sneaking into bars, trying to drift cars, pulling all nighters where we wandered around on the streets of Chiba, we had done it all.

**Kazuya, it turned out, was an orphan. He was a first year high schooler, so a year older than me. The topic of his home life never came up much. He wasn't eager to talk about it, and I didn't care. To me, he was the greatest man to ever exist, and that was all that mattered.**

Just as his courage could be his strength, so too could his recklessness be his weakness.

And as I turned the pages of my journal, I realized how that led to our fall.

_**We used to get into plenty of fights. The greatest part of fighting is courage, Kazuya said. If you're brave, and if you have the will to win, you'll come out on top. I guess that's the only explanation for how a weakling like me was able to beat the shit out of every guy who'd beaten up on me after my confession to Orimoto. Of course, all of that happened outside school. We tracked those guys down, and gave 'em hell. They came to school with bruises for weeks. Kazuya backed me up, and no matter the numbers we were up against, we found a way to win. We were the kings of Chiba, and nothing could change that. **_****

_**Of course, I backed Kazuya up in his fights too. Guy had so many people who hated his guts, it's a miracle he was even alive.**_

_**Yes, we thought we were invincible. And that was our mistake.**_

_**Do you know what it takes to win a fight? Maybe a lucky punch to the head is all.**_

_**Do you know how often you can get lucky?**_

_**There were twenty guys coming after us.**_

_**Like idiots, we tried taking them on first, and we nearly got killed. There was no other choice, we ran for it. These guys were real bad news. High schoolers with ties to local gangs and shit. We couldn't go to the cops. Not with Kazuya's history. So we thought we'd hide in the mall instead. No way those guys would attack us in broad daylight, in front of everyone.**_

And suddenly, it all fell into place.

That horrible vision I'd seen when I'd been out shopping with Yukinoshita.

That must have been the same mall we'd tried taking refuge in.

_**We were out of luck. The place was closed down for emergency construction. But there was nothing we could do. We ran in anyway, hoping we could hide inside and throw off their pursuit.**_

_**I'd thought these were some batshit crazy guys Kazuya had gotten involved with during the insane solo shit he pulled all the time.**_

_**I was wrong.**_

_**I was so wrong.**_

_**I was wrong.**_

_**I was wrong.**_

_**I was wrong.**_

_**I was wrong.**_

_**I was wrong.**_

_**I was wrong.**_

_**Remember those guys we'd gotten revenge on for beating up on us after the Orimoto incident? These were their friends.**_

_**I would never have known. Kazuya knew from the start. Guy had so many contacts, he probably knew everything happening in Chiba.**_

_**I'd never been fighting his battles.**_

_**He'd been fighting mine, from the very start.**_

_**Helping me out, getting involved, ignoring the costs to himself.**_

A splitting pain erupted in my head, and I closed my eyes instinctively as I struggled to fight it.

I was remembering. I was remembering it all.

"_Why the fuck didn't you tell me those guys were after me?"_

_Kazuya smiled his invincible smile._

"_What would it have changed? I'd still be fighting by your side anyway. That's what friends do. Besides, I'm older than you. If anything, I'm the older brother here. It's my duty to take care of you."_

"_Y-you!"_

"_HEY! THEY'RE HIDING HERE ON THE TOP FLOOR! GET OVER HERE!"_

"_Shit!"_

_Exposed, we both ran for it, but we had nowhere to go. Since the place was under construction, the elevators were inactive. We could only use the inactive escalators as staircases, but those were blocked off by our pursuers. They had us surrounded. We had nowhere to go._

_It was at this point that I made my mistake._

_In hindsight, if we had stayed and fought, we'd have been beaten up, but we'd survive with minor injuries._

_But here too, I was a coward._

"_No! There's one more way out! That fake chandelier!" shouted Kazuya._

_He pointed to the massive structure. It was true: There was a temporary multi-level mobile staircase next to it, in order to allow workers to get to it. The chandelier was level with the floor we were on, and just a few feet away. An easy enough jump. It was also huge, with plenty of room to not fall off if we were to jump too far._

_As if to set up a QTE in a video game, there was no safety railing up on this floor either, nothing to stop us from making that jump._

_I saw the boys closing in on us, and I looked down._

_And I was scared._

"_Kazuya… I can't do it. You should go without me! Get out of here! I'll be fine, I can fight my own battles. Isn't that what you've always said? A man should fight his own battles."_

_Just for a second, my words caught him off balance, as I used his own ideals against him._

_But immediately, absolute great as he was, he countered._

"_A man never abandons his friend either! Make the jump, Hikigaya, it's easy! I won't leave ya here, buddy."_

_It wasn't a difficult jump at all._

_The me right now would do it without a second's hesitation if I needed to._

_But to the me back then, it was terrifying._

_I hesitated._

_We were running out of time._

"_Hey, Hikigaya. You believe in me, right? Well, I believe in you. You got this!"_

_And in clutch, Kazuya's faith in me was what saved me, just as it had saved me before._

_I nodded. It didn't matter if I didn't think I could do it. Kazuya thought I could, and I believed in him._

_Turning to the edge, I ran towards it, and jumped. My heart stopped for a moment. I was sailing through the air, more than a hundred feet above the ground. And then I landed, heavily. I stumbled and came to my knees. And then, relief surged through me. I had made it._

_I turned around and looked at Kazuya!_

"_I fucking made it!"_

"_Hell yeah, dude!"_

"_Come on, it's your turn!"_

_Kazuya began to make his run for the jump. But the boys had caught up to him. Were they actually trying to kill us? I don't know. Maybe the guy who did it had just lost his head in the heat of the moment. But he rushed forward and managed to clip Kazuya with a punch to his back just as he was about to jump, and it pushed him off balance._

_Time seemed to slow down and I looked on in horror as Kazuya flew off the edge. He had still managed to put some power into the jump, but he wasn't going to make it._

"_KAZUYA!"_

_He just barely managed to hit the chandelier, crashing into it chest first as he struggled to get a grip on it with his arms. But he was exhausted after all the fighting and running, and pulling oneself up in that position is much harder in real life than the fucking movies make it look._

_He slipped and lost his grip almost right away._

_I rushed forward and managed to grip his hand. But I had ended up sprawled on the floor, holding on to his sweaty hand with my own, while trying to use my other to push myself upright._

_It was impossible._

_I was a guy who hadn't lifted a day in my life, trying to pull sixty kilos of weight with one arm._

_Kazuya's own strength was at its limits, and he was losing his grip fast._

_I had done this._

_My hesitation had brought us to this._

_If I had made the jump right away, there would have been plenty of time for Kazuya to follow, without having that asshole catch up to him and disbalance him during his jump._

_Kazuya had given me everything._

_A way of life to believe in, yes. Life lessons, yes._

_But above all, when I had needed it the most, he had been a friend. The only one I'd had ever had at that point, and the best one I would ever have._

_And I had repaid him by failing._

_I struggled. Trying my hardest to hold on._

_Every muscle in my arm felt like it was on fire, and I could feel my shoulder crunching as the metal floor pressed against my armpit._

_I already knew, somewhere, that I couldn't do it._

_Fittingly, my past self had recorded every thought I'd had in the journal, with unfailing accuracy._

_**I must hold on.**_

_**I'm failing.**_

_**Must hold on.**_

_**Not strong enough.**_

_**I can, and I will.**_

_**I must, I must, I must, I must, I must.**_

_**Arm's tearing. No, it'll hold. Gotta push myself up, and Kazuya with me.**_

_**Yeah, I'm managing to do it. Come on.**_

_**No, no, no, no, no!**_

_**Grip's slipping!**_

_**My nails are cutting into his hand. He's bleeding, but he'll slip. I can't do it.**_

_**He is looking up at me.**_

_**And as he smiles, I realize.**_

_**This was never an invincible smile. It was broken from the start.**_

_**Unable to do anything more, I try to say everything I need to, but no words will come out. Maybe, just maybe, it's all written on my face, because he seems to understand anyway, as he always does**_**.**

"_**Hikigaya… this is the final hedonist lesson I'll give you.**_

_**Hedonist Rule #1: Live with no regrets."**_

_**His hand slips, and he falls.**_

_**I've failed.**_

_**I've failed.**_

The journal ended there, and all the pages that followed were blank.

The rest of the box was filled with things that would, back then, have meant the world to the two of us. A bunch of DVDs he had loaned me, obscure cheat codes for fighting games no one even played anymore, and a bunch of timestamps to pause various episodes of certain anime in order to spot hidden easter eggs.

As I put the journal away, the door opened.

"Onii chan, I'm going to the market. You want me to pick anyth- Onii chan?!"

Komachi, as usual, didn't knock before entering.

"Onii chan… you opened it… so you know now."

I didn't answer.

I didn't really have any words to say.

The time for that had long come and passed.

"Onii chan, please don't cry, it makes Komachi sad."

But try as I might, I couldn't stop.

"Just leave me alone. I've already failed. None of this matters anymore."

"Onii chan-"

"JUST LEAVE ME ALONE!"

I snapped out.

I knew I shouldn't do it. I knew she was the last person I should snap at. But I couldn't deal with her right now. No, it wasn't just her.

It was me.

I wasn't all right.

**Author's note: Well! Here we are. I'm guessing a lot of you have conflicting feelings about what this chapter means for the story. Many of you probably weren't expecting any tragedy when you started reading. Rest assured, this is not a fic where everything ends up going to hell. I cannot promise a perfect ending, but I do hope you won't drop the fic because of this. I normally don't do this, but I'll let you in on something. So far, we've had a lot of chapters where someone needed help, and Hikigaya was there for that person. From this point on, the POV characters WON'T be 8man! He is the one who needs help now. Who will be there for him? Will he be able to bounce back? Is Kazuya in fact still alive? Find out by continuing to read this story! I put a lot of effort into it, and I'm so happy whenever I see a review where someone just gets Hikigaya's character, and what he represents! I flatter myself by thinking that this is because this story and these characters mean something to all of us. Hedonist Hachi's story still has a way to go! Don't give up on him!**


	13. Chapter 13

**Author's note (PLEASE READ, IMPORTANT): As with the previous chapter, this one contains some themes, including mental health and suicide. None of the characters in this story are meant to be a guide for how you should act in real life, nor should you try to imitate any of the actions or choices made in this chapter. Please take care, and reach out to doctors and professionals if you are suffering.**

**With that out of the way, I want to say, this story won't become depressing. It is meant to be the exact opposite. If anything, this story is meant to be a light, a spark, no matter how small, to give a little bit of light, joy and hope, or just some entertainment, to those who need it.**

**Chapter 12: Legacy and Resolve**

**Shizuka's POV:**

Summer holidays! The best time of the year! A time for enjoyment! Trips to the beach! Renewing gym memberships! Reducing alcohol intake and regaining reverse heel kicks! Also, a time to catch up on all the Vento Aureo episodes one has been saving up! And, of course, a time to be able to hang out with friends, family and your significant other! Ahahaha… yeah, no. Life, unfortunately, isn't that easy. You'd think that a teacher would get some time to relax when school is out, but that is not the case. Checking assignments and papers, planning out coursework, conducting remedial lessons and attending staff meetings: these are the things that really happen. Sigh. The adult world is disappointing. Growing up is basically about eliminating expectations so that you aren't let down.

But one must be able to look on the bright side, I guess. Even with all the tasks I mentioned, I still have much more free time than I normally do, so I planned to enjoy myself at least a little. Well, once I got a certain mission out of the way, that is. You see, Soubu High (which is where I teach) is partnered with some of the elementary schools in Chiba, and once or twice a year, there are shared camps that are carried out as learning opportunities. One of these is an outdoor summer camp, and it was planned for the coming week. Some of the teachers from the elementary schools had volunteered to look after their students, and I, for whatever reason, had been given the job of supervising Soubu's participants. The good part was, most of our students who had chosen to go to camp happened to be from my homeroom class, so I knew there weren't any troublesome people involved. Or at least, no more troublesome than high school students normally are. And just in case, I had decided to bring some backup with me. Well, the decision wasn't really mine, per se. Yuigahama was coming anyway, since her friends had all decided they'd come. Yukinoshita had decided to tag along out of her usual sense of duty. Which left, really, the singular student who was simultaneously the biggest troublemaker, and my trump card.

Hikigaya Hachiman.

He was… unusual.

With his brawn and fighting skill, I'd normally expect him to be a typical jock. It's not everyday I see a second-year who benches 1.5 times his own bodyweight for reps (yes, I've spotted him in the school gym once or twice during PE), or someone who can casually no-sell my punch, no matter how much I was holding back. But a typical jock is pretty much the furthest thing from what he is. It should have been easy for someone like that to be well-liked and popular. His appearance wasn't bad either: though his eyes could be a little off-putting at first, I'm sure Hikigaya could have found a way around this if he had really wanted to be accepted or liked. No, on the contrary, he seemed perfectly happy being just who he was. His only friend was the school's most famous case of Chuunibyo, and he had no problem playing along with Zaimokuza's antics. Later on, of course, I ended up recruiting him into the Service Club, and I'd like to think he made a few more friends. But the more I learned about him, the less made sense. Hikigaya was a skilled visual artist. Rumours were circulating about a one-shot manga that he drew (which may have been related to a request the Club got). Naturally, being someone who puts no stock in rumours, I Googled that, and read the manga in question. While Hikigaya wasn't exactly at a professional level, he was far and away one of the best student artists I've seen, maybe even the best. Soubu's manga club had its own ace, Ebina Hina, but between her and Hikigaya, it was hard to say who was more skilled. If the two of them worked together, who knows what kind of creation would be born? But that wasn't all either. Athlete, fighter, otaku, artist: Hikigaya was already many things. It was already difficult enough for one person to have all these skills and interests. But there was more.

At the start of term, I set 2-F an essay on a seemingly random topic. Most students would interpret this as me testing their current skill at Japanese, which was true. But what they wouldn't realize is that this was only one of the things I was examining. You see, people have a tendency to let the truth slip when their guard is down. And one of the easiest ways to make someone let down their guard is letting them think they've figured you out. Most high school students, getting as fluffy a topic as "Describe your high school experience so far" would immediately notice that this was a much easier essay than what they would normally be expected to write in an exam. Therefore, it must be a way of gauging their level. Thinking this, they'd focus on their grammar, communication and sentence formation. Which means, they wouldn't be putting any real thought into the most important thing of all: the ideas they were trying to convey. Most people would end up writing their actual thoughts on youth and school. They'd probably censor and water it down a bit to avoid getting in trouble, but the crux of their beliefs and way of thinking would still be there, for me to learn. Thus, without having spent even a week with them, I'd know exactly who I was teaching. It was a bit of an underhanded trick, but it was effective. And besides: over the years, I'd found that using a trick or two was fine, if it meant I was protecting my students. Noticing problem kids, and noticing _what _their problems were, meant I could address them before they harmed anyone. I guess maybe that's why Soubu ended up trusting me with the position of Guidance Counsellor though I don't have any kind of psychology related degree.

But I digress.

Getting back to the point, I had used this essay as a way to get to know my students. Predictably (and thankfully), most of them were quite normal. Good kids, with some flaws in their way of thinking, no doubt, but good nonetheless. There were a few little rotten twerps in there too, but nothing I couldn't handle. All in all, things looked like they'd be under control.

Except for one.

One student had turned in an essay unlike anything I'd read in my teaching career so far.

You see, it's not unusual for there to be that one shit-for-brains delinquent who thinks he's hot shit for submitting an empty sheet, or scribbled profanities. Most of them over the years ended up behaving themselves after I personally introduced them to my fists and feet. But in all my time in this profession, not once so far had I read a properly written essay that followed all the rules and conventions of good writing and school assignments, but propounded a world view so _different._

This guy had denied and rejected the standard conception of what it meant to be a high school student, or a young man. He had rejected the ideals and thoughts that were most common among Japanese (and international youth). He had rejected the idea of blending into society.

Instead, he claimed to be a hedonist.

Someone who lives only for pleasure. Only for fun. To him, having fun is the greatest goal, the only goal worth having. The only goal worth working for, fighting for. Society, compromise, fitting in: these were all signs of weakness. A great man sets his eyes on a dream, and gives it all he has. He is prepared to fail, but he is not prepared to live a life where he does not reach out for what he truly wants, a life where he doesn't even try.

In some ways, this sounds like the sort of philosophy that might be propounded by someone from a Shounen manga. But there was a weight to his words. The weight of conviction, of belief. This was how Hikigaya Hachiman lived his life.

And that told me, he was unlike any other person I'd taught.

That essay showed me that he didn't really understand himself, didn't really understand the meaning of his own beliefs, his own way of life.

And I thought the Service Club would help him understand.

This person, unlike any I had taught, or even met, before, was the right person to join the Service Club.

Long story short, he was a bit of a wildcard. And I sincerely doubted he wanted to spend his even a moment from his summer vacation on some camp when he could be doing his own thing instead, but I was totally going to find a way to get him to come, because I could really do with the help.

And that leads me to the current moment.

I'm in my living room. It's the first morning of the holidays, and I'm about to call Hikigaya and find a way to trick him into coming. It's not unethical! I feel safer when he's around. For whatever reason, I feel like he's the right guy to count on when things go bad, and he's definitely earned that impression with the work he's done in the Service Club so far. Summer camps with a bunch of teenagers are always chaotic, and I'd feel a little bit better that someone with the physical strength of a young Goku and the moral compass of a naive Kazuma Kiryu would be tagging along.

Even as I'm about to dial the number (which I got from the class directory), I can't help but feel a little guilty.

You see, things are a little… complicated between me and Hikigaya.

In hindsight, I should have seen the signs from the start.

Hikigaya wasn't the type to just get along with anybody. He could be friendly, but that was only if he liked you. I hadn't seen or heard of him interacting much with any other teacher. Yet, he did so with me. I had thought this was just because we happened to share more interests than was usual for a teacher and student.

But no, that would not have been enough of a reason for him to act the way he did.

Now that I think on it, he did go out of his way a few times to look good in front of me. To be honest, I'm rather flattered, but there isn't any way for that to go anywhere.

A short while ago, he confessed to me.

It felt at that moment like many pieces had just fallen into place. Suddenly, it all made sense. From the very start, he must have had some kind of infatuation with me. Maybe he saw joining the club as a way to get closer. Maybe this infatuation was the reason he was putting some effort into it when talking with me.

Whatever it was, though, it wasn't something I could support, or allow to continue.

There was no happiness awaiting Hikigaya at the end of that road. In fact, it would be the opposite. As things stood, he had a bright future ahead of him. He needed to learn a few lessons, yet, but he would learn them in time. And once he did, he would have a good life ahead. Most likely as an artist. Hikigaya is also a good guy, no matter what he claims about himself. And so, I know he can, should, and will find a proper relationship with someone who's right for him (hopefully it will be long term).

In order for all that to happen, I can't let this infatuation get in his way.

It's perfectly normal to develop a crush on someone. Slightly rarer for the person to be a teacher, but not unheard of. However, it isn't healthy. The best thing for him is to realize this and move on.

I thought the best way to do this was to treat his confession as a proper one (which, to be fair, it was). Wherever else he may have been at fault, he was certainly honest and direct, and even took the rejection well. That was yet another sign that he was mature, and would get over this soon.

Despite that, however, I know it doesn't happen right away.

He's been trying his best to hide it (mostly by avoiding me), but I can sense that he feels awkward around me.  
I hesitate a little.

This isn't really fair to him.

I'm older, I have perspective.

I know that in the big picture, this whole thing will be nothing more than an amusing memory for him at most. But he doesn't.

He's living it, in the here and the now. It's real to him.

Moreover, is it really fair of me to ask him to do things for me, knowing that he'll probably agree just because of his feelings?

No, no, it's not fair.

But then again, he'll barely be spending any time around me at all. In fact, he'll mostly be hanging out with Yuigahama and Yukinoshita. They're both good people. The three of them bring out the best in each other. Hikigaya has changed for the better since they've met, and so have the two of them. Him getting to spend time at summer camp with them would be a good thing.

Besides, I've also seen the way the three of them look at each other.

Strictly speaking, a teacher probably shouldn't be thinking this way, but it's evident that there is something going on there that even the three of them aren't aware of. Who knows? Maybe Hikigaya will get to move on from me sooner rather than later.

That would be best.

And so thinking, I tap the screen to dial his number before I can stop myself.

Since I had already dialled it, I decided to wait for a response, while internally dreading the conversation that would follow. No matter how much I justified it to myself, I still felt guilty making him come along with us.

As the phone continued to ring, though, I frowned.

This was strange.

Did he not have his phone at hand right now?

Maybe I should dial back later. I disconnected the call.

Seeing as I couldn't do anything about this, I decided to see if any new issues of Kengan Omega were out online.  
Later that evening, I called Hikigaya's phone again, but he didn't pick up.

This was strange. Was he ignoring my calls deliberately? Do, that wasn't possible. He didn't have my number, so he wouldn't know it was me calling. Maybe he makes it a policy to not pick up calls from strange numbers? Wise policy, but I need to talk to him.

There was one other thing I could do.

I decided to look in the student directory again, and found the Hikigayas' residential phone number, which I dialled.

I wondered if this call would go unreceived too. Maybe the Hikigayas' weren't at home at all. It was entirely possible they had gone on a family vacation. Hmm… what were the Hikigaya parents like anyway? He had never spoken of them. The topic had never come up.

Just as I was about to disconnect, though, someone picked up.

I heard a female voice. Sounded young.

"Hikigaya residence."

Unsure who I was speaking to, I decided to introduce myself.

"Ah, hello. I'm Hiratsuka Shizuka, from Soubu High. I'm Hikigaya Hachiman's homeroom teacher. Sorry for the intrusion, but I needed to talk to h-"

"EEEH? You're the teacher he keeps talking about?

_Umm… what?_

Before I could ask anything, though, the person on the other end decided to introduce themselves.

"Oh, sorry, you don't know me. I'm Hikigaya Komachi, Hachiman's younger sister! Nice to meet you. Well, figuratively speaking. We haven't actually met yet, teehee."

"A-ah, nice to meet you," I muttered.

_This_ is Hikigaya's sister? She's nothing like him- wait, hold on a second. He has a sister? I didn't even know that!

Come to think of it, leading question asking essays or not, the truth was that I didn't know much about Hikigaya.

The fact that he had a sister was just something that proved that.

But never mind that.

"Umm, Komachi san…" (wait, is it even okay for me to call her by her first name?) "I need to speak to your brother. Can you put him on the line?"

There was a slight pause, and I could almost hear her hesitate on the other end.

Right away, I knew something wasn't right.

It's an intuition you build up from having to read people for a living. Hikigaya Komachi seemed like a confident extroverted type, who didn't have any of her brother's difficulties in communicating with people. Where Hikigaya Hachiman used infallible confidence as an armour to keep away those he didn't like, Hikigaya Komachi used it as a way to put people at ease without them even realizing it.

After all, she'd been able to momentarily distract me with just a line or two.

For her to hesitate like this, something wasn't right.

I wondered if she would hang up on me.

I had no idea what was going on (if something even was going on).

Was it even my place to interfere in what might be a family issue?

Hikigaya had a right to his privacy, after all.

But before I could take a decision on that, Komachi decided to come to a decision of her own.

"My brother… he's not doing so well-"

She paused slightly, then spoke, in a stronger, clearer voice, devoid of her former hesitation.

"My brother needs help. He's locked himself in his room, and won't answer. I've been trying to talk to him for a while, but he won't respond."

My eyes widened.

This… this wasn't good.

From the sounds of it, the situation could be volatile. I've said before, I don't have a psychology degree or anything, nor do I have any training in how to deal with those who might be suicidal.

From what I was hearing, Hikigaya could be in an extreme state of mind at the moment.

The safest thing to do would be to call Emergency, and have them deal with it.

As if reading my mind, Hikigaya Komachi chose that moment to speak.

"My brother's not suicidal. He just needs help. Please."

My brain was working in overdrive.

But ultimately, it was my heart that ended up deciding.

It's funny actually.

I had spent the better part of ten years helping people. And I had done most of this from a distance. The distance was important. It stopped you from getting emotional. Getting attached to the people you were trying to help. That kind of attachment muddled your thinking, disturbed your decision making ability. Ultimately, you ended up hurting people, not helping them.

Yukinoshita understood this. It was why she tried to remain logical in all her missions for the Service Club.

It wasn't until I met a certain brash hedonist that I found out that an alternative was even possible.

Hikigaya despised the idea of helping people for the sake of duty, or from a distance.

He was incapable of not getting attached, not getting involved.

No matter the costs, no matter the turmoil, Hikigaya's way of helping people was the _exact_ opposite of mine. It was to think with his heart, not his brain. It was to allow, and even thrive, off his emotions. It was to empathize and connect with people.

Hikigaya could never have been a good doctor or counsellor. He would also probably have been a horrible lawyer or social worker.

But he didn't need to be any of those things.

Hikigaya was _exactly_ what everyone who came to the Service Club needed.

_A friend._

Maybe in some way, that had ended up inspiring me.

Because in that moment, I let my heart choose the way.

"Fine, I'll help. I can't just leave my student like this. But how do I talk to him? You said he's not answering you… hngg… all right, fine. I'll come over."

I didn't ask why she hadn't called their parents. To me, it was obvious that she had probably already done so, and they hadn't arrived home yet. Or maybe she hadn't. But in that case, there must be a reason. No, if I was to do this, I'd need to trust that Komachi had her brother's unique combination of level-headedness and instinct.

"Y-you will? Really! Thank you! But… don't you need me to give you the address?"

"No, not really. I'll get it from the student directory. I should be there in an hour at most. In the meantime, try to see if you can get him to talk. Even if you can't, just keep him company. Make sure to keep talking to him."

So saying, I hung up.

I needed to get there, fast. I threw on my casual travelling clothes, a pair of jeans and a t-shirt, and grabbed my car keys. Before leaving, I opened the student directory and found Hikigaya's home address, which I entered into my phone. The GPS revealed that the place wasn't very far from my own house.

_Good._

Without wasting a moment, I moved out.

The office rush hour was already over, so there wasn't much traffic to deal with. I ended up reaching the Hikigaya residence in fifteen minutes.

It looked like a nice house, complete with a small garden around it. The Hikigayas didn't seem to be hurting for money, at least.

Feeling slightly nervous for some reason, I went up to the front door, and rang the bell.

Barely a moment later, I heard the sound of quick footsteps, before it opened.

Looking at me was a person who was basically a female, smaller and cuter version of Hikigaya, complete with the same hairstyle, down to the same unruly strand that stuck up at the back.

"You're Hiratsuka Sensei, right? This way!"

I had to give her credit. No nervousness or awkward waste of time. I followed her. I needed to talk to him right away, make sure he was OK. Taking off my shoes, I muttered an apology for the intrusion as I closed the door and followed her inside. Moving quickly, she led me up a flight of stairs to the first floor. Once up there, she knocked on a door.

"Onii chan, I know you don't want to talk to me. But you have to talk to someone. And… someone's here. Someone you might want to talk to."

That was my cue.

Now that I was already here, the reality of the situation properly sank in.

That was another thing with Hikigaya.

So much of what he did was basically something out of comic books.

You just don't see too many guys like him. To the point that when you do see someone like Hikigaya, there's almost a dreamlike aura surrounding them. As if everything's a story, a dream, scripted arc in a manga.

Certainly, Hikigaya regularly pulled off things that when taken in context, and considering the fact that it was a single person performing these feats, made it all seem like he was an invincible protagonist of some kind.

But that wasn't the case.

For all his skills, all his apparent confidence in himself, he was still just a human being.

Just a boy, not even out of high school yet.

Right now, he needed help.

This was real, and I needed to do this.

I pushed away my doubts and hesitation, putting on at least an appearance of confidence, like I did every day before class.

I knocked a few times on his door.

"Hikigaya, it's me: Hiratsuka Shizuka. I know you're in there. Please talk to me."

There was no response.

I couldn't hear any movement from inside either. For a moment, fear gripped me, and I wondered if he had already done something to himself. I was about to break the door down, when I heard the rustling of a sheet, as if someone was sitting up in bed.

"What are you doing here, Sensei?"

_He replied!_

"I heard a student of mind had locked himself up in his room. His sister was worried sick. I came to check on him."

"Is that all? Then you should leave. You have better things to do."

"Like hell I do! Open the door, Hikigaya!"

He didn't sound disturbed. His voice was perfectly even. Almost bored.

It was unnatural. Especially for a guy as energetic and animated as him.

"You came all the way here, to check up on your student. Did you ever stop to think, that I maybe I don't _want_ to be checked on?"

His words gave me a moment's pause but I rallied.

He was talking. That was a good sign.

"People don't always ask for help, Hikigaya. We help them regardless. Everyone needs help. Right now, it's you. So let me help you."

"Help? I thought I told you this. You can't always help people, Sensei."

_Those words, again._

I felt a surge of anger, just like I had felt the first time he had said them to me.

What do you know, about what I've done? About what I do. About what I will do.

The entire world embraces the creed of looking out only for themselves.

And who looks out for the ones who get left behind?

I refuse.

I say, exactly the opposite.

You can always help people.

That's why I made the choices I did.

It's why I am here today.

It's why your words piss me off so much.

But that's not the only reason.

Your words piss me off… because…

"You're lying to yourself, Hikigaya! I've read that essay, remember? I know you. This hedonist crap that you've been spouting… it's been nothing but shit, from day one, a lie you say to blind yourself! To pretend like you don't care. _It's impossible for a human who doesn't care… to be hurt this much!"_

"Is that it, then? Helping people? Having good intentions?"

The reply came so suddenly, I wasn't prepared for it.

"Did you know it's possible to have the best intentions in the world, and _still fail?_ But of course you know that. You're an adult. So how come all you teachers don't talk about this in class, huh? Helping people? Being there for others? And what am I supposed to do when the one person I wanted to help, _needed_ to help, above all others… what am I supposed to do when I'm the one who killed him?"

_Killed him?_

A chill went down my spine, and I felt my heart stop for a moment.

Then, Komachi's voice broke through the silence, strong.

"You didn't kill him, Onii chan! You already know this! He's still alive, he's in hospital, he wants to see you, and he finally can! They've been calling from there for the past two hours! Don't you want to see him again, Onii chan?"

"I can't! I can't see him!"

There was a note of panic to his voice, paranoia even.

"I don't deserve to. Not after what I've done. I let him down. Let down everything he taught me. I'm not worthy, I'm not worthy. Useless, useless, useless. It's all useless. I thought I was something. I was so wrong. Wrong, wrong, wrong."

I could only stare at the door in silent horror and sorrow.

The Hikigaya who never hesitated to help others, who felt like on a good day, he could fight a Super Saiyan and win, seemed utterly and completely broken.

My heart ached to see him like this.

I didn't even know who this person was he was talking about, or what had happened in the past to make him feel this way.

But I knew Hikigaya.

He was, first and foremost, a good person.

And he _shouldn't_ have to feel this way.

Next to me, Komachi was crying, but unable to say anything.

"Just leave me alone, Sensei. I'm not suicidal."

There was a soft sound, like someone lying down on a bed, then silence.

I turned to Komachi.

It didn't seem like Hikigaya would answer any more questions.

I could break down the door, but I no longer thought that was a good idea.

For the moment, there was only one thing I could do, and that was to help the sibling in front of me right now.

"Come on."

Gently, I placed my hands on her shoulders and prodded her towards the stairs. Slowly, she began to go down them, and I took her into the living room, and sat her down on the sofa.

I went into their kitchen, found the fridge, and got a bottle of water out of it, which I decided to bring to her.

"Here. Have some of this."

She accepted, and took a sip.  
Her eyes were still red, but she was calmer now.

"Hiratsuka Sensei… my brother hasn't killed anyone."

"I didn't say…"

"You're probably wondering, aren't you?" she said, interrupting me. "What he was talking about. The truth is, we're partially at fault. My parents and I. We… should have done something sooner. But he seemed to be recovering… seemed to be happy. And we couldn't take that away from him."

I waited for her to continue.

It was obvious that she needed to get this off her chest. And I would be lying if I said I didn't want to know the truth.

"The thing is… this isn't really a story I should tell you. It's not right. There are only two people on earth who have the right to tell you this story. Onii chan won't. So we have to go see the only other person who will, in hospital."

My eyes widened.

"This other person… who are they?"

Komachi looked right at me.

Her eyes were filled with sorrow.

"A boy named Kamishiro Kazuya. He was… _is_, Onii chan's first real friend, and the one he looks up to more than anyone else in the world."

My eyes widened as even more pieces from the puzzle fell into place.

Hikigaya had indirectly mentioned him in his essay.

_"I was presented with an ideal, a shining vision of humanity."_

I was already in too deep to back out now.

No, that had nothing to do with it.

I won't leave Hikigaya like this.

But I can't help him if I don't know the truth.

And to know the truth, I must meet a boy I know nothing about, Kamishiro Kazuya.

"He's in hospital, right?" I said, standing up. "Well, then, I hope you have the address, because we're going to see him."

Komachi, likewise looking determined, also stood up.

"I don't need it. I know the address by heart from all the times I've been there to visit Onii chan."

I wanted to question that statement, but now was not the time. Komachi grabbed the house keys, and we both left, heading to the hospital in my car.

This trip took a little longer, but we still managed to get there in half an hour.

Once there, we went up to reception. Komachi had the ward number of the guy, so the lady at the desk was able to tell us where to find him. We were given visitor badges.

Kamishiro's ward was on the first floor. We took the elevator up, and found the room soon enough. Once there, I wondered if I should knock before entering. Before I could do so, though, the door opened, revealing a kindly looking old nurse.

"Oh, you're here to see Kazuya?"

I looked at Komachi for a second, then nodded.

I felt a little guilty at how the poor nurse' eyes lit up with happiness.

"Oh, that'll do him a lot of good. He hasn't had a single visitor so far, you see. But wait… I called a friend of his earlier today… you wouldn't happen to know anything about whether he's coming, would you?"

I felt even guiltier now, but Komachi answered.

"Oh, I was the one who answered all your calls after the first one. My brother ended up falling sick, so he can't make it just now. We're here in his place."

"Ooh! I see. That's sad… but thank you for coming. I'm sure he'll be happy to see you."

She moved aside, and we entered the room.

"I'll give you some privacy," the old nurse said before leaving. "Use the bell to call if you need anything!"

I nodded and thanked her, then proceeded further into the room.

There was only one bed inside. It wasn't possible to see the occupant from the door because of a curtain pulled in front of it. Walking around it, I got my first look at the one Hikigaya looked up to above all others.

He was sitting upright, propped against a pillow and reading a manga. He looked incredibly thin, and his hair was dark and discoloured. He looked up as we approached. Despite his frail body, his eyes seemed alert and energetic, alive and full of life.

In so many ways, he was the exact opposite of Hikigaya, who was muscular and well built, but whose eyes always seemed dead.

Upon seeing Komachi and myself, he exaggeratedly looked upwards at the ceiling and then at us again.

"It's raining women? Now this is my kind of weather."

It was hard to resist from rolling my eyes.

"Devil May Cry 3 reference, right off the bat? Well, you have good taste at least," I said drily.

He chuckled slightly.

"A woman who plays video games too? You'll have to forgive me, miss, but I don't remember knowing anyone like you."

He looked at Komachi, and his eyes flashed with recognition.

"But wait… you… no way… Hikigaya told me he had a sister… You're Hikigaya Komachi, aren't you?"

She nodded slightly.

She said no words.

I could see in her face the same guilt and sorrow I had seen in front of Hikigaya's door.

I looked at Kamishiro, who was staring at us now, wide eyed.

"If you're here… then does that mean… Hachiman is here as well?"

On the drive here, I had wondered what sort of a man had been able to inspire such loyalty and respect in Hikigaya. From reading his essay, it was clear that most of Hikigaya's hedonism was learned from him. Thus, I had come here expecting to find a teenage dirtbag.  
Admiration tends to blind people. It was quite possible that Hikigaya's admiration had warped his perception of Kamishiro, turned an otherwise ordinary guy into something amazing.

But no, that was not the truth.

Humans are horrible at hiding information.

Our bodies react, and reveal many things.

And we are not as good at acting as we think we are.

It is possible, over time, to deceive someone into thinking you are their friend.

But the look of hope that lit up Kamishiro's eyes at the possibility of Hikigaya being here?

I do not think it is humanly possible to fake that.

Whether or not Kamishiro was the man Hikigaya thought or not, one thing was for sure. The bond between these two was real.

I shook my head.

"He isn't here," I said.

Just for a moment, disappointment passed over his face, but he hid it soon enough.

"I see," he said. "Well, I can't really blame him. I wouldn't want to visit a hospital either. Holy shit, these places are depressing. A healthy man has no business being here, hahahahaha-"

"Kamishiro," I interrupted him. "I'm actually here about Hikigaya. You don't know me, and I should introduce myself. I'm Hiratsuka Shizuka, his current homeroom teacher."

He raised an eyebrow.

"Wish I had a teacher like this," he muttered. "I might actually attend a few classes then."

I ignored his statement. I had already figured out that this was a guy who joked no matter how bad the situation was. I was starting to see where Hikigaya got his habits from.

"I know this is a lot to ask, since you don't know me. But I need to know: what happened between you and him? Why is Hikigaya scared to come see you?"

A shadow of pain crossed his face for a moment, and he turned to Komachi.

"What's going on?" he asked her. "What's the meaning of this?"

Komachi answered in a trembling voice.

"A year ago, after _that_ happened, you were both brought to this hospital. My brother was injured, but his body recovered soon enough. What ended up happening was that he suffered nightmares of the incident. He wasn't able to live with himself, knowing what had happened, and blaming himself for all of it. It got so bad, he saw a doctor here, who basically made him do something that would make him forget all of it. The idea was that eventually, when he was better, he'd gradually regain his memories, and have help as he did so. That was supposed to have happened a while back. I'm sorry. We should have… I should have been there. Told him that he needed to remember. Helped him do it, bit by bit, slowly. But we didn't. He seemed happy not knowing, and it was easier to just leave it all that way, tell ourselves that he'd choose when to do it himself. When he got the call from here today, telling him he could visit you, and you wanted to see him, he tried to remember. He forced himself to remember all of it at once."

Komachi was crying.

"He blames himself for all of it. You have to understand, he can't forgive himself. If we let him remember, he wouldn't be able to live with himself."

I looked at Kamishiro.

He was staring into the distance, into the memory which was so painful, that Hikigaya could not live with it.

I wondered what it was, that could make him loathe himself this much.

If he really had let Kamishiro down to that extent, it would make perfect sense for him to be bitter about it, to hate Hikigaya for it even.

But I couldn't see bitterness or hatred in his eyes. Not even a fraction of it.

No, the only loathing I could see there was self-loathing.

"I see. This is what I get for not revealing the truth, huh? I knew it. Friendship is about being open, trusting each other with your true self. I failed ya once, buddy. Don't worry. I won't fail ya again."

He looked at me.

"You want to know the story, huh? And why is that?"

And all of a sudden, it was as if the gravity in the room increased ten times.

Never in my life did I think that a frail, near-skeletal man bound to a hospital bed could be intimidating.

Until that moment.

"Who is Hikigaya Hachiman to you? Why should I entrust my kyodai's secret to you?"

_Incredible. Even with a body that can barely move, he's got a fighting spirit like this._

But even with his overwhelming gaze on me, I couldn't back down here. I would save Hikigaya.

"He's my student. It's a teacher's job to protect her students."

"You lie", he said, narrowing his gaze.

_What?_

"Teachers? Sure, I'd buy that if any real teachers were to be found in the schools of Japan. But I haven't encountered any such. Where are you teachers when your students are suffering? When they're bullied, alienated, cast aside, treated like trash? When their entire lives are reduced to marks on a grade sheet, statistics on a report, lunch money to be taken by thugs? Where are you teachers when the ones who need help aren't the pretty ones? When they're the kind of kids even their own mothers don't love. Where are you all then?"

_This man… he's sharp._

And his words had weight.

He was well aware of the corruption in the education system. And I couldn't fault his words, because there was truth in them.

But I could only speak for myself. I might not always succeed, but I had always tried to be the teacher I should be.

"Not once have I abandoned any of my students," I replied. "I don't know what Hikigaya went through in middle school. I don't know if I could have saved him from it. But I do know that the Hikigaya I know is a promising boy with a bright future. I will, no, I must, protect that future. So please… tell me the truth."

"... You believe in what you're saying, I'll give you that. But are you really just a teacher looking out for her student?"

He paused.

"Never mind. I believe you when you say you want to help Hikigaya. Fine, then. Listen well. To properly understand all of this, you have to know even the things that Hikigaya doesn't."

He looked at the both of us.

"Without boring you with details, I'll tell you this: my father's a filthy rich man. Have you heard of the upstart Yukinoshitas who act like they're a big deal these days? They haven't got anything on him. Heck, I'm half sure if he wanted, he could probably buy this entire city. That's why my medical bill's been paid all this time, though no one's come to visit. You're wondering if I'm going to spill the family name: well, the answer's no. I have my principles. But I'll tell you this. Kamishiro is my mother's name. Me and mom were never accepted by the old man's family. So we continued to live by ourselves. Every month, they'd send us some money, probably hush money to make sure my mom didn't tell anyone that the old man had an illegitimate son. Eventually, it got too much for her."

His voice softened a bit.

"I came home from school one day, and she was…" he looked at Komachi, and changed what he was going to say. "Dead."

"It's a messed up world where a fourteen year old kid has to get his mother buried. But I guess that's how it is. From then onwards, I lived by myself. My dad never showed up to the funeral. But he continued to send money, so I was never starving. Heck, I was living comfortably. I'd probably be fine if I did nothing for the rest of my life."

He paused, then looked away.

"I got sick and fucking tired of it all. So I did everything. It started with shoplifting. I did it just for the fun of it. Can I sneak a DVD out a store without anyone noticing? Turned out I could. The things I stole got bigger and bigger, until I was moving entire PCs. Then I got tired of it. So I turned to stealing money, cards. I had more cash than I knew what to do with. So I started to party. You name the drug, I've done it. You name the car, I've driven it. Moving TV sets is one thing. Moving car parts? Now that's big time. If I got busted for that, things could get bad. The risk made it worth doing. Eventually, I made a mistake. Managed to cover my tracks, but I could never go back to moving cars again. So I turned to drugs, big time. The days melted into each other. I had money, so buying more was never an issue, which meant I was always high. I would have overdosed sooner or later if I kept it up. I didn't really care. The world had turned its back on me, and I wanted nothing to do with the world either. It was around this time that I ran into a middle school kid a year younger than me. His name was Hikigaya Hachiman."

My eyes widened.

"I remember it clearly, because that was one of the few days back then that I was sober. I'd decided to hit an arcade and get a few games of Street Fighter in. And here comes this guy, who looked like he was carrying all the weight in the world. Looked depressed as hell. And he looks around, and he finds that all the slots are taken. So he chooses the only one left, next to me. And for whatever reason, I thought, ah what the hell. Let's just have some fun. So I strike up a conversation with him. Doesn't respond at first. Hikigaya wasn't really too good at the game back then, so I pretty much whooped his ass in round 1. But something about him struck me. Most often, you beat a guy that bad, and they pretty much admit defeat. But he was different. He didn't care about losing in the first place. Like it didn't even matter. Like _nothing mattered._ And that's when it hit me.

He was just like me.

He'd gotten to the point where the world had turned its back on him.

And he was in the process of turning his back on it too.

And something about that just didn't feel right.

Maybe because I'd been living that life for sixteen years. Maybe because I wanted to see _someone _fight, and take their own life back. Maybe because, for the first time, I wanted to do the right thing.

So I figure, I _won't_ do it.

I _won't_ let this kid lose hope.

I _won't _let him give up on life.

So I let him take that second round.

It was a simple thing, but it worked like a charm.

Suddenly, he was into the game. I didn't make it too easy for him. There was still challenge. Still hardship. But now, he knew that it was possible to get results. So he was enjoying it. And in round 3, I decided to up the intensity even more. It was a risky move. It would succeed big time, or fail big time.

But I thought, there are two kinds of people. The kind that emerges from a difficult event broken, win or lose. And the kind that emerges from it stronger, win or lose.

I needed to make sure he was the latter.

So I told him I'd do a super.

And I challenged him to do a pro gamer move, a Daigo Umehara move, and parry the whole thing.

And the madlad did it. I don't know if it was luck, or skill, or destiny.

But he pulled it off, and then he did his own super on me.

And his face just exploded with happiness.

And that's when I knew."

I watched Kamishiro Kazuya with bated breath, as he spoke the next words with a certainty that was incredible in its simplicity.

_"I had been saved. Hikigaya Hachiman had saved me."_

What followed was a tale so strange, it could only be the truth.

Kamishiro Kazuya spoke of the month he had spent with Hikigaya Hachiman. Of learning Hikigaya's past, and helping him deal with it.

"You see," he said. "I was never a good guy. And I was never brave. I'd always made the wrong choices in life. But when I was with him, I felt like I could be brave. I felt like I had a reason to be good. Hikigaya believed in me. And because he believed in me, I could believe in myself. Apart, we were both weak. Together, we were strong. So I knew I couldn't let him make the same mistakes I'd made."

"I'd always tried to have fun. I'd pursued pleasure. I didn't care who got hurt, or who I stole from. As long as I got what I wanted, I didn't complain. But I was never happy. So I told Hikigaya that. Having fun is the most important thing, but not at someone else's expense. I had to show him the right way to have fun. Heck, I didn't know what that was, myself! I was bullshitting most of it anyway. But the important thing was that he _was _having fun. More than he'd ever had with the scum he studied with in middle school, that's for sure. I didn't really have anything I could teach him. Only the skills I'd picked up myself. I didn't want him to be a thief. I didn't want him slinging drugs or taking them. So I taught him to be good at video games. Heck, I remember thinking it'd be great if I could be a mangaka. I didn't know much about life either. But I could at least pass on what wisdom I'd picked up on the streets. Hopefully, it'd be enough to make sure he didn't get duped by any of the scumbags in the world. But not so much that he'd end up losing hope like I did."

He told me all of it.

The street fights, the partying, the games, the wandering around.

And at the end of it all, I understood why Kamishiro Kazuya treasured Hikigaya Hachiman.

"They were after us for a while, those guys. I'd kept the truth from Hikigaya. No point in getting him worried. We were both good in a fight. Courage is the most important thing in a fight, and when we were together, we had all the courage in the world. I figured we could handle them. But I was wrong, so we had to run."  
He got to the part about them taking refuge in the under-construction mall, and the jump from the walkway to the chandelier.

"He was scared. But so was I! I was terrified. It was like a hundred feet in the air! A fall from that, and it was all over. But if I showed my fear, how was I supposed to be the guy he believed in? He was still young, still naive. He didn't know what it meant to believe in himself. So I gave him the only thing I could: a friend, a real one. And it worked. He had grown so much in that one month. To think, he nailed that jump like a total badass. I couldn't let myself be outdone by him though. So I was about to jump too, when I got clipped in the back by one of those guys."

I didn't even realize that a single tear was rolling down my face.

"I managed to hold on for a little while," said Kamishiro. He looked at Komachi. "You should have seen how hard your brother tried to pull me up. I wouldn't be surprised if he ended up tearing his biceps."

Komachi was speechless, tears pouring from her eyes.

"How much did you weigh?"

Kamishiro raised an eyebrow.

"What?"

"How much did you weigh?" Komachi repeated again.

He gave the question some thought.

"I guess I weighed somewhere around 60 kilos at the time. What does that have to do with anything though?"

"A few months ago, Onii chan came home from the gym one evening, barely able to move his arm. Barely, but still able. He was boasting about how he'd curled sixty kilograms. He hadn't talked that much in months. He was talking about how he'd been trying to hit that goal ever since he started working out. How something at the back of his mind was nagging him, and he felt he'd never rest easy unless he pulled off that exact lift."

And for the first time, I saw the invincible man Hikigaya had put his faith in, falter in his composure.

His eyes widened.

"All this time, even if his mind forgot, his heart didn't!" said Komachi. "He's been working. All this time, he's been working tirelessly, so that he never fails again!"

_Hikigaya has been working all this time?_

_Isn't he the guy who always boasted that he never puts in more work than necessary?_

_No, I can't believe I actually bought that._

_You can't get to that level in a year, unless you work your ass off._

_Memories or not, Hikigaya has been dealing with this kind of pressure for an entire year?_

I had chills all over my body.

The strength to lift a falling man up, one armed.

The fighting power to beat down twenty opponents, alone.

Those were the goals Hikigaya had set himself.

I could not imagine what he had gone through to achieve them in a year.

Had he lied to himself? Told him he was doing all this for "fun"?

It was impossible. It should be impossible.

But I'd seen him, bench a hundred kilos for reps. And I'd felt him no-sell the punch I've honed for years, without even flinching.

_Wait, come to think of it. Didn't Kamishiro just say that he would have liked to be a mangaka?_

_I get it now._

_All this time, he's been working tirelessly. I should have realized from that essay alone._

I looked at Kamishiro Kazuya.

_Everything Hikigaya failed to be for his friend, he resolved to become. In his heart, he never forgot, not for a second._

Not just the skills either.

The ideals Kamishiro Kazuya had imparted, in order to make Hikigaya Hachiman better than himself.

He had internalized them all.

Just like Kamishiro had been for him, Hikigaya was for everyone who came to the Service Club: a friend, someone to believe in, and someone to believe in them.

"I get it now," said Kamishiro. "Yeah. Now, more than ever, I know Hikigaya saved me. I haven't met him in a year. But I know he's on the verge of becoming the one I knew he could be."

He placed his hands on the bed, shaking, and tried to sit up a little straighter, his face scrunched in agony from doing so.

"Kamishiro!" I rushed forward.

"Unnhhh… you see, I can't move fall broke my spine. They can't fix it. I've lost feeling and mobility in most of my body. The damage was severe. My superficial muscles have atrophied severely, and most of my organs need to be supported. This bed is pretty much the only thing keeping me alive. I can't survive outside this hospital."

My heart felt an actual physical pain for him.

"The doctors tell me I can't live for long like this. Heck, I might as well already be dead. Besides, I don't know when my old man is going to get tired of putting money into keeping this corpse alive."

I didn't even know how to reply to that.

In all my years as a teacher, or just as a person trying to help others, I had never faced a situation like this.

Here, a man was telling me he would be better off dead.

And I didn't have the heart to deny that to his face, knowing how painful his life was.

But he wasn't done yet.

I was understanding, with each passing second, why Hikigaya idolized this man so much.

"Therefore, before I'm completely dead… my final task… is to free Hikigaya from his guilt. I have never blamed him for any of this, and I never will. Just as you saved me… this time, I'll save you."

He turned to the both of us.

"He's refusing to come see me out of a sense of guilt, isn't he? Typical. And I'm guessing he's locked himself up in his room too. Well, I know how to get him out."

"How?" I asked. "How do I get him out? How do I save him?"

"His inherent nature is to be someone who will help others in need. If someone is in need, he'll go, no matter how difficult it is. The easy solution would be for me to talk to him directly over the phone. But that won't solve the underlying issue. He needs to face his past, his fear and his guilt over his failure. And he needs to do it himself. And he can. Because his desire to help others, and to be the best version of himself, is stronger than all of that. But he needs someone to communicate the need to him. Someone strong, who can endure the guilt of forcing him to deal with that turmoil."

I understood what he meant.

Hikigaya needed to decide to come here, by himself, since it represented facing his past.

But someone needed to give him a reason to do so.

He already knew Kamishiro was in hospital, but he hadn't come.

Which meant, somewhere inside, he feels that his coming here will only make things worse. I have to make him believe otherwise.

But he isn't listening to reason.

The only way he'll come here is if Kamishiro _needs_ him to come.

And to make him believe that, I'll have to lie.

It'll be an unfair lie, one that places Hikigaya in a position no one should have to be in.

And it'll be a cruel lie too, since once he gets here, he'll realize that Kamishiro doesn't have long to live anyway.

He'll probably hate me for being the one to make him see this.

I took a deep breath.

_So be it, then._

Kamishiro and I both realize this. We both know this. Hikigaya has a bright future ahead of him. A future that must be protected. Kamishiro gave everything to help craft that future. And if I must earn Hikigaya's hatred to protect it, so be it.

I took out my phone, and texted Hikigaya. He wouldn't pick up my call, but he was likely awake, and would more than likely check a text.

_"Hikigaya. Kamishiro Kazuya is dying. He's been placed under Life Support. It is likely he won't survive the day. One of the last things he said was that he'd like to see his friend one final time. Are you going to let him down?"_

Before I had time to reconsider this horribly unfair text, I sent it.

I waited with held breath.

Would it work?

Hikigaya was a perceptive guy.

He might see through my lie.

But would he? Humans have a tendency to fail to see clearly when their emotions are involved.

Sure enough, I got a reply within a few seconds.

_"I'll be there."_

I read the text, and looked at Kamishiro, who nodded as if it was the only possible outcome.

We didn't even have to wait twenty minutes for him to arrive.

I heard footsteps running down the hall, and I knew it had to be him. As I went over to the door, I wondered how I would explain this. If any explanations or apologies would even suffice. And when I opened it, and saw his face, I couldn't really say anything.

Hikigaya was breathing hard. He'd thrown on probably the first clothes he could find. His hair was a mess, and his eyes were red. He was a far cry from the smooth, confident guy who carried himself with all the self-assurance of a heel wrestler. This was Hikigaya at his lowest, but as Kamishiro had said, he'd come here, because his friend needed him.

_Yeah, I was right. You were indeed the right person to recruit to the Service Club. More than anyone else, you embody its ideals._

The absolute madman in the bed behind me had inverted the situation from a year ago.

Back then, Hikigaya's arrival had given Kamishiro a chance to be the best man he could. And now, at the lowest point of Hikigaya's life, he was giving him the same chance.

And so, I said nothing. As much as I wanted to help my student, I'd already done everything I could.

From this point, it was between the two of them.

I moved aside, and allowed him to enter the room.

"Komachi, come on. Let's give the two of them some privacy."

And so, the two people left in the room were the pair who had chosen to be brothers, reunited after a year.

**Hachiman's POV:**

I didn't really know what I expected to see.

But lying in the bed in front of me, as emaciated as he was, was definitely the man who had saved my life.

"Hey, man. Ya made it, huh? Sheesh, I had to play dirty to get you out of the house. Jerking off is good and all, but ya gotta go out once in a while, ya know?"

Yes, there was no doubt about it.

He was so frail now, it was nearly impossible to reconcile his image with the one I knew. His once athletic body now little more than a skeleton. The dyed blond hair, always flamboyant and confident, was discoloured and dark. And the once handsome face was sunken.

But there was no mistaking that gaze, or that invincible smile.

"Kazuya…"

There was so much I wanted to say.

I wanted to cry.

I wanted to say sorry.

I was the one who had done this to him.

If I had simply believed in his choices from the start, and just made that jump right away, the hero who had saved my life wouldn't be in a hospital bed right now.

But before I could say any of that, he spoke first.

Come to think of it, he loved hijacking conversations like that.

"Look, man. Spare us the tears and the sobbing, huh? I didn't call you out here so that we could be depressed together. I called you out here so that we could hang out, have a good time."

He reached over to the table next to him, grabbed a can of MAXX, and threw it over to me.

"I have a feeling you still like these. Go on, this one's on me."

I looked at him, and found myself opening the can, and taking a sip."

"There are probably a bunch of things you want to ask me. But my life ain't that interesting, and I fucking hate sob stories. Why don't ya tell me what you've been up to instead? You've gotten bigger, huh? Been hitting the weights, I see. But ya can't tell me those muscles are just for show. You been in any fights? Tell me all about 'em!"

Well, that was something about the guy. I never could turn down a request from him.

"Well, not as many as we used to get into," I said. "But yeah, sure, once in a while I run into a punk who thinks he has a are different now, though. I learned how to fight, so it's easier."

"Oh? You learned some crazy martial arts stuff? Can you do a Shoryuken?"

"A jumping screw uppercut? Hate to break it to ya, man, but martial arts aren't really about flashy stuff like that."

"You're breaking my heart here. Next thing I know, you'll tell me that low kicks are the real ultimate move."

I wondered whether or not to tell him that my striking art was Muay Thai, and that low kicks were indeed extremely powerful.

I decided not to. Better to let him dream a little.

"So anyway," he said, continuing. "You actually know how to throw hands now. But then wait: fighters get chicks, my dude. And that must mean… you've got a woman now! Tell me: who's the girl?"

"Urgh!"

My mind instantly jumped to Yui, but also Yukino for some reason? I shook my head. It's Kamishiro's influence, I tell you. Wasn't he the guy who introduced me to doujins in the first place?

And of course, he picked up on my reaction immediately.

"Aha! So there is a girl! Wait, there's more than one, isn't there? You sly dog… you've become a proper riajuu, haven't you? Fucking asshole."

Scary.

He's way too good at reading people.

"In fact, I'd wager money that the teacher waiting outside is someone you've crushed on."

_OH SHIT!_

"Take my advice, Hikigaya. Give up on her. You're making this unnecessarily hard on yourself. Can you imagine what people would say about her if they found out she was going out with a student who's probably ten years younger than her? Come on, man. Don't make her deal with that shit."

"Ouch. You're fucking cruel, dude."

"Quit being a little bitch, Hikigaya. Besides, you've already moved on, haven't you? If I know anything about you, I'd say that it wasn't anything more than a passing phase. You tend to stumble around a little, but ultimately do what you need to, after all."

We both laughed.

"Come on, I'm the only one talking here. Tell me all of it! Everything you've done this past year."

And so I did.

I told him all of it, everything I'd been up to.

Everything that had happened since I'd become a second year at Soubu.

Meeting Zaimokuza.

Wanting to help Sensei.

Joining the Service Club.

Getting to know Yui, Yukinoshita, Totsuka.

I told him about the requests we'd gotten. Drawing a one-shot manga for Zaimokuza, training Totsuka, roasting the entire class over the chain mail situation.

I told him about being confessed to, about doing the confessing, and getting turned down.

Curiously, we both laughed more than we cried.

Perspective is a funny thing.  
And haven't I said?

One of humanity's greatest strengths is being able to laugh.

By the time I'd told him the entire story of the year we'd been apart, it was already evening.

He looked out the window, to where it was already dark outside.

"Well, I guess this is where we gotta part ways, huh?"

So he said.

"I probably won't get another chance to say this, and I've been pushing it back anyway. But I guess I just wanted to see what you've made of yourself since I last saw you."

"Kazuya-"

"You never asked me about my family, did you? I used to ask you about yours all the time. I wonder, did you instinctively realize it was something you weren't supposed to talk about? Looking back, how many barriers like that did I set up between the two of us? You looked up to me. A little too much. And I encouraged it. At the time, it was because I wanted what was best for you. But maybe I didn't believe in you enough. Seeing the you in front of me now, I'm sure you would have turned out fine even I'd told you who I was back then."

I shook my head.

Where was all of this going?

Why was he talking like he was at fault for anything?

"My mother… my family…" he paused, and just for a moment, I saw a flicker of pain cross his face, before it was once more replaced by his ever-present conviction. "No, it doesn't matter, at least between the two of us. You've come this far believing in me… and it's done the job. It's time for me to finish this. I've already taught you everything I could, Hikigaya. You remember what I said at that moment, don't you? I've already given you my last lesson.

_But I never tested you. _

This is the test. Pay attention. You're only going to get one chance at this. So listen carefully, then give me your answer."

Suddenly, my heart was pounding.

It was a skill Kazuya had. The ability to make me go along with all of his games and craziness. But this wasn't a game.

It was true that he'd taught me, had helped me become who and what I was.

And last time I'd been tested on that, I'd failed him, let him down.

This time, I couldn't fail.

But could I succeed?

All of the doubts and fears that had disappeared as I'd talked with him over the course of the day came hurtling back.

Suddenly, it was that day again, and I was once more struggling to hold on to Kazuya as he was about to fall.

And once more, he had that same unbreakable smile on his face, completely unfazed by his own predicament.

_"All right, listen well. You trusted in a man. Listened to everything he had to say. Tried to learn everything he taught you. You believed in him. And he taught you to be a "hedonist". You took that term at face value. You didn't really understand what that means. And so, when you felt like you had failed, the only thing you had to fall back on was your half-assed memory of a bunch of ideals you didn't really get. And so, you were confused. You were supposed to be living for fun. But the only time you felt alive was when you were helping others? Is that really what a hedonist is? Or was the ideal you believed in so shallow? So shallow that you helped others in search of approval? Surviving like a vampire on other people's energy?_

_So here's the question, Hikigaya. What is hedonism to you anyway?_

_And don't give me some answer ripped off from Google or some philosopher who died a hundred years ago, and has nothing to do with you or me."_

This was it, then.

The one who had made me everything I was, was now challenging me. Challenging the very foundations I had taken for granted.

I didn't really understand.

Yes, he was right.

I can't believe I ever thought my half-assed imitation of Kazuya would ever impress him. That was all I was doing, all this time, wasn't I? Going around, trying to act like a badass. Trying to talk like him, act like him, without even understanding where he was coming from.

I called out people for how shallow they were all the time.

Yet, I was just as shallow.

I was just an imitation of someone I admired.

And he had seen it right away.

Called my bluff.

In video gaming terms, _this_ was a true final boss battle.

Even reduced to a mere shadow of his former self, and possessing the capability to use nothing other than words, Kazuya had taken all of a few seconds to destroy the foundations of my self.

In so many ways, it was well-earned.

I had condemned him to be trapped in this bed, a man with flawless ideals, and no body to carry them out with.

And he had retaliated by exposing me for what I was: someone with a functioning body, but no ideals at all.

Was this how it was to end then?

It was well-earned.

I was being destroyed by the man I had destroyed, and let down.

Perhaps out of instinct, I looked towards the door. Just beyond it, Komachi was waiting, as was Sensei. 

And elsewhere in Chiba, there was Yui, and Yukinoshita. Zaimokuza and Totsuka.

Somewhere else, stuck in office, were my parents.

And as all their faces flashed in front of me, I realized.

_I don't want to die here._

Even if it was a metaphorical death, I didn't want to die.

I didn't want the "me" I was to die here, and not live to see all these people again.

I didn't want to give in to the hopelessness, to the despair, to the fears and the hatred, to accept that everything I had done and been in this past year was fake.

Because that would mean that everything I have with these people was fake too.

_I can't lose here._

But if I was only fighting for others, only living for others, then I wasn't really living at all.

And that's when it hit me.

I wanted to survive and see everyone again.

But I also wanted to survive for my own sake.

_I _didn't want to die.

I looked at Kazuya, and I realized how dangerously close I was to resenting him.

And that's what made me realize just how distorted my own thinking was.

_Final boss battle?_

_Kazuya trying to destroy me?_

_That doesn't make any fucking sense._

Kamishiro Kazuya was the man who had saved my life. He was my first, and best friend.

He'd _never_ do anything to harm me.

All of this… he's right. All this time, I've been trying to be him. Hell, I was so consumed by guilt over something I didn't even remember, I trained just so that I'd be ready if the same situation ever happened again.

But that was never what he wanted for me.

He didn't want me to be stuck in the past, thinking about something that had already happened, something I couldn't change.

No, Kazuya had given everything to make sure I _became _something. Someone.

Someone worth being.

But that someone couldn't be a carbon copy of himself.

He'd seen what I was turning it. Realized that I was floundering. That's why he'd asked these questions.

So that I finally confronted myself.

Find out what I am, who I am.

_What is hedonism to me anyway?_

Is it just blindly pursuing whatever seems fun in the immediate moment?

No. No it isn't.

That leads to an ultimately shitty life.

Is it helping others out of some kind of sense of duty? Is it altruism? Living for others?

No. Not that either.

_I am selfish. Even if I was doing it out of guilt, trying to be the guy I wasn't back then, I enjoyed every single thing I did this past year. So it's wrong to say it was just out of guilt._

_I chose it all, because I enjoyed it._

_The immediate pleasure of just having fun._

_And the deep pleasure of doing something challenging, getting better at it._

_None of that was a lie._

_But that isn't all._

_I couldn't see the truth because I was hiding behind those things. Trying to hide behind the things I enjoy._

_The truth is… I don't want to be alone._

That's right. Being alone is terrifying. Ultimately, it rips you of your emotions, until you can't even feel sorrow anymore.

But terrifying also is the thought of letting down the people you care about.

Failing them.

I knew that all too well.

I was so scared of it, I refused to remember it.

But all I had been doing was running away.

Using "fun" as an excuse, a wall to hide behind as I tried to ignore the truth. I tried to tell myself I could do everything alone. It was just a way to avoid getting close to people, avoid failing, again.

And as I got closer to the people in my life, those fears resurfaced.

That's why I was seeing more and more of the past in my dreams.

Until I finally opened the box and learned the truth.

And now, I had a choice.

I could run away knowingly… or I could stay.

You know, I've been told that traditional hedonism always seeks pleasure. And one of the ways it does this is by actively avoiding suffering.

But I think that's bullshit.

So many of the things we love the most come with their own suffering.

You want to be really good at something? You've got to sweat for it.

You want to be close to someone? You've got to be prepared for their low points.

Someone who runs away from that pain, that suffering… they aren't a real hedonist. Because they're running away from life. Running away from the thing or the person they want the most.

To stay, to risk losing again.

_That's my hedonism._

And so, the realization came.

Ultimate power does not lie in not giving a fuck.

Ultimate power lies in _giving a fuck._

It lies in caring even though you know you'll suffer for it. Even though you know you might fail.

Humans are at their strongest when they care.

One lives for oneself. And one cares for others. That is when they are at their best. It allows us to surpass our limits, time and again.

Would the me who ran away from my past have been able to do the things I did?

No.

I could only do it because somewhere inside, I hadn't really forgotten.

I had remembered Kazuya.

That was why I felt happy when I was with the Service Club, with my family, with my friends, with the people I've met at the gym and the dojo, even the people I've met online.

To do the things I enjoy, even if they might be hard.  
And to care about others, and try to help them, even if I might fail, even if I might suffer.

Those were two out of three components of my hedonism.

I'd managed to put these pieces together.

But one final piece remained.

My admiration for Kazuya.

For a long time, it had prevented me from properly thinking about and understanding the things he had taught me.

My admiration, my guilt, all of it was tied together, and it all came back to Kazuya.

I had idolized him to the point where I hadn't even been able to look at him, remember him.

Had Kazuya really wanted that?

I looked at him, lying on his bed, and tried hard to remove the lens through which I had always looked at him, the perspective of fifteen year old Hikigaya Hachiman.

Seeing him now, I realized he looked incredibly lonely.

_He's been suffering here for a year alone, hasn't he?_

Even before that, when we were together, had I truly been a friend to him?

As I asked myself that question, I was surprised that the honest answer was _yes_.

I might not have been everything I needed to be. But I had tried my very best. I might have failed. But I was, and always will be, his friend.

Just like he always will for me.

And that's when the final piece fell into place.

_My admiration wasn't a mistake. Yeah, sure, admiration can blind us. Make us see what's not there. But looking back, at everything he did for me, everything I felt: none of that was a mistake. None of that was fake._

But I couldn't live with that same mindset forever.

No matter how much I wanted, that month, that time we had together, it wasn't coming back.

Kazuya had given his all to make sure I could move forward.

_That's what he really meant_, I realized.

He didn't care about how I defined hedonism. Heck, Kazuya had never cared much about definitions and semantics at all.

_Ideals don't save people._

_**People **__save people._

Hedonism hadn't saved me. Kazuya had.  
_  
_His real question was simple.

_"What kind of a man will you choose to be, Hikigaya?"_

I closed my eyes, and thought back to that month, to being rejected by Orimoto.

I had been bitter at the world.

It would have been_ easy_ for Kazuya to take that bitterness and rage, and turn me into an asshole.

But that hadn't happened.

No, I felt happy when I was helping people.

Kazuya had taught me the exact opposite of apathy.

Many years later, I would learn that he himself had been a victim of apathy, of indifference.

Abandoned by a father who couldn't accept him. That abandonment had led to his mother committing suicide. And alone, friendless, Kazuya had had every right to hate the world, and hate the world he did, lashing out at it in every way he knew.

It would have been _easy_ for him to invite me into that same life.

To introduce me to drugs or theft or the same indifference the world had taught him.

But he hadn't.

Like I said, at that moment, in the hospital ward, I didn't know any of these things about Kazuya's past. I only found all this out later.

But even so, the lesson, the real lesson, that he had worked so hard to teach me, had struck home.

It had been within me.

It was the reason why I was happy when I was helping others, the reason I would always continue to do so, even when it hurt.

I just hadn't known what that lesson was.

But I knew it now.

I looked at Kazuya, and this time, I was able to meet his eyes, as I gave him my answer.

"At the lowest point in my life, I almost gave up on it. But at that point, when I needed it the most, someone was there for me. I could have hated the world. Done to it the same thing it did to me. But someone taught me better. When I needed it the most, he was a friend. It took me a while to understand what he was trying to teach me, but I finally get it."

**Kazuya's POV:**

I looked at Hikigaya as he gave me his answer.

There was a strength in his eyes that I hadn't seen before, and seeing it, I knew he had grown up at last.

"At the lowest point in my life, I almost gave up on it. But at that point, when I needed it the most, someone was there for me. I could have hated the world. Done to it the same thing it did to me. But someone taught me better. When I needed it the most, he was a friend. It took me a while to understand what he was trying to teach me, but I finally get it."

I waited with held breath for him to say it. To find out what he had taken away from all this, the kind of man he would choose to be.

He didn't falter as he said it.

_"Everything the world failed to be for you and me, I will be for the world."_

My eyes widened.

_You've come a long way. From here, I know you can handle the rest yourself._

I allowed myself to smile a bit.

"Hmph. I guess you passed the test, huh? Took you long enough. Well, late is better than never. Now that I know you can take care of yourself, I can tell you: don't feel guilty about anything that's happened. I chose my own path. No one forced me. Not you, not anyone else."

This was it.

I was nearing the end of my life.

If Hikigaya stays around for the rest of this, it'll do him more harm than good.

Besides, I fucking hate people crying around me, and I hate drawn out goodbyes. I'll make sure I say everything I need to say, right here and now.

"Hikigaya… I want you to know. That one month we spent, and this one day… they're the best times of my life. It was a hell of ride, buddy, and I wouldn't trade any of it for the world. Now go on, get outta here. I'm already late for dinner."

His eyes widen.

"Kazuya… can I come visit again?"

It makes me happy to hear that, but I can't have you doing that.

I shook my head. I guess I can be honest now.

"Nah. I'm not long for this world. I wanted to see ya one last time. I don't have any unfinished business left. And as for you, I know you want to be here. But you've already done more for me than you know. From here on, move forward, and live life to the fullest."

I don't half-ass it.

This is the last time I'm seeing him. I want to convey everything this has meant to me.

And he realizes it.

He's crying, but that's okay. It's better to cry now, and get it over with, and then move on.

Besides, there's nothing wrong with crying.

"Kazuya… thank you. For everything."

I shake my head.

"No, thank _you._"

For a moment, he's silent.

"Goodbye, Kazuya."

He gets up, to leave.

Something about this picture isn't right.

Stories are supposed to have happy endings. I can't have things end on this note.

As he's about to leave the room, I call out.

"Hikigaya!"

I'm holding out a fist.

Don't leave me hanging, brother.

Getting the message, he reaches out his own, and bumps it.

_"Go on, kid. Become a badass."_

_**Kamishiro Kazuya died a few days later. He passed away peacefully in his sleep. Having made prior arrangements, he was buried far from his paternal ancestors, next to his mother. The small fortune he had amassed through sale of stolen goods was given to charity through channels he had set up. The organization chosen was an orphanage. **_


	14. Chapter 14

**Author's note: Can we have the most amazingly hype Summer Camp of all time? I'll try, I'll try. That being said, this will probably be a lengthy arc, and have multiple different plotlines proceeding simultaneously. Also, expect a lot of characters who weren't in this arc in the anime or LN to show up here. ******

**Chapter 13-  
Summer Camp Arc, Part 1: The Ice Queen, Ms. Nice Girl and the Hedonist**

**  
Rumi's POV:**

This… is the worst day of my life. Why must I go through this. What have I done to deserve this? Is this how Zeppeli san felt when he learnt of his fate? Is this what it means to accept one's destiny? Is this-

"Rumi chan, stop monologuing. We're going to be late."

The voice you just heard belongs to my father, who is currently waiting next to the car, in which lies a packed travel bag that contains a week's worth of clothing, personal items and some essentials. In other words, everything I need for this most dreaded of all fates.

_Summer Camp._

Urgh.

Those words make me shudder.

Who in their right mind would want to go out in this heat, and live for a week in the middle of nowhere? Seriously, dad. This is why we have houses, and electricity, and air conditioning. Is there a reason I must revert to the lifestyle of our ancestors back in the Stone Age? Next thing I know, you'll tell me to discover fire, or invent the wheel.

"Rumi!"

"Coming, Dad."

Sigh. Well, here we go, I guess.

I pocket my phone and grab Portable san. Seriously, I can't even imagine getting through this trip alive without these precious, battery-driven friends. Well, when I'm not trying to outrun dinosaurs or hit distant herbivores with spears, I'll probably find a place to hide from the teachers, and more importantly, the other kids, and just relax a little. Yeah, that's right. It's just a week. I'll survive easily, and once I do, there'll be an entire month's worth of holidays to enjoy at home.

With this vision of joy to give me some hope, I walked over to the car and got in. Mom was already inside.

"Have you packed everything you need, Rumi chan?"

"Yes, Mom," I said drily.

"You could sound a little more energetic, you know. Summer Camp is a lot of fun."

"Riiiiiight. Sure. I believe you."

Mom looked at Dad.

"Honey, our daughter's learned sarcasm. I told you not to buy her all those video games. How are we supposed to fix this?"

"I'm right here, you know," I said from the back seat, a vein ticking in my head.

"Hahahaha, settle down, you two," called my father, ever a proponent of peace. "Rumi chan, you're mother's right, you know. I understand that kids these days might not be as interested in the outdoors experience as we might have been, but I'm not telling you to spend your entire holiday there."

That… really wasn't actually the problem.

No, I can deal with the heat, and the bugs, and all the rest of it.

In fact, depending on the place we're going, I might even like the outdoors.

I wouldn't mind going with Mom and Dad, or even with my cousins, though I don't meet them often.

No, it's just that… this is a school camping trip.

And my class and I don't really get along.

School isn't really fun. I go, I listen, I try to learn, I take notes, and I count down the minutes till I can go home. The bell that rings, signalling the end of classes, always makes me feel a sense of relief. When I'm at home, I'm happy. Far away from _them_.

And now, I have to spend an entire week with them.

With no bell to give me a reprieve.

I sometimes wonder if I should tell my parents about it.

But you see, my Mom and Dad talk a lot about their school days. They were both pretty popular. Neither of them had these difficulties. They're pretty proud of me too. I guess a part of it has to do with my looks. Don't misunderstand: they aren't shallow. But wouldn't ever parent be happy that their daughter's pretty? Beautiful people get a lot of advantages in life. And who wouldn't want their child to get advantages, get opportunities? I'm decent at studies, too, and I have plenty of hobbies. No matter how I look at it, every time I see Mom and Dad, they seem so proud of me, so happy. They probably think someone like me has plenty of friends.

And I can't really bring myself to destroy that happy image they have in their minds, even if it's a lie.

And then, like I said. Neither of them faced these difficulties. How would they even deal with them? What would they do? Go to the teachers or the principal?

That wouldn't change anything.

It's not like I'm openly bullied. No one steals my things or does anything to me physically.

I'm just… excluded.

You can't _force _people to like you. You can't _make _someone be your friend.

It doesn't work that way.

And honestly, the thought of our homeroom teacher calling me to the front of the class and telling people to be kinder to me… it's the most embarrassing thing I can think of.

No, it's better to just endure.

This is the final year of elementary school anyway.

I'll be going to middle school, and that's a chance to start over, meet new people. There will be new groups. A chance to not be alone.

Yes, until then, I just have to hang on. It shouldn't be that hard. They ignore me all the time. That's good. It's better to be left alone to do your own thing. I know they talk about me behind my back but it doesn't bother me.

Really, it doesn't.

Anyway, now you know why I don't want to go to camp.

Oh, yeah. Did I mention? It won't just be us elementary schoolers. Some high schools are joining in too. It's going to be this big event this year.

I'm not really sure how to feel about that.

I guess I'll wait and see.

For the moment, I decide to pull out Portable san. That's a Playstation Portable, if it isn't obvious. It's an older handheld console, but I love it. Most of my favourite games are a little bit on the older side. Right now, I'm booting up Tekken 5: Dark Resurrection. To be honest, the AI is set to easy. I'm not a very good player or anything. I guess you could say I'm a weirdo? I'm one of the, like, three people on this planet who play Tekken for the lore, story and characters, and not the gameplay. Most of the time, I just look up the movelist, find a move with an impressive sounding name, and try to pull it off in a match. And once I do, I spam that move like there's no tomorrow. And then I learn a new move, and repeat the process all over again.

Don't laugh, all right? It's no different than all you people who bought Nier Automata for "reasons".

Anyway, I start up the story mode, pick Jin because he's good looki- I mean, because he's a good character, and get engrossed in the game to pass the journey.

**Elsewhere, Yukino's POV:**

Going on a trip with clubmates. That's a new experience for me. I've been on trips with classmates before, but Class J isn't part of this particular camp. Most of the participants from Soubu happen to be students of 2F, which of course, has nothing to do with a homeroom teacher who blatantly plays favourites. Of course not.

Needless to say, I very much doubt Hiratsuka Sensei's ability to handle things here by herself, so being the upstanding citizen and model student that I am, I volunteered to come along. For some reason, she interpreted this as me suggesting that the Service Club should be conscripted into this. I tried to protest, but unfortunately, that woman has the ability to tune out anything she doesn't want to hear.

And so, here I am, in a bus.

"Yukinon, look, I got snacks!"

I sighed.

How is it humanly possible to have this much energy? It's been an hour since we set out, and Yuigahama san doesn't look like her enthusiasm has dampened even the slightest bit. I tend to not do so well with transportation, so I have the window seat. Yuigahama san has the aisle seat, and she seems perfectly happy with that, since she's been moving up and down the aisle to change seats and spend time with her friends since we set out.

I doubt I need to mention this, but all the Soubu students who will be attending this Summer Camp are on this bus. And somewhere in the front, probably trying to sleep off a poorly hidden hangover, is our Club Advisor, Hiratsuka Shizuka Sensei.

Sigh.

Truly it is lonely being the only responsible person in a group.

I looked out the window, at the sea.

Turning back around, I examined Yuigahama san.

She looked _very _happy.

Well, she had every reason to be, I suppose.

After all, _he_ was coming along on this trip too.

I had never really spoken to her about it, but it was obvious that Yuigahama san liked Hikigaya kun. She was a maiden in love, and it was clear to see. There was a rather infamous incident in 2F. Hikigaya kun had apparently suggested (not so subtly) that the friendships and bonds all his classmates kept flaunting were in fact, quite shallow. It wasn't really my preferred way of handling the chain mail problem, but I couldn't deny it was effective. And I'm not just saying that because I too resent the way the masses spread rumours. And I don't admire the fact that Hikigaya kun kicked a certain boy with a poor track record when it came to loyalty.

I definitely didn't smile when I heard about it.

Definitely not.

And that was what worried me.

You see, more and more often, I found myself smiling at the things Hikigaya kun did.

It may or may not have something to do with the fact that he was the only person in existence that I knew of, who wasn't charmed by Nee san in some way or the other. Or the fact that he had uncompromisingly given her a verbal trouncing on their first meeting.

It was strange.

I had initially disliked him because he was uncouth and rude, and because his way of life espoused a philosophy diametrically opposed to my own.

But as time went by, I found that he wasn't quite what he appeared.

His manner of speech was blunt, even crude, but his words were kind. He seemed like a trickster, but he spoke the truth. He acted like a bully, but he stood up for those who couldn't defend themselves.

And he had said that when the time would come, he'd save me.

It was dangerous to believe in that, believe in him.

After all, he didn't even know the challenges I was facing.

He didn't know my family.

From every logical point of view, there was no reason to put any stock in his words.

Yet, when he said something, no matter how far-fetched it seemed, it didn't feel like a stretch to believe him.

Somehow, if it was him, it felt possible.

Hikigaya Hachiman was that sort of person.

One with the power to make the impossible possible.

I shook my head.

It was pointless to think about, pointless to give myself false hope.

But even if Hikigaya ultimately couldn't save me, the fact didn't change.

_I liked him._

And that's why I felt uneasy, looking at Yuigahama san.

This wasn't fair to her. Not one bit.

We had both spoken before about Hikigaya's obvious infatuation with Sensei.

Recently, it seems to have come to an end.

This was only to be expected, of course. It was why I was never worried about it in the first place. Sensei is, despite appearances, a rational and decent person. And as for Hikigaya, he isn't the type to let a passing attraction consume him. It is not unexpected to fall for a beautiful, older woman. But Hikigaya, though, he never stated it explicitly, seeks genuine connections. I saw it in the way he took care of Zaimokuza and Totsuka's requests. He would realize sooner or later that the relationship between them was one of teacher and student.

Once that happened, he would take some time to come to terms with it.

For him, it would be a quick process.

He seeks to live to the fullest, above all else, and will quickly move on once he realizes it's the right thing to do.

That is what he seemed to have done.

Unlike me, Yuigahama san _was_ worried about the situation with Sensei. Somewhere inside, she was afraid of losing him to her.

And so, when Hikigaya finally acknowledged her, she was overjoyed. When he got over his attraction towards Sensei, that happiness only grew.

Finally, she had a chance with the one she liked.

I should mention, Yuigahama san is a good person.

So is Hikigaya kun.

It is clear that he likes her as well, and once he is ready, he would not mind becoming closer to her.

_Is it really right for me to get in the way of that?_

I shook my head again.

This was pointless to think about.

In the first place, Hikigaya kun didn't have any feelings towards _me._

And there was no need to give him a hint that I had any towards him.

Yes, that would be best.

Eventually, he will get together with Yuigahama san. It will help him forget his impulsive promise to help me, and that is only for the best. I do not want him to get involved in my mess.

But all that being said, one question remained.

Where _is_ Hikigaya kun anyway?

Because he's not in the bus with the rest of us.

This fact does not seem to bother Yuigahama san though. Is it because she knows something I don't?

"Yukinon, are you sure you don't want any?"

She's holding out a packet of biscuits, and I decide to take one from it.

"Thank you."

There's not point thinking about it too much.

If Hikigaya is supposed to be there, he'll be there.

Reassuring myself thus, I decide to relax a little. It'll take us a little while longer to arrive at our destination, so I decide to pass the time by listening to some music.

Little did I know, those few minutes peacefully listening to the sounds of Steve Vai's guitar would be the prelude to a Summer Camp best described by one word.

Insanity.

**Half an hour later, outskirts of Chiba.**

**Yui's POV:**

We're finally here!

Our bus has stopped.

"All right everyone. Time to get off. Do it in an orderly line, please, try not to fall on your face right off the bat."

So saying, Hiratsuka Sensei opened the door and deboarded the bus. Sheesh, she's not in a good mood, huh? Why does he have to drink if it's only going to get her mad later?

"Yui, you coming?"

That's Yumiko chan calling out to me. Well, no point sitting here! Time to get this camp started!

"On my way!"

I turn to the girl next to me, who's putting away her cell phone.

"I'll catch up in a minute," she says, understanding.

That's one of the great things about Yukinon. It's not easy to spend time with two different groups of friends, who don't get along with each other. Well, actually, I have no idea if Yukinon would get along with Yumiko chan, Ebina chan and the others. But she's never shown any interest in getting to know them, and somehow, I think it'd be incredibly awkward to suggest it to her.

Well, on the other hand, she knows Hayato. I think.

I'm still not sure about that.

It's just, once or twice, I've seen them talk to each other in passing, and from they were saying, it sounded like they're family's know each other. Maybe they're just acquaintances then? That would be easy to believe, normally.

Except, something about the way they act tells me otherwise.

So, yeah, it's a good thing Yukinon is understanding. I know it'll be harder for her, since I'm probably the only friend she has on this trip. I'll be spending most of my time with her. But I can't totally ignore the others either.

I catch up to them.

Pretty much everyone's here.

Yumiko, Ebina, Hayato, Tobe, Ooka, Yamato.

Oh yeah, a few other people from our class are here too.

Totsuka chan is here. Arre, did he always hang out with that many girls?

Oh, and that scary girl with the silver hair is here too. I think her name is Kawasaki. Wait, is that a packet of cigarettes sticking out of her pocket?

I shake my head. None of my business, right? Hiratsuka Sensei would totally stop her.

Urgh. Even in my head, that sounds hard to believe. She'd probably join her for a smoke.

"Yui, you're spacing out again."

"E-eh?"

Yumiko chan is staring at me, frowning slightly.

"You've been acting really strange recently."

"Really? Aren't I the same as always, though?"

"No, you're not! You barely spend any time with us anymore!"

"But I'm spending time with you right now."

"!... hnn… don't get smart with me, Yui, you know what I'm talking about!"

Yeah, there's her trademark temper again. Yumiko chan always was quick to anger. It used to be a little scary back in the day. But now it's not?

"You've changed," she said, finally. "Ever since you started hanging out with _him_."

Even as she says that, I feel my face grow slightly red. Thinking about it, she's not wrong though.

"Maybe," I admit. I'm not going to do the cliche thing and pretend like I don't know who she's talking about.

"You didn't use to be this way", Yumiko chan said. "Now, it's like you have a problem with everything we say."

Did it appear that way?

Yumiko is used to having people agree with her, or at least, not contradict her. I guess she thinks that anything aside from that means that someone has a problem with her.

But it's not like my likes and dislikes have suddenly changed. It isn't as if I suddenly have a problem with a lot of things she does.

I just speak my mind more often now.

Did I learn that from Hikki?

I can't help but smile a little.

I shake my head.

"Uh uh. I don't have a problem with you, Yumiko chan", I say aloud. "But I'm not going to stop hanging out with Hikki."

"Urrkkk!"

By this point, I realize that Ebina chan's listening in on this conversation too. I guess that's fine. She's a lot more accepting than Yumiko.

Yumiko, on the other hand, doesn't seem happy with what I've just said at all.

"Yui!"

Sorry, but this is one thing I can't back down on.

"Hmph, fine. I can't force you."

There we go. A lot of people mistakenly think that Yumiko's a tyrant. That's not true at all. I think she's just very protective of her friends. To be fair, Hikki does have "bad boy" written all over him. But that's a misconception too. The thing about him is, he likes acting like an anime villain. Over-the-top theatrics, crazy plans, all of those things. He's not a bad boy. He's the biggest dork I've ever met.

And I wouldn't change that for anything.

"What do you even see in him anyway?"

I giggle slightly. Yumiko's getting desperate now. I guess I can humour her a little?

"He's a very good artist," I say. "Honestly, I can't even tell the difference between what he does and pro work."

"He's not that good," Yumiko argues. "I've read that one shot everyone keeps talking about. It was okay at best. Right, Ebina?"

Ebina chan looks slightly surprised at being pulled into the conversation. She typically avoids arguments, but also, she's never been intimidated by Yumiko chan, and she lie either.

Right now, she smiled uncomfortably, probably because she didn't want to outright say aloud that she disagreed with her.

Yumiko chan could probably tell what she thought just from the look on her face though.

"Ugh. You too, Ebina?"

Poor Ebina chan chuckled. "Sorry. Whatever else he might or might not be, Hikigaya is a pretty good artist."

"Hnnnngggg… well, it doesn't matter! He's rude, and there's something wrong with him! Don't you remember that stuff he was saying that day? And he attacked Hayato!"

There's really no way I can reply here without antagonizing her. Yes, it's true that Hikki provoked him. But I'm pretty sure Hayato was moving forward when Hikki struck him. I don't think he would have done that unless Hayato was going to attack him. Even if he did attack first, even if he did say some harsh things. He was doing it to protect this group. But that's not the point. My feelings for Hikki aren't that shallow. Even if he makes a mistake or two, I won't leave him. I'll stay with him, and fix things. That's what he would do for me.

Besides, if I back down here, I'd just be letting Yumiko chan get away with using the Hayato card again.

Sorry, but if it's about defending your man, I won't back down either.

"I remember," I said aloud. "And I'm not going to leave him because of it. Hikki's intentions weren't to hurt anyone. He was putting a stop to the rumours. And it worked, didn't it?"

"You-!"

By this time, we had already got off the bus and retrieved our luggage from its rear compartment. We'd been walking towards the entrance of the resort where we'd be staying. Up ahead, I could see the gate. And standing next to it, waiting, was the one I was just talking about.

Yumiko probably would have taken this further.

But I'd already said what I had to. I still want to be friends with Yumiko and the others. But not at the cost of what I have with Hikki. He'd be fine with my decision. Right now, Yumiko, _you're_ the one who's trying to make me leave someone. And it's not going to happen.

I'd made my choice on that day itself, when Hikki had asked me in front of everyone. I didn't regret that decision.

I was about to go and greet him, when I realized: I wasn't the only one he was waiting for.

Looking back, I saw Yukinon making her own way towards the gate, carrying her bag, alone.

"Anyway, Yumiko chan, Ebina chan, I'll see you guys in a bit, okay?"

With that, I ran.

I ran towards Yukinon, who, judging by the look on her face, wasn't expecting it at all.

Reaching out, I grabbed her hand.

"Y-Yuigahama san?"

"Come on! The Service Club has to stick together, right?"

Her eyes widened.

Just for a moment, there was a look of hesitation, even guilt on her face.

But then, it was replaced by that rare, pure smile of hers.

"Yes, I suppose so. There has to at least one sensible person in the group."

I grinned and ran forward, still holding her hand, and she kept pace effortlessly.

Within seconds, we had reached him.

He looked different from how I remembered him.

He wasn't in uniform, for one thing. Like all of us, he was in casuals. In his case, that meant a pair of cargoes and a sleeveless vest that did a good job of showing off his chest and arms. No complaints here. Absolutely none.

But besides that, he seemed to have changed.

Somehow, it was as if he'd matured a lot, though it wasn't as if he'd suddenly gotten much older. No, it was more like he'd been through something important. But when he smiled, it wasn't the strained smile of forced confidence that I remembered. It was a genuine smile, as if he'd shed a lot of weight he'd been carrying all this time.

For the first time, Hikigaya Hachiman looked truly free.

"Hikki…"

"Hikigaya kun…"

"Yo."


	15. Chapter 15

**Author's Note: Many allusions have been made to 8man's strength and fighting ability, but we haven't really seen it much, have we? Well, this chapter will fix that. I don't want to interrupt the flow of the chapter, but I highly recommend listening to Furious Fight from the Jojo Part 5 OST when Hachiman's POV comes on. Also, the scene is more violent than the average shounen fight. If you're below 18, please skip this chapter.**

**Chapter 14-  
Summer Camp Arc, Part 2: Ghosts from the Past.  
Rumi's POV:**

Well, I'm finally here. Running away is no longer an option. Well, realistically speaking, it's not like it was an option while we were on the way here either. Ah, well. I collect my bag from the trunk and start to make my way towards the resort's front gate. I can actually see some other kids from my class there. Turning around, I look at Mom and Dad.

"Try to have some fun, Rumi chan! We'll see you in a week. And don't forget: give us a call if you need anything."

"Okay, Mom."

Waving goodbye, I turn, take a deep breath, exhale, then make my way towards what will most likely be an unpleasant experience.

I reach the gathering spot soon enough. I can see a lot of kids of different ages here. Many of them are elementary schoolers like me, but I can also see middle and even high school students. Everyone mostly seems divided into groups, most likely on the basis of which school they're from. By that logic, I should be sticking with the others from my school. Except, they shot me a couple of dirty looks and then went back to ignoring me. Well, that was fine, I guess. I can see our homeroom teacher up ahead, so at least I won't be left behind without knowing where to go.

With that fact to fall back on, I decide to look around and try to observe the people from the other schools.

Almost right away, my attention is drawn to one of the loudest groups, if not the loudest. Most of the noise is from a guy with long hair that seems to be dyed orange. Is that what a normal high schooler is like? Well, at any rate, he's energetic, and people seem to be laughing at what are hopefully his jokes. But he doesn't seem to be the centre of attention. If anything, most of them seem to have gathered around another boy.

Now this one is probably what most people would think of if they heard the phrase "male teen idol". He's tall, looks athletic, has light blonde hair, and he's good looking. He also carries himself with an air of confident friendliness. Doesn't seem like an arrogant jerk. Whatever the case may be, he exudes charisma, and it's clear that he's the one around home that group is centred.

This seems to be backed up by the fact that there's an intimidating (and pretty) girl right next to him. Now I'm not an expert on this, because I'm just twelve years old, but I think what she's doing right now is called "guarding one's territory".

High schoolers are weird. And scary. But mostly weird.

That group is pretty big. If I look carefully, I can see that not everyone standing there is really part of it, but they're all gravitating towards it anyway, probably because it constitutes the majority. It's amazing how that works, to be honest. Even in high school, no, especially in high school, popularity and charisma drive in everything. Looking at tight knit they are, I feel doubts forming within me. Can someone like me ever really change my circumstances? Won't middle and high school be just more of what's been happening so far? It isn't hard to imagine the ones who ignore forming up a clique like that. And if you were a loner before… chances are, you'd remain a loner.

My thoughts are about to properly hop on this depressing train, when they're derailed by another voice. It's not particularly loud, but something about the tone makes it stand out.

"- absolutely unheard of. I cannot believe you'd even suggest something like this."

"I'm just saying, maybe it's not a bad idea. People who can land 80 percent health combos should be given an extra 30 percent on all exams, since that's how much they're above the average."

"Preposterous. I suggest you reduce the amount of time you spend on video games, Hikigaya kun. You're starting to rot."

These voices were coming from people who were clearly _not_ a part of the other group. The one speaking with rather formal intonation (and cruelly turning down her companion's proposed gamer's advantage), was… _me_?

Okay, that must have been confusing.

She obviously wasn't me. But looking at her, in all fairness, without even being arrogant, the first thought that entered my head was that she looked like a more grown-up version of myself. Slender, long black hair, _very_ pretty. She seems for some reason to be more on the reserved side, which made it all the more incredible how animatedly she was talking to the other speaker.

Said speaker, who was righteously standing up for all gamer-kind, was…

I blinked a couple times.

Now I don't mean to sound like a hipster, or someone who tries to be different for the sake of being different. But the blonde idol-looking guy earlier? He's probably the one most people would point at if you used what a cool kid looked like.

But me?

I'd point to _this _guy.

He was dressed casually in a simple pair of cargos and a black sleeveless vest. Well built and muscular, he seemed to have the kind of physique I saw on MMA fighters. His hair was a bit messy, but purely due to how at ease he looked, it actually came across as stylish and graceful.

Also, he was a gamer.

I had no idea who he was. But this guy? He was _cool._

It wasn't just the beautiful ice queen and this stylish bad boy, though. There was another girl with them, and she was every bit as good looking. Unlike her almost ethereal companion, she looked far more earthy, more like a girl-next-door. But there was a brilliant, kindly charm to her.

_Why on earth would these people want to join that other group? There's no reason for them to._

They were having all the fun they could want in their own little world, and seemed perfectly unconcerned with what anyone else around them might be saying or thinking of them.

The thing is, if you have to desperately make yourself and your clique exclusive, if you have to go out of your way to ignore and make fun of others, or call them "cringe", aren't you just what the Americans call edgy? Aren't you just a tryhard? You might be popular and all that, but I can't bring myself to look up to you.

On the other hand, this trio with their effortless confidence, looked like they'd give the time of day to anyone who approached them. They didn't seem to be going out of their way to look down on anyone. They were secure in themselves, and that is the sure sign of power.

"80 percent combos in Tekken are _not_ easy. I know more people who score 80 percent on a math test than people who can do a Perfect Electric Wind Godfist", said the boy.

The dark-haired girl face-palmed.

"You are hereby summarily banned from all educational councils. Seriously, Lowlife kun. Just stop."

"Hey, come on now, you two. Be nice," said the resident good girl of the three. I noticed she was quite close to the boy, and he wasn't trying to widen the distance.

_Are those two… going out?_

I felt myself blushing.

Again, I reiterate, I'm only twelve years old. A lot of the girls in my class talk in hushed whispers about boys, but no one has ever had the courage to actually "confess" as they say, and none of the boys have done it either.

So I'd never really seen a "couple".

_This is… are they not uncomfortable being that close in public? Is this guy actually some kind of skeevy player?_

I mean, that other girl seems to be pretty close to him too.

Urgh.

I take back what I said. High schoolers are all the same.

And just because you play the same video game as I do doesn't mean you're okay.

What was I thinking?

There's no way I could be like them.

I actually judged by appearances? Stupid Rumi.

He's probably just like everyone else.

I shake my head.

Never give yourself false hope.

The teacher's calling us. I guess we're going to our rooms or something. Quietly, I follow.

**Yui's POV:**

There are a LOT of people here. I knew this was a big event, but I had no idea it'd be this big. Also, it's kinda weird seeing Sensei get treated with so much respect. Apparently, she's a responsible adult. But I guess stranger things are true. In any case, all of that has nothing to do with me. Hikki doesn't stare at Sensei anymore. And he isn't trying to keep a distance from me anymore. Maybe… maybe he's ready at last.

I look at him.

He really does seem a lot happier now.

He smiles more, and it's like he's opened up to us.

That makes me happy.

"Oi, Yui, you OK? You've spaced out or something."

I come to my senses and realize he's looking right at me.

Close! Really close! My face is getting red.

This isn't the place for this, Hikki! At least wait till we get to our room.

Wait, hold on a second. We won't be sharing rooms at all, will we? Girls and boys will probably be separate.

"I'm not entirely sure what you're picturing, but that lewd expression on your face can give the fujoshi a run for her money."

!

I hit him several times on the arm, but he laughs it off. He always makes these weird jokes!

"Stop making fun of me!" I said.

"But I'm not. You look super cute."

Hnnnggg!

Critical hit. Must recover.

It's exactly at this point that Yukinon chooses to come in.

"Cease and desist at once, Hikicreep kun. Your behaviour is atrocious."

"What? What did I do?"

"Stop trying to corrupt this girl. Yuigahama san, I suggest staying far and away from him."

Hikki rolled his eyes.

"Whatever. My mere presence elevates the style rank of everyone in the vicinity."

"That… doesn't have anything to do with- oh, never mind. Everything is a video game reference to you."

"No, not really, but it frustrates you, so that makes it entertaining.

Yukinon narrowed her eyes dangerously, and I could feel the temperature dropping. Hikki seemed totally unconcerned though.

"Besides, I think you secretly like hanging out with me."

That catches Yukinon completely off-guard, and she averts her face.

Wait, did that really just happen?

Looking at her, it's hard to make out the expression on her face. Is she… blushing?

…

Nah, no way, that's impossible.

Yukinon and Hikki get along fine, but she'd probably throw up in her mouth at the thought of looking at him _that_ way.

Feeling a little relieved at that for some reason, I decide to change the subject.

"Hikki, stop picking on Yukinon."

"All right, all right."

We walk in silence for a while, till we come to the lodge houses. There are quite a few of them.

"All right. I'm going to call out your names. Just fall in line as I do so, and I'll tell you where you'll staying," Sensei said from the front.

Over the next few minutes, we were divided up. All of us girls would be in one house, and the boys would be in another. Since there were quite a few schools here, this would be a good way to make sure there was enough room for everyone without any overcrowding, while everyone still got to stay together with people from their own schools to avoid any confusion or discomfort.

Once this was done, Sensei dismissed us, and we decided to go get settled in. The house was quite comfortable. There were enough beds for everyone, and it was spacious enough that we wouldn't end up huddling together or anything. Most of us just decided to either put our luggage on or under our beds. After all that was done, we headed back out to the common area to meet up with everyone else.

We arrived in the courtyard at the same time the boys did. Some of the other schools were already settled in, so they were waiting there. We'd just arrived, but it was likely some or the other activity was planned for the day.

I spotted Hikki with the rest of the boys. Totsuka chan was there, and so was Zaimokuza, and he was chatting with them. They all looked relaxed on the surface, but it was clear that there was some tension under the surface. Something had happened. I immediately looked at Hayato, because I knew he didn't like Hikki, and the feeling was mutual. If something really had taken place, it involved those two for sure.

As we walked towards them, I waved, and he waved back.

"There really are a _lot_ of people here, huh?" I said.

"So it seems," he agreed.

Before I could say anything more though, we were interrupted by a voice I was unfamiliar with.

"Arre, is that Hikigaya?"

The change that came over his demeanour almost instantly was alarming.

For a brief moment, I froze up.

Hikki doesn't get angry like regular people, you see.

His eyes were _beyond_ cold.

I've seen false smiles many times, from many different people.

But never before had I seen one like that which he was wearing at that moment.

Whoever this person was, who had just spoken, Hikki knew her quite well.

And he didn't like her one bit.

"_Orimoto. It's been a while, huh?"_

Orimoto? So that's her name.

I looked at her.

She seemed like… pretty much a hundred other people I'd met? A little loud, big smile on her face.

"It _is _you!" she said excitedly. "I almost didn't believe it. Woah, you've changed a lot! Were you always this big! Hey, Saito, come check this out!"

At the mention of this Saito person, Hikki's smile grew.

I really wanted to shout out a warning to whoever he was, to run.

Because Hikki's smile was saying only one thing, and I could hear it clearly.

"_I will destroy your happiness."  
_  
At Orimoto's words, a group of boys came over. Right away, I could tell they were bad news. Orimoto herself seemed either unaware or indifferent to this fact. I could tell that it wasn't really her Hikki was angry at. It was the rest of them.

"What's up?" said one of them, probably Saito.

"Check this guy out. You recognize him?" said Orimoto, gesturing to Hikki.

It took a moment, but recognition dawned on his face.

"You… I remember you. Damn, I didn't think I'd ever see you again, after _that_ accident."

He chuckled. It wasn't a pleasant sound.

"How's your friend doing? He still like jumping from high places?"

My eyes widened. I reached out a hand to grasp Hikki's to make him calm down.

And that was when I realized.

He was already _deadly_ calm.

He didn't swear, or trash talk, or do any of the things he normally did, and that should have been a sign to anyone who knew him that this wasn't going to end well.

Still with that smile on his face, Hikki answered, deliberately putting on a timid voice. It was so obviously fake, that I realized instantly that he was insulting Saito's intelligence, right to his face.

"Haha, that's a long story, but it's all in the past now."

"Oh, is that so? Maybe we should catch up and talk about it."

And that was when his attention turned to _me._

I didn't like the look in his eyes one bit.

Hikki noticed my discomfort, and this time, he wrapped his hand around mine.

Orimoto still seemed blithely oblivious to whatever it was they were talking about.

"Eh, did you two always know each other so well?"

"We've met once or twice," said Saito. "What'll it be, Hikigaya? We get together one more time for old time's sake?"

Hikki smiled.

"Sure. We're at camp together. We'll be seeing each other all the time."

Saito and the rest of the group smirked.

"All right, all of you! Pay attention!"

So came the call from the camp instructors, and we had to end the conversation there. The next several hours went by partaking in camp activities, and by the time it all ended, it was late evening, and we'd already had dinner.

We were supposed to go back to our lodge houses and sleep.

But that Saito fellow's words were still in my head, and I was afraid. He was bad news. There was something _wrong_ about him, and I wasn't comfortable just being in a house with him around. Yukinon had been there during that confrontation too, so she knew what I was worried about. She assured me that she had Sensei on speed dial, and had even called her family to inform them. But I was still scared.

We were in the dining hall, and were supposed to be going back to the houses.

Hikki came over, and quietly whispered in my ear.

"Sleep easy. You'll be safe."

And, miraculously, somehow, hearing it from him was able to put me at ease.

**10:00 pm.  
Hikigaya Hachiman's POV:**

Exactly 20 of them. I remember every one of those faces, because they're the exact same people who were there that day.

I looked up and silently thanked God.

It's not everyday that one gets a chance like this.

Incidentally, camping activities today were interesting. We chopped firewood and everything. We're staying in houses, so we didn't really need to fix tents or hammer stakes into the ground or anything. But where there are axes, there are sledgehammers. And since this a camping trip after all, I was carrying a sturdy pair of leather gloves with me, on the offhand chance that I need it for something or the other.

That's good, because I do need them tonight.

I put them into my pocket, and get off my bed.

"Hikigaya, you going somewhere?" Totsuka calls out, lying on his own bed and fiddling with his phone.

"Yeah, just gotta go do some business."

"Is that a way of saying you need to take a dump?"

"... You know what? That works. It is waste disposal, after all."

"Fucking gross. Get outta here, man."

With that conversation concluded, I exit the house, and make my way towards the tool shed. The good thing about a bunch of teenagers stuck with friends in houses is that they're so busy having fun, they're never going to look out the window to check what one solitary figure might be upto moving around after dark.

The tool shed isn't far, and it's unlocked too. That's good. I mean, if it ended up being locked, I'd probably improvise by grabbing a branch (there are plenty lying around). But hey, never question good fortune. Moving inside, I look around a bit and spot a sledgehammer. Slipping on the gloves, I grab the handle and lift it up. I check the weight. It feels light enough. Can't really judge it by the same standards as a dumbbell though. The objective is not just to lift it.  
I take a few practice swings, and find that it's comfortable. I also try out a few different grips, since the situation might call for it.

Satisfied, I heft it over one shoulder and move out, closing the shed door behind me.

Fighter's tip: Taking on multiple opponents alone is stupid. It's not a fair fight, and you never know what weapons they might be carrying. They'll play dirty for sure. It's a situation you should avoid for sure.

I'd trained to be able to handle twenty people in a brawl if I needed to. But that was assuming we were all barehanded. And I knew that that might not always be the case. Besides, even if I was good enough to beat twenty people at once, I knew from experience that all it takes is someone getting in one lucky shot, and everything ends badly from me.

So fighting that many opponents at once was a no-no.

But what if you have to do it anyway?

Fighter's tip: When up against multiple pieces of trash, play dirty. Attack when they aren't expecting it. And make sure to bring something to even the odds. These guys don't fight fair. I had no reason to do so against them either.

Giving a bunch of bullies the impression of frailty was easy. Just pretend to be scared. They probably thought that after what happened last time, I wouldn't want any part of them. And I furthered that impression with my performance earlier today.

So right now, they were probably at ease, thinking they had one guy to bully and two girls to molest.

They're probably in their house right now, laughing, joking, making plans.

The trap's been set.

I know which house they're in, because I made sure to look which one they were going into.

I make my way over to it, making sure to stay low. I'm able to reach the outer wall of their house. Circling around, I place myself out of the line of sight from as many of the other houses as possible. I try to stick to the shadows. Finding a good spot, I decide to sit down, and wait.

After several minutes, the light coming out from the window goes off.

_It's time._

I get up, and stretch a little, loosening up my joints, and take a few more practice swings. Satisfied, I walk around to the front door, and knock a few times.

"Who the hell is it at this time of night?"

I knock again.

"All right, all right, I'm coming."

The door opens.

And I thrust the head of the hammer right into the gut of the one who opened it. He doubles over in pain, and I thrust it again, at his head. He goes down, limp right away. His body hits the floor with a thump. I leap over it and get run right in. Can't give them a chance to realize what's happening.

It's still dark, but my eyes are better adjusted to it, since I was outside.

One of them's sitting up in bed.

I switch the hammer to a baseball bat grip, and swing it right at his ribcage.

A crunching sound echoes through the night, along with a choked cry of agony.

_That's right. You can't scream with a crushed lung._

"Nomu? What's going on?"

Another one's just starting to realize something's wrong. I don't give him a chance. Swinging the hammer vertically, I bring it down with all the power I can muster, right on his thigh bone.

Before he can even shout, I step forward and smash him in the head with my fist.

"Shit! There's someone inside!"

"He's got a hammer- aaaaaarghhhh!"

Chaos had broken lose.

They were off their beds now, but it didn't matter.

I was wide awake, they were drowsy.

And I was _much_ faster than them.

Time and again the hammer connected. I didn't really care what I was hitting.

As far as I was concerned, this was pest control. If a couple of insects died, I was completely fine with it.

But as it turned out, Saito _did_ survive.

Funny thing. All this time, I thought maybe Saito hadn't wanted to knock him off that edge. I even thought maybe there was a chance he regretted his actions. But he'd shown today that he didn't.

_Yet._

_He was about to regret them._

He was the last guy on his feet when I had taken everyone else out.

What are the odds of that?

There was no screaming. Everyone else either had a crushed ribcage, or was unconscious.

"H-Hikigaya! What the hell is wrong with you?"

I tossed the hammer behind me, out the door.

Saito hadn't taken a single blow from it.

Which was good.

"If you can fight, you should do it," I said.

He looked at me with fear.

Walking over to the door, I closed it, and shot the bolt.

And then I turned to him.

"Come on then."

He looked at me, and hesitated.

For a while, I wondered if he'd try shouting for help.

He looked out the window.

And then he rushed at me.

Stepping forward and going into a low stance, I rammed my fist right into his groin.

He doubled up.

Without pausing, I rammed my other fist into his throat.

He was choking and spluttering with agony.

Taking a step back, I swung my leg in a roundhouse kick that connected clean with his stomach, causing him to bend over.

Grabbing the back of his head, I brought my elbow down on the base of his neck with every last ounce of power I could summon.

I felt something give way, and he fell to the floor heavily, writhing and twisting in pain.

He couldn't even speak.

"Is this it, then?" I said, as I looked down on him. "This is it? With this pathetic level of strength, you walk around acting like you're a big deal?"

"Hi-Hikigaya… that's enough…"

"_Enough?"_

Fire was flowing through my veins.

I crouched down and gripped his throat.

"_We're going to talk about old times, now, remember?"_

"Please…"

I saw for a moment in my mind, Kazuya in his hospital bed.

And then I snapped.

"You're a worthless piece of garbage. You are going to live the rest of your life in fear, knowing that if you even _look_ at me or anyone I care about again, I'll find where you live, and I'll end you."

My initial strike to the base of his neck probably cracked a disc or two. Time to break a few more.

I lifted him up by the throat.

Guy weighs maybe 70 kilos at most. I've overhead pressed more than that.

Turning him around, I slide an arm around one of his legs, and the other around his throat, sling him over my back, and lift him up.

"Hikigaya!" There's alarm in his voice now. "What are you going to do?"

"I'm going to make sure you never walk again."

"Hikigaya! Please… I'm sorry… please stop!"

"His name was Kazuya by the way. Kamishiro Kazuya. Remember that."

I lifted him off my back, above my head, and brought him down, back-first, on my knee.

This time, he _did_ scream.

Looking up, I thanked God one more time for letting me do this.

And I looked at the heavens.

"Just this one time, I used a flashy move, for you."

Looking around at the destroyed pieces of human garbage around me, I addressed them.

"I'll tell you all the same thing I told him. I ever so much as see you _looking_ at anyone I care about, or at me, I'll end you."

The absolute fear in their eyes told me they got the message.

Done here, I decided to walk out. I needed to retrieve that hammer and put it back where it belonged.

It was only once I was outside, and my battle instincts had subsided, that I realized I'd made a mistake.

Someone was out there, and she would know what had happened inside.

"Hello, Hikigaya kun", said Yukinoshita Haruno.


	16. Chapter 16

**Author's note: **This should be obvious, but I do not, for one second, endorse what Hachiman did in the last chapter. This is fiction, and should be taken as such. With that being said, Hedonist Hachi is a character with flaws. He has good in him, and he has bad. In the end, he couldn't forgive the ones who crippled his best friend. How that makes you feel about him as a character is entirely in your hands.

I will say, though, that all the really dark chapters of this story are now over. Don't worry, there will be nothing violent or depressing beyond this point.

This is a story about people trying to make it through life, as best as they can. It is ultimately a story to entertain you all, and give you some hope and joy. That is what I have said before, and that is still true. ****

**Chapter 15-  
Summer Camp Arc, Part 3:**

**Hachiman's POV:**

I looked at Haruno as she stood, framed by the light of the lamps that dotted the courtyard. She was wearing a rather simple but elegant dress, though much of that elegance wasn't really visible thanks to the level of illumination. Much like the last time we had, she was wearing a self-assured smile. While I had been able to challenge that self-assurance last time, I did not think I could repeat that feat at the moment.

Well, it didn't matter.

Sighing, I decided to acknowledge her greeting. This wasn't something I could run from.

"Yukinoshita san," I said.

She looked pointedly at the hammer, which was only a few feet away from where she was standing, before turning her gaze back to me.

"This is a fine night for carrying out some manslaughter, eh, Hikigaya kun?

I gave her a flat stare.

She had me exactly where she wanted me, and she knew it. I had never hid from her that I didn't like her, and I knew the feeling was mutual. I couldn't really talk my way out of this situation. The truth would be known eventually. Haruno being here simply means that it will happen sooner rather than later.

I looked up at the sky, and took a deep breath.

Then I met her gaze again.

"Let's skip the games, Yukinoshita san. You know what I did. I know what I did. Just make the call and get this over with."

She didn't seem to have been expecting to hear that, judging by the look on her face.

"Hikigaya kun, what are you saying?"

"Isn't it obvious? I'm turning myself in. Call the police. Waiting out here is going to get boring, so tell them to make it quick."

Her eyes widened momentarily in an expression that was equal parts surprise and amusement. Was she enjoying this?

"Giving up this easily? I thought you'd at least make an even bigger mess in your attempt to get away."

"Why would I try to get away?" I answered. "I know what I did was wrong. I know I crossed a line that shouldn't be crossed. I'm not a madman, and I don't enjoy hurting people either. I think, somewhere inside, I knew that what I did would have consequences. I can't run from them."

This time, she _was_ surprised.

I saw Haruno's flawless facade fall off at last, revealing a glimpse of the person underneath.

For a long moment, she simply stared at me wide-eyed.

Then, she smiled.

It was different from the various mocking or false smiles I had seen from her before.

This one was genuine.

"You are the strangest person I've ever met, Hikigaya. Five minutes ago, you just attacked some people with a sledgehammer. And now, you're standing in front of me without even the tiniest bit of violence in you. I'm curious. How is this possible?"

"Should you really be asking all these pointless questions? I would assume you'd be more prompt in bringing in a violent criminal."

"Oh, you're already surrounded, Hikigaya. You didn't think I came here alone, did you?"

At her words, I looked around, and sure enough, in the shadows of the trees and the other houses, I could see men in black suits.

Carrying guns, of all things.

I turned to Haruno.

"How did you even obtain these? Isn't it impossible to get hold of them in Japan?"

"Money opens many doors," she answered simply. "But let's not digress, Hikigaya. As you can see, I'm in no reason to be in a hurry. I should inform you, each of these men is extremely proficient with his firearm. As strong as you no doubt are, to have taken on that many opponents and come out on top, I don't quite think you can win in a collision with a bullet. So how about you answer my question?"

So this was it then?

Instead of the police, I'll be interrogated by the Yukinoshita family's employees? I heard recently that they're quite rich. The patriarch is a diet member, and owns a construction company as well. Plenty powerful.

Well, it didn't matter.

It doesn't really make a difference who's asking the questions.

The answers don't change.

I looked at Haruno, and told her the truth.

"I, Hikigaya Hachiman, don't bear any violent intent towards anyone in the world, with the exception of the people in the house behind me. If I must pay for what I did, then so be it. But know this: those guys in there? They've beaten and bullied others. Ganged up on them. In front of my eyes, they knocked someone off the edge of a platform on the sixth floor of a shopping mall. He was left paralysed, and eventually died after a year of suffering in hospital. I thought, maybe, it was an accident. That they wouldn't go so far as to push him off deliberately. But no, today, they laughed and joked about it. They don't regret what happened. So I decided to make them feel some regret."

Haruno listened intently to what I said.

"That still doesn't tell me why you would attack them. You're not a vigilante, Hikigaya. I doubt you spend your nights beating up every criminal in Chiba. So tell me, why these people in particular?"

"Because that guy they knocked off the edge: he was my best friend, my brother. They hurt him. And for that, I couldn't forgive them."

I paused for a moment.

"My brother's already gone. He had no regrets in his life. And I'm not hung up on the past either. But I couldn't really let these guys go for what they did."

Haruno's eyes flashed. At least to an extent, she understood why I had done what I had done.

"I see now. But that still isn't the entire story, is it? While you were in there, I heard you talking about how they should never look at anyone you care about again. Why don't you come out and say the whole truth, Hikigaya? You weren't just taking revenge. You were protecting the friends you have now."

This time, I was the one who was surprised.

How did she know?

She sighed.

"I thought you were a smart guy. I got a call from Yukino. She'd caught onto the fact that these people were trouble, so she called home. And I happened to be the one who picked up. Needless to say, I couldn't really let a bunch of thugs anywhere near my sister and her friend. So I decided to come over with some help. Of course, when I get here, I find that you're in the middle of paying them a visit. And now, here we are."

So that's it then. That's why she was here, with these men.

But wait, from the fact that they were carrying guns… did that mean they were about to implement an even more permanent solution than what I used?

"You should be more careful, Hikigaya. How do you think they got away with all their crimes so far? Your targets have connections in Chiba's underworld. Do you really think they won't come after you for what you did to their boys? What do you plan to do when a legion of thugs turns up at your door?"

My eyes widened.

I'd made a mistake.

It was something I had to do.

But it was still a mistake.

This would escalate even further now? They'd come after Mom and Dad, and Komachi. They'd come after Yukinoshita and Yui. Totsuka and Zaimokuza. Sensei.

My mind raced as I struggled to find an answer.

I was interrupted though, by the sound of Haruno laughing.

"Hahahaha, I see, I see now. You're a gimmick boss."

"Excuse me?"

"A gimmick boss. Don't you play video games?" she said.

"I know what a gimmick boss is," I answered.

"They can't be beaten in a normal fight. The player who goes up against them and tries to implement the regular combat of the game, will lose. No matter how good they are, the boss will one shot them. Indeed, someone like you is the gimmick boss of his own game. You can't be defeated in a direct fight at all. And you can't be intimidated, charmed or bought. Hmm… perhaps my analogy was wrong. You're actually more like a shounen hero. When your friends are at stake, you bring out an invincible, frightening strength. But the source of this power… is also your weakness. In other words, you're easy to manipulate using the people you care about."

I stared at her warily.

"Oh, don't worry," she said lightly. "As satisfying as it would be, I'm not here to take control of you. That would be a poor way to repay someone who was looking out for my cute little sister. For the record, those boys you just destroyed? They have many, many pending cases of molestation and assault."

I hadn't been aware of that, but considering their character, it seemed quite likely.

For Haruno to be revealing all this, and saying she didn't want to control me… I had no idea where she was going with this.

"What are you going to do?" I asked.

"About those guys? Oh, you shouldn't worry. Their mobster friends have been protecting them, but as I've said, money can change a lot of things. You'll be surprised how many people are willing to sell their loyalty. I was initially planning on turning them in to the cops, but after what you did, I doubt they're a threat to anyone anymore. Their friends will stop supporting them, and they're incapable of doing anything themselves anymore. Chiba wll be a little safer than it was before."

That answered a part of my question. But another part remained.

"As for you…" she said. "I can't really let someone who protected my sister go to jail for it. But that doesn't mean I've given you a free pass. Now, I don't intend to control you. Not fully, at least. But I do have this one thing over you, and that means you're going to have to do a few things I want you to do."

So this is how it's going to be?

"What do you want?" I asked warily.

"Take a walk with me, Hikigaya."

She signalled to her men, and they moved towards the house where I'd left Saito and his buddies.

Haruno, in the meantime, walked towards the woods, and I followed her, catching up and keeping step.

"Now I don't really need to say this, but I assume you have things to live for, and don't really want to spend the rest of your life in prison. Answering a few questions honestly will go a long way towards avoiding that outcome."

I nodded. This was fair. I did have things to live for.

"What exactly is Yukino to you, Hikigaya?"

"A friend," I answered without hesitation.

She nodded, as if she'd been expecting that.

"And what are you to her?"

This simple inverse of her previous question struck hard.

What _was_ I to Yukinoshita?

We got along, that was true. But if asked about it, would she acknowledge me as a friend? I didn't know. Somehow, I didn't think she would.

"No answer, huh? Well, that's all right. Silence is preferable to a lie. But I'll go with what you said. You're Yukino's friend, right? And you're a perceptive guy. So here's my next question. What do you think her goal is?"

"To make the world a better place, because she thinks it's the duty of the capable to do so."

"And what do you think her _real_ goal is?"

_Ah. _It seems Haruno understood her sister better than I had given her credit for.

"She doesn't know," I answered. "She doesn't know, because she hasn't thought about it for herself. Her so-called duty is just what she's been conditioned to believe by her experiences. In other words, it's a decision that's been made for her, not one she made herself."

Haruno clapped enthusiastically.

"Very good, Hikigaya kun! My, my, you're quite perceptive, aren't you? Well then, next question. As a friend, what is the one thing you want to give her?"

That was an easy one.

"The freedom to make her own choices."

"Ding ding ding, correct answer! Excellent job, you've reached the end of this quiz, and have won your grand prize. You'll get to know a _little_ bit about Yukino."

I was listening intently. Apart from the fact that Haruno was dangling the threat of making my life a lot harder over me, I was also curious to know what she might have to say.

"It wouldn't be right to give away any secrets that aren't mine, but I'll tell you a few things in general, and a few things that concern me. Being born in a family like ours can be… demanding. The fact is, not everyone is capable of meeting those demands, nor is it in their best interest to do so. In our case, I wouldn't be lying if I said I'm pretty good at a lot of things. Oh, but you know the feeling of that too, don't you, mangaka san? The truth is, talent isn't the only thing. It's about the effort you put into cultivating a skill. And that effort can only be sustainably put in by those who believe in what they're doing. Those who only do it so that they can follow in someone else' footsteps… won't really be happy. But I digress. Our parents have certain expectations. But they're smart enough to realize that they can't turn apples into oranges. So, most of those expectations are on me. Yukino doesn't realize it, so she's stuck trying to compete with me, though she doesn't need to. Well, that's the gist of it. There are a few other things you'll need to know… but you can find those out yourself."

"Need to know? Find out myself? Why are you telling me all this?"

Haruno smiled.

"_Isn't it obvious? It's because I want you to save her."_

_What?!_

"You don't need to be so surprised, Hikigaya kun. I'm not your villain, unless you give me a reason to be. I do think you're capable of doing this job, but as I've said, I'm not giving you a free pass. Here is the deal I will offer you: if you succeed, your involvement in the incident tonight will remain a secret. You'll get to live out the rest of your life in peace, and chase your dreams. If you fail… then I'm afraid I cannot let you remain in Yukino's life. She has no need of false friends and false hope. Should you choose to try and remain in her life even after failing, then and only then will the truth of this incident be known. Needless to say, this is the only deal I'm offering you. So… to begin with, I want you to-"

"_I refuse."_

Haruno blinked.

Out of all the unexpected things that had happened tonight, this was the one she was absolutely not prepared for.

"I understand that you intend to take care of Saito and his friends anyway. Meaning, my family and friends have nothing to fear anymore. The only consequence of what happened tonight will be on me. If that is the case, I have no problems, and no reason to go along with your demands."

Haruno took a step forward.

"Why must you go against common sense? Do you not want to protect your own life? Do you not want to help Yukino?"

"Of course I do. I want to protect my own life. And I want to protect Yukinoshita Yukino, my friend. But if I were to do it just because you asked me to, I'd be no better than a bought friend, a helper you assigned for her."

I stood tall and faced her.

"I don't need a reason to help Yukinoshita Yukino. I would have done it anyway, and I will do it anyway. And I certainly don't intend to not be in her life just because I might fail to meet whatever arbitrary standards you've set up. The only one who can tell me to get out of Yukinoshita Yukino's life… is Yukinoshita Yukino herself."

Having said what I needed to, I began to walk in the direction of the house I was staying in with the other Soubu boys.

"Hikigaya kun!" Haruno called out behind me.

I didn't stop.

There was something I needed to do.

I reached the house, opened the door and let myself in. As expected, everyone was already asleep. I'd left my phone behind, and I now retrieved it from my bed. Having done so, I found the right number, and made a call.

"Police? Yes, I have committed a crime and would like to turn myself in."

What happened over the course of the next few hours would take too long to explain. Needless to say, it presented all sorts of difficulties for Haruno, but nothing she couldn't overcome, with her influence and wealth.

I, of course, was carried off in a car to the closest station.

Almost miraculously, most people at camp slept through it all, and remained unaware of what transpired.

I will skip over the details of the journey to the station, and my confession there, since these would be obvious to the reader.

Instead, I will only talk about what happened roughly an hour or so _after_ I was already in lockup.

I wasn't really getting any sleep, though I was lying in the single bunk provided in the cell. It was as I was staring up at the ceiling that I heard footsteps approaching, and turned around to see an officer carrying a set of keys. I watched, dumbfounded, as he opened the cell doors.

"You're free to go."

This was so beyond anything I could reasonably come up with an explanation for, I simply stared.

"What?"

"You're free to go," he repeated. He was to the point, and was treating me awfully well for someone brought in for what I had done. He seemed almost in awe of me.

Not even understanding what was going on, I walked out of the cell, and saw a man waiting in the corridor outside for me. He was an imposing figure. Standing over six feet tall, he was powerfully built. He also had the bearing and body language of an _extremely_ formidable fighter. I knew from my first glance that if I were to attack him, weapon or not, I would be summarily annihilated in two seconds flat. His dark hair was slicked back, and he wore a two piece white suit that had nothing fancy about it. There was also something familiar about his face. A pair of piercing eyes stared right at my own.

Far more than Yukinoshita Haruno, this man was powerful.

He had no need for a facade.

No need for seduction, or intimidation.

He surged with an overwhelming aura that almost made me back down.

Almost.

Far more than any battle I had fought before, standing my ground here was difficult.

It took everything I had to meet that iron gaze head on without flinching.

But I managed to do it, barely.

"Hmph. So there is some truth to the rumours about you," he said. He had a deep voice, one that spoke with confidence, but not arrogance.

"Who are you?" I asked.

From next to me, the officer who had released me spoke quickly.

"Oi, kid! Show some damn respect!"

"Thank you for your help, officer. I would like to speak with him alone," said the stranger.

Immediately, the cop said nothing more. With a simple nod, he walked away quickly.

I stared at the man. Who could command such respect from the police?

"It seems you have not been made aware of my identity. This is understandable. I do not see any reason for the contrary to have happened. My name is Ryuken Agito."

My heart stopped for a moment.

_Ryuken Agito, of the Agito Zaibatsu._

Heavy industries, technology, research and development, construction. It was hard to think of a sector where the Agito Zaibatsu did not have an iron hand. They were one of the single largest entities in Japan, and their legal businesses alone commanded wealth that was incomprehensible to people like me.

It was said in magazines and the like that they could buy an entire city and not even exhaust a tenth of their wealth.

And that was only their legal side.

It was rumoured that the Agito clan had existed even before the two World Wars, and were the shadows in the underworld.

The man standing in front of me was, without one shred of exaggeration, one of the most powerful individuals on the planet.  
"Ah, I see that you may have heard my name once or twice before. Do not let it bother you. I am not here on behalf of my businesses. This is a personal visit."

I gulped. I had no idea what he wanted with me.

This time, I really was out of my depth.

He paused, and instantly saw the confusion and fear in my eyes.

"Your wariness is admirable, but unnecessary. A car is waiting outside. It will take you back to the resort from where you were picked up. You may return to your life without fear or worry. Your actions on this night do not exist, as far as any official records are concerned, nor will any criminals harm you or those close to you because of them."

His words were delivered with an emperor's authority.

"Why?"

The word slipped from my mouth before I could stop myself.

"Why go this far for a nobody like me?"

And then, to my absolute shock, he nodded his head slightly.

"To the only person in the world who was a friend to my son, I owed a debt. Kazuya never let me help him, even once I was in a position to do so. I am simply repaying that debt. Live well, Hikigaya Hachiman."

With that, he walked away.

I never saw Ryuken again in person, though he was frequently featured on the news. I would only find out the truth about Kazuya and his relationship years later.

I wonder, how many people with noble hearts are chained by weight placed on them by their ancestors?

Kazuya freed himself, and time again, he freed me.

I stepped outside the station, with renewed determination.

I raised my fist high.

"Never again will I fail. I'll achieve my dreams, and I'll do right by every person I care about." 


	17. Chapter 17

**Author's note: Who the hell is Gary Stu? I only know Chad Chadwickson, otherwise called Hachiman.**

**Summer Camp Arc, Part 4:**

**Hachiman's POV:**

All nighters aren't really something I enjoy pulling. They leave me way too tired the next day. So I guess it's lucky I was able to get a few hours of sleep after all the chaos that happened last night. I woke up feeling refreshed. Not as fresh as I'd be with a full eight hours of recharge time, but it would do, and I'd make up for it tonight. With that being said, I was feeling pumped. There was a lot to be done, and I was excited to do it.

For the first time in a while, I felt like I was finally moving forward.

The house we were rooming in had three bathrooms, so we divided those amongst ourselves and took turns to shower and get ready for the day ahead. I cleaned myself up and put on a fresh pair of clothes suitable for outdoor activities: a simple pair of long shorts and a t-shirt. Having done that, I emerged and found the others getting ready to head out.

Among them was Totsuka. Boy, he's undergone a makeover. He has shorter, spiked up hair these days, and dresses a little like a punk. Ah well, whatever makes him happy. He's also got quite the dirty mouth, but I guess I of all people can't really criticize him for that.

"Hikigaya. The hell kind of dump were you taking, man? I never saw you come back last night."

I waved off his statement.

"Eh, I decided to take a little walk outside."

He raised an eyebrow.

"Didn't think you were the nature-and-woods type."

"I'm not, generally," I answered shortly. "What's on the agenda for today?"

"Let's see, if I remember right, I think we're supposed to fix up our own breakfast."

Cooking? Hmm, not exactly something I'm any good at. I guess I'll part of the moving and cleaning crew then.  
Oh yes, that reminded me. We did spend quite a bit of time chopping up wood and storing it yesterday. Maybe we'd use that for something.

Urgh, I had a momentary flashback of my elementary school days, and a dance that had taken place around a bonfire.

_Nope. Never happened._

_Memory deleted._

"Uh… Hikigaya… you've got a strangely forced smile on your face."

"What are you talking about, Totsuka? This is me being happy and positive."

"Dude, you look like Vegeta on his way to Galick Gun the planet."

"I take offence to that. I'd use the far superior Final Flash."

It was at this moment that someone else joined in the conversation.

"Eh, but what if you used a Death Ball?"

I turned around to see someone I'd never really spoken to before. In fact, had it not been for a certain request I'd handled earlier this year, I wouldn't even have known who he was. As things stood, I recognized this boy with his bleached, long hair, his bright hoodie that was in line with his showy style, and his overly excited expression.

This was one of Hayama's three musketeers.

Tobe, Yamato and Ooka. Those were their names.

Problem was, I didn't know who was who.

All right, be cool. I don't need to know someone's name to have a conversation about Dragon Ball with them. This fact is practically the foundation of all online discussion on anime and manga.

"Death Ball is Freeza's technique though," I said. "I don't think Vegeta uses anything like that, though it makes sense that he could create something similar if he wanted."

"Yeah, yeah, exactly! I mean, I know, Freeza's a bad guy and all, but that attack always looked super deadly."

This guy certainly gets hyped up, doesn't he?

"It looks OK," I admitted. "I still think Final Flash looks the coolest though."

It was at this moment that yet another unexpected person joined the conversation.

"Really? Final Flash and Death Ball? If we're talking Dragon Ball, shouldn't the move of choice be the Kamehameha?"

I looked at the guy who had spoken.

Hayama Hayato, endorsing Goku's move. Of course. Why am I not surprised?

I scoffed.

"Really? Kamehameha?"

"You're going to avoid it just because everyone else likes it?"

There was a general murmur of agreement and some laughter. By now, the entire room was part of this discussion.

"Oh, please," I said. "If we ignore asspulls, Vegeta and Goku are equal. And if that's the case, the Final Flash is more powerful."

"Blatant favouritism. Why is it an asspull if Goku is stronger?"

"Because it's not properly built up to or believable, and it seems obviously contrived."

This too drew a few words of agreement from people, though they were deeply reluctant.

Hayama countered.

"It seems to me like you just don't like Goku."

"I _don't_ like Goku."

"You prefer the guy who was about to blow up the Earth."

"Vegeta's a better dad and husband," I replied.

"He's got a point," said someone.

"Yeah, can't argue with that one."

By now, the place was getting noisy. Everyone was joining in with their opinions. I guess it was true: everyone has, at some point or the other, watched Dragon Ball and been invested in it.

Of course, I wasn't into the series anymore, vastly preferring many others which I found far superior.

But saying that aloud would be akin to asking for a fight, and I wasn't in the mood for that, so I turned to Totsuka.

"Aight. I'm 'bout to head out."

He looked at me, then back at the mass of arguing boys, then at me again, and nodded.

As we were exiting, we were joined by Hayama.

I raised my eyebrow slightly.

"I didn't know it would turn that heated," he defended.

"Yeah, fair enough."

The three of us headed to the courtyard, where we were supposed to gather and wait for our instructions for the day. There was a slight awkwardness in the air, which might have to do with the fact that the last time Hayama and I had spoken, he'd been charging towards me, and I'd knocked him down with a kick. Totsuka was a friend of mine, and also got along with Hayama, so this was definitely weird for him too.

"Uhh… yeah. If you two don't mind, I'm going to take off now."

He'd seen a few of the girls he hung around with nowadays, and walked over to them, leaving me with Hayama.

"Hmph. Damned riajuu," I said.

"Like you have room to talk," said Hayama.

What?

Oh.

Oh yeah. I spent a lot of time with Yui and Yukinoshita these days. I guess a lot of people considered me a riajuu too.

Unhh… I'm not sure how to feel about that.

"You're a hell of a weird guy," said Hayama suddenly.

"Sure," I replied. "You could say that."

"But maybe that's why, she's able to be so comfortable around you."

_She?_

Was he talking about Yui?

No, I doubt that. While they are part of the same group, it's obvious Yui's only there for Miura and Ebina. I've never seen Hayama particularly interested in getting to know her too. That only left one other person he could be talking about.

I wondered what the past was between Yukinoshita Yukino and Hayama Hayato. But I didn't think I would get an answer if I asked. At least not at the moment.

"Maybe," I answered simply.

A brief moment of silence followed, then I decided to ask a question.

"Things all right in your group these days?"

"Yes," he replied. "Your little stunt worked, as unnecessary as it was."

"I see. Sorry about kicking you."

"No, it was my fault for coming at you. I lost my temper for a moment. No wonder I wasn't ready for your counter."

"It's understandable. I was doing my best to rile you up."

He seemed angry for a moment, but ultimately sighed.

"I hate that you resort to doing things this way. With your abilities, it's unnecessary", he said.

"The only reason I have my abilities is because I do things this way."

"So you don't intend to change? You insist on antagonizing the world just to satisfy yourself?"

"Antagonize the world, huh? No, that isn't my goal."

"What _is_ your goal, Hikigaya?"

"To have fun, of course."

"You…!"

"To have fun, by doing the things I love doing. By being true to the people I care about."

Up ahead, I saw Yui and Yukinoshita. Also with them were Miura and Ebina.

Hayama remained silent for a while.

When he answered, his voice carried the bitterness of a loaded past.

And the words that came out of him were the same I had uttered myself in the past.

"You can't always help people. You can't always save them."

I can understand that.

You see, I know that my task isn't one that can always be accomplished.

Yet…

"I'll try anyway."

With that, we parted ways, though we were going in the same direction.

While Hayama greeted Miura and Ebina, I walked towards Yui and Yukinoshita.

"Yo."

They both looked quite fresh and wide awake, meaning they'd probably slept well. Of course they did. Yukinoshita had called her sister, so there was nothing for her to worry about.

"Would it kill you to learn a proper greeting?"

"Good morning, Hikki!"

Ah yes. The joys of being close to two completely different people.

I smiled slightly.

This is fine.

This is where I belong.

"You look unusually happy," said Yukinoshita. "Did something good happen?"

I couldn't help but smile a little.

"It happened some time ago. Took me some time to properly realize it."

Yukinoshita blinked a few times.

"What?"

Yui, on the other hand, also smiled.

"I think I understand."

"What are you two talking about?" asked Yukinoshita, who didn't seem to have the slightest clue.

I shook my head.

"It doesn't matter. Come on, they're signalling us to get in line."

Our first task of the day was, as expected, fixing our own breakfast. And as I'd predicted, I ended up being tasked with setting up tables, moving stacks of plates around, and cleaning up used dishes and cutlery. It was fair, since I couldn't really cook much (aside from curry), and there were many others present who could do so better than me. Those of handling these responsibilities ate last, but that was fine. Yukinoshita had a hand in making the food, and it was far better than anything I'd ever eaten at a summer camp, or any camp.

Since this was, after all, meant to be an outdoor experience, the next order of the day was going into the woods, where the camp instructors proceeded to explain several things that would be useful if one needed to survive on one's own away from civilization. We also had to help out with a few tasks at the resort. For us high schoolers, this was a kind of volunteer program, and that meant helping out and doing community service.

By the time we got free, it wasn't yet lunch hour, but the sun was up high, and it was pretty hot.

Seeing as I didn't have anything to do, I decided to roam around aimlessly, hoping I'd see something interesting. Well, to be honest, I did have some pending tasks. I needed to help Yukinoshita. But that wasn't really the same as doing overdue homework or handling chores. There wasn't a clear task I could just perform and get it over with.

The first thing I needed to know was learn more about her.

Haruno had certainly told me some things, but those were simply her own subjective opinion. To truly know about Yukinoshita Yukino, I needed to hear _her_ thoughts, and I needed to form my own opinion.

Appropriately, it was as I was thinking that I noticed her.

She was watching a group of kids from one of the elementary schools that were part of the program.

I decided to go up to her and start a conversation.

As I was about to do so, I took my own first proper look at those elementary schoolers. To be more precise, it was a group of them, and one loner.

As I saw the loner, my immediate first thought was…

"She's a miniature Yukinoshita?"

Yukinoshita herself, of course, happened to hear that.

"Did your two remaining brain cells finally kill each other?"

I realized that Yukinoshita Yukino had just used a meme, and I wasn't going to let her live it down.

"Aaah yes. You've finally embraced the internet. Good work, Yukinoshita. I can now introduce you to more advanced memes."

"Please no. You've already caused this much degeneration simply by being around me. If possible, please use those muscles to launch yourself off the planet."

"Hey, I can try, but I'm going to need to increase my squat before I stand a chance of succeeding."

"How about you simply walk into an ocean instead?"

Before I could answer, we were interrupted by a third voice.

"You two are really weird. You aren't like the other high schoolers at all."

I turned to the speaker.

The young loner had made her way over to us.

Now that I looked properly, there were actually many differences between her and Yukinoshita. She seemed a bit more… energetic? More of the scrappy, punk type? I'm not entirely sure how to put it in words. But clearly, she hadn't quite become a junior Ice Queen yet.

"There's still hope for you!" I said dramatically. "Don't go down that road."

She turned to Yukinoshita.

"Is he always like this?"

"Unfortunately."

"Oi, I'm right here, you know," I protested.

The girl looked at me, her eyebrows slanted in a frown that was probably meant to be serious, but honestly just looked adorable instead.

"You are _not_ what I thought you were. How are you such a dork?"

Wait, what she thought I was?

Did she even know me?

"Umm… have we met before?" I asked.

**Rumi's POV:**

"Have we met before?"

Unhh! That's bad! I can't let slip that I was watching him yesterday.

Think fast, Rumi!

"You were making a ruckus and standing out. It was hard not to notice you."

"That isn't true," said the beautiful dark-haired girl. "Hikigaya kun doesn't draw attention to himself unless he needs to."

Urrkk!

Whose side are you on, woman?

"There are sides?" she asked, confused.

_Is she reading my mind?_

"No, you're thinking aloud."

Damn it!

"Language, young lady."

I looked at her warily.

Was she the disciplinarian type? Now that I think about it, she looks inconveniently sharp, and seems to be the kind who loves telling others what to do, with a holier-than-thou attitude.

The boy started laughing.

"Hahahaha, I've never heard such an accurate description of you, Yukinoshita. Bwahaahaha!"

Oh, but this guy isn't any better. He's about as crude as a stone age axe.

"Mmph… hahahaha… it seems I am not the only one she can accurately describe, Hikigaya kun."

"You looking for a fight?"

"What's wrong with the two of you?" I asked.

_These _were the two I had thought were cool yesterday? They're nothing like I thought they were!

They argue like kids. One of them seems like an insufferable boss, and the other is essentially a meathead.

They blinked, then cleared their throats.

"This kid's kind of rude," said the boy.

He said it in a joking enough tone, but my stomach fell a little.

Did I just ruin this?

Are these two going to leave now because of what I said?

I know I said I could deal with being alone, but this is harder than I thought. It's-

"I like it. I feel like overly polite kids are hiding an agenda. If they're rude, they're at least being real."

My eyes widened.

I'd thought this guy was a meathead?

"Yet more of your strange wisdom that can only be acquired through a twisted way of thinking. But I can't entirely say you're wrong."

Wait, this girl can actually be understanding?

"Who are you two?" I asked.

"Shouldn't the one asking introduce herself first?" said the girl.

"Tsurumi Rumi," I answered, looking at the ground.

"I am Yukinoshita Yukino."

"Hikigaya Hachiman."

I looked at the two of them.

They weren't running away. They weren't making fun of me, or leaving.

I turned and looked at my classmates. They happened to notice me, and whispered something to each other. The entire group broke into laughter.

I looked away.

This had pretty much been exactly how the camp had been so far.

"You aren't very popular, are you?" the boy named Hachiman said.

I glared at him.

To my surprise, he didn't seem to be mocking me.

"There's nothing wrong with that."

"I-It's just temporary!" I said. "I'll be graduating from elementary school next year. I'll start over in middle school. There will be new people. Things won't be the same."

"That's not entirely true," said Yukinoshita Yukino. "Many of the people who are in elementary with you now may enter the same middle school. And even if they don't, the people you are likely to meet will not be very different from your current classmates."

I looked down and bit my lip.

"Will things always be like this, then? Is it impossible to change?"

"_No,"_ said two voices simultaneously. "_It is always possible to change."_

Hachiman elaborated.

"I should have made myself clearer. Your focus is on the wrong things. What you should really be working on is changing yourself."

"But I like myself how I am."

He smiled.

"Well, then there's no reason to change."

I noticed that I wasn't the only one who was looking at him now, carefully listening to what he had to say.

"The only time you should change, is when _you_ realize you want to, or need to. Not because you think the world wants you to, or because you think you'll get more friends that way.

_A friend worth having… is a friend who'll want you as you really are."_

I stared at him in awe.

Everything he'd said was the same as something you might here in an anime.

But he had said it with complete conviction.

The truth is, no matter how much people talk about integrity and individuality, at the end of the day, we're all terrified of being alone. And so, when push comes to shove, they fold.

Yet, when Hachiman talked about being oneself, and waiting for a friend who will accept you as you are… I couldn't help but feel he was telling the truth. Somehow, he seemed to be speaking from experience. Could a high schooler really have been through so much?

It was hard to believe.

Yet, somehow, it seemed believable.

I shook my head.

It was pointless to get carried away.

These two were only able to say these things because they had each other.

In the end, nothing would ever really change.

"You're wrong," I said simply, and walked away. "And I don't need your help."

**Yukino's POV:**

I watched the little girl leave, and felt an immense sense of guilt.

This… wasn't right.

This was watching the past play out all over again.

My childhood, seen from a third person perspective.

She was going through the same thing.

But she isn't the same person I am.

No two people react to the same experience the exact same way.

When I was her age, I still had some hope.

Because I had someone I thought was a friend.

Until he abandoned me.

For Rumi, there wasn't even anyone she mistakenly considered a friend. She has already accepted her place as a loner. Even as she talks about desperate attempts to escape her loneliness, she doesn't really think she can ever do it.

How? How can I help?

I don't know.

Would counselling do it?

But that's something only a professional can do.

And this isn't a matter of her not being good at something. It's not something I can fix by tutoring her.

What do I do then? How do I help?

"It's difficult, isn't it?" said a voice, breaking through my thoughts.

I turned and looked at Hikigaya.

"It's difficult," he said. "Knowing there's a problem that can't be fixed just by studying, or working out, or practising. Something you can't fix just by competing and winning at an event, or beating someone up."

"Hikigaya kun…"

"The reason noblesse oblige doesn't work," he said, "is because it involves looking down on people. But seeing this little girl quietly face her alienation with dignity… it makes you realize, doesn't it? _Not everyone needs your charity._"

My eyes widened.

I didn't have an answer.

"So what will it be, Yukinoshita? Is this the place where you'll admit defeat? Where you'll admit that your decision to help others only applies when you can do it from a distance?"

I stared at him, unable to believe he'd resort to this.

I believed in him.

And he was going to strike me when I was down? Use this as a way to win our (ultimately pointless) bet?

No, I'm not thinking straight. He asked a simple question.

I am at the limits of noblesse oblige.

Beyond this point, that path cannot help Rumi.

_But I still want to._

"I want to help her", I said quietly.

"What was that?"

I spoke again, with more strength.

"I want to help Tsurumi Rumi. I won't abandon her. I won't let her lose hope. I cannot look down on her. This isn't me teaching someone to fish. It isn't me even giving someone fish. It has to be me giving someone a _reason_ to fish."

And then, Hikigaya smiled.

"There is one final way to save a person. It will work when all other methods fail. Tsurumi Rumi believes she will never have a friend, never have a place where she belongs. The impartial Yukinoshita Yukino who strives for the betterment of society cannot help her.

_But the kind Yukinoshita Yukino who refuses to abandon a little girl can._

To this girl without a friend, who doesn't believe her life will ever change, what will you be?"

And it was then that I realized it.

Realized the answer.

I've been called an Ice Queen before, but right now, I felt like I was blazing with fire.

"_I'll be her friend,"_ I answered. "_I'll show her that there are good people in the world, people who'll stand by her."_

Hikigaya's smile said it all.

I knew now what I had to do.

It was a while before I was able to find Rumi again, and that was only in the evening, once we were done with camp activities for the day. There was still a while before dinner, and after that, we'd have some free time.

It took a bit of searching, but I was able to find her, sitting alone at a table, playing on a handheld console.

"Rumi san."

"What do you want, Yukinoshita Yukino?"

Adults and teenagers play around, deceive each other. But children can be upfront. They appreciate honesty.

I decided to be direct.

"_You _were the one who was wrong, Rumi. Things can change. You can have friends."

Her eyes widened, and she stared at me first with amazement, then with hope, then with wariness. It crushed my heart to see how cautious she was. She must have been tricked like this by her classmates so many times before.

"And what proof do you have of that, Yukinoshita Yukino?"

I took a deep breath.

Hikigaya wouldn't be afraid.

And neither am I.

"I am the proof," I said. "I'll be your friend, Rumi. As long as you want me to be."

Her mouth opened in amazement, and finally, hope broke through her shell of wariness.

"Why?" she asked quietly. "I'm just a kid. Why would you want to be my friend."

I smiled slightly.

"Well, you're right to be careful," I said. "But as for me… do I need a reason to want to be your friend? Not really. But if I had to give one, it's because you and I are the same."

"Umm… I don't actually look like you."

I facepalmed.

"I'm well aware, but that's not what I meant. Must you ruin the moment?"

And then, a miracle happened.

She laughed.

It was like sunlight breaking through the clouds, like a river coming to the drylands.

In that moment, Tsurumi Rumi was not lonely.

**Haruno's POV:**

I couldn't believe my eyes.

My sister.

_My sister… was out there risking herself, of her own free will?_

As I watched her with that little girl, I saw, all of a sudden, every quality that had always been missing in her.

Strength, independence, courage.

This… this wasn't the Ice Queen!

She was _nothing_ like Mother.

She was out there, getting involved personally, being there for someone as a person.

This… this was too much, too soon!

"It's almost unbelievable, isn't it?"

Turning, I saw the son of my family's friends, Hayama Hayato.

"You have no right to talk about it," I snapped. "You were the one who abandoned her in the first place."

Hayama looked down, ashamed.

Once he grew older, he was never able to forgive himself for that one act of cowardice he had committed as a child. I really shouldn't have been blaming him for it. It was unfair of me, but I didn't care.

That one act had done as much damage as everything Mother had done put together.

I watched as Yukino talked with the child who looked so much like her.

It was almost like watching her make her peace with her past self.

My eyes widened.

_What would the Yukino from all those years ago have said, if she knew it would one day be possible for her to smile like this?_

All this, in the few months he had known her?

And this feat, the very next day after I had told him about her past?  
_  
Who _is _Hikigaya Hachiman?_

He regularly made the impossible possible.

His slightest actions changed the people around him.

_Did Hiratsuka Shizuka ever have such pride in any other student of hers?_

I remembered what she had said when I had spoken to her just this morning.

"_Hikigaya Hachiman? Forget it. You won't stand a chance against him."_

Who was this boy, who touched the lives around him?

Why was someone like Agito Ryuken of all people protecting him?

"Quite a sight, huh?"

Hayama and I turned around, to see Hikigaya himself making his way towards us.

As we watched, some more people approached Yukino and that little girl.

Quite a few of these people were elementary schoolers, but a few were high schoolers too.

"Ey, it's true! You scamps were right. There really are two of them! Check it out, it's like a cloning job."

_Oh, is that right?_

It was like watching a repeat of Yukino's elementary school days.

Like before, she was being ganged up on.

"Doesn't take a genius to know what's going on here," said Hikigaya. "Those elementary brats can't stand that girl, Rumi. So they brought some older brothers and sisters to help out, since Rumi now has a friend."

"This is what I was afraid of!" I said. "It's too much, too soon! She isn't ready to handle it!"

"Everyone is ganging up on her," said Hayama. "This isn't good!"

But Hikigaya didn't seem worried at all.

The smile on his face was _invincible._

"Hikigaya…"

"Stand and watch," he said.

"I cannot!" I said vehemently. "She can't-"

"_Don't underestimate your sister! Yukinoshita Yukino is stronger than you think!"_

I shook my head.

But even as I was about to intervene, my eyes widened.

In front of me, the little sister who had never been able to make her own decisions, the one who had spent her life chasing after me, the one who had quietly endured when her peers had shunned her, the one who had been abandoned by her only friend…

… _**was standing her ground.**_****

"Impossible!"

_Yukino _was the one protecting someone.

She was being there for this little girl, Rumi.

"Humans are cruel," Hikigaya said softly. "We're selfish. We abandon each other at the slightest sign of trouble. We give in to our vices. We are the worst creatures on this planet."

He paused.

"But that is precisely why we can be noble. The greatest power of human beings… is to change themselves! We can be kind. We can care for others. We can sacrifice ourselves for them. And we can hold strong to our virtues.

_Humans are at their strongest when they help each other._

_In saving another, we save ourselves."_

I stared.

Yukino had overcome.

She had _already _overcome her fears.

But this situation was still worsening. Those bullies weren't backing off.

And that was when I saw Hikigaya walking forward.

"Didn't I say? I'll help Yukinoshita Yukino."

It was incredible.

Somehow, the mere fact that he was entering the situation assured me that it was going to be all right.

The amount of power his presence carried was _unreal._

**Yukino's POV:**

Just as things are about to get really bad, I hear a familiar voice.

"Wow, standards have really fallen in our schools, huh? All of you together can't beat two opponents? Fucking pathetic."

"Hikigaya kun!" I exclaimed happily.

The ones bothering us turned to face him. There must have been at least thirty of them.

"Who the fuck are you? Got a death wish, buddy?"

My heart was pounding hard.

This situation was rapidly getting worse. If I could get away, I could alert the camp officials. But Hikigaya kun doesn't seem to have any plans of running.

"Nah, I enjoy living", he said calmly.

"Then how about you scram."

He scratched his head.

"No, can't do. I'm here to do pest control. You'll all leave, and stop bothering my two wonderful friends here."

Blank silence followed.

Then all thirty of them started laughing loudly.

"Hey, check this guy out."

"He's a chuunii, ain't he? Fucking delusional prick."

"You gonna take on _all_ of us, big boy?"

Hikigaya merely smiled.

"All thirty of you? Of course not."

Of course. It would be impossible, even for-

"_Because it'd be too easy."_

My eyes widened.

Hikigaya was standing and staring down thirty opponents, by himself.

"Maybe if there were a hundred of you… actually no, not even then. You wouldn't even be a warmup for me."

"Why you little-"

Hikigaya clapped his hand.

"Aha! I have the perfect solution. Something suitably physical, but something that doesn't involve all of you getting the crap beaten out of you. How about we arm wrestle?"

They stared at him in disbelief.

"You want us to arm wrestle you?"

"Yep. One by one, all of you, against me. If even a single one of you beats me, you win. I'll leave. But if I beat all of you, you'll leave. How does that sound?"

Laughter, once again.

"_Oh, I guess you're all afraid. I guess it can't be helped then. We have no business sticking around cowards. You stink too bad. We'll leave you now."_

"Hold it."

Predictably, one of them had taken his obvious bait.

"You've got a big mouth, punk. And it's bitten off more than it can chew. This table, right here, right now. I'm about to break that arm."

I watched the situation apprehensively.

He was a lot bigger than Hikigaya, both in height and weight. If I had to guess, I'd say he was either an amateur bodybuilder or wrestler.

Hikigaya didn't seem the slightest bit bothered.

He walked up to the table, where the other boy was waiting, placed his elbow in front of his, and gripped his hand.

"We go when I say," said the boy. "Ready? Go!"

And right away, holding nothing back, this boy, who must have weighed close to a hundred kilos, drove right in, using his entire body.

I closed my eyes.

And when I opened them, I wasn't ready for what I saw.

_Hikigaya's arm hadn't moved, even an inch._

The larger boy couldn't believe what was happening. He was pushing with all his strength. Sweat was pouring down his face.

But Hikigaya was holding him in place with almost no effort.

"Hey. You're going to start trying now, right?" he said.

The boy, who was at his limit, stared in horror.

"That's all, huh? Too bad."

He couldn't do a thing as Hikigaya dragged his arm down, pinning him. The amount of strength he possessed was unreal, disproportionate to his size.

There were murmurs of shock throughout the crowd now.

And Hikigaya's voice cut through them all.

He was no longer smiling now.

"_Cut the fucking chit chat. There's 29 of you losers to go, and I haven't got all evening."_

What followed was something arguably out of a superhero manga.

Hikigaya didn't waste any unnecessary time on any of his remaining opponents, pinning them as quickly as he could.

By using explosive strength and bodyweight, he smashed through the defenses of the next nine opponents while saving as much energy as he could.

Regardless, muscle fatigue was building up.

With each successive opponent, Hikigaya took a little longer to win.

By the time he had beaten twenty opponents, his arm was red, pumped to the maximum, muscles and veins bulging. He was sweating.

I didn't know how he had the strength or endurance to even move that arm at this point.

"Come on. This isn't over yet!"

"He's weakening! Don't try to pin him! Just make him waste his energy!"

The next several opponents tried several ways to simply prolong the match, seeking to tire him out as match as possible so that the next opponent would have a better chance.

Hikigaya was too tired and fatigued to use proper technique or explosive pulls any more. He had to depend on raw strength and endurance to forcibly pin each arm.

But time and again, he did so, until only the final opponent remained.

"You're insane! You shouldn't even exist, but you made a bet you're going to lose, so all of this was for nothing."

It was incredible to think about.

Hikigaya had not only turned this into a scene from some manga, he was actually superhuman enough that he was being _treated_ like a character from one. An average, run-of-the-mill high school bully was spouting one-liners like a cheesy villain who had sent 29 henchmen to weaken the invincible hero.

I was almost crying.

Because as illogical as it all was, I was invested.

I _cared_.

I _wanted_ Hikigaya to win here.

But he was at his absolute limit. His arm was neither extending fully, nor was it contracting fully. It was stuck at a 45 degree bend. His muscles were completely fatigued.

"It's useless! No matter how insanely strong you are, you're still human! Now get over here and lose, so that everyone can get what they want."

"_Everyone?"_

The nameless mook of a villain took a step back.

"_Who the hell is this 'everyone' you keep talking about? I trained for a way bigger job than beating a couple of snot-nosed high-school gangster wannabes."_

He placed his elbow on the table again.

It was the opponent who looked scared.

But he had no choice.

They locked up, and somehow, Hikigaya did the impossible _one more time_, and did an explosive pull that not only pinned the opponent, but nearly shattered the table.

It was an absurd way to settle things.

It didn't work in the real world.

It wouldn't work once we all graduated.

But as I looked into Rumi's eyes, I realized something very important.

She had basically seen what a "hero" looked like, right in front of her eyes.

It wasn't the ability to beat people that mattered.

It was the courage to stand one's ground even against the whole world.

And that was when I realized.

_This._

_This was the source of Hikigaya's seemingly limitless power, his ability to do the impossible._

_Unlike me, he was never impartial. He got involved, chose to risk himself, time and again._

_His way would not change society, because it was a way that was limited only to his lifetime._

_But that didn't matter._

_It didn't _need _to change society._

_Indeed, Hikigaya didn't even acknowledge the existence of such a thing._

"_Who the hell is 'everyone'?"_

_Hikigaya rejects the idea of the collective good._

_But he will always, always, always fight for the individual._

_The person._

_The living, breathing, person who suffers… will have a friend in Hikigaya Hachiman. _

And today, I had gained the courage to do that too.

Rumi had learned that there would not only be friends in her life, but people who would fight for her. In turn, she would be inspired to fight for herself, and others.

And as I looked at Hikigaya Hachiman, I realized.

This simple, naive, unrealistic, foolish boy… I was in love with him.


	18. Chapter 18

**Author's note: Things have been rough over in West Bengal, India. Storm hit. Lot of people dead, lot of damage to property and structures. Electricity, water and internet not yet restored everywhere. I don't normally talk about real life issues a lot, huh?**

**People everywhere, trapped at home because of the worldwide pandemic. In recent times, I realize more than ever, how isolated many of us are.**

**I gotta help any way I can, right? Maybe, that's something as simple as writing a story that'll make people happy for a while. Some readers said before that they had to stop reading because it was getting heavy and they didn't want to deal with anything depressing when the world around them was already so sad. Well, this isn't a story where the bad shit wins.**

**It's a story about overcoming. And if you're looking for ulterior motives in characters, or over analysing, you're missing out on what's right in front of you.**

**Chapter 17: Moving On**

**Shizuka's POV:**

This is, without a doubt, the strangest summer camp I've ever been part of. Actually, scratch that. These are the strangest days I've ever seen, the strangest my life has ever been. I'll be the first to admit, I spend probably a bit more time on manga than an adult, much less a teacher, should. But never did I think that I'd feel as if a story had stepped beyond its pages, and entered real life. But for the past few months, that's how it's been. A club that formed with the unusual (and challenging) goal of simply helping people. An ice cold princess with a heart of gold, living in a cage, becomes its first member. Incidentally, the elder sister of this princess happens to be the single most twisted student I've ever had. And then comes the club's second member. Someone who introduced himself by writing an essay unlike anything I'd ever expected to read from a high school student. And in that essay, a line that was as arrogant as it was cheesy, or so I thought. Because if the one who wrote that line was in any way serious, he wasn't just choosing the path of most resistance. He was planning on obliterating all that resistance head on, crushing it entirely.

"_Hedonism brings with it freedom. And often, I see that associated with the license to do evil. That alone says a lot about the world humans have created. Freedom is also the opportunity to do good, to help others for no other reason than the fact that you enjoy it. If that were the world that existed, then, maybe then, a hedonist could say they have won."_

And so, ever since this strange boy had joined the Service Club, life became something out of a comic book. Mind you, this was _after_ I failed to strongarm him into joining. Hikigaya Hachiman could not be intimidated or controlled by force. Knowing the circumstances of his past, and what he's been through, I understand why that is. It's not that he isn't scared. No, that superhuman strength was achieved _because_ of his fear. He was afraid of failing again, letting down another person he cared about. So, for a year, he pushed himself beyond what an ordinary person could. What allowed him to do it was his selfish desire to have fun. But it was also his desire to help people. To be a friend to them, like someone had been for him.

And so, the Hikigaya Hachiman who walked the earth was not bound by the same rules that trapped the rest of us.

And of course, this summer camp had pushed the intensity even higher.

Beating thirty opponents at arm wrestling just to end a bullying problem? That's not even a solution a regular human being could implement. It turned out, the one facing the bullying was a child named Tsurumi Rumi. Yukinoshita Yukino had chosen to help her (in a way I didn't think I'd _ever_ see her choose). But because she'd gotten involved, some of the kids had brought in their older brothers and sisters. The thing is, this is how these problems continue to exist. There's a hierarchy. Bigger thugs controlling smaller ones, backing them up. That's how the system continues to work. Elementary kids backed up by high school siblings, who are in turn backed up by small time gangsters, who in turn are connected to syndicates.

Only this time, they'd run into an anomaly.

What do you do when your elder brother, and your elder brother's bigger, stronger friend, and all his other friends too, get beaten by one guy? What do you do when you come up against someone you can't just beat down and dominate? Someone who doesn't run away or try to play by the system's rules? What do you do when you run into someone who's just _stronger_ than you, than all of you? And he crushes you with sheer, overwhelming power?

You can no longer bully or push people around after that.

It wasn't a permanent solution. Far from it.

Not everyone was a Mas Oyama or a Sakuraba Kazushi or an Onizuka Eikichi… or a Hikigaya Hachiman.

Not everyone can just fight the world and win.

But that sure wasn't going to stop Hikigaya.

He was illogical, naive… and the best student I'd ever had.

There were other rumours floating around about him too.

I'd had a conversation with Yukinoshita Haruno, who for some reason had invited herself to this camp. Strangely, twenty students from Kaihin Sougo had had to leave the camp late on the first night. I'd been told it wouldn't be necessary to follow it up. That was more than a little suspicious, but Kaihin Sougo teachers received messages from their school board saying that they'd had to be taken back home for urgent reasons, and that there would be no need to follow it up any further, and that the camp should proceed as usual.

Along with this were rumours that men from the Agito Zaibatsu had come to the resort that night.

Now those were probably some tall tales.

The largest company in Japan (and probably also its biggest underworld empire)... why would men from that entity come here?

I'd dismissed it as just some kind of weird story.

But then, Haruno had said something interesting.

"_Your student has extremely powerful friends."_

Haruno wasn't the type to just believe rumours that had no basis in truth.

Also, she had a tendency to know a lot of things.

Add to that Hikigaya's feat of defeating 30 guys straight up.

And the stories that were floating around now said that among the Soubu High students, there was an unbeatable demon.

All of this, as I've said, should have been ridiculous.

Yet, it was just another few days in the life of Hikigaya Hachiman.

Looking at him though, you'd never believe all of this had happened.

A lot of people tend to get a big head after getting a notable win.

But Hikigaya had always carried himself with confidence, so nothing had changed. He hadn't suddenly become some sort of gangster-wannabe. No, that was exactly what was endearing about him.

At the end of the day, he would always be a dork who spent a bit more time being an otaku than he probably should.

And that was fine with me.

As far as I was concerned, Hikigaya had already learnt everything I could teach him. Well, technically not, since his Modern Japanese could still stand to improve a bit. But as a young guy moving into the future, I think he'll be fine.

Looking back, I missed out on a lot of stuff because I was fighting a battle alone, huh?

A battle to help people.

But maybe ten years is enough.

I think… I can finally move on too. I won't be young forever.

**Hachiman's POV:**

Camp is drawing to a close now. It's been a fun couple of days. There's still some kind of a "test of courage" type deal left for the final night (which is tonight), but I think I'll pass. Honestly, there's such a thing as getting way too much attention. I don't mind playing a heel (it's a lot of fun, seriously), but being a face is… annoying. I'm not really a fan of smiling and waving to the crowd.

So, the idea is that the elementary school kids are going to do the test of courage, and the seniors have to play the role of various ghosts, monsters and other creatures to provide the challenges on the way to the goal.

As for me, this place has good internet coverage, so the plan is to just chill and re-read Kengan Ashura (I am completely up to date with that series).

Or at least, that's what I'd be doing if I wasn't being dragged into this event by my Service Club teammates.

Well, this is kind of nice.

Can't really say the ladies have liked me much before. So this is definitely a nice change.

At the moment, I'm just chilling, thinking of story ideas. Most camp activities are already done, so there's only the test of courage left for tonight.

I should probably be picking out a costume from the few that are available, but I really can't be bothered. Cosplay sounds fun, but I'd rather do it right than just half-ass it with the costumes they have here. Seriously, you can't just stick a pig mask on someone and call them an orc. Where's the crude armour? The sword? Besides, why cosplay an orc when you can cosplay a Hollow Black Knight?

It was around the time I was thinking about the value of good cosplay that I was interrupted by the sound of a voice.

"Uh, hey, bro."

_Oh, come on._

I knew that voice.

It was one of the three musketeers.

Turning around, I saw one of the guys I remember joining in on that conversation about Dragon Ball. Yep, he had the fancy jumper and the bleached hair. Still didn't know his name though. Does that matter? It actually does. But, this conversation must be carried out.

"What's up?" I ask. No need to be rude. I don't actually have a problem with any of these people.

He looks around a little, as if making sure no one's listening in on us.

Finally, when he's satisfied that we are in fact alone out here in this part of the woods, he speaks.

"There's… something I need a little help with."

I raised an eyebrow.

He was coming to me, of all people?

I would think his group wouldn't really have an overly high opinion of me after the last time I had anything to do with them.

"You sure I'm the one to come to for that?"

He winces slightly, probably because I just reminded him of last time.

"Look, I know you were trying to help, all right? Yui told us. Besides, the chain mails and rumours stopped after what you did. It was pretty fucked up… but it worked."

"Huh."

"And I've heard good things about you from Totsuka too."

"Sure."

"Look, man. I know you're part of the Service Club. And I really need some help on this."

"Wouldn't you rather ask your friend Hayama?"

He winced again, and this time, looked highly uncertain whether to say anymore.

"He… I don't think he wants to help me with this. He's always been weird whenever something like this turns up."

Well, that pricked my curiosity.

Unfortunately, satisfying my curiosity isn't a good enough reason to interfere in people's lives. I've learnt that lesson now.

He probably realizes I'm not too keen on this.

"Look, man. You're the only one who can help me with this. Please."

Ah, he probably meant to ask the Service Club as a whole. Does that mean it would be weird for him to say this in front of the girls?

I sighed.

"Well, I can at least hear you out."

He looked quite relieved at hearing that, but nervous as well.

Fidgeting slightly, he struggled a bit before managing to get the words out.

"There's… someone I like."

"Oookay?" I said uncertainly.

"And I want to ask her out."

"Right."

"But I'm not sure how I'm going to do that, or if it'll even work. And… I don't even know how to get started."

"Stop right there."

I knew exactly where this was going.

If I went by the patterns established through years of popular storytelling, I was being roped into playing a dating guru character, and helping my disciple win the affections of the person he liked.

Obviously, with the chance to do something like this, my answer was…

"Hell no, dude, I can't help you with that."

He leapt back slightly.

"Instant answer? So cruel!"

"Can't help you, man."

"Come on! Just a little, please? If anyone can give some advice, it'd be you! I mean-"

"You mean what, exactly?" I said sharply.

While I spent a lot of time with Yukinoshita and Yui, I wasn't dating either of them, and I wouldn't allow any false rumours to be spread.

"Nothing," he said hastily. "It's just… you seem so confident in front of the ladies, dude. If I had just a bit of that confidence, I feel like I could do what I needed to."

I sighed.

It seemed I'd be unable to get out of this without at least doing something.

I looked at the guy.

It was impossible to know just from seeing his face exactly what kind of guy he was, how he'd treat someone. But he was under a few misconceptions.

"It's not about confidence," I said. "Look, this whole pick up game crap that you keep hearing about? It's bullshit. I don't really understand why people think this confession shit is so important. It's probably the least important part of a relationship. If two people actually get along and like each other, you really think they'd need to go out of their way to impress each other?"

His eyes widened.

"If she really likes you, she'll say yes anyway. Maybe she'll be the one to ask you out. If she doesn't like you, no amount of 'game' or 'confidence' is going to change anything. Heck, if you change yourself just to ask someone out and get her to say yes, then you're fake as hell, and you need help."

He stared at me, not saying anything.

"Uh… sorry, got a little excited."

"No, it's not that. You were making sense. It's just… I guess I didn't expect you to be so wise."

"Now you're just making fun of me."

"No, I'm serious. What you said should be common sense. And now I'm wondering, why didn't I realize this from the start?"

I laughed.

"The world'll have you believing a lot of crap. Luckily, if you just think a little, the right path isn't so hard to find."

He nodded, seeming a little bit more at ease now.

"Thanks, man. I'm… not sure if I still wanna ask her out. Maybe I want to get to know her a little better first."

"That's a start."

As he walked away, I decided to address the one person who _had _been listening in on the conversation.

"Hiding behind trees only works if I can't see your shadow, Orimoto."

A slightly surprised but nevertheless grinning Orimoto Kaori stepped out from her "hiding" place.

"How'd you know it was me?"

"I spotted you sneaking there. You know there's a pond right in front of me, right?"

"Fair enough."

For a moment, there was a silence that strangely wasn't awkward at all.

"Your friends aren't here?" she asked at last.

I shook my head. I knew who she was talking about.

"They're picking out costumes for tonight's event."

"Oh yeah, there is an event, isn't there? Somehow though, I doubt anything they have planned is going to top one guy beating 30 other guys at arm wrestling."

"There's always one guy who spends a little too much time in the gym," I shrugged and replied.

Orimoto blinked, then burst into laughter.

"Hahahaha, you've gotten really funny, Hikigaya… hilarious, hahaha!"

I was on the verge of making a snappy reply when I realized something.

_Orimoto was never at fault for anything that happened._

_She didn't know Saito and his buddies were a bunch of scumbags._

_All she did was tell her friends that the class weirdo asked her out._

It was cruel and callous, yes. But not evil.

Looking back, I was surprised to find that I didn't hate her, at all.

_She had the right to say no_, I noted.

I wasn't bitter about it. I wasn't hung up about it.

Huh. Guess I should think about the advice I just gave, huh?

If I got over her this easily, maybe she never meant much to me at all. Why did I like her back then anyway?

_I guess she's kind of cute, if you consider looks. And she was one of those people who was nice to me. For 15 year old me, that was enough, I guess._

I shook my head.

Well, nothing wrong with an innocent crush, as long as you grow out of it.

That was back then.

A lot had happened since then.

And this was now.

_Can't be chained to the past forever, can I? That'd be a sad way to live._

"You know, Hikigaya, you've changed a lot. You've gotten a little wiser too?" she said. Well, she had just overheard me preaching to that guy.

"I guess I have, haven't I?" I replied.

She seemed slightly surprised by that answer. Maybe she'd been expecting me to sit here and brood a little longer.

I stood up.

"It's a shame the guys didn't get to hang out much with you. Oh! And you haven't even met the others from our class. Oh! We can exchange numbers-"

I shook my head.

"Nah. I'd feel out of place with all you cool kids."

Orimoto's eyes widened momentarily.

I was about to leave, but decided to stop.

Smiling slightly, I looked at her.

"Hey, Orimoto. You're fine as you are. But maybe think about being a little kinder. Won't cost you a thing, and it'll feel pretty good."

With that said, I moved on, in more ways than one.

Maybe giving that dude some advice had given me a chance to organize my own thoughts.

I've been putting off a lot of things, huh?

I won't be a teenager forever.

Gotta start thinking about the future.

And I can't just beat every problem with my fists.

I'll have to get a job. Make a living.

That's okay, I guess?

Hmm… I'm pretty confident about my art. Wonder if it's actually good enough for me to make a living from it?

Well, it's something to do a bit of research on.

And I guess I can't leave Yukinoshita and Yui hanging either.

It won't be easy.

Someone has to be left behind, right?

Wrong.

I can't be the right guy for _both_ of them. And whoever I'm not the right guy for… will move on, and they'll be ok.

Yeah, they believe in me, right?

I'm gonna believe in them too.


	19. Chapter 19

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**Author's note: This is the second-last chapter of this fic. Thank you for all your kind words and support. As this journey comes to its end, I want to say, this isn't the last you'll see of me. There's another Oregairu fic that I have planned, and I'll tell you more about that in the next AN. I do hope you'll give that a chance too.**

**Chapter 18- Summer Camp Finale: Saving the Golden Prince**

**Hayato's POV:**

It's nearly time for the test of courage event that's supposed to be the last event for this camp. A way to end it on a good note, if you will. And normally, that would be the case. These kinds of activities are quite popular. But on this occasion, it doesn't really serve as the high point of these few days. After all, it's a little hard to top a 1 vs. 30 arm wrestling gauntlet, where the 1 wins. I shook my head. He truly was an anomaly. Nothing he did made any sense, obeyed any of the laws of the world. It was as if he was somehow exempt from logic, free from all limitations. A kind of rogue existence, almost an outsider in this world, who came and went where he pleased, and did what he wanted. As much as I hate to admit it, I can see why a life like that might be enjoyable. No wonder he loves it. Yet, his is not the

only perspective. To him, it's no doubt fun to casually walk through all written and unwritten rules, unaffected. To the rest of us... I shook my head again. The thing about Hikigaya was that he was able to effortlessly change the people around him. Often, a single meeting or action was all it took to change a way of life that might have been built over years. Were all those years worth so little? Were all the things that shaped those people so insignificant, that he was able to make people move past them so easily?

I should have been happy about it. Despite his nature, he had done good. Yuigahama, who only sought to appease others, had learned to stand up for herself, and go against Miura and her other friends if she needed to. And then... there was Yukino. My face burns with shame whenever I think about it. After all... I was the one responsible for how she became, wasn't I? It had happened long ago, in elementary school. At the time, I was a frequent visitor to the Yukinoshita household. Since the parents were busy talking business, I would end up being told to spend time with the two Yukinoshita daughters instead. Haruno was a little older than us, so she acted as a kind of caretaker. As for Yukino, well, we became close. We were around each other a lot, so it wasn't unusual. We were both children, and there was no reason for us not to get along. And then, we ended up transferring to the same school. We were even put in the same section. Naturally, two people who were friends outside of school would be friends inside it too, right? It's such an obvious concept. After all, friendship is friendship, regardless of where you are, isn't it? If only it had been that simple. I'd never had many friends before that. Until that point, I'd been home-schooled anyway, and since I lived on the family estate, I didn't really get to socialize with any neighbourhood kids. Yukino was nice in her own way. The me back then simply didn't know enough or have enough experience in life to see that that's more than enough. No, all I saw was someone who followed her elder sister around, an obedient and ideal daughter. At school, I met all kinds of people. People who had the same interests I did. People who introduced me to things Yukino probably didn't even know about.

It's a shallow reason, isn't it?

But at the time, it was new and wonderful to me.

What exactly were video games? Or manga? People got into fights in playgrounds? There was something called a prank? Above all, I liked the fact that there were people who didn't have the thousands of restrictions my parents had put on me. Kids at school were free to speak as they pleased, about whatever they wanted.

And... I wanted that freedom.

For those few hours when I was at school, I could be free too, with people who didn't place the same expectations on me that my parents did.

Of course, I still had to maintain certain standards. My parents would hear about it if I got in trouble. And teachers expected much from the son of the Hayama family. But I was still freer than I had ever been at home, or with the Yukinoshita's.

I relished that. School was fun, in ways home wasn't, and never could be. I enjoyed spending time with these people who were so new to me. And for whatever reason, people liked me too. For the child that I was back then, that was all that mattered.

It soon became known that Yukino and I knew each other. Well, it's not as if she ever made any effort to hide it. She had none of the issues I did, and no specific reason to be someone else in front of others. As a matter of fact, Yukino was rather well liked by people as well, at least in the beginning. Her looks and abilities were both incredible, and for kids, that's half the battle. Unfortunately, she wasn't the type that could win the other half. Unlike me, Yukino stuck to what she was taught at home. That's not to say she was a puppet. Far from it. It was just that she found no reason to change herself to fit in. She was perfectly innocent and unaware of the way the world worked, and to her, the values instilled in her by her parents, and what she saw in her sister, were things to look up and aspire to.

The problem arose once more and more people became aware that we knew each other. As I've said, we were all children at the time. I doubt any of us, girls or boys, even knew what the idea of "liking each other" meant. But we all wanted friends. And we were all possessive, jealous. And I soon realized something. People liked me _too much._ Many of the girls in my class were bullying Yukino because they thought we might like each other. I had no idea how to react to that, what to do. I saw Yukino as a childhood friend, nothing more, and I do not think her feelings were any different. In hindsight, it should have been easy to explain that. Maybe if I'd just been honest and said all this out loud, things would have gone another way. Or maybe they wouldn't. Who can say?

I saw how Yukino was being treated.

Whether my efforts bore fruit or not, I could have stood by her.

I doubt anyone would have gone against me if I directly told them to stop.

I could even have simply informed a teacher.

But I did neither of those things.

No, I was scared.

Scared to lose the place I had gained.

My place of freedom, which only existed with the people I knew at school. I didn't want to lose that.

And so, I did what I shouldn't have done.

And I ignored her.

I turned a blind eye to what was happening.

Looking back, do I remember what Yukino's betrayed face looked like?

Something that's been broken can never be put back together again.

Things were never the same again.

Yukino never cried or shouted or screamed. That would have been beneath her, at least to do in front of me. She simply changed. As we entered middle school, we continued to meet occasionally due to our family's connections. And we even spoke. But the distance that had come up was not one that could be crossed. Haruno was different, of course. She hated me for what I had done, but she was never one to allow her emotions to drive her decisions. So she continued to treat me the same. Only, it was clear now that she was mocking me with every kind word. And I couldn't do anything about it. I had earned it.

And so, a Yukino whose faith in herself and others had been broken, made her way into Soubu High, where she became known as an unapproachable Ice Queen.

Until she met someone who changed the world with his merest whims.

Five years. No, longer. The Ice Queen was the result of all the time we spent together. Everything we were then, everything the people we knew in elementary and middle school meant to us.

And Hikigaya had reduced it all to nothing, in just a few months.

I should have been happy.

A friend should be happy for someone who's moved on and conquered their sorrow, right?

But I couldn't stand it.

And more than anything, I couldn't stand _him._

I shook my head. This was pointless to think about. Every last bit of it. They'd both made their choice. What could I even do about it?

What _could_ I do?

The Hayama name. The Hayama name. Ever since I was a child, I was told it meant everything.

Wasn't Yukino told the same thing about the Yukinoshita name?

Yet, Hikigaya could be touched by neither of our families.

Haruno was reluctant to say, but given the circumstances, she decided to reveal the truth.

Hikigaya was protected by Agito Ryuken, of all people? Any attempt to use money or connections to harm him would be met with instant and absolute destruction. There was a reason the Agito's were feared and respected, a reason they had survived and thrived so long. It was because no one who had gone up against them had survived. Indeed, there wasn't even anyone left to avenge those vanquished foes. That was how thorough the Agito clan was. And even among them, Ryuken was said to be exceptional.

It burned me to think about. But Hikigaya would always be free.

And more than likely, he would always use that freedom to help people, and in the process, tear apart their bonds to the past like they were nothing.

I decided to get up and go for a walk. I was getting crazy sitting in this house alone. It was late afternoon, so there was quite a bit of time left for the final event. Maybe I should go and see how the others are getting on. They seemed pretty eager to dress up for it.

**Yui's POV:**

I'm not really into cosplay a lot. Mainly because I haven't really tried it, ever. Well, today's the first time then. The costumes we have to pick from here are a little limited. I have a feeling Hikki would refuse to take part because everything here is too generic. Ah well. Some of them still look good. I'm not exactly sure what the leather outfit I picked is even supposed to be. Is it possible to play a monster without knowing what that monster does?

Probably not. But if I growl and raise my hands and stumble around a bit, it should do the trick. Maybe.

Looking around, I see that Yukinon's put on her outfit too.

She's easily recognizable as a yuki onna. Wait, is that because the costume is good, or because the role fits her character?!

Best not to say that out loud though. (1)

Elsewhere, I spot Hina chan. She's not dressing up. I think she's more into designing costumes than wearing them. She seems a little relieved about something too. I wonder if it has anything to do with what I heard earlier. Tobecchi was planning to ask her out, but then it seems he decided not to do so. Had she heard about that too?

A little further away, I can see Yumiko chan in costume too. I think that monster is called a flame spirit. Wait, I can't tell if it's because of the outfit or just the way she is!

Best not to say that out loud though. (2)

I look in the mirror and check my reflection. I wonder what Hikki's going to think?

_Hikki._

Every few days, he likes doing something impossible.

He had to do at least one crazy thing during this camp.

And he did.

From here on, moving forward, I wonder what other crazy things await?

The door to the room suddenly opened. The one who'd arrived was Hayato. But to my surprise, he didn't look like his normal self at all. Something was very off.

"Hayato, a little help here?"

Pretty much right away, Yumiko chan tries to get his attention.

Hayato looks at her, but it's obvious he isn't really seeing her. He silently walks over to her, but his mind is elsewhere.

For the rest of the afternoon, he remains in the room with us, but he is oddly quiet.

Something was off.

**Shizuka's POV:**

I finished packing up. We'd be leaving early the next morning, and I'd probably be too tired to do this after all the running around the event might require. I checked one final time, and saw that everything was either in the duffel bag I'd brought, or ready to be picked up in the morning.

Satisfied, I was about to go out, when someone knocked on the door.

"Come in," I said.

The one who entered was the last person I expected to see.

"Hikigaya?"

"Evening, Sensei."

"Did you want something?"

"I just wanted to say thanks. I didn't say it earlier, but I wanted to say it now. Thanks for giving me the chance to see my best friend one last time."

I smiled.

"You're welcome. A teacher's supposed to look after their students, after all."

For a while, neither of us said anything.

Then, Hikigaya spoke.

"I understand why you turned me down now. I'm sorry I put you in a weird position. A 27 year old teacher can't go out with a 17 year old student."

Yes, Hikigaya was perceptive. And he was mature too, able to see his mistakes.

"That's why, I think I'm ready to move on. Thank you for being a good teacher, Sensei."

"Thank _you_ for being a good student. And for proving that I wasn't wrong in what I did, in trying to help others."

I paused a little.

There was no harm in telling him what I was planning on doing.

"To be honest, this camp is my last gig for the school. Once we get back, I'm planning on handing in my resignation."  
His eyes widened in surprise.

"Sensei?"

I looked out the window. The sun had set, and the night sky was beautiful.

"I've spent around 10 years trying to help people. Sometimes I succeeded. Sometimes I failed. I don't regret what I did. But I missed out on a lot of things because of it. I guess I want to finally try living for myself."

Huh. Now that I thought about it, wasn't that basically identical to the completed version of Kazuya and Hikigaya's hedonism?

Hikigaya probably realized this too.

"I see. What will you do next?"

"Well, changing careers isn't easy. But I'm thinking of trying out for a few editorial positions. I do have the qualifications."

"You're going to be approving drafts for shounen jump chapters?"

"More likely for light novels, but it's similar, isn't it?"

A comfortable silence followed.

"Well, I guess this is goodbye then?" he asked.

That made sense. Hikigaya hadn't ridden on the bus with the rest of us on our way here, so he'd probably be going back by himself too.

"Yeah," I replied. "Live well, Hikigaya."

Was this becoming a sad goodbye?

No.

Any goodbye between two people who care about each other is sad by definition.

But if there was something I'd learnt over the past few months, human beings can overcome sadness and sorrow.

From here on out, both of us would be moving on, into the future.

**Iroha's POV:**

Man, it's been a boring summer holiday so far. I should have been hanging out with my friends back in town. Instead, I'm out here, helping out my cousins. They own and run this resort, and right now, the guests are a bunch of students of various ages who are here for summer camp.

They're supposed to leave tomorrow though, and that's a relief, because that'll mean I'll be free to go home too.

Somehow, I was able to make it through this camp.

And somehow, a lot of things happened, without me seeing any of it.

First night, a lot of men in black suits came around. Underworld clan members. Then came a medical van and EMTs. And apparently, some student walked out of the resort in the middle of the night? Oh, and the next day, some guy beat 30 other guys at arm wrestling.

I mean, I understand that camp tends to generate exaggerated stories, but aren't you supposed to wait till camp ends to start spreading those tales?

I shook my head.

Whatever.

Let's just get this test of courage over with.

So thinking, I walked along.

My job was to check up on the high school volunteers who were basically organizing the event and playing the role of the "monsters" that the elementary schoolers were supposed to get past on their way to the top.

The area was dim, but it did have lights. We'd placed them at intervals. Place needed to be spooky, but not actually dangerous.

As I followed the trail of lights, I heard heated voices coming from the distance, and decided to go see what was happening. I had a flashlight, and I decided to be cautious, trying not to be seen. When I reached the clearing, I saw that a group of people had gathered in a ring.

Oh yeah, we'd rigged this clearing with a lot of lights. It was basically a place to mimic a "checkpoint" from a video game.

But why were all the people gathered here high schoolers?

I decided to push my way through the crowd, and saw that in the middle of the impromptu ring, two boys stood facing each other.

"... going to settle this right here, Hikigaya."

Whoa. Seems I'd dropped in on something intense.

"What brought this on, Hayama?"

The two couldn't be any more different.

One of them looked pretty much the ideal guy. Tall, good looking, athletic, carrying some kind of natural charisma.

The other was well built, had sharp features, and had a tough guy look. His smile had the kind of confidence you'd only see in people who've been through stuff.

"We never finished our fight, remember? Also, there's no particular reason. I just can't stand you."

The tough guy smiled.

"So you have got some fighting spirit after all. Sure, let's do this."

There wasn't any need for more words.

I'd never really seen a proper fight in person before.

But looking at the two of them, I knew right away. They were going to do this. They both had their own reasons, and those were enough.

Both of them took up fighting stances. I didn't know much about martial arts, though I'd seen a few fights on TV before. The blond looked like a grappler, his feet wide, hips low, while his bad boy opponent looked more like a striker, his hands up high and his stance slightly narrower.

They were both cautious, neither of them charging in. Instead, they approached each other with caution. There wasn't much space to retreat either, because of the people surrounding them.

"Kick his ass, Hayato!" shouted a blonde girl from the crowd.

To my complete surprise, a dark-haired girl who was, until a moment ago, looking like the picture of perfect etiquette, shouted out.

"Don't lose, H- Hachiman!"

And just like that, the crowd got fired up, their cheers splitting the night.

Support was evenly divided for the two fighters.

I felt goosebumps.

A fight between two high schoolers in the middle of the woods, with an audience of around fifteen people or so… had all the electricity of a world title bout.

Forget the "test of courage".

_This_ is how you end a summer camp.

**Soundtrack: Downfall- Trust Company**

As the cheers exploded, they both charged in.

The dark-haired bad boy struck out with a forward kick.

As if seeing that move coming, his opponent grabbed the leg and swept the other, causing him to fall to the ground.

Instead of pressing the advantage, however, he backed away, allowing his opponent to get to his feet.

"You didn't think the same move would work twice, did you, Hikigaya?"

"Actually, that one was payback. I got in a surprise attack against you last time, remember?"

The boy who'd normally be every girl's dream narrowed his eyes. His bad boy opponent seemed unfazed by the aggression coming off him though.

Once more, they both charged in.

This time, it was actually the blond who struck first, going for a punch. The dark-haired boy moved his head to the side, avoiding the blow, while simultaneously throwing out a punch of his own, which knocked into his opponent's guard, causing him to take a step back.

Without giving him a second's reprieve, he closed the distance, going low as he did so. His next blow was a gut punch that landed clean, and the blond's mouth opened as the breath was knocked out of him. Managing to stay in his senses, he tried to counter with a knee, but it was blocked with both hands. Right after, a brutal right hook followed, causing the handsome boy to reel.

His opponent was in stance, both hands up, one knee slightly raised.

"Challenging me to an exchange of blows? Big mistake."

His stance changed.

He now had his front arm hanging low, while he bounced lightly on his feet.

**Bleach OST: Storm Center**

Next to me, I heard gasps of awe.

Someone cried out.

"That's… a hitman stance!"

"What's a hitman stance?" I asked.

"You'll see. But… how is he even going to use it against Hayato? He has the reach disadvantage."

I looked on, enthralled, having no idea what was coming next.

And then, I couldn't believe what I saw.

Or rather, what I _didn't _see.

The boy moved. It was just a flicker. My eyes couldn't catch what had happened.

And then his blond opponent reeled backwards again, as if he'd been hit in the face.

My eyes widened.

"No way."

More gasps of awe from the crowd.

More flickers of movement, punctuated by the beefy sound of a fist smashing into a face.

_What speed! _

Indeed, it would have been impossible for me to understand what was happening if I'd just seen it once. But as he performed the technique again and again, my eyes somewhat adjusted.

He was stepping forward into range, striking out his lowered front arm, almost like a whiplash, and back away again.

With speed like that, it didn't matter that he was at a slight reach disadvantage.

****The blond boy's face was cut open on one cheek, and he was bleeding from his lips as well.

But he was grinning.

"The flicker jab technique, combined with a quick step-in and retreat. And against a taller opponent too. Well done, Hikigaya. You're quite a striker. No, that's an understatement. You might be the best high school level striker I've ever seen."

"Save the praise."

And once more, he charged in.

But after having taken so many hits from that technique, the one called Hayama saw it coming.

**Bleach OST: Fiesta De Guerra**

As the hitman charged in, Hayama went low, and wrapped his arms around his legs.

With a crash that shook the ground, both of them fell, with Hayama on top.

And suddenly, the situation had inverted.

A sprinter is fast on land.

But in the water, what matters is if you can swim.

The one called Hikigaya was far and away the better striker.

But Hayama was the better grappler, and on the ground, the advantage was his.

Hikigaya struggled to throw him off, but Hayama climbed higher up his body, managing to posture up on top of his chest.

Almost right away, he threw down a punch at Hikigaya, and it landed clean on his face.

"I'll admit, Hikigaya. That strength is superhuman. But wrestlers train against stronger opponents all the time."

By shifting his weight appropriately, using leverage, and preventing movements, Hayama had trapped Hikigaya underneath. All he could do now was cover up to block the punches that were being rained down on him.

Within seconds, his face was looking no better than Hayama's.

"What's the matter, Hikigaya? That smart mouth finally run out of words?"

The situation was starting to get scary.

I couldn't think of a way for him to get out of this.

And no one was going forward to stop this either.

Would this really continue till he was pounded into unconsciousness?

And then I heard something else.

Laughter.

**Soundtrack: Let Me Hear- Fear, and Loathing in Las Vegas**

"Did ya think I was gonna beg you to stop? With weak hits like that, you could keep going for twenty years and still not knock me out. Sheesh, everything about you is half-assed."

He was… mocking him from the bottom, while guarding his punches?

My jaw dropped open.

Is… is he actually insane?

For the second time that night, I felt goosebumps.

I'd started out rooting for the handsome guy who seemed to be taking on the class thug.

And now, I was seeing the one I thought was a thug, looking defeat in the face and mocking it.

Hayama roared in rage.

"HIKIGAYA!"

As he reared back to punch him in the face again, Hikigaya pushed his thighs, and bucked his hips, causing Hayama to lose his posture for a moment.

That moment was all he needed.

He threw him off, and got to his feet.

Hayama looked furious.

"He baited him," said the guy next to me who'd pointed out the hitman stance earlier.

"How?"

"He pissed him off deliberately, making him go for a bigger swing on that punch. When he pulled his arm back for it, he wasn't ready for Hikigaya to grapple back. That created the opening he needed to push him backwards and then throw him off."

My eyes widened.

It hadn't been insanity at all.

Hikigaya had always been in control.

Even when he seemed to be losing.

And that's when it struck me.

The _invincible smile_ on his face had never disappeared.

And I couldn't help but say it out loud.

"What a badass."

Hayama had well and truly lost his patience now. And he'd lost his best chance at finishing the fight too. But he didn't care.

Once more, he rushed in, this time attacking with a speed and ferocity he hadn't shown before. Several times, he struck out with kicks.

But Hikigaya guarded everything, before shoving Hayama back.

"Nothing… nothing about this is right!" roared Hayama. "Why? Why is it that you must always win? How is it that you do as you please? That you do what you want, while the rest of us remain chained down?!"

Hikigaya laughed.

"You allow yourself to be chained, my dude. Being genuine is a choice, and so is not being genuine."

"DON'T FUCK WITH ME!"

Hayama launched himself forward in a wild dash, but he met a foot to the chest, which knocked him down to the ground.

"What do you know. The same move _does _work twice."

Even as he pushed himself up, Hayama's eyes widened.

"Damn it. Damn it all! Why? Why must you be so strong?"

Was he… close to tears?

Hikigaya was smiling, but it wasn't a cruel smile. If anything, he didn't seem to have any ill will towards Hayama at all.

"Strength is a choice. It's about holding on and fighting like hell for what's important. You've been making sacrifices all this time, haven't you? Trying to make your friends happy. Trying to please everyone. But in doing so, you were just giving up on being truly close to anyone. You never risked being close, never listened to your own heart. No wonder you have no true strength."

Hayama's mouth opened.

The crowd had gone completely silent now.

And my jaw dropped open.

Standing above Hikigaya, I was sure I could see someone else, someone who wasn't part of the crowd.

He was a tall, lean guy, with blond hair.

I rubbed my eyes. Was I seeing things?

The guy was smiling.

It was the same invincible smile that Hikigaya wore, a smile of genuine happiness.

And I heard him speak, though no one else did.

"_You've become a badass at last."_

And then, that mysterious boy turned to face _me_ of all people.

"_From here, I guess you're next in line for the legacy. Good luck, kid."_

Before I could reply, he disappeared.

I blinked, looked around, trying to see him, but he was gone. Somehow, I knew he had returned, to where he had come from.

I turned my attention back to the fight, knowing now that I was seeing something special.

**Oregairu OST: Everyday World**

**Hachiman's POV:**

"All this time, you've been struggling, haven't you? I don't even know you. But I know enough. '_Everyone's Hayama Hayato'._ The perfect guy, the perfect son. You're sick and fucking tired of carrying that weight everywhere. It's twisted you."

"D-don't talk like you fucking know me!"

I took up a proper Muay Thai stance.

"Hey, Hayama. I'm going to get serious now. What you have now is the culmination of all those lies, aren't they? The lies the world has forced you to carry. Bring it on. Bring on the 'hero' Hayama Hayato. I'll crush him, and free you."

His eyes widened.

I dashed in.

As I approached, instead of striking out with a jab, I launched a low roundhouse kick that slammed into his thigh.

Hayama's wrestling is impressive, but he wasn't conditioned to take kicks to the leg.

He flinched, and I slipped in a jab.

Taking a step backwards, he raised his guard high, and I slammed in another low kick.

This time, his leg buckled.

With weak footing, one's guard is weak too.

As he was recovering, I switched my stance, bringing the left leg to the rear to give it more range of motion.

Twisting, I brought power from my hips as I swung my arm back to counterbalance the leg.

I delivered the left leg roundhouse kick with the full range of motion, high.

Hayama had his hands up, but it didn't matter.

He wasn't in any condition to stop this kick.

My shin connected with the side of his head, and he flew off his feet, landing on the ground.

The fight over, I finally relaxed. The exhaustion had caught up with me, and I was breathing a little hard as I walked over to him.

He lay on his back.

"I… lost."

"Put up a good fight though."

"You were holding back in the beginning."

"Maybe I wanted to make you lower your guard."

For a moment, he simply stared at me.

And then he laughed.

For the first time, I was hearing him laugh freely, without a care in the world.

"You really break every rule and expectation. I concede. You won fair and square here. I never stood a chance anyway. The guy who abandons people, against the guy who sticks by them to the end. There was no way I'd win."

I smiled slightly.

"That's not true. You _did _stand by your friends, Hayama. You fought for them back when we clashed the first time, remember?"

His eyes widened.

"Look, I don't know your past. But the you who exists now… it's obvious your friends matter to you. It's time to stop living in the past. It's okay. It's okay to make mistakes. It's okay to be close to people. And it's okay to follow your heart."

"Hikigaya…"

"From here on, I'm done with all this fighting. I'm moving on, and I'm going to live my best life. You should too.

It's time… we both graduate from this."

****


	20. Chapter 20

**Author's note: **I initially might have thought of something big and fancy for this, but after all the drama this fic has already had, I decided to just give it the right ending.

Thank you all for your support.

With this story concluded, I'll probably be focusing on My College Romantic Comedy Had Horror As A Subgenre, which I haven't updated in quite a while.

I am indeed planning a new fic, and I have a few ideas. I'd be interested in knowing which of them you'd like to read.

(1) AU with Oregairu characters in the Kengan Annihilation Tournament

(2) Yukinoshita's Bizarre Adventure

In any case, let's bring this show home!****

**Final Chapter: Making the Impossible Work**

**Hachiman's POV:**

I know it's been said a lot, but time passes by. It's never static, never waits. So you have to use it while you can. The world moves on, and life happens. And if you get too caught up thinking about what to do, you miss out on the things that are right in front of you. As for me, I guess I was lucky. Whenever I needed them, there were mentors and friends who reminded me to live in the moment. Which leads me to here and now.

I was standing in front of a mirror, examining my reflection. I might have mentioned once or twice before that Soubu High is a bit lax about its dress code. I think the unwritten rule is that as long as you're recognizable as belonging to the school, and look classy, you can modify the uniform a bit. This I had used to my advantage over the course of my three years at Soubu. I was still using it today, but due to the occasion, I decided to be a bit more subtle about it. After all, today was the last time I'd be wearing this uniform. I had the trouser, shirt and belt on right, but left the blazer unbuttoned, and had the tie on a little loose. Also, I actually decided to comb my hair, something I almost never do (I'd started cutting it short in my third year specifically because it was so much easier and more convenient). Right now, the guy staring out of the glass at me looked a little like the high school version of one of those men in black suits.

Sigh. This, after all the effort I went to for the sake of changing my lifestyle. Ah well. On the brightside, I really _haven't _been involved in any kind of street fight or brawl since then. And you know what? I don't really miss it.

Satisfied with how I looked, I decided to grab my bag and head downstairs, into the living room.

"Aight, Komachi. I'm 'bout to head out."

She gave me a look of faux disgust.

"Onii chan, stop talking in memes."

I sighed.

"Thank you, Dark Souls" was all I said, as I moved towards the door.

"Eh? What do you mean? Oh, good luck for your graduation ceremony!" she called out.

"Thanks!"

Waving, I exited the house.

It was still early. There was plenty of time, so I decided to walk to school.

The ceremony was to take place in the auditorium, and the field outside had tables and chairs laid out, since both students and the guests (their guardians and families) were welcome to stay for lunch. Miraculously, Mom and Dad would actually be showing up, and had left for work extra early so that they could have the rest of the day off. Komachi would be coming with them, since classes were off for the day. Oh yeah, I didn't tell you yet: she's made it into Soubu High. I'm a little worried because she hangs out with this one second year named Isshiki, who's a bit of a weirdo. She has her hair dyed blond and she's challenged me to "mortal kombat" ten times, saying she has to "defeat me to earn the legacy". Needless to say, I haven't accepted.

Still, I notice that all those punches she keeps throwing my way, which I keep dodging… are getting closer and closer to landing.

Well, she's got heart.

Feeling quite nervous, I decide to waste no time and start searching for the ones I must find. Because if I postpone this, I don't think I'm going to have the courage to say what I need to.

_Let's see… where would they be?_

Both of them liked to be early in case of big events, so I had no doubt they were here already. And if that was the case, the place they would more than likely be…

It didn't take me long to make my way there. I stood in front of the sliding door, and took a deep breath.

_Now or never._

I entered the Service Club's room.

"Hikki!"

"Oh, you're on time for once, Lowlife kun."

I gulped slightly.

Yukinoshita Yukino and Yuigahama Yui both stared at me curiously.

"Are you quite all right?"

"You're sweating, Hikki."

Right. I probably looked nervous as hell.

Well, it's too late to back out now.

I've been pushing this moment back for a year. Honestly, it's a miracle they've both been patient enough to stick around this long. In so many ways, I'm thankful for them.

Almost two years back, I'd been rejected by someone.

It wasn't my first time getting rejected, but it was my first time getting rejected by someone I actually cared about.

At that time, the one whose endless positivity I had clung to was Yui.

And as time passed by, I'd ended up falling, not for the ideals, but for the woman behind them, Yukino.

I'd been afraid then.

Things were too good to be true.

I was certain I'd mess something up.

And, I wasn't in the right frame of mind.

It had taken me time to move on properly from that rejection. And that been, in no small way, due to the one who had done the rejecting, who was honestly the best teacher I could ask for.

But even after that, I'd been torn.

Yuigahama Yui was an amazing woman, stronger in many ways than I was. Her kindness, patience, and ability to stay positive and continue doing what she knew was right, had blown me away.

Yukinoshita Yukino was incredible in her own right. From clinging to the image that her family wanted her to have, to truly embracing her own kindness, as well as her own desire to be happy, she had humbled me.

I was more than lucky that either of them would be interested in me.

And that was why I'd been torn.

Like an absolute scumbag, I couldn't choose.

No, the word "choose" sounds wrong here.

I liked both of them. But whoever I pursued a relationship with, I realized, that the other would eventually be someone who'd drift apart from me.

To be sure, I don't think for a moment that they wouldn't get over me.

They were both too strong for that.

No, I was the one who wouldn't get over losing either one of them.

_And so, the answer you came up with is risking losing both of them?_

I ignored the voice in my head.

I already knew the risks.

But if there was one thing I'd learnt, it was to be true to my own feelings.

_Yeah, you say that, but this third rejection is probably going to destroy you. What are you going to do when you lose them too?_

I closed my eyes for a second.

_**Losing people is a risk we constantly take. By loving someone, we're always taking the risk of not being loved back. If that's what you're afraid of, then you'll never feel anything for anyone at all. And that… is a pretty shitty way to live.**_****

My inner voice was actually silenced for a moment.

_Heh. You've got a point. Guess we just have to see what the answer is, huh?_

_**Guess so.**_

With my mind made up, I opened my eyes.

"There's something I need to say to the both of you. I've been pushing it back for a long time now. I should have said it ages ago. Just wasn't brave enough. But if I miss my chance now, I'll never be able to say it."

By now, the two of them were staring at me, their eyes slightly wide.

We'd spent a whole two years with each other without ever having addressed our feelings for each other. Even Yui, who'd all but asked me out, hadn't said anything about it.

"Yui, you remember I said, when I was ready, I'd tell you how I feel?"

She nodded, eyes shimmering slightly.

"I'm ready now. What I'm going to say is going to be unfair to both of you. I guess Yukinoshita was right. I really am a lowlife. But… I'll say it anyway."

I paused slightly.

"I like the both of you. Not just that. Over the time we've known each other, I've fallen in love with the both of you. And… I won't walk away from either of you. Not unless you want me to. These are my honest feelings."

Having said what I had to, I looked at the two of them, my heart beating wildly in my chest.

To my surprise, they were both smiling.

I somehow hadn't noticed, but they were holding hands too.

"Hikki… neither of us wanted to walk away from each other either. And neither of us wanted to walk away from you."

Even the normally cold Yukinoshita had a hint of red on her cheeks. With some difficulty, she looked at me.

"We t-thought about it. And the truth is… I wanted to be closer to the both of you two."

Yui smiled brightly, genuine happiness on her face.

"The three of us will be together, Hikki. Because, we love you too."

They were both holding out their hands to me.

I realized I had something in my eye.

Moving closer, I took both their hands.

The three of us… would always be together.

The graduation ceremony passed without any hitches. All three of us received our degrees, and we ended up meeting each others' families too. Of course, a three way relationship isn't really something we could tell them about right now. But one day, we would.

We also met all of our friends. Zaimokuza, Totsuka and I would be meeting up later in the week again for a night of gaming. Hayama had an all too knowing look on his face as he saw Yui, Yukino and I together. I wondered for a moment if he would out us, but ultimately, he just nodded to me, a gesture I reciprocated.

Haruno, as usual, seemed to know far too much as well.

"You think you can make something as impossible as this work?"

Well, she and I had always been frank with each other in our own ways.

"I've made impossible things work before."

To my surprise, she smiled in understanding.

"Fair enough. Yukino is a grown-up anyway. She can make her own choices. Just promise me you'll do right by her. By both of them."

"That is the one thing I have no problem promising you."

When it was all said and done, the three of us decided to go have dinner, just us.

"So… what plans do the two of you have now that we're done with high school?"

Yui was first to answer.

"Well, I've been giving it some thought. I'll probably start working in the family shop. Someone's going to have to take it over eventually."

Yukino went next.

"Nee san went to Tokyo for her Bachelor's… but I think I'll stay here. Chiba University is good. I am planning on pursuing a career in Law."

They both looked at me expectantly, waiting for me to say what I had in mind.

"I got in touch with a mangaka here and sent some samples of my work. I asked if I could work under him as an assistant, and he agreed, as long as I go to college. My scores are decent, so I'll be trying for Chiba U."

The two of them looked as relieved as I felt.

None of us knew what the future held.

But we'd face it together, and for that, we were thankful. 


End file.
